Chapter Forty-Four
Lainey
Jesus Christ. I rush to school my features and smile at Thomas before turning my attention back to Summer. I knew there was a chance I’d run into him at some point. And if I’m being completely honest with myself, some small masochistic slice of my heart wanted to see him. But not now. I only just started this job… I never expected it to be so soon.
When I reach Summer’s side, she passes Josh over to me and smiles when he slips easily into my arms, instantly curling his fingers into my hair. I bop his nose and laugh when he giggles, temporarily distracting me from where my traitorous gaze wants to venture.
“I was just asking Thomas if you’d met,” Summer says, making it easier to keep my eyes on her. “Lainey, this is my brother, Thomas.” She waves in Thomas’s direction. “And Thomas, this is Lainey… Luke’s sister.”
I finally look Thomas’s way seconds before Summer does and catch the last glimpse of his shocked expression before he masks his feelings with a warm smile. “Yes, Luke’s sister. Hi. It’s been years.”
Yes, it has been years…but Luke’s sister?
I force a smile of my own—and try not to react to the term I thought I’d outrun when it comes to Thomas—lifting my free hand in a casual wave. “Hi,” I rush out as he waves back, pulling my focus to his hand so I’m able to avert my gaze from his naked chest. I”ve never looked directly at the sun, but I know it would be harmful if I did. I’m adopting the same theory here. I don’t have to study Thomas’s chiseled abs—or follow the line of his V as it disappears beneath his towel—to know it’s bad for me. Wait. His towel? He stayed here last night? Thank God I didn’t know that. “Nice to see you again, Thomas.”
“Ugh, I’m sorry. This is awkward,” Summer says from beside me, most likely feeling the weird energy that’s taking over the room. “Lainey, I should have told you my brother might be staying here occasionally, but I didn’t know he was coming last night. And I didn’tknow he’d be in a towel this morning.” Her eyes flash to Thomas’s, and she pauses before sucking her lips into her mouth. “Nope.” She shakes a finger his way. “I’m sure this goes without saying, mainly because I have no doubt that Luke has already said it, but Lainey is off-limits to you.”
“What?” Thomas’s eyes widen again before his expression becomes the picture of calm. “Luke may have mentioned it, but we’re cool. I know the deal.”
Summer laughs just as Josh fusses in my arms, giving me the opportunity to make a getaway before the awkwardness moves to the next level. “Sounds like Josh is due a nap. Do you want me to do it?” I ask Summer, praying she’ll say yes.
“Yes, thank you. It would be good to catch up with Thomas before he has to disappear.”
At the mention of his name, my eyes find their way back to him, and he smiles brightly.
“No problem,” I say, ignoring the way my heart thumps in my chest and pretending I’m not incredibly messed up over seeing him again. “Come on, Joshie. Should we read a book first?”
I walk away without a backward glance, and the second I’m out of earshot, I suck in a breath, willing my pulse to return to normal. I’m not going to pretend that seeing his relaxed smile doesn’t make my heart soar, because it does—I’ve only ever wanted him to be happy—but it’s the thought that he’s happy without me that has my stomach in knots.
He never called.
Pushing Thomas from my mind, I focus on his nephew, going through the motions that have become my routine. And when he’s finally asleep, I tiptoe from the room before grabbing the monitor and making my way toward the back door, hoping to escape to the pool house without seeing Thomas again.
I’ve just passed the bathroom when the door flies open and I’m pulled inside, Thomas’s wide palm covering my mouth as he settles me against the tiles. He closes the door with his foot and leans in, bringing his hard body flush with mine. The air around me warms, and a familiar scent fills my nose, as my skin heats with an unwelcome desire. His fingers twitch, and when his calloused thumb rubs gently across my cheek, I involuntarily suck in a breath.
Trying to appear unaffected, I lift a brow in challenge, but he holds strong, his hand locked tight as though I’m going to scream in his presence. And maybe I should. That’s one way to ensure my release. But now that I’m here, trapped in his gaze, I don’t want to leave.
We stare at each other, in some kind of standoff, until a pained expression crosses his face and he steps back, running his fingers through his already mussed hair.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he whispers, shaking his head. “I wasn’t planning on attacking you like that, but I couldn’t leave without talking to you.”
He pulls at the neck of his tee, drawing attention to his now clothed body, and I hate that his hard, naked chest is still imprinted on my mind, further warming my skin.
