Chapter 17
Cressida lingered in his arms, enjoying the feeling of being held, the warmth of Ronan’s body against hers, and the way she felt safe. She couldn’t recall the last time she felt safe. Not since her husband died or the accident, to be certain.
This is wrong. I should pull myself out of his arms and go inside. I shouldn’t be thinking about what it would be like to have him kiss me.
He stared down at her with a look in his eyes that she couldn’t quite decipher.
She wanted to, though. She wanted to know everything about him. The taste that she had gotten in the cave wasn’t nearly enough to satiate her curiosity when it came to him.
A cold wind whipped around them, making her shiver despite the heavy jacket still wrapped around her shoulders.
“You should get inside,” Ronan said, his hands drifting up and down her arms like he was trying to warm her up.
“I should.”
Still, neither of them took a step to move. Her gaze was locked on his, and all she could hear was the thudding of her heart in her chest.
Ronan cleared his throat, taking a step back. “I hope you get a good night’s rest.”
“I think I rested well enough in the cave,” she said, trying to keep her tone light and not reveal how much she was missing his touch in that moment.
To her surprise, a pink tinge flooded his cheeks, but a large smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.
She stared up at him, taking in the shadow of facial hair, the way his hair was still a little too long.
She wanted to reach up and run her fingers through it to see if it was as soft as it looked.
Their time in the cave didn’t feel long enough, especially not since she had made a fool of herself and fallen asleep on his shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind, though.
Ronan reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. “Still, you should get some sleep. The morning is going to be here before we both know it, and if I know you like I think I do, you’re going to be up before the sun and working on your latest project.”
It would be best to go to bed before her heart exploded at his touch.
Cressida laughed and nodded, her heart feeling light as she glanced toward the house. “I’m sure Etta is worried sick. Have a safe ride back home and a good night. And thank you again for rescuing me.”
“I hope you’re never in a position where you need rescuing again,” he said, his voice deep and husky, “But if you are, I would do it all over again.”
He turned and got on his horse, waiting there until she scooped up Diver and walked inside. She peeked out the window beside the front door to see Ronan still there, still watching the house for another minute or two before he turned and rode away.
Cressida watched him until he disappeared over the ridge, unable to tear her eyes from him. As soon as he was gone, she wished that he would turn around and come back just so she could keep talking to him.
She leaned back against the door, sighing and smiling to herself. The house was quiet and dark, not a single light to be found, no sound of Etta rocking in the chair in the corner of the sitting room. Cressida didn’t hear the sound of the knitting needles clacking together, or the kettle shrieking.
Maybe she went to bed.
Cressida pressed her hands to her cheeks, finding them warm and fanning herself, trying to cool down, even as the memory of Ronan’s fingers laced with hers played through her mind once more.
I need to stop thinking about him and go to bed. There’s going to be plenty to do in the morning, and I can’t be tired.
“We need to be quiet,” Cressida whispered to Diver, who promptly answered her with a bark.
“There you are!” Etta said, rushing down the hallway with a lit candle, nearly stumbling over her own feet.
Cressida grimaced and looked down at Diver, who was wagging his tail happily, the back half of his body moving with his tail as he trotted over to Etta.
“I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t wake me!” Etta put the candlestick holder on the table and hauled Cressida into a tight hug.
“I was worried about you when the storm started. You’re lucky I can’t get on a horse.
If I could, I would have ridden to town and sent the sheriff after you.
Tobin came over, asking about Ronan, but he’s missing, too.
You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you? ”
Etta pulled back and fixed Cressida with a hard look.
Cressida’s cheeks warmed. “We were stuck together through the storm. Now, would you pet Diver? He looks like he’s going to burst if you don’t love him.”
Etta’s frown broke into a smile as she kneeled on the floor and let Diver jump all over her, smothering her with kisses, his tail whipping from side to side. “Where did you find him?”
“I was out at the river when I heard him. He was stuck on a log in the water and trying to get out.” Cressida grinned when Diver came back to her, pawing at her legs.
She reached down to scoop him up, holding him close as he nestled his head under her chin.
His big paws rested on her shoulders. Ronan was right, Diver was going to be a big boy when he was grown.
“Are we keeping him?” Etta asked, shakily getting to her feet.
“We are.” Cressida laughed as Diver licked her cheek. “I don’t think I could part with him for all the money in the world.”
“That reminds me of you and Ronan,” Etta said, her tone teasing. “Want to tell me why you both decided it would be better to wait out a storm in a cave? The caves aren’t even near here. They’re nearly a quarter hour’s ride away.”
