Chapter 14
R yan had found Caroline’s interference earlier in the day rather amusing. He liked that she was so driven and outspoken. They were good qualities that his heir would be well-served to inherit. It was misplaced, of course. Why she doubted his judgment he did not know. Perhaps it was another ill-fated attempt to sow discord within his clan now that he had uncovered her ruse.
Although she did seem vehement in her feelings about her uncle, and the way she reacted when he suggested that she had had something to do with the poisoning of her father would have been difficult to fake. However, he could not trust her yet and needed to keep a careful watch on her.
That night, he went to visit her in her room. She was wearing a beautiful dress that flowed along the shapely curves of her body. The fire illuminated her face, making her appearance even more striking. Attraction stirred within him. He had tried his best to fight it off because the last thing he needed was to become confused.
Taking down the Gilmour Clan needed clarity, and she was his prisoner by opportunity, not his true wife. Yet, his body had other ideas. There was a deep storm brewing that flashed and thundered whenever they were near. The air became intoxicating and he found it hard to concentrate. Every muscle in his body seemed to grow tight, and deep sensations twitched and danced within.
When he was close to her, it was all he could do to keep his hands off her. He had been close enough to breathe in her scent, to see the faint cluster of moles behind her ear, to see the wispy strands of hair brushing her alabaster shoulders. It was enough to drive a man wild, but he was not going to take her by force. That was something a Gilmour man would have done. He wasn’t like that. These weren’t the lessons his father had taught him.
It hurt him that she was a Gilmour. In every other way, she was a fine woman, displaying all manner of desirable qualities in her bearing, appearance, manner, and attitude. And yet, she was the daughter of his mortal enemy, and because of that, her blood would always be tainted.
She rose to meet him in the middle of the room. “I wish to be taken tae yer chamber,” she said.
Ryan was taken aback that she would speak out of turn. He had been used to controlling the rhythm of conversation.
“Ye what?”
“Ye are treating me like a prisoner, nae a wife. I appreciate that ye released my sisters, but I am nae inclined tae lie with ye while I am treated like this. I dinnae even hae a window. Dae ye understand how interminable it is tae be surrounded by dense walls? I want tae feel respected, even if I know ye can never respect a Gilmour.”
“Or a spy,” he growled, watching for a reaction.
Caroline gave him none. She simply turned towards the fire and stared at the flames.
“Ye wanted a wife. Ye hae one. I spoke out of turn taeday, but I wish tae know more about yer clan sae that I can take part in these matters. I was taught well by my Da, of course, about the ways of running a clan. I’m sure I could be of some use tae ye, and perhaps it would gae some way of showing ye that I can be trusted. Because if my Da was killed, then I want tae bring the man responsible tae justice.”
“Even if he is yer blood?”
“If he killed my Da, then he is nae family of mine,” Caroline said.
Ryan regarded her for a few moments. It always impressed him when she stood up to him like this, and he was inclined to grant her request, but mostly because he was growing tired of this room as well.
“Very well,” he said, and then led her out of this chamber.
She joined him in a silent walk to his own chamber. He looked longingly at his bed, and then towards his armchair. This latter object was not comfortable at all, but he wasn’t sure sleeping in the same bed as her was a good idea. He feared his wandering hands might work independently of his conscience and make a liar of him, nor could he take the bed while she rested in the armchair.
Caroline walked into the room and lit more candles, raising the light level. Then, she went to the window and breathed in the air, while surveying the surrounding area.
“I hoped that we might speak candidly, Ryan,” she began. “It seems tae me that we should endeavor tae make the best out of our situation. Ye mae nae respect me at all, but I can be useful tae ye. After all, dae ye think this is gaeing tae end when ye take over the Gilmour Clan? We hae long lives ahead of us. Are ye gaeing tae spend it all hating me?”
Ryan pursed his lips and shifted his weight from side to side. He considered himself an intelligent man, but his judgment became clouded where the Gilmour Clan was concerned. He thought mostly in the short term, wanting to establish dominance over them. He hadn’t thought of the far-reaching effects.
“I dinnae hate ye, Caroline.”
“Ye certainly act that way,” she spat.
“I hate yer family. I hate yer Da. I hate yer clan. But I dinnae hate ye.”
“That is nae as comforting as ye might think.”
She turned to face him. There was a curious look in her eyes. She cast a searching gaze towards him for a few moments, and then shook her head gently, as though she did not find what she was looking for.
“I suppose it’s a comfort tae learn ye are capable of some emotion, at least.”
