11. Chapter 11
Chapter eleven
Erik
Her best friend.
That’s what Raina called me last night. When she looks at me, that’s what I want her to see. Not someone who’ll box her in. I’m not her captor. I’m trying to be her key to freedom.
So I take Raina to a coffee shop for breakfast. It’s a town over, one of those hidden gems that people love escaping to for a weekend. The main street in this town is packed with little stores that are always bustling on weekends. My hope is that it’s far enough away from the Montgomery estate that Charles won’t be looking for Raina here.
Not for the first time, I wish I had eyes and ears inside his home, but his staff is impenetrable. I have no clue whether he thinks his daughter ran away or was taken. Until we leave—assuming Raina wants to—I’m taking as many precautions as I can.
During the drive, Raina stares out the window the entire time. It’s endearing, how enthusiastically she takes in the world around her. But it feeds something dark in me that’s been festering since my childhood, too.
Raina should’ve had this experience years ago. She should’ve gone out when her family did. Attended school, made friends, and, however much I hate thinking about it, had her first love. She deserved a normal life, but her father ripped it away from her and dangled it just out of her reach.
I hate him.
“What do you think?” I ask Raina once we’re almost to the shop. She’s been quiet, and I want to make sure she hasn’t gotten too lost in her head like she did yesterday.
She straightens in her seat and glances at me before hesitantly asking, “Where are the bears and the wolves?”
“Deeper in the woods, probably. They tend to stay away from people for the most part.”
“So Amelia was telling the truth,” she mutters to herself. “And what about people? Do murderers really walk the streets looking for people to kill?”
“Who told you they do?” I ask as I pull into the only free parking space I can find. Since it’s Christmas Eve, the street is packed with last-minute shoppers.
“Father, but… I don’t know if he was telling the truth anymore. I think he was trying to scare me so I wouldn’t try to run away again.”
I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.
“Murderers aren’t very common, and they normally kill people they know, not strangers,” I tell Raina. “You’re right. Charles was trying to manipulate you.”
“Would you really kill him?”
There it is. It took me by surprise that she wasn’t shocked by my declaration earlier, but maybe she needed time to process. And now it’s finally hit her, what I could possibly be. A monster, according to the stories her father has told her.
I unbuckle my seatbelt. “Let’s get you some breakfast, Raina.”
Before she can respond, I’m stepping out into the cold winter air. Thick clouds fill the sky, casting everything in a hopeless December gray. It’s a reminder that we’re not through this yet. I could still lose her, and not because of her father taking her away again.
“The shop is across the street,” I say once I’ve rounded my car. I hold out my hand for Raina, pulling her onto the sidewalk. “There’s—”
“Erik.”
My entire body freezes over at her tone. Betrayal and hurt mixed with fear. When I finally force myself to look at her, she’s watching me like she doesn’t know who I am.
She doesn’t, my mind reminds me, and she’s never going to love you the way you need her to. Too much has happened.
“I don’t remember the first time my father lied to me,” Raina says. “Do you know why?”
“Because you were too young?”
She shakes her head. “Because I trusted him. Despite everything he did, I believed him when he told me it wasn’t safe outside the walls he built around me. And now look.” She throws her arms out. “There are no bears. No murderers.”
I nod, trying to follow but unsure what she’s getting at.
“I hate him for it, Erik. I hate him. For his lies, for keeping me away from everything I ever wanted. But you’re not like him. I know you’re not. So please… just please don’t do this.”
My heart stutters, but I get a hold on the panic seizing my chest. I can’t stand the way she’s looking at me with so much trepidation burning in her eyes. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t know what’s real, Erik. And you’re the only person I have who can help me figure it all out.”
“I know.” Taking her shoulders in my hands, I squeeze reassuringly. “That’s why I’m here. I’ll help you with—”
“No!” She shoves me away. “You can’t. Not like this.”
“Like what?”
“With you avoiding my questions! You did it last night, and you just did it again before you got out of the car. How am I supposed to trust you if I know you’re withholding things?”
“I…”
My mouth goes dry. It’s a good question, but how am I supposed to explain to her that the truth is more horrifying than being kept in the dark?
“Tell me, Erik. For once in my life, I want to be treated like someone who can handle the truth instead of a cherry-picked version of it.”
“Raina…”
But goddammit, she’s right. I told her I wouldn’t treat her the way Charles did, and I meant it. The history of my family and the Montgomerys has the power to rip mine and Raina’s fragile bond in half, but so does hiding it from her.
“Please,” she whispers.
“All right. I will. Let’s just get breakfast first.”
She starts to nod but then shakes her head. “Not—not until you answer my question.”
I can’t help my smile. She was so timid last night, but she’s already learning that she can demand anything from me, and I’ll give it to her. One day, she won’t hesitate at all.
