Chapter Seventeen
James
J ames returned to the stables the following evening for his lesson. After his chat with Dagmar the previous day, he felt like they’d cleared the air. Discovering Victoria wasn’t as keen on him as she’d made out was such a relief, but he was pretty sure his parents wouldn’t think so. He’d managed to avoid them since the trials and wasn’t in any rush for a discussion. Right now, he just wanted to spend time with Dagmar and the horses.
He got Conker ready, brushing the horse’s coat with deliberate strokes, easing the tension in his own limbs as well as relaxing the horse. He hadn’t seen Dagmar when he arrived, which was odd as she was usually about, but hopefully she wasn’t avoiding him. Not now. Had he done enough to get into her good books?
‘There you go,’ he said gently, laying down the brush and collecting the saddle pad.
When Conker was ready, Dagmar still hadn’t appeared. Normally, she’d come into the stable to check his progress.
Leading Conker out, he spotted her by the gate, talking to Brann’s daughter. Dagmar avoided his gaze – or it seemed like that was what she was doing.
‘Hey,’ he said.
She looked up briefly, then back at Brann’s daughter. ‘Hi.’ She carried on talking for a few minutes and James stood by like a loose end. This was how it felt to be overlooked and shunned. The way she’d obviously felt all through school and even now when she was in the company of the countess and Victoria. In fact, this was only the tip of how it must feel. He wasn’t being ridiculed or talked down to. If this was even a little painful, then he deserved it.
Finally, Brann’s daughter moved away, and Dagmar strolled up to him. ‘I’ll be another few minutes. You’ll have to wait for a bit.’
‘Ok. Shall I just hang about here? Or go into the field?’
‘Out here will be fine. I won’t be long.’
He walked Conker across the yard towards the bridle path, standing by him, looking out over the hills. If his parents had had their way last year, he and Ophelia would be together, and all this would be his. He sucked in a little breath – very glad it wasn’t. He didn’t need this kind of responsibility along with Duchan Fayre. Victoria was a far safer option as she had nothing to inherit, but still had the name his parents so desperately craved. But if she wasn’t a hundred per cent committed, and he certainly wasn’t, then it seemed crazy to continue.
‘Ok, let’s go.’ Dagmar appeared behind him on Zephyra.
He mounted Conker, and together they headed for the bridle path. ‘Where are we going today?’
‘We can go up to the lochan near Ophelia’s house. The path goes right around and there’s a good place where we can separate and you can ride by yourself, but I’ll still be able to see you.’
‘Ok. I’m up for that.’
She met his eyes at last, then shook her head. ‘Is there anything particular you still want to learn? The lessons could go on indefinitely, but if you have a specific goal you want to work to then we could work to that.’
‘I’m not sure. I’m just enjoying the process… and your company.’
Dagmar’s cheeks flushed scarlet, and she turned away, staring straight ahead. ‘Oh.’
‘I mean it.’ He kept his gaze fixed on her. ‘I enjoy being around you. This may sound wild, but even years ago when we were at school. I always hoped to bump into you. Sometimes I tried to talk to you, but you were hard to find.’
She finally looked at him, her eyes searching. ‘Is it any wonder why?’
‘No. I fully understand now. If I could go back, I’d change so many things’
‘Yep.’
‘But I can’t do that. All I can do is focus on the present and try and make amends now.’
She gave him a little smile. ‘Careful. You never know what I might make you do.’
That was more like it. He let out a laugh and shook his head. If he could keep her in this mood, they’d get on just fine.
The temperature was pleasant, and it made for an easy ride through the woods, where Stroman had escaped into. Thankfully today he’d been relaxed in his field. James smiled – so nice to see some progress had been made there, much the same as with Dagmar. She also seemed a lot more chill today. A little way through the woods, the path emerged and joined another path that led to the boathouse – the gorgeous property on the estate where Ophelia lived with Brann. They rode up a short and rather steep hill. When they got to the top, he saw the boathouse below, sitting on the edge of a small lochan, its rather curious tower rising on one side. The rest of it was a modern extension that afforded great views from the inside. Ophelia’s red BMW and Brann’s van were both parked outside.
‘That house is incredible.’ He gazed down at it. ‘That was the kind of place I wanted to build near Loch Briar, but the plot I bought wasn’t right. I need somewhere a lot more secluded. Exactly like this.’
‘Yeah. It’s amazing what they’ve done to it. It was a mess for years.’
As he watched, he spotted Ophelia and Brann coming out of the house and sitting at a table on the terrace that was right on the side of the lochan.