“Say what you want to say,” I whisper back, meeting his eyes. “I need to work, and I shouldn’t be here with you.”
“Lainey…”
“No, don’t ‘Lainey’ me. I’m not going to pretend I didn’t know this”—I motion between us— “wasn’t a possibility. I knew running into you was likely to happen at some point, but now is not the time to talk. Unless you’re prepared to tell Summer everything.”
I’m not entirely sure why my attitude is defaulting to this. I always thought I’d be excited to see him again. But now that he’s standing before me, I’m confused, and it’s coming out as anger.
Thomas winces and I have my answer. He’s not prepared to tell Summer, and why would he be? We’ve always kept things between us a secret. Nothing’s changed.
“I don’t want to cause any trouble, but…” he trails off and my hardened exterior softens.
“I’m sorry,” I say, and I mean it. “You just caught me off guard.”
“Believe me, I know what you mean. But you don’t have anything to be sorry about. I’m the one that has some explaining to do.”
“No, you don’t. It’s been years. Life changes, people move on. I get it.”
“I didn’t move on, Lainey. I should have contacted you. I wanted to contact you. It’s just…”
“Just?”
“God…” He runs his hands down his face, clearly struggling until his eyes meet mine again, a new conviction resting in his gaze. “Luke said you were doing so well, but that you needed… I couldn’t—”
“Luke?” Surely he didn’t just blindly believe Luke and his usual bragging.
Thomas grimaces before his eyes slam shut, as though he’s just realized he said the wrong thing, and a panic fills me.
“It doesn’t matter,” he whispers, opening his eyes again, his concern gone. “The point is that I wasn’t there yet. You were happy and I wasn’t there… God, I can’t believe that you’re here.”
He trails off and redirects the conversation, an awe in his voice that I’ve heard before. I want to ask if he’s “there” now, but I can’t get Luke out of my mind.
“What did Luke tell you?” I ask, keeping my voice low and devoid of emotion.
“What?” He feigns ignorance.
“What exactly did Luke say? You mentioned he said I needed something.”
Thomas turns away, but his eyes meet mine in the mirror, making him wince, and for the longest beat I question if I really want to know. How can it be this hard?
“Luke knows we were together,” he says suddenly, turning to face me but only meeting my eyes at the last second. “He knows how things ended, and he knows about our deal.”
What?My gaze drops, unable to look at him as his words settle between us, and when the meaning behind them finally penetrates my mind, I’m fuming. Luke knew? “When?” I ask, no longer hiding the waver in my tone.
“It doesn’t matter—”
“When?” I yell before covering my mouth with my hand, my eyes flitting toward the monitor, thankful that it doesn’t light up.
Thomas steps closer, but I shake my head to stop him, trying not to let his pained expression get to me. “He’s known since before you left,” he says slowly before rushing to add, “but we didn’t mean to deceive you. It wasn’t—”
“I can’t do this now.” He knew the entire time? “I have to get back.”
I reach for the handle behind me, my chest tight as a million thoughts invade my mind.
“Lainey, wait!”
“No, I need a minute.” I open the door, poking my head out to make sure we’re alone before stepping into the hall. “Actually”—I stop, looking back to find Thomas right behind me—“I don’t just need a minute,” I say, my hands clenched by my sides. “When we’re here, in this house, I need you to be a stranger. Please leave me to do my job.”
I don’t wait for a reply before walking away, beelining straight for Josh’s room, prepared to hide out in there if I need to. But not at all prepared for the avalanche of emotion that hits me the second I’m inside.
Idon’t see Thomas for the rest of the day, but our conversation doesn’t leave me for more than a second. He says they didn’t mean to deceive me, but for six years they allowed me to believe one thing while talking about me behind my back. It’s hard to see it any other way.
When I arrive at Luke’s that night, I slam the door as I walk in, wanting him to know that I’m pissed off. But when it doesn’t create the desired effect, I open it again and slam it with more force, smiling when the crash vibrates through the house.
“What the fuck?” Luke yells from the living room. “Lainey, is that you?”
“Of course it’s me,” I yell back. “Who else would it be—one of your disgruntled one-night stands?”
“What?” Something hits the floor with a bang, and Luke curses before he appears in the hallway, confusion marking his features. “What’s your problem?” he snaps, and the second I see his face, the rage I’ve been trying to mask forces its way to the surface.