Leaning in close so no one passing by can hear, I whisper, “I’ll always choose you, little rose. The moment he gets too close to you, he’s a dead man. But if you don’t want me to kill him—”
She throws her arms around me. “Thank you.”
I’m stunned into silence, grabbing on to her when the sudden shift in her weight makes her slip on the slush. This is the exact opposite reaction I thought she’d have. But can I really be surprised that she’d want Charles dead?
She buries her face in my neck. “Say it again.”
“I’ll kill him for you. I’ll kill as many men as I need to in order to keep you safe.”
Raina pulls away, and her eyes drop to my lips. Her cheeks are flushed, but that might be from the cold. Still, my hands tighten on her waist. I’ve dreamed of kissing her for years. Over a decade. If she keeps looking at me like that, I’m going to lose control and push things faster than I should.
Whatever there is between us— if there actually is something—it happens at her pace, not mine.
“Breakfast,” I say softly.
“Right.” Her gaze lingers on my mouth for a second longer before she turns away. “Where is it? The—the shop?”
I clear my throat. “Across the street.”
“And we…” She frowns. “We go inside, right?”
“That’s right.” I take her hand, worried she’ll walk into oncoming traffic. “But we need to wait until there aren’t any cars coming.”
Raina giggles. “I know that, Erik.”
She peers around my car, but I pull her back as an SUV cuts it too close to the parking spaces.
“Careful,” I murmur. “Gotta keep your distance from them, too.”
Once the traffic clears, we cross the road and step into the shop. It’s warm and busy, but it looks like most people are getting their orders to go so they can explore the rest of the little stores around here.
Raina’s eyes are wide as she takes it all in. The shop is an inundation of new stimuli for her. The environment, the sounds, possibly even some of the smells… I’m half expecting for her to take one look at the place and dart outside.
She doesn’t, though. Her grip tightens on my hand, but she looks around with curiosity, not overwhelm.
Gently, I pull her to the back of the line. “There’s the menu board,” I say, pointing up at it. “It lists everything you can get.”
Raina nods. She alternates between going over the menu items and watching people order at the counter. When it’s our turn, I go first, getting a breakfast sandwich and a hot cider.
“Can I have the ham, egg, and cheese sandwich?” Raina asks when it’s her turn.
“Of course. On an English muffin or a bagel?”
“The… English muffin.”
“Sure thing. And would you like something to drink?”
Raina stares longingly at the other person behind the counter, who’s making my cider. “Am…” She glances at me, tugging me down so she can whisper in my ear, “Am I allowed to have a cider?”
“The only person who gets to decide that is you.”
She stares at me for a second before nodding sharply and turning back to the cashier. “A hot cider, please.”
“What size?”
“Twelve ounce.”
I smile. She’s copying my order, except I got my sandwich on a bagel.
The barista tells us our total, and I tap my card against the reader while Raina watches.
“A credit card, right?” she asks a I steer us toward the pickup area.
“Correct.”
It’s interesting, learning what Raina’s knowledge gaps are. She knows about credit cards but not whether she’s safe around people. Knows not to step in front of cars but not to wear a seatbelt inside of one.
We wait until our order number is called, and then I steer Raina toward a table in the back. It’s mostly quiet here, giving us some sense of privacy for this conversation.
Once we’re seated, I stare at my bagel, unsure of where to start. Some would call my childhood tragic, but I can’t skip over it, even though it’ll break Raina’s heart. She needs to hear everything.
“Last night, I didn’t lie when I told you my parents passed when I was young, but you’re right. It wasn’t the whole truth.”
Raina straightens in her seat, all her attention focused on me.
“They… were murdered,” I say slowly, “and I was supposed to die with them.”
The color drains from her face. “W-what?”
I tug at the collar of my shirt. That’s not even the worst part—not for her. “Charles is the one who ordered our deaths.”
She stares at me, frozen, her lips parted in shock.
“Our fathers were business rivals. My father… cheated yours. It’s a dirty business, and he made it dirtier.”
“What kind of business?”
I hesitate, unsure of how to frame this. I can’t lie. Not when I just promised I wouldn’t. Not ever . “They traded in lives through various ways. Drugs, guns… people.”
“Like with the auction?” she asks.
“Things like it, yes.”
She looks devastated, and I wish I could take it all back. Find a way to rewrite the past so our lives weren’t intertwined in such a tragic way. All I can do is reach across the table, my fingers brushing her elbow through her sweater.
“I’m so sorry, Erik,” she whispers. “I lost my mother before I knew her, but I can’t imagine loving her and then mourning her like that.”
“I’d give just about anything if it meant my parents could be alive today. That night…” I glance out the windows in the front of the shop, staring out over the snow-covered town. “It’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.”
