Chapter 41
41
Jade hardly slept that night. She kept hearing Sarah’s stricken voice in her head.
‘Why did you have to tell him, Jade? Why couldn’t you have waited like you promised? What difference would another few months have made?’
She’d half expected Sarah to phone her back. Callum wasn’t there, he was away on some sales trip, earning cash for a wedding that might now never happen. But the phone remained silent. Finn didn’t come back either. Jade tortured herself with how he might be feeling. But however much she wished she’d kept quiet, she knew if she’d had to make the choice again, she’d still have told him.
This didn’t make her feel any better. She’d managed to devastate both Finn and Sarah with a few sentences. She’d probably never see Finn again – well, she’d survive that; she’d have to. But she couldn’t bear to lose Sarah and Ben too.
Jade got through the following morning on autopilot. She felt drained and numb and she didn’t feel too brilliant physically, either. Her head kept spinning, lack of sleep probably – and her throat was on fire. She’d just popped into the cottage at lunch time to see if she could find some painkillers and a Lemsip when she heard the front door bang.
Thinking it was Dawn or one of the other volunteers, she called out that she was just coming, but when she turned, having finally found what she was looking for, Finn was standing in the kitchen doorway.
‘I’ve come to get my things.’ His voice was cold. ‘I’m going to stay at the Red Lion for a while.’
She swallowed and regretted it. Her throat felt as though it were full of hot knives, and she didn’t know whether it was the shock of seeing him, but Finn seemed to be standing at the wrong end of a telescope. Very distant and not really a part of her world. He came a few steps closer and she felt herself wobbling and grabbed hold of the table for support.
‘Jade, are you all right? You look terrible.’
‘Thanks very much.’
Now he was right beside her and she could see the strain in his face and smell the citrus maleness of him. She frowned. Before she could stop him, Finn rested a hand on her forehead. ‘You’re very hot. I’m going to take your temperature.’
‘No, I’m fine. You get going.’
He ignored her and got the thermometer from the kitchen cupboard.
‘I’ve got a sore throat, that’s all.’
‘It looks more like flu to me. Put this in your mouth and we’ll see.’
She snatched it from his hands and did as he said, too weak to argue. His concern was worse than his anger and she wished she didn’t feel so giddy. There were all sorts of coloured lights on the edges of her vision and hot and cold shivers were sliding up and down her back .
‘You’ve got a temperature of 101,’ Finn remarked. ‘Hardly all right. I think you’d be better off in bed.’
There was no disputing that. She had a horrible feeling she would fall over if she didn’t lie down soon. She moved to go past him and he stepped aside. Why did her legs feel so wobbly? It was a bit like being drunk. She hesitated and Finn, with an impatient shake of his head, put his arm around her waist. ‘I’ll help you upstairs,’ he muttered. ‘Because otherwise you aren’t going to make it.’
‘I don’t need any help,’ she snapped, but it wasn’t true. She’d had summer flu like this once before – it had washed over her with the same ruthless speed and left her flat on her back for a week. God, she couldn’t afford to be out of action for that long.
They took the stairs, step by wooden step, Finn’s arm supporting her, but she still felt exhausted and breathless when they got to the top. She paused on the landing outside her bedroom door.
‘I’ll be fine now. You can let go of me.’
He let go, but only to open the door. Then he propelled her inside. ‘Get in bed. I’ll nip out and get you something from the pharmacist. Do you feel sick at all? Shall I get you a bucket?’
‘No, I’m perfectly fine now,’ she lied, and he frowned and shut the door. And then, suddenly, to Jade’s very great dismay, she was sick all over the floor.
When she woke up, Finn was standing beside her bed, a glass of something opaque in his hands. Sleep hadn’t been restful, but filled with nightmares, strange and garish and so vivid she wasn’t sure which were reality and which were dreams. She glanced at the floor and decided she must have dreamed the vomiting bit. At least that was something.
