Chapter 2
Reagan
“I can’t handle this,” I said to myself as I looked around our small apartment that was a complete and utter mess.
This was only the first week of being at home with the kids by myself and I already felt like I was losing my mind. It felt like as soon as I got one kid to calm down, one or both of the others would freak out. At least Carter was content as long as she was close to me. I had learned just one day in, that things would go a lot more smoothly if I just kept her in a baby wrap all day, so I had my hands free to handle the other two.
As if she somehow knew I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, my mom called at that very moment. I fumbled with my phone as I tried to grab it off the coffee table then used my nose to accept the call and turn on the speaker. “Hey, Mom,” I said, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible.
“Hey, sweetie, how’s it going?” The tone of her voice told me she knew exactly how it was going.
“It’s…” I looked around our apartment which was a mess of toys, swings and bouncers, piles of dirty and clean laundry I was attempting to do, but hadn’t gotten far on, and my open laptop, which most likely wouldn’t get attention until Charlie was home. “It’s going. Great. It’s… um… really great.”
“Since when do you lie to me?”
I didn’t know whether to groan or smile. Of course she knew. She always knew. “I’m really trying to hold it together. I need to. I really don’t have a choice.”
“Why don’t you let me come up and help for a week? I’d stay longer since retirement has me bored, but I don’t trust your father alone in the house for longer than that.”
“That would be amazing. Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“Of course I don’t. You’re my little girl. I want to help you. Also, I’d use any excuse to get snuggles from my grandbabies.”
The week leading up to my mom’s arrival seemed to drag on forever while the week she was at our house ended in the blink of an eye. I couldn’t believe as we sat on the couch together, each rocking a baby while the other was asleep in his crib, that I only had a few hours left with her. I had to blink back tears at the thought of doing this alone again. “Are you sure you have to go?” I asked with a laugh, hoping I could play it off as a joke even though it definitely wasn’t funny.
My mom sighed as she stared down at Olivia. “I wish I could stay. I love spending time with all of you.” My mom looked around the room before bringing her focus back to me. “You know I hate to be one of those meddling moms, but have you thought about hiring a babysitter?”
“For triplets?” I scoffed as if I hadn’t had the same idea the week prior. “The babysitters want double what I make, and those are the cheap ones. I’d be better off quitting my job.”
“I wish I lived closer so I could babysit for you.” My mom held Olivia tight up against her chest and smiled. “I take my payment in snuggles.”
“I wish you did too, Mom.”
I always loved living in New York, but since the triplets were born, I realized how hard it was to not have any family around. This really would be so much easier if we lived closer to my mom and dad. I couldn’t shake this thought from my head over the next month. I tried to forget about it and be happy where we were, but the pull to move only became stronger. With my job, I could live anywhere. The problem was Charlie. She had her own practice here—a practice she had always dreamed about owning. There’s no way I could ask her to give that up.
It turned out, I didn’t have to. One night as we lay in bed together, Charlie stared at me while she absentmindedly ran a finger along my arm, that light touch still sending chills throughout my body. “I’ve been thinking. I know this is going to sound completely crazy, so you can obviously say no. But how would you feel about moving? As in, out of New York.”
“Moving?” I asked as if the word was foreign and the thought didn’t cross my mind approximately five million times a day.
“Yeah.” Charlie sat up in bed and chewed on her nail. “I realize it won’t happen anytime soon. We would need to sell the business and find a house and figure out a million other things I’m sure, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot since your mom left and was wondering how you felt about moving back to your hometown? Or at least somewhere nearby.”
“Wait. Are you serious?” I had to make sure Charlie hadn’t somehow read my mind and was only offering this because she knew I wanted it. “But you love your practice. You worked so hard to set it up.”
Charlie shrugged. “I did it once, which means I can do it again. Plus, I could use a break from running a business. I’ll work at a corporate optometry office when we first move. That way, I can take a break from being in charge and also make a shit ton of money, since those places pay their doctors crazy amounts.”
“You’ve thought about this…”
Charlie nodded. “Every single day since your mom left.”
“Can I be honest?” I laughed and pointed a finger at my own chest. “So have I.”
Charlie’s eyes went wide at my confession. “You have?”
“Yes. I didn’t say anything because it felt selfish to even suggest it. There was no way I was going to ask you to leave everything behind just because I wanted extra hands to help around the house.”
Charlie took my hands in hers and squeezed. “I wouldn’t be leaving everything behind. You and our children are my everything. A job is just a job. I want to do what’s best for our family.”
“And you’re sure this is what’s best?”
“Do you disagree?”
“No. Not at all. This is what I want. I just wanted to make sure it’s actually what you want.”
“It is , so please stop overthinking it.”
“I guess we’re moving, huh?” I asked with a giggle, unable to hold in my giddiness.
“We’re moving,” Charlie repeated as she wiggled around beside me, clearly just as excited.
***
It took almost a year for us to sort everything out and finally move, but it was more than worth it. At least, I assumed it would be. With help from my parents and Charlie’s nana, we were able to afford the down payment on a two-story, four-bedroom house that was only a five-minute drive from my parents’ house. My mom was helping to watch the kids five days a week, but since I decided to quit my job when we moved, we were going to be there together in the beginning. Since my job was remote, I didn’t have to leave, but I figured this was the chance for a completely fresh start. I liked the company I worked for, but knew I didn’t want to stay there forever.
