10. Chapter 10
Chapter ten
Erik
When I wake, the first thing I notice is the absence of Raina’s body against mine. I’m hugging a pillow instead of her, but the Christmas spices I smelled on her last night still linger in the air.
She’s gone.
Panic swells, my throat tightening with fear, but I rub at it until it subsides. She’s safe, and it’s not like she’d leave.
Would she?
I can’t deny how similar this situation is to the one I just kidnapped her from. She’s still in a large house, hiding just out of view, a secret to the world around her.
Last night, when she was panicking, she said something— from one cage to another. I don’t think she meant to say the words out loud, but they’ve been pricking at my consciousness ever since. The last thing I want her to feel is trapped. If she does, she’ll try to run.
Or she already has.
Throwing my blankets off, I jump out of bed and yank on some clothes. I’m still pulling my shirt over my head as I stumble toward Raina’s room.
Please be here. Please don’t leave me.
When I reach her door, it’s closed. I knock softly, wondering if she slipped away in the middle of the night to get away from me. I never should’ve asked her to stay in my bed. It’s exactly what I told myself I wouldn’t do. But I… I needed her.
“Erik?” Raina calls, her voice muffled by the door.
Slumping into the wall, I close my eyes and let out a silent prayer of thanks. She’s still here. She didn’t try to run.
“Just wanted to make sure you’re all right. I…”
“You can come in.”
Thank fuck.
When I push inside, I find her sitting in the armchair near the window. There’s a look of longing on her face as stares outside, her gaze fixed on her father’s mansion. Maybe it was a mistake to give her a room with a view down the hill.
“You left.” I shouldn’t say it, and I definitely shouldn’t sound hurt, but I do.
“The sunlight woke me up, and I had to pee. And then I…” She lowers her gaze to her lap, her hair falling over her face like a curtain between us.
“What?” I step closer, clenching and unclenching my hands. The regret I felt when I woke up doubles in size.
You never should’ve asked her to stay last night. Never should’ve put her in that position. You can’t force your own desires onto her.
“I know I don’t have to stay in my room,” she says quietly, “but I… I just had this awful feeling. It was weighing down on my chest, and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. Like I was going to be in so much trouble when I was found outside of my room.” With a shiver, she wraps her arms around herself. “I couldn’t get it to stop until I came back in here.”
“W…what? I’ll never lock you in your room. Never, you understand me?”
“I know.” She finally looks at me, and her eyes are shining. “I know you wouldn’t, and I tried telling myself that, but I couldn’t stop the feeling until I was behind the door. It’s like… even though I left Father’s house, he’ll still find me and punish me.”
“He’ll have to go through me to get to you, and I won’t let him lay his hands on you ever again.”
“Do you think he’s angry?” she whispers.
“Yes.”
“Do you think he’ll look for me?”
“I do. Ivan has probably already canceled the check he used to pay for you, and he won’t issue a new one until Charles hands you over.”
Raina winces, and I almost regret being so harsh, but she needs to understand. The men at the auction last night are cruel. Heartless. And with the amount of money she was sold for, Charles won’t stop until he finds her. As far as Ivan goes… well, for him, I’d imagine this is a matter of pride. In his mind, he owns Raina now, and the fact that he doesn’t have her probably has him feeling like a fool.
“He’ll hurt me if he finds me,” she says softly, and I don’t miss the fear in her voice.
“I won’t let him. You’re safe.”
Raina looks back out the window, but not before I see her tears fall. “As long as I stay out of sight. I can’t leave, can I? It’s exactly the same. I’m still trapped.”
“You can leave.” It causes me physical pain to say it, and I wish I could stuff the words back down my throat the second she perks up.
“Really?”
“Yes,” I rasp. It’d kill me, letting her go after fighting my way to her for so long, but I won’t keep her here against her will.
“You’d let me go out there alone?”
“If that’s what you want, little rose.”
I have to bite my tongue to hold in the truth. If she doesn’t want me, then I won’t force her to stay with me, but I’ll make sure she’s safe. I’ll follow her, a second shadow, someone to protect her from a distance.
Raina stands and steps toward me, her expression contemplative. “You told me last night that you never stopped thinking about me, even though it’s been thirteen and a half years.”
“Correct.”
“And you’ve snuck into my room every night for the past two weeks.”
She’s directly in front of me now, dressed in dark jeans and a plum sweater that I thought would complement her eyes. Dammit, it does, and I wish I could kiss her to see if her lips taste as sweet as I’ve always dreamed.
“I have.”
“And you devised a plan to take me away, right from underneath my father’s nose. You promised yourself you’d save me, and you followed through.”
“I did.”
Tilting her head to the side, Raina looks me up and down. Her hair catches the morning light as she moves, reminding me of how angelic I thought she looked the first time I saw her in the late summer sunlight. She was so beautiful that I’d stopped my hunt for butterflies to watch her.
“Do you think I’m stupid?”
Raina asks the question softly, and I almost laugh. I’ve never had someone call me on a lie so gently, so curiously .
“No, little rose.”
“But you thought I’d believe you?”
“I… I don’t want to cage you in. Don’t want to scare you, either.”
“But you won’t let me go.”
There it is. A hint of panic, layered with longing and confusion. She knows me, but she doesn’t. She trusts me, but she doesn’t. She wants me, but—
My heart clenches.
“You won’t, will you?” she whispers.
“You can leave.”
“But you said—”
“If I’m with you.”
“Oh.” She rolls the thought over in her mind, a frown forming on her features.
“The world can be a safe place if you know how to navigate it,” I tell her. “But it can be very dangerous if you don’t. I don’t think you’re stupid, but there are things you don’t know. How to drive a car, for one. In this part of the country, you won’t get far without one.”
She steps back. “So I am caged in.”
“No, Raina. You’re free to go wherever you want. Just know that I’ll be at your side at all times. To protect you if someone spots you, to help you learn what it’s like outside of your Father’s mansion. I won’t trap you like he did, I promise. But I need to be with you.”
“Like a shield,” she murmurs, and her hands come up to my chest. She traces her fingers down the soft fabric of my shirt. “Like you were last night.”
“That’s right. Except Charles is never taking you away from me again. I’ll kill him before he gets another chance.”
That doesn’t seem to startle her. She nods, staring up at me with wonder. “Then I want to stay with you.”
Something shatters inside me. I should be relieved. Happy. Grateful. But all I feel is a deep ache for the love that’s been absent for all of Raina’s life. It doesn’t matter that we knew each other as kids. She’d rather stay with a near stranger than risk getting caught by her father.
I run a hand through her silky hair, and she leans into my touch, smiling. Her entire life, Raina hasn’t had anyone looking out for her, but she does now. My life is hers, and it will be until my last dying breath.