‘Shall we go say hi?’ Dagmar glanced at him. ‘It’s down there that I thought we could try the solo riding.’
‘Yeah, sure. Let’s do it.’
They walked on, approaching the gate to the boathouse garden. Clearly, Ophelia and Brann had heard them as they appeared at the gate.
Brann lifted the latch and he and Ophelia came out.
‘Hi. What brings you here?’ He looked up at them both.
‘We’re going to refresh James’s solo riding. I’m sure he remembers how to do it.’ She cast him a look, and he tried to keep his face straight. ‘I’ll ride around the side of the lochan and wait over there. He can follow. That way, I can see him the whole way round.’
Ophelia smirked as she scratched Conker. ‘Good idea. We can watch too. This should be fun. I hope you’re being a good boy for James,’ she added to her horse.
‘Yeah, he’s the best,’ James said. ‘I’ve grown rather attached to him.’
Ophelia raised an eyebrow at him. ‘Who’d have thought it?’
‘Who indeed.’ And now they were going to be watching his every move. Only this time, he wasn’t too bothered. He and Conker had developed mutual respect, and he trusted Conker to do as he was asked. Conker was clearly very pleased to see Ophelia though. Would that make him want to get back to her rather than do as James said?
‘You wait here,’ Dagmar said. ‘I’ll wave to you when I’m ready for you to follow. Happy with that?’
‘Sure.’
They watched her amble along the path that skirted the edge of the lochan.
James let out a sigh. ‘She’s such a great rider and a good teacher too.’
Ophelia looked at him with a slight frown. ‘She most certainly is.’
‘Have you heard about Victoria?’
‘What about her?’
‘Apparently, she’s keeping her options open.’
Ophelia shrugged and held out her hands. ‘All’s fair, or so they say. But really, James, unless you are one hundred per cent madly in love with her, you should let her go.’
James glanced out at the serene water. ‘You think?’
‘I know. Remember what happened with us last year? I couldn’t commit to anything with you because I didn’t feel it.’
He nodded. ‘Yeah. I get that. Thing is, I know Victoria is a good person. But—’
‘Something’s missing?’
‘Exactly. But how did you do it?’
‘Do what?’
‘Go against your parents?’
‘It wasn’t easy, but I decided it was my future, not theirs, and if I wanted to be happy, I had to follow my heart.’ She glanced at Brann, and he squeezed her shoulder.
Could James do that? It wasn’t quite as simple with his parents, not when he’d made a promise. And he hated going back on his word. What if they lost all trust in him and that filtered into his career at Duchan Fayre?
Dagmar was almost on the other side of the lochan.
‘You and Dagmar seem to be getting on well,’ Ophelia said. ‘If you can persuade her to move into one of the cottages, that would be great. I hate seeing her living in that trailer and I don’t understand her resistance.’
‘I don’t think she’s used to trusting people,’ Brann said.
‘I think you’re right.’ James spotted Dagmar waving. ‘It’s hard when you’ve been let down so often in life.’
‘Do you mean by me?’ Ophelia frowned at him. ‘Is that how she feels?’
‘She’s never said that to me, no. But she definitely feels like that towards me and I’m sure I’m not the only one.’
Ophelia was watching him with her steely eyes, and he looked away.
‘I should go. That was her waving.’ He waved back and, without thinking, nudged Conker, and said, ‘Walk on.’
Conker moved off straight away, ambling around the path. James smiled and relaxed. This was actually a lot of fun and the sense of achievement filling his veins was next to nothing. He was riding a horse – on his own. And sure, there were other people nearby, but right now, it was just him and Conker, and they were doing just fine.
‘Well done,’ Dagmar said as she reached him. ‘You did that really well, and you looked very confident.’
‘It felt great.’
She nodded with a little smile. ‘Good. Let’s head back. It’s been a long day, and I’m knackered.’
‘Yeah, sorry. I’m taking up your evenings now too. I could do early mornings again if you preferred.’
‘We don’t really have enough time then and I don’t mind an evening hack when the weather is good.’
They headed back to the stables and spent some time getting the horses ready for the night. When James went back outside, Dagmar was standing in the yard, looking a little lost.
‘Are you ok?’ he asked.
‘What? Oh… Yes. Fine. I wonder… Have you eaten yet?’
‘No.’
‘I’ve got some lasagne left over. We could sit out and eat it if you want.’ Her eyes were wide, and she was fidgeting with her fingers. James cocked his head. This wasn’t like her, but she was clearly making a big effort.