He followed her gaze, but all he said was, ‘Drink this. The pharmacist recommended it.’
She pushed herself up on the pillows, which seemed to take a lot more energy than the small movement warranted. Then she realised she wasn’t wearing anything. So she hadn’t dreamed it and he’d undressed her, too. Humiliated, she pulled the duvet up to her neck and glared at him.
‘Your clothes are in the wash. You wouldn’t have wanted to wake up in them, I can promise you.’ She saw a flash of something in his eyes – wry humour. Perhaps after yesterday when she knew she’d hurt him beyond belief, he was enjoying seeing her discomfort.
‘Drink this,’ he said again, holding out the proffered glass.
She took it warily. ‘How long have I been asleep?’
‘A couple of hours.’
‘My God, this tastes foul. I think I’ve got flu.’
‘Yes.’ He knelt beside the bed and she felt a snatch of pain because the last time he’d done that had been in such different circumstances. ‘Can I get you anything else?’
‘No, I’ll be fine by tonight. You can go to the Red Lion.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Much as I’d like to get out of here, Jade, I’m not that much of a bastard. I’m not leaving you in this state. Besides, you need me to look after the animals.’
‘No, I don’t. Dawn will help if I ask her.’
‘Dawn’s got a sore throat too. Which reminds me. The pharmacist recommended these pastilles as well. They’ll help numb it a bit.’
‘Thanks.’ She took the packet from him, wishing fleetingly for something that would numb her heart, which she could feel breaking all over again. He was here, but he hated her, she could see it in his eyes and she couldn’t blame him.
‘I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about Ben before,’ she whispered, putting down the glass and lying back down on the pillows. ‘But it wasn’t my secret to tell.’
‘Not half as sorry as I am, I can assure you.’
It was four days before she felt well enough to get back on her feet. Sarah came to see her on her first day up.
‘Florence Nightingale wouldn’t let me in before,’ she grumbled, coming into the back room where Jade was curled up on the sofa under a duvet. ‘He said you weren’t up to having visitors.’
‘I wouldn’t come too near,’ Jade warned, gesturing Sarah towards Finn’s armchair. ‘You don’t want to catch this, believe me. Or pass it on to Callum or Ben.’
‘Callum’s gone,’ Sarah said quietly. ‘I told him last night that the wedding’s off and he’s gone back to Scotland.’
‘What do you mean, the wedding’s off? Sarah, you can’t do that. You love him.’
‘I adore him, but he’s going to hate me once I tell him about Finn. I couldn’t bear him to hate me. I’d rather he just thought I’d changed my mind.’ She blinked and Jade saw tears in her eyes. She wanted to cry too – she’d never been able to bear seeing Sarah upset. Before she could argue with her, Sarah came across and knelt in front of her.
‘I’ve done nothing but think these past few days, Jade. I don’t do it very often, do I – thinking? But you were right. I shouldn’t have lied to everyone. Especially not to Ben – and I shouldn’t have made you lie for me either. I put you in an impossible situation.’
‘I had a choice,’ Jade said, swallowing. It was a relief to be able to do it without pain.
‘No, you didn’t. You’re my friend. You lied because I asked you to. Even though you knew it would mean the end for you and Finn. You love him, don’t you?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Yes, you do. That’s why you told him. I’d have done the same in your place. If someone had been keeping something from Callum, I’d have told him what it was.’ She sighed and drummed her fingers on the arm of the sofa. ‘Anyway, I’ve done what I can to put things right. I’ve had a long chat with Finn and I’ve agreed he can see Ben – have him some weekends if he wants, once we’ve made things official.
‘I’m going to get his name put on the birth certificate. It’s what he wants and it’s only fair. All I have to do now is to tell Ben he’s got a dad and a grandad, but I can’t see him minding. He’s always asking about Finn. We’ve already arranged that Finn is coming to the results of Ben’s art competition at the school. It’s in a couple of weeks.’
