Chapter 17
“I thought you were going out.”
Caroline looked up to see Jennifer in the doorway. The nanny was watching her curiously as if expecting something unexpected to occur. She smiled at the girl and stood up.
“I am going out. I just need to get a few things sorted first.”
Jennifer smiled and entered the room, gesturing at the papers strewn over the desk.
“I think you’ve gone a little overboard with it.”
“It’s not easy keeping on top of the lesson plans,” Caroline pointed out, adjusting the papers before they fell onto the floor. “I must be sure it’s all sorted before I leave.”
“You could always do it when you get back,” Jennifer suggested.
“I have a feeling I’m going to be too exhausted. Lady Eleanor is enthusiastic, and I know I’m going to be tired once I leave.”
Jennifer laughed.
“I wonder what Lady Eleanor would say if she heard you call her exhausting.”
“She probably would agree with me. She knows what she’s like.” Sighing, Caroline began to put the papers together, shuffling them to get them into a specific order. “I suppose I will have to deal with this another time. Otherwise, I’m never going to leave.”
“Well, Lady Eleanor’s carriage has arrived, and Lady Eleanor is in the foyer waiting for you.”
Caroline sat up.
“What? She came to me?”
“I think she said something about needing to make sure you actually took your day off. Apparently, you were late the last time you were going to meet her, and she didn’t want to waste more time.”
Caroline winced. Eleanor had always teased her about needing to be punctual, but that had changed ever since she started her current position. She was so focused on her job that she forgot everything else, including her own time away from the house. Eleanor thought it was amusing.
She stood up and looked down at herself. At least she had changed into one of her smarter dresses and looked better than usual.
Even so …
“Oh, stop fretting about what you look like.” Jennifer approached her and steered Caroline towards the door. “Get a move on. The more time you spend with your friend, the better you’ll feel when you return.”
Caroline knew the nanny was right but didn’t think it would happen.
She was still thinking about what David had said to her the day before.
It had been swirling around in her head all night, leaving Caroline unable to sleep properly.
She had been in a bad mood all day, something everyone had noticed, but Caroline couldn’t tell anyone what had really occurred for her to be in such a state.
She was certainly not telling David about it.
She kept replaying that moment by the tree in her mind, remembering David’s words.
He had been hinting at something between them.
She heard that, but something in her head must have twisted the words.
Caroline didn’t want to get it wrong and assume he was hinting about his feelings.
If she assumed that, and that wasn’t the case, it would be humiliating for her.
But if he actually was hinting at how he felt and who he wanted to marry …
Caroline couldn’t fight off the feeling she had experienced when David told her about plans to marry Mary Chadwick.
She hadn’t thought it would be as painful as that.
Aside from the fact Lady Mary was probably, in her eyes, unsuitable for someone like David, she couldn’t see him actually marrying anyone.
Because you want him for yourself. Isn’t that a little selfish, given your position?
What was going on? Of course, they were getting their friendship back on track, and Caroline enjoyed how close they had become again after ten years apart.
It was like the years hadn't passed when they were out of the way of prying eyes. They were still laughing and teasing each other as normal, and Caroline enjoyed that. That would certainly stop once David got married; she couldn’t see Lady Mary being too happy about that.
And she could see things getting cold and uncomfortable with that woman in the house. Henrietta and Gwen had a good judgement of people and wouldn’t take to Lady Mary well. David would see that, and Caroline could only hope he would listen to his sisters and not offer courtship to Mary Chadwick.
But that was Caroline’s selfish mind working too much. She shouldn’t wish for something like that. After all, it was David’s future and something she should not meddle in.
Even so …
“Caroline?” Jennifer gave her a nudge. “You stopped short in the doorway. Get moving.”
“Oh. Right.” Caroline hadn’t realised she had put her hands on the doorframe to stop herself from moving. She lowered her hands. “I didn’t mean to do that.”
Jennifer laughed.
“You really need to get out of the schoolroom. You’ve become too much like a schoolmistress, and it’s beginning to seep into your bones.”
“I have not!”
Caroline groaned and turned away from the twinkle in the nanny’s eyes. She didn’t need to be teased right now. She made her way to the foyer, where Eleanor was waiting. And David was there talking to her.
