Chapter 4
four
. . .
CADE
The buzz of my phone dragged me out of sleep. I rolled over, squinting at the screen through half-closed eyes to see Stella’s name glowing in the darkness.
I rubbed the sleep from my face and unlocked my phone.
Stella
You there?
Cade
I am now.
Stella
Shit. I didn’t mean to wake you
Cade
It’s okay. I’m glad you did.
Stella
I’m sorry. I know you’re exhausted.
Cade
Don’t be. I’ve been worried about you.
Three dots appeared, disappeared, and then appeared again.
Stella
That was a lot today.
Cade
Yeah … That’s not how I wanted you to find out.
Stella
Can I ask you something?
My heart kicked up.
Cade
Anything.
Stella
What are we doing?
I stared at the screen, my chest going tight. This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have over text.
Cade
Can I call you?
The phone rang in my hand two seconds later.
I swiped to answer the incoming video, and there Stella was, sitting cross-legged on her bed, her hair damp from a shower, wearing an oversized black t-shirt that hung off one shoulder.
The fairy lights strung around her loft cast a warm glow across her face.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“Hi.” I propped myself up against the headboard, trying to shake off the last fog of sleep. “You okay?”
I watched her pull her knees tighter to her chest, the oversized shirt slipping further off her shoulder. The edge of her pillow was in frame, the same deep purple one I’d buried my face in two nights ago.
“I don’t know. Maybe?” She bit her lip. “I just … there’s something I need to know.”
“Like I said, you can ask me anything.”
She nodded, then her gaze flicked away briefly before coming back to her screen. “What Colin said earlier—about you having a crush on me—was that past tense or …?”
“Present tense,” I said without hesitation, rolling onto my stomach and propping the phone against my pillow so I could see her better. “Stella, I’ve always had feelings for you. They never went away.”
Her eyes searched mine through the screen. “But you never said anything. For decades, you’ve stayed quiet.”
“Because you never looked at me that way,” I said simply. “Not until last year, anyway.”
“The New Year’s Eve party,” she said quietly.
“Yeah. I almost shit myself when you started flirting with me. But as the night wore on, I started to wonder. Maybe you felt it too—this thing between us.”
She let out a shaky breath, and somewhere in her loft, I heard the radiator clank to life.
“If I’m being honest, it started a couple of months before then, actually.
” Her mouth twisted into something between a smile and a grimace.
“And it horrified me at first. You’re three years younger than me, Cade. I felt like a cougar.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “A cougar? Stella, I was thirty-one years old. Hardly cradle robbing.”
“Still.” She shook her head, but she was fully smiling now.
“I don’t know. It felt weird. You’re my baby bro’s best friend.
I’ve known you since you were like eight, but then one day …
” Her voice trailed off, and she worried her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes dropping to somewhere off-screen.
“Then one day what?” I encouraged softly.
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“You said something. I don’t even remember what it was.
But there was something in your voice—this deep, rumbly timber I’d never noticed before—and it literally made the hairs on my arms stand up.
” She laughed softly. “And after that, I couldn’t stop noticing things—only some of them PG. ”
“What sort of PG things?” I asked, my voice going a bit rough.
I knew Stella liked my body just fine. She’d more than made that clear. But she’d never really said anything about me, the man inside the meat suit.
Her posture loosened, and her eyes went warm and soft in the glow of fairy lights.
“Things like the way your eyes crinkle at the corners when you smile. How you’re unfailingly kind to everyone around you, even when they don’t deserve it.
The way you literally help little old ladies cross the street.
How much you clearly love being a part of Mistletoe Bay’s Christmas kickoff. ”
My throat felt tight. She had a full goddamn list about all the things she actually liked about me that weren’t just about how good I fucked her, but the actual, real parts of myself I’d always worried weren’t enough.
The quiet kindness, the showing up, the trying to make things better wherever I could, since no one had ever really done that for me.
She saw it. She saw me.
I dragged my hand through my hair, trying to figure out how to say what I was feeling. “Wow,” I whispered instead, unable to fight the smile tugging at my lips. “Sounds like you might have a crush on me, Stella.”
She bit her lip, her eyes dropping for a second before lifting to meet mine again. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “It sounds like I do.”
For a moment, neither of us said anything. The weight of what we’d just admitted to one another hung between us, fragile and precious.
“So,” I said finally. “Now what?”
She scooted onto her back and rolled onto her side, her head nestled against the crook of her free arm. “I think … I think we should see if this could actually be something. Take it one day at a time.”
“Okay.” It was the easiest thing I’d ever agreed to.
“But we can’t tell Colin,” she added quickly. “Not yet. Not until we know for sure.”
I winced. “So about that …”
Her eyes widened dramatically. “Cade. What did you do?”
“It’s not what you think,” I rushed to assure her, settling down onto my mattress and mirroring her pose.
“But I drove Colin home, and he wouldn’t shut up about what happened.
He was all like, ‘Hey, now that my sister knows you had the hots for her, do you think it’s going to be weird?
’ Then, he got this really exaggerated frown on his face and exclaimed, ‘Oh shit! What if she winds up falling for you now that she knows? You better not break her heart!’”
“Oh my god,” she groaned. “I love my brother dearly, but that man sometimes acts like he’s not playing with a full deck. What he knows about actual heartbreak could fit on a stamp.”
I shifted the phone to get more comfortable, pulling my blanket up higher.
“He’s a good guy. We both know that. But he’s also got this massive blind spot when it comes to things he doesn’t want to see.
Willful ignorance, I guess you’d call it.
” I thought about all the times Colin had waxed poetic about love, about finding The One, about how he knew exactly who he was meant to be with.