Jade blinked. The world had moved on without her in the last few days. ‘I’m glad about Finn and Ben,’ she murmured, suppressing the urge to hug Sarah because she really didn’t want to give her flu. ‘But I’m really sorry about Callum. You two are made for each other.’
Sarah shook her head. ‘I should have done some thinking before, Jade, shouldn’t I? Proper thinking, instead of just burying my head in the sand and hoping the problem would go away. Finn’s going back to Nottingham to live, isn’t he?’
Jade nodded, even though she hadn’t known that. For the last few days, he’d looked after the animals and he’d looked after her, but they hadn’t talked beyond trivia. Knowing he must be desperate to get away from her hurt badly. He would have to keep in touch with Sarah because he wanted to see Ben, she thought with a tug of pain. He’d probably forgive Sarah, in time, for lying to him. He would understand why she had; he was that sort of man. But he didn’t have to forgive her.
Dogs were infinitely forgiving, Aiden thought as he watched Kate tickle Fang’s tummy. They were in his lounge. Kate was sitting on the carpet and the little Jack Russell was lying on her back, loving the attention. Her scars had faded now and the hair had grown back, leaving barely a trace.
‘She’s really cute, isn’t she?’ Kate said. ‘Are you going to call her Fang forever or change her name now she’s a reformed character?’
‘I suppose we ought to change it,’ Aiden said thoughtfully. ‘Got any ideas?’
‘How about Lucky? She is, isn’t she, considering that she had a death sentence hanging over her head when you first found her.’
‘I suppose she is.’ It was 7p.m. and they had the French windows open to let in the last of the evening sun. Kate’s hair gleamed gold in its light.
‘It’s all down to you,’ she told him. ‘If you hadn’t persevered, she wouldn’t be here.’
‘To be honest, a lot of it’s down to Jade. She was the one who took her in. I’m really glad she’s feeling better. That flu was nasty. I’ve never known Jade to be ill before.’
‘Was there ever anything between you two?’ Kate asked idly, glancing up at him.
He knelt beside her on the carpet. ‘Why? Would you mind?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘ Well, maybe a bit.’
‘How much of a bit?’
‘Stop teasing me, Aiden.’
‘I’m sorry. And the answer’s no, there’s never been anything between us.’
‘Truth?’
‘OK, once I hoped there might be. But not any more. The truth, Kate, is that these last couple of weeks have been the happiest of my life.’
‘Mine too.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes, really.’ She stopped stroking Fang and reached out a hand to him so that her long hair fell forward. ‘My only regret is that Gran’s been living next to you all this time and we didn’t meet sooner.’
He thought about the first time he’d seen her at Duck Pond Rescue when he’d been all screwed up with bitterness over Finn, and he shook his head. ‘No sense regretting what’s past. We’ll just have to make up for lost time.’ He caught her fingers and thought again how beautiful she was. And how amazing it was that she seemed to feel the same way about him as he did about her.
He’d never in a million years have thought that he’d be pleased he’d punched someone. Not that he was planning to repeat the experience. But if he hadn’t hit Finn that day, he’d probably never have got talking to Emily. And he very likely wouldn’t be sitting here now, feeling happier than he’d ever done in his life.
‘Kate, I know this is really bad timing,’ he said, squeezing her hand, ‘but I might need to be really busy for a couple of weeks. My Uncle Seth works at a practice in the New Forest called Puddleduck Vets and they have a staffing crisis. The owner, Phoebe Dashwood, has a really bad flu. There seems to be loads of it around. Anyway, Uncle Seth has asked if I can help out. It would mean using up some of my leave to do it – I obviously can’t work in two places at once – and I’d much rather be spending the time with you – but…’
‘Of course you must go if they need you.’ Her eyes were warm. ‘It’s lovely that you’re prepared to do it. Maybe we could meet after work one evening in the New Forest. They have some great pubs in that neck of the woods, and it would be fun to go somewhere different.’
Once again, he marvelled at how lovely she was. ‘I’d really like that,’ he said.