Cressida winced, not wanting to tell Etta everything. She wasn’t sure how her sister would take the story of what happened, and to be honest, there was a part of her that wanted to keep the night just for herself.
Etta’s footsteps echoed after her. “I might not be able to ride a horse to hunt you down, but I can follow you through this house and across the property until you tell me what happened.”
“Nothing horrible.”
“You don’t have your skirt, and you’re wearing his coat!” Etta exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “You do know how this looks, don’t you?”
Cressida’s jaw dropped. “How could you assume such a thing about me?”
“I don’t, but if anyone else had seen this, the news would be all over town by lunchtime.” Etta sighed, motioning to her outfit. “I need to know what this is about, Cressy.”
“Well, I fell in the river trying to rescue Diver, and I was dragged downstream. Ronan found me, got us both out, and then it started to storm. The hail started coming down, and it was too dangerous to come back this way, so we rode for cover.”
“Where’s the skirt?”
“I took it off to get in the water.” Cressida entered the kitchen and turned on the oil lamps before putting Diver down.
She got some beef and cut it into small chunks, piling it on a plate.
“Ronan gave me his coat when he pulled me out of the water so I could warm up. There’s nothing you need to worry about, I promise. ”
Etta let out a deep sigh and sank down onto one of the chairs. “I’m starting to not recognize you, Cressy. The old you never would’ve been so reckless.”
Cressida put the plate of beef down for Diver. “What if this is me? What if the person that’s been around since your accident isn’t who I am at all?”
“I know that isn’t who you are, but I don’t think this is who you are either. I love you, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“And what makes you think I’m going to get hurt?” Cressida crossed her arms and turned to face Etta, leaning back against the counter, fire rushing through her veins.
“Because you’re too good for everyone around you,” Etta said softly. “You help others at the expense of yourself—I should know—and one of these days, it’s going to be your undoing. I don’t want to see Ronan take advantage of that.”
“He’s been nothing but a gentleman.” Cressida felt sick to her stomach. “You can speak about him and his motives when you know him better, but until then, I won’t judge you and the feelings you have for Tobin, and you certainly won’t judge me.”
Etta’s lips pressed together in a thin line; a chord struck deep.
That was the problem with being sisters.
They knew the things to say to each other that would wound.
They knew how to strike hard and fast to end an argument, and when they did, they were left feeling worse than when they were arguing.
But this wasn’t something that could be sorted in a day, so once Diver was done eating, Cressida scooped him up and took him outside to do his business before taking him to bed with her.
She got changed and settled into bed, Diver sprawling on her chest, his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth as he got comfortable.
There was a knock on the door before it eased open, and Etta stepped inside.
“I’m still upset with you, but the assumptions I made were out of line.
I know that you wouldn’t act in any way that would risk your reputation.
I was worried when you didn’t come home, and when Tobin said Ronan was gone as well, all I could do was panic. ”
Cressida glanced at Etta, squinting to see with the help of the thin line of moonlight coming through the window. “I’m sorry as well.”
Etta nodded, her hand tight on the handle. “Have a good night. Maybe we can talk a bit more about this in the morning.”
“We’ll talk,” Cressida said, her chest aching.
The door shut, and Etta’s footsteps disappeared down the hall, the sound of another door closing breaking the silence before it settled over Cressida once more.
She let out a deep breath, running her fingers through Diver’s fur. “Sometimes, I think I might make bad decisions just to feel something.”
Diver nestled deeper against her, his soft snores filling the room.
Something is changing.
She could feel it deep in her bones, and she knew it had to do with Ronan.
Etta certainly didn’t want her around, but he did.
Though Cressida didn’t think that was why she was drawn to him at all.
It had more to do with the way he looked at her.
It was like he could see her through the layers of all that she was for other people in her life.
Ronan saw her, and if she was searching her memories over the span of her lifetime, he might have been the only one who ever did.
As much as she had loved Edmund, she’d lately realized that their relationship had been akin to a friendship, the more she compared her feelings now against the feelings she knew she had then. She had adored him, but in the way one might adore their closest friend.
With Ronan, there was something deep in her chest that felt like it could be tied to him, like she might have found the other half of herself.
Don’t be ridiculous. You’re a whole person on your own, and you’re just a little delusional from swallowing too much river water and not sleeping enough.
Cressida put the thoughts to the back of her mind, her fingers still running through the thick fur on Diver’s neck.
She held him a little tighter, warmth spreading through her as she thought about the night that had passed, wondering if perhaps there was a line her heart had already crossed.