Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ESTEE
P atience is overrated. I throw the covers off me as I get up to a new day that already doesn’t feel promising. I’m on day three since I last saw Theo and the only communication that I’ve had with him has been through Jerome. Something I’m trying to be understanding of since I know he’s only trying to protect me, but damn it, how long is this going to go on?
I’ve done my best to stay busy, ignoring the way our bond now thrums wildly in my chest, but even caring for the orphaned children, all of which are now living in the castle, has done little to distract me. Though, I can’t deny that having Neri finally agree to move in last night was a highlight I won’t soon forget. Especially when she squared off with me, threatening that if any of this turns out to be a trick of some sort, she’s not going down without a fight.
Just the fact that she’s been through so much at such a young age and hasn’t allowed life to break her makes me smile. Her feisty spirit is merely an added blessing that I’ve counted as I’ve gotten to know them all.
We’ve even begun looking for families for the kids, searching not only within Selaris but also the other kingdoms, wondering if a new start might be better. Jerome has been a big part of that, helping me to figure out how these children slipped through the cracks.
Even though it doesn’t make anything right, apparently things in Selaris have been so bad that pack members were too afraid to stretch their resources, that by doing so, it would harm their own families. A fear that made it somehow okay to ignore pups living alone in an abandoned church.
After using the bathroom, I find a note on the floor near the door.
Princess Estee,
It might be time for you to go to King Theo. I don’t mean to overstep, but I hate to see either of you suffer. I’ll be busy with meetings this morning or I would have waited for you to wake.
I hope we can keep this between the two of us.
Signed,
Jerome Graves
I was planning to go see Drea this morning, but going to my mate after so much time apart isn’t something I can ignore. Especially if Jerome is feeling the need to interfere.
Drea will understand. I thought her holding my hair while I vomited into a bucket was already more than enough to make me love her, but she’s proven to be the friend I never knew I needed. I haven’t been ready to talk about Theo with anyone—not even my sister. I only had to tell Drea that once and she hasn’t brought it up again, lowering my stress. Something I’ve appreciated immensely.
As I rush through the motions of getting ready to go see Theo, my thoughts return to Orix as they have on many occasions since learning of his existence. I don’t know how we’re supposed to best a god who has some twisted connection to my mate, but there has to be a way to break the hold Orix has over him. If Theo doesn’t figure one out, and agrees with my plan, then I’ll be calling Asher later today. Well, Isla then asking to speak with him because I’d rather not have her trying to murder me if her mate finds out about all of this before she does.
Asher was able to reach the goddess Aurora, and while I don’t want to deal with her and her erratic behavior, maybe we can get answers from someone who might be willing to help with this god, even if it comes at a price. There has to be something we can learn about him.
Growing up, we’re all taught about our original creators, but it’s mostly centered around the main three gods, the afterlife, and our choice in reincarnation. Even in death, if we choose not to be reborn, we’re not supposed to be able to interact with the “higher beings”, so why would we need to know about them? I guess now there’s a reason.
My chest tightens, and I take a shaky, yet steadying, breath. I don’t want to get worked up again. Theo needs me to be strong for him just as much as I need it.
I slide my damp hands over my black slacks then tug at the end of my maroon sweater, giving myself another once-over in the mirror. The eyes looking back at me are a mix of my normal golden hue, but with darker brown flecks, telling me my wolf is right at the surface.
She’s been silently supportive these last few days, but as I walk out of my suite and into the hallway, heading for Theo’s office, I can sense her eagerness. At least now it matches my own.
“Where is my sister?” Isla’s voice sounds through my thoughts, and I freeze on the stairs.
“Isla?”
She scoffs. “Do you have another sister?”
“Well, technically, back on Earth…”
“Seriously? We don’t have time for this. Where are you?”
“I should be asking you that. How are you communicating with me like this from Polaris?”
Our telepathy had its limits and crossing to other islands isn’t included in them.
“I’m walking through the front gates of the Selaris castle,” she replies confidently. “Now, come find me.”
“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask as I continue up the stairs instead of down them. I need to see Theo first. As much as I’ve missed my sister this last week, my plans aren’t changing for the morning just yet. Not until I know he’s okay.
“Did you really think after everything you have and haven’t told me I wouldn’t come to you as soon as possible?” She clicks her tongue, and I can easily picture the admonishment on her face. “Honestly, Estee. You should know better. I don’t care what crown I wear. You are family and you need me, whether you’re willing to admit it or not.”
I love her more than I’ve shown her lately, and she might be mad about my next words, but I know she’ll understand.