‘Sure. If you don’t mind.’
‘I don’t mind.’ She led the way to the trailer, walking ahead and almost making a point of not talking to him. ‘If you wait out here. I’ll get the food. Grab a seat.’
He lifted a camping chair that was propped up at the side of the trailer under the awning and popped it open, then did the second one. In this weather, it must be quite pleasant sitting out here in an evening, but surely in winter it was awful. He remembered what Ophelia had asked him to do, but was it his place? Dagmar could be stubborn.
She appeared a few moments later with a couple of plates. ‘If you hold them, I’ll grab some drinks and cutlery.’
He waited until she returned, then they juggled the plates, cutlery, and cups until they both had what they needed.
‘Ophelia wants you to move into a cottage,’ James said. ‘Apparently, it’s ready if you want it. Don’t you fancy it?’
Dagmar shrugged, and he took a mouthful of lasagne, which was rather tasty.
‘I suppose I should. It just feels like I’d be indebted to her. Kind of like how I feel about you and the café.’
‘I understand that, but I think it would make a big difference to your life. This kind of setup is ok at this time of year.’ Though he wouldn’t fancy it for himself. ‘But don’t you freeze in the winter?’
She nodded. ‘Yup. I guess if I’m going to do it, it would be smart to do it before then.’
‘We’re only in May, so you have plenty of time before that, but I wouldn’t leave it too late. Take Ophelia up on the offer. She wants to help.’
Dagmar looked at him, and he maintained eye contact. All sorts of feelings woke inside him, and his heart trembled. He’d like to lean in and kiss her, tell her everything would be ok, and make her smile, but he wasn’t sure she’d like any of that.
‘I’ll think about it.’ She took the empty plates and disappeared inside.
James let out a sigh and ran his fingers over his forehead. It felt a little achy. Probably due to tiredness. He’d been burning the candle at both ends recently. Dagmar was possibly washing up; she definitely didn’t seem in any rush to return. He leaned his head to the side, yawning, and closed his eyes.
When he woke, he blinked a little and rolled his shoulders. ‘Ow.’ He ran his hands up his neck. He must have fallen asleep and cricked it. His eyes landed on Dagmar. She wasn’t sleeping, but she was very still, staring into the distance.
She looked so peaceful, but what was she really thinking? Was she worried about the café? The cottage?
‘Hey.’ He sat up.
She turned to him. ‘Hi, sleeping beauty.’
‘Don’t know what happened there. I just relaxed and the next thing I know I’m waking up. What time is it?’ He shuffled around to get his phone out of his pocket.
‘You haven’t been asleep that long. Just about twenty minutes.’
‘Oh, right.’ He checked the time. It was half-past eight. ‘I should get going. We’ve both got early starts tomorrow.’
‘We sure do.’ She turned to watch him.
‘Thanks for the food… and the company. I had a great time riding.’ That word had a way of sounding suggestive when he really didn’t mean it to.
‘Yeah. It was good, and you’re getting much better. If you’re looking for your next conquest, you’ll certainly find a lot of horsey people with money and status.’
He looked away and shook his head. ‘I’m not.’ Even thinking about stuff like that made his skin crawl – though his parents would be, though not until they found out about Victoria. That was a conversation he still had to face.
Conflicted thoughts churned in his mind. Victoria was still perfect on paper. She fit into his family’s plans so seamlessly. But in front of him was someone who fit with what he wanted. Someone whose company he enjoyed, and he had a shared interest with – an interest he’d never meant to become so real.
‘Maybe you’ll let me return the favour one day,’ he said.
‘What favour?’
‘By letting me take you for dinner.’
‘Oh… Well, maybe.’ She got to her feet, lifting the chair and folding it up. Sometimes she seemed so uncertain around him. Had she ever had anyone truly close to her? Or was it just him she was like this with? She was so passionate and dedicated to her horses. She never took time for herself. Maybe she’d never pursued a relationship, or maybe she’d just never found anyone who cared enough to be there for her.
Could he be that guy? He’d like to, but he wasn’t sure she’d want that. His parents certainly wouldn’t, but what if he did what Ophelia had done? But he was getting ahead of himself. Dagmar still had so many walls, and he wasn’t sure she’d ever let him in.
‘I’ll get going then.’ He folded up his seat and propped it next to hers. ‘Thanks again.’ He looked at her for a long moment, and she held his gaze. It would be the easiest thing in the world to dip down and place a kiss on her cheek. But he didn’t. He gave her a gentle pat on the upper arm before heading off. Halfway up the bridle path, he turned back, looking over his shoulder.