“He’s so gung-ho about the idea of love, but sometimes I think he doesn’t really understand what that actually looks like. ”
“You think he’s wrong about Cassidy?” she asked, her brows furrowed.
I shrugged, even though Stella probably couldn’t see me well through the screen. “I think he’s built up this idea of who he’s supposed to be with, but I worry the reality won’t match up. I’ve tried to warn him, but …” I let out a sigh. “But that's his journey to figure out, I guess.”
She hummed in agreement, tucking the blanket tighter around her legs. “Well, at least he’s thinking about your happiness. That’s something.”
“Yours too,” I reminded her.
She rolled onto her back, holding the phone above her face. “And did you promise not to hurt me?”
I pressed my free hand to my chest, right over my heart, even though it probably looked dramatic as hell on camera. “I said I’d rather cut out my own tongue than hurt you, Stella.”
Her expression softened. “Cade.”
“I mean it,” I said. “Whatever you need from me to feel safe, to feel comfortable and supported in this, I’ll do it. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to treat you like those other men have.”
She stared at me for a long moment, and I watched something shift in her face. Like she was letting herself believe me, even if just a little.
“Okay,” she whispered.
“Okay?”
“Yeah. Let’s do this. For real. You and me, Murphy, against the world.”
I grinned so hard my face hurt. “What about if it was just me against you?” I waggled my brows suggestively.
“Don’t make me regret this, Cade,” she teased.
“I won’t,” I promised. “You’re stuck with me now.”
She rolled her eyes, but I caught the way her teeth sank into her bottom lip, trying to hide a smile. “Lucky me,” she said dryly, but her voice was warm.
A comfortable silence settled between us, the kind that didn’t need filling. I could hear her breathing, see the rise and fall of her shoulders on screen. It was easy. Natural.
She broke it first. “We should probably figure out the bonfire tomorrow night.”
I groaned. Nothing I enjoyed more than standing outside in a frozen field freezing my dick off after freezing my balls off all morning out on the water. “Yeah. At least it’s for a good cause. This shit matters, especially right now.”
I remembered what it was like going to bed hungry because there wasn’t enough to stretch to the end of the week. If I could help make sure some other kid doesn’t have to experience that, then that’s what I was going to do.
I shifted against my headboard and cleared my throat, banishing those wayward memories.
On screen, Stella had gone very still, her eyes soft and knowing. “You spent a lot of time at our house back then,” she said quietly. “I remember Mom always made sure there were leftovers for you to take home. And how you’d show up right around dinnertime on Thursdays.”
“Your mom’s pot roast night,” I said, my throat tight.
“Yeah.” Her voice was gentle. “She knew, Cade. We all did. We just … we wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for a second. “Your family saved my life in a lot of ways. More than you probably realize.”
She reached out like she was going to touch the screen, then pulled her hand back. “I’m glad we could be that for you.”
I had to blink a few times, my eyes suddenly stinging. “Okay, enough of the heavy shit,” I said, my voice tight with repressed tears. “We’ve got more pressing matters to discuss.”
Her eyebrow arched. “Oh yeah? Like what?”
“Like how I’m supposed to keep my hands off you at the bonfire when you’re going to be walking around looking all—” I gestured vaguely at the screen. “Like that.”
She snorted. “Cade, I’m literally in an old t-shirt that’s three sizes too big with wet hair.”
“Exactly. And you’re still the hottest woman I’ve ever seen.”
She shook her head, but she was smiling. “You're ridiculous. But okay, fine—yes, we’re going to have to pretend we’re not together.”
“It’s going to be torture.”
“I know.” Her expression flickered with frustration. “But we can’t give Colin any ammunition. Not yet.”
“So I just have to stand around and watch you walk around all night looking like that—” I lifted my chin at her “—and not touch you?”
“That’s the plan.”
“I hate this plan.”
She laughed, and the sound did something dangerous to my chest. I wasn’t going to say anything yet, but it was a sound I wanted to hear for the rest of my life. “We’ll survive one night.”
“Will we, though?” I whined.
“Cade.”
“Fine,” I muttered. “But if anyone flirts with my woman, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.”
“No one’s going to flirt with me.”
“You’re delusional.”
She shook her head, but she was still smiling, and I watched her try to stifle a yawn.
“You should sleep,” I said, feeling the tug of sleep myself.
“So should you. You have an early morning.”
“And a night I intend to spend fucking you until neither of us can move.”
Her cheeks flushed, and she pressed her palm flat against the right one like she was checking if she was really blushing. “Goodnight, Cade.”
“Goodnight, baby.”
Her eyes went wide, and for a second, I worried I’d overstepped.
But then her smile turned soft, almost shy, and she whispered, “I like that.”
Something hot and ultra-possessive unfurled in my chest—not the toxic kind, but one that made me want to be the only person who got to call her that. The only man who got to see Stella’s smile go soft like it was doing right now.
I wanted to crawl through the phone and pull her against me. “Good. Because I’m going to keep saying it.”
We stayed on the line for another beat, simply staring at one another with stupid, lovesick expressions on our tired faces, neither of us wanting to be the first to hang up.
“Okay,” she finally said. “I’m really going now.”
“Sure you are.”
“I’m hanging up. I swear.” She laughed, and then the screen went dark.
I set my phone on the nightstand and stared at the ceiling, my chest too full to sleep.
She had a crush on me.
Stella McKinley had feelings for me.
And tomorrow night at the damn bonfire, I was going to have to pretend I didn’t want to kiss her in front of the entire town.
It was going to be the longest night of my life.
But at least I’d get to end it between her thighs.