Her heart missed a beat, and Caroline slowed before she tripped over her own feet. Why did she have to feel this way? Ever since David pretty much told her how he felt – and Caroline was certain, in her mind, that’s what happened – she was becoming more aware of how she reacted around him.
And it made her very self-conscious. Caroline had thought she had got away from feeling like that, going to social gatherings, and now it was coming back with someone she thought she would feel comfortable and safe with.
With her heart struggling to work and making her feel light-headed, he wasn’t feeling comfortable and safe to her right now.
Eleanor saw her first, and her expression brightened.
“There you are! I was beginning to think you were going to hide away forever.”
“Well, I did have to …” Caroline faltered when David turned, giving her a smile that made her insides feel like they had turned to liquid. “Sort out the lesson plan for tomorrow. It won’t get done on its own.”
David chuckled.
“You really don’t need to bother with that. I’m sure you can make it up as you go along.”
“I don’t like doing that, Your Grace.” Caroline nodded her thanks at Hadleigh as he handed over her hat and gloves. “It’s best to know which direction things are going than to let it happen naturally. Especially with your sisters. They are close to free spirits, after all.”
Eleanor giggled.
“I can’t believe you described Henrietta as a free spirit.”
“She has her moments. She works better with a timetable.” Caroline busied herself with putting her hat on, tugging on her gloves. “Shall we go, Eleanor? You don’t want me to waste more time, do you? Especially when my time off is precious.”
“Well, that’s why I came here. To make sure you didn’t end up detouring to my house.” Eleanor slipped her arm through Caroline’s. “Come along. Let’s go and relax. Or we can talk about the gossip going around the area. That is always fun.”
Caroline didn’t answer. David’s smile had snagged her, and it was a struggle for her to pull away. It wasn’t until Eleanor led her towards the door that she could take her eyes off him.
She didn’t like feeling like this. It was uncomfortable, and it was impossible. It could never happen.
Which was what made her feelings even worse.
#
“Thank you, Chalmers,” Eleanor said with a smile at the butler as he handed her a glass of lemonade. “That’s just what I need.”
Caroline took her glass, nodding at the man before she settled on the chaise. They were in the orangery, shaded from the sun by the roof with the doors open to let the breeze come in. It was a little warm but better than sitting out in the middle of the lawn. She took a sip of her drink.
“I really wish it wasn’t so warm at this time of year,” she grumbled. “It feels like we need to hide away from the heat.”
Eleanor laughed.
“You just can’t tolerate weather at all, can you? You complain when it’s hot, when it’s cold, when there’s a storm coming by …”
“I actually don’t mind storms. It’s when they’re also bringing the hot air that they’re annoying.”
“You’re still complaining about them,” Eleanor pointed out. She crossed her legs and took a healthy gulp of her lemonade. “Now that feels better. How long until tea is ready, Chalmers?”
“Very shortly, Lady Eleanor. It won’t be long.”
The butler bowed and left the room. Eleanor turned to Caroline.
“Now, come on, Caroline. Talk to me.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“You and David. Something happened between the two of you, I can tell. You’re jittery around him, and I felt the air change. It’s like …” Eleanor’s eyes widened. “Did you kiss him?”
“What? No!” Caroline wanted to find a room and lock the door so she could hide. “Of course we haven’t done that! We’re not that stupid to forget ourselves.”
“But something happened, yes? You know I can tell when everything’s not completely right, and you’ve been changing recently.” Eleanor gestured with her free hand. “Talk to me. I want to know what’s going on.”
“You just want something to gossip about.”
Eleanor scoffed.
“As if I would be telling anyone else about this. I’m not about to divulge anything you say to the rest of the ton. It’s not like they would listen to anything involving you, anyway.”
“Oh, thank you,” Caroline grunted. “That’s charming of you.”
“You know what I mean! Besides, you know I wouldn’t gossip like that about you. You’re my oldest and closest friend. I wouldn’t betray your confidence by doing that.”
That much was true enough. Caroline and Eleanor had known each other for a long time, and she had been steadfast and loyal regarding secrets.
There were things that Caroline had told Eleanor that she had never shared, not even with David and Joseph.
She would keep them locked up, and wild horses couldn’t drag it out of her.
Telling her something that could be considered scandalous was going to remain safe.
Even though she was sure they were alone, Caroline found herself lowering her voice.