Dagmar was at the edge of the field, leaning on the fence, watching him. He gave her a little wave, keeping his focus forward and didn’t look back again, though he felt certain her eyes were boring into him.
He returned to the wing of his parents’ house that he lived in, showered and got ready for bed. Sleep didn’t come easily that night – not that it did at all these days. Switching off his brain with everything that was going on was almost impossible. Even when he felt exhausted, his body didn’t play along, and he lay awake for hours.
When he woke, it was just after five. What was the point in forcing himself to try and sleep for another hour? Instead, he got up and went for a run. He had a mountain of emails to get through that day and decided doing it from home would be better than the office. This way he could start straight away and finish up at a more reasonable time, maybe even go early to the stables and spend some time with Conker… And Dagmar, if she didn’t think he was in the way.
A knock on his door sometime later dragged him away from his screen into the moment. He quickly checked the time. How had it gone twelve thirty already?
‘James, dear?’ his mother’s voice called, and she peered into his room.
He rolled his eyes. Nothing like waiting for him to let her in.
‘Are you working?’
‘Yes.’
‘Oh. I thought you were maybe taking time off today when I saw your car.’
He shook his head. ‘Just thought I’d get more done working from home.’
‘So…’ She put her hands together and beamed. ‘I noticed you’ve been out a lot in the evenings. Have you been with Victoria?’
‘What? No.’ The word blurted out faster than he meant. What the hell was he going to tell her? Presumably she hadn’t picked up on Victoria and the countess’s remarks about other “suitors” on her radar.
‘No?’ A frown creased her otherwise immaculate brow. ‘Where were you then?’
‘That’s not something I want to talk about.’
She pursed her lips; he knew that look so well. She always thought it was ok to snoop in on his life like this, even when he asked her not to. But his parents had managed his whole life. Even his career, in which he was very successful, had been mapped out for him. They’d decided it all, and he’d gone along with it, rarely questioning it as it always appeared they’d set him on the sensible path. But now a rebellious streak he’d never known before was writhing inside him. Why should he accept their chosen path? Not without a little bit of defiance anyway.
Even though he was heavily aware of the promise he’d made to his father. Aware and somewhat concerned. He didn’t want to do anything that might upset his father so much that it brought on another heart attack.
‘But there is something I want to tell you about Victoria.’
‘Oh yes?’ She took a seat on the little sofa in his office, smiling. ‘What about her? You and her seemed to be getting on so well. I hope this is the start of something wonderful.’
James shook his head. ‘I don’t think it is. In fact, I’m pretty sure it can’t be.’
His mother tilted her head. ‘Why not?’
‘Didn’t you hear her and the countess talking on Saturday? I’m not the only one Victoria is interested in. She’s got at least one other person lined up.’
Sherri let out a sigh. ‘Well, yes. But I don’t think it’s a big cause for concern. If anything, it was a friendly warning, telling us not to hang about too long. I get that you don’t want to be too forward and scare her, but I’m not sure you should waste time. She looked very keen on you, so if you act fast, you won’t miss out.’
He ran a hand through his hair. ‘I’m not sure I want to. Maybe we should forget about her. If she has other people lined up, then it probably means she’s not that interested. She’s from a family that are well trained to make a good impression, so of course she’ll act like she is.’
‘But they’ve been so genuine with us.’
His mother would see it like that, but he didn’t. He knew they were putting on an act and he was doing exactly the same. ‘I just don’t feel anything for Victoria. Dad says I should treat it like business, but I’m not sure I can.’
‘Why not?’
‘Did you? Is dad a business deal for you? Did you judge him solely on money and connections?’
She pursed her lips and looked out of the window. ‘No, I’m not sure I did.’
‘Exactly.’ They used to judge people on other values until they’d started earning money, then they’d started desiring to grow their friend circle to match their income and the status they wished for. Now it seemed like that was all they could see.
‘I just worry,’ his mother continued, ‘about your father and the future. But I wouldn’t want you to be hurt either. It’s so difficult.’
He got to his feet and took her hands in his. ‘Try not to worry. I’ll speak to dad about it and hopefully he’ll understand.’
‘I’m not sure he will. He’s so dead set on Victoria. And she seems so perfect. I just wish it could work.’
‘Leave it with me.’
A flicker of hope registered in his mum’s eyes, but he wasn’t sure he could appease her. Not yet anyway. He wanted to do something else first. Something he’d never done. He wanted to kiss a girl of his own choosing.