Ryan ran his tongue along his gums and placed his hand against his chin. Her dress clung to her body in a pleasing manner. It was impossible for his gaze not to run down the path of her curves, following the flow of lustrous hair, wondering about what lay beneath her clothes. Although he tried his best to dispel these thoughts as he hated to be weakened by them, they took on a life of their own and pressed on his mind and his soul.
Caroline had made a startling impression on him the moment they had met, and this only increased the more time they spent together. He had threatened her that eventually she would give into her urges and sleep with him, but secretly that had been projection on his part. For all his talk of being focused on revenge, he possessed urges too; urges that pulled him towards her, that made him want to put his arms around her waist and drag her to bed, to lose himself in her softness, to feel her hair brushing against his body, to feel something warm and tender for a change, instead of the cold and heartless fury that boiled in the pit of his stomach.
“I hae a lot of emotion,” he replied.
Caroline choked on a laugh. She turned her head slightly, showing him the profile of her face. He followed the shape of her dainty nose, the bow of her lips.
“Aye, anger. That is all ye are; a demon creature made of fire and brimstone. There’s nae mercy tae ye.”
“There was mercy when I saved ye and yer sisters.”
“Because I promised ye what ye wanted. Either ye are playing hard and hiding yer true nature, or ye are really devoid of emotion, and the more I get tae know ye, the more I fear the latter is true. Why dae ye even want a child? What love dae ye hae tae give tae it?”
“More than ye know,” he growled, and pushed himself up from the bed.
He noticed how she tensed as he took a step forward, but he only took one step. He angled his shoulder towards her, and the rest of the room fell away as he focused on her.
“Ye speak sae freely, as if ye know me, but what dae ye know?”
“I know that for some reason the people of this land trust and respect ye. Perhaps ye are a good Laird, but I dinnae know if that makes ye a good man.”
“Oh aye, and yer Da was both, I assume?”
Caroline flinched as he mentioned her father. Ryan curled his lip in a sneer and nodded.
“Aye, that’s right. Ye dinnae like tae think about him and what he did. I bet ye never asked him the questions. He could dae nae wrong in yer eyes. I’d wager that ye thought him a hero.”
“He was,” Caroline blurted out, wiping her eyes.
“Perhaps tae ye and yer clan, but tae me, he is a villain. Did ye ever give any thought tae the people he attacked? Did ye think that they deserved it?”
“He would only hae attacked people who were threatening him.”
“We were protecting our land.”
“Sae was he!” she turned fully towards him now, eyes blazing, arms stretched beside her.
Caroline’s entire body rose and fell with heavy breaths. Her skin was flushed. Ryan felt heat surging through his limbs. His blood moved swiftly through his body, like wind that was agitated by a storm. This situation would have been much better had Caroline accepted her position meekly, but then she would have been a shadow of herself. They stared at each other for a few moments. Then, Ryan waved his hand through the air and sank back to the bed.
“Bah, ye are never gaeing tae understand.”
“Then help me tae understand. Tell me what’s gaeing on. Tell me why ye think Da was murdered.”
Ryan sucked in his lower lip. For a moment, he considered it, but then shook his head. “For all I know, ye are a viper sent here tae poison me.”
Caroline threw her hands in the air and flung her head back. Her hands came to rest on her hips.
“Oh aye, Ryan, there are enemies all around. Ye cannae trust anyone. It must be a hard life tae live, viewing everyone with suspicion.”
“Only when I hae just cause,” he replied through gritted teeth.
“Ye brought me here. Ye captured me. Ye came after me when I escaped. Ye made me yer bride. All of this is yer daeing. How can I be the viper?”
Ryan turned his head to the side. “Perhaps it was all by design. Ye were found in my territory. Ye must hae known ye would hae been brought tae me.”
“I dinnae mean tae be captured. I wanted tae keep moving, but Nessa saw a camp and got greedy. She pushed her luck and alerted yer patrol. That’s why we were captured, nae because of some grand ploy, but just because of dumb luck. What am I even supposed tae dae here? Kill ye? With what?”
Her question was met with silence. Ryan had much to think about.
“I dinnae lie when I told ye why I came here. My uncle wanted tae marry me, and only the gods know what he hae planned for my sisters. I wanted tae escape him, nae work for him. I hae never liked him, and I want tae know the reasons ye hae for believing that he killed Da.”
“I cannae trust ye like that.”
“Then what are we daeing, Ryan?” she asked with a challenging glare. “Are we tae spend our whole lives like this? I suppose ye hae nae given any thought about me, though, hae ye? Yer mind dinnae work like that. There’s nae room in yer heart for compassion.”
“There ye gae again, assuming that ye know me. Ye hae nae idea of what ye speak, lass.”
“Then tell me. Give me something. Anything.”