“I’m just walking in to speak with Theo,” I say. “I’ll be down there soon, I promise.” She starts to object, but I continue. “And thank you, Isla. I love you.”
Her voice is more subdued now. “I love you, too. Take your time.”
I cut the connection and stop at Theo’s office door. I close my eyes and look up at the ceiling, imagining the endless sky above me instead of the stone and rafters as I thank the Universe for bringing my sister to me. Her arrival tells me exactly what conversation I need to have with Theo, and for the first time since finding out I had to come to Selaris, I’m excited about what comes next.
My knuckles sweep lightly over the wooden door, and before I can take a step back to wait for Theo to answer, he’s already swinging the door open. “Estee.”
My name on his lips sends a jolt of warmth through me, and I inhale sharply, momentarily breathless. His eyes are pinched at the sides and he takes a step away from me. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“It’s been three days, Theo.” I move to step inside his office. “If time apart was going to solve anything, you wouldn’t look worse off than when I last saw you.”
His cheeks are hollow, his clothes wrinkled, and he hasn’t shaved, but that means little to me now. Not when his warmth calls to me, draws me closer, making my fingers itch to reach for him.
I knew the bond was powerful. I knew there was a reason I was so confused about Theo calling me his mate and this was why. I might have been attracted to him from the start, but there is nothing that can compare to this need . To the desire to hold him and be whatever he needs so that he can come out of this mental war with the least amount of scars.
“Estee.” This time when he says my name, it’s more like a warning. One I can’t find the want to heed. My chest rises and falls like crashing waves, and my mouth parts. His hand comes up, the back of his fingers ever so lightly grazing my cheek. “I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too.” I lean into his touch, my eyes fluttering closed for only the briefest moments. “I know you need to find your way through all this on your own, but blocking me out completely isn’t going to help either of us. Not now that our bond has been set free.”
He looks away from me. “Maybe I was wrong. Maybe this is all a fabrication.”
Since Theo told me I was his mate, the one thing I’ve feared most is being hurt by him. That if I allowed myself to let him in and things went wrong, that was a kind of pain I’d do whatever it took to avoid. Except now, drawing on the desire to be with the man before me, I know that no matter what happens, the risk is worth finding out the truth.
“But what if it’s not?” I ask him. “Staying away from each other isn’t going to keep either of us safe if Orix wants me here. I know you’re trying to protect me, but if he’s as vile as you say, then we’re better off together. And if he’s tricked us, then we’ll sort that out later, but I’m not willing to give him anymore power over me. He’s stolen enough already.”
“Gods, Estee.” He reaches for me and pulls me into a tight embrace. “I don’t know how you’re this strong, but I’m damn thankful for you.”
“We’re going to figure this out. I actually have a plan that I wanted to talk to you about.” I pull back enough to see his face. “My sister’s surprised me. She and Asher are here. At least I assume he’s traveled with her.” I guess she could have run off without her mate, but something tells me that isn’t the case.
The lines around his face only deepen. “Asher called as a courtesy to tell me he was on his way. I assumed you knew, or I would’ve told you.” He looks down as he continues. “I thought maybe they were coming here to bring you back to Polaris.”
My head shakes. He really has been torturing himself. Theo’s made mistakes—killing another king isn’t something to be taken lightly—but even before the bond appeared for me, I knew he didn’t do so maliciously. Theo’s been backed into a corner for much too long and it’s time for that to change. I might not know the man he was before his pack was killed, but I feel as though I’ve seen glimpses and that’s enough for me.
“I’m not leaving you, Theo.” My voice is firm yet full of understanding. “That’s not even going to happen if you tell me to. We’re in this together now. Even if the bond I now feel is nothing more than trickery, I’ve still been dragged into this with you. Orix targeted me. I’m not leaving you alone to deal with this. We’re going to figure this out together.”
His chin falls to his chest as he sucks in a breath and slowly lets it back out before meeting my eyes again. “I know I keep saying it, and I promise to give you more than words, but for now, thank you.”
This time, I’m the one to pull him closer. We hold onto each other, the connection to him thrumming wildly within my chest. I stay silent, allowing our emotions to speak for themselves, and hoping that Theo will see his strength just as I’m beginning to.
“We’re going to find a way to break the connection Orix has to you,” I finally tell him. “Considering how you became king, you may not know this, but regardless of the how, you have a connection to the other gods that you can use to ask for help. Asher can show you?—”
He shakes his head. “Jerome gave me books that explained some of those things, and I’ve tried, but the ceremony never worked for me. I’m not even sure I’m really an Alpha King. I know I have the gene. That was proven when I had my own pack, but I went for help and found none. The gods refused to answer my call no matter how much I pleaded.”