“Something happened yesterday, and I’m not sure what to think about it. It’s got my head in a mess.”
“Then you can talk to me. Maybe another perspective will help.”
“David mentioned that he was planning to court Mary Chadwick, hoping they’ll marry.”
Eleanor’s mouth dropped open. She scrambled to catch her glass before it slipped from her hands.
“What? Are … are you sure?” She grimaced as she shook her hand. “Yuck, I’m going to be really sticky now. Why did I do that?”
“Forgive me, Eleanor …”
“Don’t be daft. Although maybe I should have put my drink down first.” As she spoke, Eleanor carefully put her glass down. Then she wiped her wet hand on her skirts and turned back to Caroline. “Are you sure that’s what is happening? Did he say that to you?”
“He did. He came back from her house yesterday and told me.”
Eleanor let out a low whistle.
“Oh, dear. I never expected that from him. I thought he would have had a better sense of judgement when it came to people.”
“Well, he did say it was more for convenience than anything else. He admitted that he didn’t love her and wouldn’t marry her for that.”
Caroline’s hand twisted in her skirt, and she let go when she heard something rip.
One of the stitches had probably come undone.
Something else for her to do later, as well as sorting out the lesson plan.
She took another sip of her drink and then put it on the table beside Eleanor’s.
Her hands were trembling too much to hold onto it properly.
“I understand having to marry because of standing and for reasons other than love, although I’ve never been comfortable with it. It’s something that just makes a romantic time all the more clinical. And to hear David is going to do it …”
“Like you said, sometimes you have to do it for the family. If it’s convenient and raises the standing …”
“But David’s a duke. He wouldn’t need to further his standing.”
“He does if he needs an heir to carry on the dukedom,” Eleanor reminded her.
Caroline hadn’t forgotten about that. It made her nauseous to think about it, which just made her thoughts even more selfish.
“I can see why you’re distressed about it,” Eleanor went on, shifting to rest her head on her hand. “Especially with how you feel about David …”
“What?” Caroline’s head jerked up. “What are you talking about?”
“You think I haven’t noticed how you are around David? It’s pretty clear there’s something there and eating away at you.”
“Eleanor …”
“And I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual.” Eleanor giggled. “If he declares his love for you in the near future, I will not be surprised.”
Caroline swallowed.
“He pretty much has,” she murmured.
“Really?”
“He didn’t come outright and say it, but he hinted enough.” Caroline stared at her hands, remembering how he touched her hand, and the warmth seeped into her fingers. She could still feel the heat, even a day later. “It can never happen, though. It will never happen.”
“Why on earth not?”
“Eleanor, have you forgotten my position now? I’m the governess, and he’s my employer. That is a scandal just waiting to happen. I can’t …”
“I think you can. If you two are in love, who can stop it?”
Caroline gritted her teeth.
“It doesn’t matter, Eleanor. I’m not a member of the ton anymore …”
“So what?” Eleanor scoffed. “Besides, we know what David’s like. He’s not going to settle for less than what he wants.”
“What are you talking about?”
“He might be saying now that he’s going to court Lady Mary Chadwick and then marry her later on, but he won’t do that.
He won’t be able to go through with it.” Eleanor shook her head.
“He’s a passionate person who fights for what he wants to do.
He didn’t back down until he got it. And that includes people he loves. We’ve seen it before.”
“But we were children back then,” Caroline reminded her. “Years ago, before he left. Things have changed now. David is different.”
Eleanor looked like she wanted to argue, but instead, she sighed heavily.
“You’re right about that. He is different. There’s no fight in him anymore. It’s depressing to see that. If he loves you …”
“He’s never going to choose a governess over a titled woman.”
“You have a title.”
“But my position eclipses that.” Caroline rubbed her hands on her thighs.
She felt like she was itching all over. “He’s got his sisters to think about.
Their future is on the line as well as finding an heir.
If he does something that is not part of what the ton dictates, it could damage Henrietta and Gwen’s reputations. I understand that.”
“But you don’t like it.”
It wasn’t a question. Caroline really didn’t like it. She felt lost, unsure of what to do. It was a feeling that Caroline didn’t want.
There wasn’t much she could do about it, though. She would have to put a smile on and carry on as normal. Even if it was painful.