“You.” I race forward, pointing a finger at his chest. “You’re my problem.”
“What?” he scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I haven’t—”
“You didn’t think I should know?” I cut him off, not letting him get the upper hand. “Or maybe you didn’t think I’d find out.”
“What are you…” he trails off, and then his eyes widen before he barks out a laugh. “Oh shiiit.”
His response further pisses me off, but I try not to completely lose my cool. Luke knew. For six years, he knew about me and Thomas and said nothing.
“Yeah. Oh shiiit,” I mock, leaning away from him with my hands locked tightly on my hips, trying hard not to punch him.
“Okay, so you heard I know about Thomas,” he says with his signature cocky grin, like it’s no big deal, and I really struggle not to hurt him.
“I did. Question is…why didn’t I hear it from you?”
“You were gone.” He throws his hands into the air. “What good would it have done?”
“I deserved to know.”
“You were happy. You are happy. Things might have played out differently if I’d told you.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. You’d have asked about him when you called. Begged me to tell you about his life. You wouldn’t have moved on.”
My lips purse as I take in a long, slow breath before releasing it, willing myself to calm down.
“You don’t know that,” I say, my tone significantly lighter. “But even so, I’m back now. Why not mention it when you found out I was working with Summer?”
I’m angry, sure, but deep down, I’m hurt more than anything else.
Luke sighs, and for the first time, I think I see a hint of regret in his features. “I thought it would be better to just let it play out naturally. I mean, you took the job knowing he was moving back so—”
“He’s what?” We didn’t cover that in our heated conversation.
“He’s moving here. Why do you look shocked right now? I assumed you knew but you didn’t want to mention him to me.”
Jesus. Nope, I had no freaking idea. “Why?”
“Why, what?”
“Why is he moving here?”
Luke’s jaw drops, and his brow furrows in genuine confusion. “Have you been living under a rock?”
“Luke, I’ve only been home for a month. Believe it or not, I don’t have tabs on Thomas and his life.”
Luke laughs, but there’s a sadness to it. “That actually surprises me. After all, you’ve had a crush on him since high school.”
I flinch, and my body heats so much I fear it’s going to burn me. “You knew?” Has he ever been honest with me about anything?
“Of course I knew. Did you honestly think you were hiding it?” Yes. No. I don’t know.
“I knew about you,” he repeats, cementing my embarrassment, “but I didn’t know Thomas knew, or that he felt the same.”
“He didn’t,” I rush to reassure him. “Not back then.”
“Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell. Tinker Bell. You are delusional. That man has been in love with you since before you went to New York.”
Huh?My heart races at the mere idea of that, but I know it’s not true. “That’s bullshit. You just said you didn’t know—”
“I didn’t know back then, but I know now.”
My lips thin as I stare him down, a nauseous feeling settling in my stomach. I want to yell at him. I want to call him all the names under the sun, maybe even choose violence. God knows, he deserves it. But when I open my mouth to speak, my words come out in a broken whisper.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Luke’s face drops along with his shoulders before he curses again, this time under his breath. “Fuck, Lainey. You were happy, and I thought that seeing Thomas again would only add to that. I figured enough time had passed for you to both be okay.”
“He never called,” I whisper to myself but immediately regret it.
“What?”
I shake my head. That’s not something I should be discussing with Luke. That’s a Thomas and Lainey problem. “Never mind. I just wish you’d have said something.” I wish I hadn’t been blindsided.
I briefly close my eyes before turning away and walking to my room, needing some time to myself. A moment to process everything that’s happened today. Seeing Thomas was one thing; finding out that my brother knew all along is a completely different slap in the face.
I’ve just reached my door handle when Luke calls out, bringing me to a stop. “He did it all for you, Lainey. Everything.”
Without looking his way, I step inside my room and let the words sink in, my mind whirring as they flow through my body, making their way to my heart before wrapping around the organ like a bandage. Covering the hole I knew was there but always ignored.
For four years, I waited for a response. Four fucking years. I knew Thomas was more messed up than I was. I knew he’d probably need double the time that I did. But I never expected him to ghost me. That thought never occurred to me. I’m not going to pretend I moved on, because I’ve tried and failed to lie to myself many times before. But I was finally in a place where I could picture my life with someone else. I was open to moving on. At least, I was open to that being a possibility…if a spark ever presented itself.
But now—now I’m messed up all over again.