Chapter 27
Chapter twenty-seven
Kate
There were worse places to be than pinned against Tristan’s office door with the man himself looming over me like a starved animal.
I just couldn’t think of any.
Not that it was a terrible place to begin with. Or maybe it was, considering the emotional whiplash I’d given myself since this morning. But really, who could blame me? Having him touch me and touch him in return, had been so incredible until he freaking ruined it by reminding me it wasn’t real.
Talk about a bucket of ice over the head.
I’d never sobered so fast in my entire life. And when I did, the horrible realization hit. I had feelings for this man. If he was anyone else, this wouldn’t have been a disaster. Hell, I’d be rejoicing at the fact that someone broke through my emotional wall.
But this was Tristan. He didn’t do feelings.
And yeah, I could indulge and take the incredible orgasms with no strings attached, but at my core that wasn’t who I was.
What a cruel twist of fate that my body—and heart—had to come alive under his touch.
“Didn’t I tell you to talk?” Tristan growled, a not-so-gentle tug back to the present and my peculiar predicament.
The one where I had feelings for my commitment-phobe-boss-slash-husband.
Never thought there’d come a day when I’d think it, but Eleanor was right: I certainly did know how to pick them.
“Dammit, Kate.” There was something else in the razor-sharp edge of his tone. Before I could put my finger on it, he spoke again, “Those fucking walls keep growing higher and higher, and I don’t know how to break them down.”
He’d already smashed through every wall I’d built around myself. So spectacularly too. I hadn’t even noticed until it was too late.
Until I was in too deep.
Because the truth, the sad, sad truth was I wanted more. More kisses. More of seeing him with Millie—so much more of that. More family lunches with him at the table. More of his time. Of his body.
But mostly, I wanted his heart.
I’d never have that. Sadness crept into my pores and settled inside my chest.
I couldn’t let him see.
Lifting my chin, I said the only thing I could. “This morning should never have happened.”
The lie came out barely above a whisper, but with how Tristan reared back, one would’ve thought I’d yelled it at the top of my lungs.
His expression was... No, that couldn’t be right. He looked hurt.
A pang of guilt sliced between my ribs, while at the same time my fingers burned with a need to slide over his broad shoulders and pull him close. It was so strong, not giving in to it felt almost impossible.
That was why I shoved at his chest instead.
Of course, the wall that was Tristan didn’t freaking move. I had a sneaky suspicion he knew I couldn’t think properly when he took up so much of my personal space.
“Tristan—”
“Don’t.” He silenced me by sliding two fingers over my mouth. “It wasn’t a mistake. And if you’re about to tell me otherwise, I don’t want to hear it.”
His gaze bored into mine. So serious, so intense. I was certain he could see right through me. Could peer into the depths of my soul and uncover my deepest, darkest secrets.
“It was.” There was zero conviction in my tone. “It has to be.”
“Why?”
“Why do you care?” I fired back. “Isn’t this exactly the kind of thing you do? No strings, no attachments? One and done, right?”
Brows dipping low, he stared at me. His expression softened, morphing into something I hadn’t seen before. My blood pumped faster, thrumming between my ears with an impossibly loud whoosh that made it hard to freaking think. Or maybe it was the man looming over me.
“Dammit, Tristan.” I shoved at his chest one more time. “Move.”
“No.”
He was still staring at me with an unsettling intensity. It pissed me the hell off.
“Why are you so damn desperate for me to admit out loud what happened? Do you need some ego boost? For me to tell you how good it was, or that I’ll be thinking about it for weeks, if not months, to come?
” Yet again, I slammed my palms down on the hard planes of his chest. “What? What the hell is it?”
Dizzy, furious, and embarrassed out of my freaking mind, I was borderline hysterical. All his fault. If only he’d take ten steps back and give me the space I needed to breathe and calm my frantic mind.
I opened my mouth, ready to beg him to freaking move already when he pressed his palm against my cheek.
“I don’t know, Kate,” he whispered. His gaze roamed over my face, slowly, steadily before they met mine again. What I saw there—the rawness, the devastation—sucked the breath right out of my lungs.
“I don’t fucking know. You showed up one day with those gorgeous eyes filled with sadness, and my entire fucking world flipped upside down.”
My gaze searched his. “What are you saying?”
I didn’t hear his answer.
My stomach churned violently, and a hefty amount of bile bubbled up my throat. My head spun, painting the world in a blurry haze.
What the heck?
Touching a hand to my forehead, I pressed the other against my middle. Something was off. I didn’t feel right.
“Kate, what’s wrong?”
I blinked, and Tristan was right there. He might’ve had an arm wrapped around my shoulder, I wasn’t sure.
“You,” I tried. My tongue felt thick and heavy, my body hot. Too freaking hot. Bile pushed farther up my throat; I was moments away from throwing up.
Somehow, I shoved past him and stumbled into the bathroom in his office. My breakfast was out mere seconds after I bent over the toilet.
I was still heaving into the bowl when a pair of hands grabbed my hair and held the strands away from my face. As much as I wanted to shove him away, I was overcome with an overwhelming sense of relief at his presence.
It took a while, but when my body finally dispelled everything it could, I sluggishly pushed into a seated position. Without me asking, he helped me to the sink where he cleaned my face.
I should’ve been embarrassed. Maybe I would’ve been if I wasn’t feeling so out of it.
“Better?” he asked.
I wanted to shake my head but ended up tumbling to the side. Before I could fall though, he scooped me into his arms.
“Something’s wrong,” I choked out. I didn’t know what, just that whatever was happening inside me wasn’t normal. One part felt like I was sitting in ice while the other part was trapped in burning flames.
My chest was tight, and every breath felt more difficult than the one before.
“Trist—”
“Shhh, baby.” He held me tighter. “I’m ri…”
The rest of his words faded away as a heavy darkness descended and swallowed me whole.