“Is that where your scar is from?”
I nod. “Three men broke into our house while we were eating dinner. They went for me first, knives already out, but my parents protected me.” I touch my cheek. “The blade was aimed for my throat. My father tried to push me out of the way. It kept me alive, but now I think of him every time I look in the mirror.”
“Erik.” Her voice is soft, unsure. What’s she supposed to say? There’s nothing that can make this better.
“It’s all right. You don’t have to pity me.”
“You deserved better,” she says softly.
I take her hands in mine, covering them completely and savoring her warmth. “So did you.”
“How did you escape?”
“My parents were able to hold them back. They told me to run, begged me to leave when I tried to help them fight. I was a child. What could I do? So I ran, right out the back door and into the woods. I didn’t stop until my lungs were burning and my legs gave out.
“Somehow, I got into contact with my uncle, and he took me in and treated me like I was one of his own. I took on his last name for my safety in case your father tried to find me. My uncle made sure my family’s home was cared for with the funds left to me by my parents, but I could never force myself to go back there. Not until I found out that you were real.”
“They died in that house. The—the one you brought me to.”
“Yes.”
“Because of my father.”
I nod.
“And you stepped into his home, shook his hand, laughed with him. And… he had no idea it was you, did he?”
“He was entirely oblivious. And for now, that’s how I want it to stay.”
She nods. “I understand.”
We sit in silence for a minute, the sounds of the shop filling the air. Only once I’ve given her enough time to let everything sink in do I continue.
“I started attending a new private school once I was moved in with my uncle. He was kind, and so were my cousins, but they never truly understood who I was. To this day, I love them, and I know they love me, but we never fully clicked. It was lonely.
“In high school, I lost myself in my schoolwork. I played football for a few years before switching to wrestling. Graduated valedictorian—do you know what that is?”
She nods. “Marissa did, too.”
“I went to college, studied business and economics, and graduated a semester early. And every night, I thought of you.”
“Me?”
“You were the one thing holding me together.” A sad laugh escapes me. “I had no idea if you were real or not, but you gave me something to live for. When I was younger, I didn’t know what your father had done, only what I’d seen when he dragged you away from me. I told myself that I’d grow up to be as rich and powerful as him, and that one day, I’d solve the mystery. I’d find out if my Rose existed, and if she did, I’d save her.”
“And you did,” she says, her smile a mix of relief and concern. “You stole me away.”
“I just wish I’d done it sooner.” I brush my lips over her knuckles even though I shouldn’t. “The past few years have been a blur for me. I’d almost given up on the idea of your existence. I’d been trying to get information on you for so long, but all I heard was rumors. Gossip.
“But then I heard of an auction. At first I brushed it off until I heard who was putting it on. The one and only Charles Montgomery. And what was up for sale? A girl with blue eyes and honey-brown hair. I knew it was you. That this was my chance. So I—”
My phone ringing interrupts me. My employees know better to call me on Christmas Eve, so I pull it out, seeing my uncle’s name on the screen.
“Hold on, Raina. This might be urgent.” Doubtful, but I take the call anyway. “Good morning, Joseph.”
“Morning. I just wanted to make sure everything is all right. Are you really not joining us for Christmas?”
“Something came up. I know it’s not ideal, but—”
“With work?”
I hesitate. “No.”
My uncle sighs. “Whatever this is, Erik, you have to let go of it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do! Something has followed you around your entire life. It’s consumed you. I’ve always thought it was unhealthy, but even you have to admit this is a step too far. Spending Christmas alone? Don’t do that to yourself, Erik.”
I pull out my wallet, opening it and staring at the single rose petal that I’ve kept in there for years. It was my anchor, keeping me tethered to Raina when I was at my weakest points. This way, I always had a part of her with me.
Standing, I begin to pace next to a few empty tables. “You know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I love you—I love all of you. But I can’t come home yet. There’s something I have to do.”
It wasn’t in my original plan, but now that I’m here again, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself. Every time I step foot in that damn house, memories rush at me, and it takes everything to keep myself from drowning in them. And now, hearing more about Raina’s life, about what Charles did to her…
It has to be done.
“I know you’re chasing after something,” my uncle says, “but at some point, you have to let yourself live your life. Whatever this is, you’re obsessed, and it’s not healthy. I don’t want you to miss Christmas over a ghost. Whatever it is, is it really more important than family?”
“She is family.”
“So it’s a person,” he says thoughtfully. “Where are you?”
“Exactly where I need to be.”
“Erik—”
“I’ll see you soon, Uncle Joe. Merry Christmas.”
With that, I ignore his protests and hang up. But when I turn back to our table, my heart stops.
Raina is gone.