He really has been alone in this. Knowing that sends a new wave of agony through me, but I’m determined not to give up. I also know that Asher won’t either. With him and Isla here, we’re going to find answers.
“If you’re not actually blessed by the gods to be king, if Orix has somehow manufactured this entire situation, allowing you to be connected to the pack, but not the gods, then at least Asher is. He can perform the ceremony on your behalf.”
Theo reaches until he’s cupping my cheeks. “I’m sorry your family’s been brought into this, and that you’ve been forced to accept the consequences of my choices, but I’m trying, Estee. For the first time in years, I have a reason to fight for those around me, and I’ll do so until my last breath. Whatever has to be done to protect you, I’ll do it.”
I push myself up to be on his level and say something I know he needs to hear more than once. “I’m sorry I couldn’t see how hard you were fighting before, but I do now and you’re not alone any longer. I want to figure this out as much as you do.”
He cups my cheeks, and my eyes flutter closed from the intensity of our connection, but I force them back open because I have to finish speaking, no matter how easy it would be to give in to the draw of his touch.
“I forgive your past choices, and I won’t hold them against you now or in the future, but I also need you to understand that this isn’t easy for me,” I admit with a shaky breath. “Depending on anyone other than myself is something I’ve avoided for too long, but I’m going to do my best not to push you away any longer. Though, that doesn’t mean I’m ready to go all in yet either. Being your mate means you deserve the best version of me, and I still have my own issues to work out. I need your grace just as much as I think you need mine.”
He rests his forehead against mine and takes a deep breath as his eyes close. “You have it, whatever you need, Estee. Time, space, grace, my heart. You have all of it, regardless of what you decide. It doesn’t matter to me, because the moment I saw you, you owned all of me.”
Each word pierces the carefully placed armor around my heart, marking me in ways I won’t ever be able to forget. For a moment, I let myself believe that everything is perfect. That there isn’t a god screwing with our lives, that people haven’t died, that an entire kingdom hasn’t suffered. For just this moment, I’m Theo’s mate and he’s mine, nothing more, nothing less. I push up on my toes, lightly pressing my lips to his.
He gasps, his breath hitching as he tightens his hold on my face as if he’s afraid I’ll slip away. Yet, even though he’s holding me like this, there’s still a gentleness, a restraint, like he’s waiting for me to lead—waiting to make sure I don’t regret giving him this part of me. His touch is reverent, full of longing, but it stops just short of demanding more than I’m offering.
When he looks at me again, the flecks of light in his dark eyes are brighter than I’ve ever seen them, a mix of raw emotion and the kind of hope that stirs something deep within me.
I close the small distance between us, brushing my lips against his once more. This time, I linger, letting the warmth of his mouth seep into mine. I press my palms to his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath my fingertips.
His mouth parts, and I feel his breath, warm and inviting, mingling with my own. The tension that’s been building between us finally detonates, and all I can do is lose myself in this moment, in him.
Theo slides his hands down from my face to cradle the back of my neck, pulling me deeper into the kiss. It’s slow, deliberate—his lips moving against mine with a careful tenderness that makes my heart ache. He kisses me like I’m something precious, something fragile, and it’s that softness that truly undoes me, that makes me realize how much I’ve needed this.
He tangles his fingers in my long hair, and I shiver at the sensation. I can feel the heat of him against me, a steady beat of our bond that pulses along my skin, burrowing deeper into me. My heart races with the thrill, and I’m aware of every single point of contact between us. Each one is intoxicating, dizzying, and I find myself leaning into him more, needing to close the distance between us entirely.
His lips move over mine with a kind of a quiet yet commanding passion that leaves me breathless. I can feel the coiled tension in him, the way his body trembles with the effort of holding back to keep this moment from spiraling out of control. But there’s something else too—a hunger, a need, just barely restrained, that mirrors my own.
I let out a soft sigh against his lips, and Theo responds by pulling me even closer, his fingers tightening on my neck. His breath is ragged now, matching the erratic rhythm of my own, and his body shudders with each inhalation. Every fiber of me is attuned to him, to the way he kisses me like he’s memorizing the feel of my lips, the way his heart beats in time with mine, the way our bond ebbs and flows between us, undeniable and real.
When we finally pull back, my lungs heave. My palms are still pressed to his chest, and his heartbeat is steady, strong, and racing alongside mine. We stand there for a moment, gasping and staring at each other, the space between us crackling with energy. I look into his eyes, and I soak in the way he’s looking at me—like I’m his entire world.
And just maybe, that will be enough.