She opened her palms to him. There was a desperate look on her face. He studied it for a few moments and then leaned forward, deciding that he was going to give her what she wanted.
“Fine, lass, ye want tae know what made me this way? It was yer Da. My Da and brother went out tae protect their land, and they fell foul of Laird Gilmour. They were struck down in battle, their blood soaking the Highlands. They were brought back with their wounds gaping and their eyes staring intae the abyss. I was just a lad. I was wracked with guilt that I hae nae been there tae defend them, or tae die with them.
It seemed wrong that the clan was robbed of its laird and the rightful heir, leaving me behind. What right did I hae tae survive? Why was I spared this fate? I was just a lad and I hae tae bury my da and my brother, and then I was named Laird. I was forced tae grow up and ever since that day I hae done what I need tae dae in order tae protect my people, just like my Da and brother would hae wanted, just like they would hae done.
I hae done my best tae live up tae their memory, but I can never forget the fact that yer clan took their lives. I cannae let that gae without punishment. Sae if I am a man without emotion, it’s only because yer clan and yer Da made me this way. I changed that day. The boy I was, he died along with them, only he was nae buried in the ground, he was buried in my heart.”
These last few words crashed through the air. Ryan jabbed his fingers into the middle of his chest, the raw emotions taking him by surprise. His throat was tight and he gasped for breath. The tension in the air dissipated. Caroline tilted her head towards him and a look of sympathy came into her eyes.
“Ye must hae been around the same age as Tara,” she said softly, and this seemed to frame his plight in a different way in her mind.
“Aye,” he averted his gaze, hating how she made him talk about this.
He had kept it locked up for so long. Caroline stepped towards him, closing the distance between them with silent footsteps.
“It must hae been hard for ye tae lead the clan.”
“It was always my brother’s right. I was always taught tae support him.”
“Da told me that ruling a clan was the hardest thing anyone could ever dae.”
“That sounds about right,” Ryan inclined his head.
“By the looks of it, ye hae done a fine job. The people here are healthy, and they look at ye with respect. I must admit, I dinnae quite understand how they could treat ye like this, but I suppose ye treat them differently tae me.”
There was a hint of humor in her voice. She stopped just short of him, but close enough that he could catch her sweet scent in the air.
“I know ye want me tae be afraid of ye, Ryan, but I want tae work with ye. If what ye say is true, then our goals are aligned, and I can help ye.”
Her eyes were wide and liquid and beautiful. He searched them for deceit, fearing that if he allowed himself to yield to these feelings, then he would be exposing his soul to betrayal.
“Tell me why ye believe my uncle killed Da,” she whispered.
“I cannae,” he replied, continuing to hold on to these cold, stoic feelings. Then she did something that took him completely by surprise. She reached out and took his hands. Her slender fingers rested in his palm, spreading heat that rose up his arms and then through his entire body. Surprise flashed across his face.
“I want my clan back, Ryan, and I will dae whatever it takes tae make that happen,” she tilted her head back to look at him directly.
There was no hint of doubt in her voice whatsoever. Errant strands of hair rested against her cheeks. Her wide eyes were as inviting as the sea, and he found himself wanting to plunge into their depths and never come up for air. Her lips were slightly parted, full of color, and her chest rose and fell steadily. Her hands did not tremble in the slightest.
There was no hint of nerves, and after all this, he was stunned that she could be so close to him without wilting with fear. If not for the Gilmour name, she would have been everything he wanted for a wife. Could he forget just for a moment that she was a Gilmour?
“Whatever it takes?” he asked, attempting to call her bluff.
He moved his head towards her. She angled hers back. Closer and closer he became until their breath swirled together, until their lips touched and suddenly, his mouth was awash with her honeyed kiss.
He expected her to pull back, to beat him away with her fists and accuse him of being a wanton brute once again, of rushing out of the room and leave him bristling with the burden of unbridled desire.
But she did none of these things. In fact, it was quite the opposite. She melted in his arms and kissed him back. The pressure of her lips felt righteous. He ran his hands through her hair and along her back. A soft murmur rolled between her lips, entering his mouth. He prickled with arousal all over. She smiled as she pressed her hips into him, feeling his desire.
“If this is what it takes for ye tae trust me, Ryan…” she trailed away, and stepped back a little.
She slipped her dress off, and it fell in a puddle at her feet, revealing her perfect, creamy skin. He drank all of her in as she sinuously lay upon the bed, curling her legs beneath her and beckoning him with a finger.
It was too much for him to resist. His knees shook as he came beside her, and then they rolled about the bed, limbs entangled, as he gave into his weakness and they consummated their marriage.