The only problem was that now I didn’t know what I wanted to do next. Since Charlie got an amazing offer from a corporate optometry chain, we had some time to figure it out, but after a few weeks with no prospects, I could tell Charlie’s patience was beginning to wear a little thin. It didn’t help that her new job paid so well because they expected her to do more than was humanly possible.
After another month, I found a company I could do advertising for remotely, but quickly realized I wasn’t passionate about it. I stuck with it for a few weeks, but even with my mom’s help, trying to work a job I didn’t like while also having three kids who were now mobile was exhausting. To make matters worse, the longer Charlie worked this new job, the worse her mood seemed to get.
The honeymoon phase of our new house quickly wore off, and I started to wish we had stayed in New York. Sure, it was harder to take care of the kids while we were there, and it was nice getting so much more time with my parents, but it felt like Charlie was slipping away from me.
“Dinner is ready,” I told Charlie after she came home late from a long day at work.
Charlie threw herself onto the couch and squeezed her eyes shut. “And how is the job hunt going?”
I cringed, because I could already feel a lecture coming. “Still just doing a few per diem things while I figure out what I want to do next.”
“The ‘figuring it out ’ part seems to be taking you quite awhile.”
My cringe turned into a grimace. It was starting to feel like Charlie didn’t appreciate everything I was doing for our family. I had tried to keep my cool since I knew work was stressful for her, but I was at the end of my rope. “Yeah, well, it’s a little hard when I’m home with three kids every day.”
Charlie scoffed. “Yeah, three kids and your mother. That must be so hard on you.”
“Seriously?” I walked over to the couch with Carter on my hip and put a hand on the other one once I stopped. “Do you think it’s easy being home every day? Even with my mom, it’s still a lot of fucking work. Not to mention, most days, I have a few hours with them by myself. I keep them not only alive but also occupied and clean the house and cook dinner. And what do I get in return? Not even a thank you. You honestly don’t know how lucky you are. I wish I could leave the house every day.”
“You say that like I’m leaving the house to do something fun.” Charlie squeezed her eyes shut even tighter, and it looked like she might start to cry. “No. I’m leaving to do a job that makes me fucking miserable. I spend hours a day getting shit on by my patients just to have my boss tell me I’m not doing enough. I feel like I’m missing our kids growing up. I’m not with them at all throughout the day and then by the time I get home, I’m so tired, I feel like I’m just trying to survive until we get them to sleep. I don’t even get to enjoy them. Some nights… if I’m being honest, most nights… I can’t wait for them to go to bed. Do you know how shitty that feels? It makes me feel like a terrible mom. Who knows. Maybe I am. You sure seem to think that.”
As soon as I saw the first tear fall, I sat down on the couch next to Charlie and took her hand in mine, all of my anger suddenly forgotten. “You’re not a terrible mom, and I’m really sorry if I ever made you feel that way. I’m just really tired. I thought this move was going to be a fresh start, but instead, I just feel like I’m drowning.” I squeezed Charlie’s hand and ducked my head to force her eyes to meet mine. “Let’s go on a date this weekend. You don’t work on Saturday, right? I’ll have my parents watch the kids overnight. We can get a hotel, either in town or even in the city.”
“What is this? Prom? You’re buying us a hotel for the night so you can finally have sex with me?” The way Charlie laughed told me her tension was starting to ease as well.
I smiled at Charlie and wiggled my eyebrows. “That’s exactly what I’m doing. Well, except I’m not buying the hotel. I’m using our credit card points. Gotta put all that money spent on formula and diapers to good use.”
A small smile finally parted Charlie’s lips. “Okay,” she said softly.
“Okay? Really?” Her answer took me by surprise since I had been sure she was going to turn me down.
“Yes. Let’s do it. As long as it’s okay with your parents, of course.”
“It will be, don’t worry.” I will beg, grovel, and plead if I need to.
***
Luckily, my parents were happy to watch the triplets so no begging was necessary. Less than a week later, we were heading across town to our hotel. We decided that would be easier than going into the city, and since the point was relaxing, why do anything that could potentially cause stress?
“Any preference where we eat dinner?” I asked Charlie as I drove.
“Does the hotel have room service? Because eating in bed and watching a movie without any interruptions sounds marvelous right now.”
“They do. I checked before I booked it, because I had a feeling you might want to do that.”
Charlie lifted my hand that she was holding and kissed my knuckles. “You know me so well.”
“See. I’m not that terrible, am I?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Charlie furrow her eyebrows as her smile dropped. “I never said you were terrible. You don’t actually think I feel that way, do you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe sometimes.” I shrugged. What was supposed to have been a joke had definitely fallen flat and brought us into a territory I didn’t want to be in tonight. “Let’s not talk about that right now though, okay? Tonight is supposed to be all about fun and relaxation.”
“Okay, but just for the record I don’t think you’re terrible. Not at all. And I’m really sorry if I made you feel that way, because it’s not the case at all. I think you’re the most wonderful person in the entire world. Seriously. You mean everything to me. I have no doubt this night is going to be perfect.”
“Please don’t say that word.” I clutched the steering wheel tighter.
“What word?”
“Perfect.” I loosened my grip and laughed. “You know nothing ever goes perfectly for us. Just saying it out loud is a sure way to jinx it. Next thing you know we’ll get a call that the hotel is on fire or something.”
“Oh god, don’t even say that.”
“Am I wrong though?”
“No, you’re completely right. With our luck, that would definitely happen. I apologize for using the P word.”
It became harder and harder for me not to use the P Word as the night went on, because it certainly felt that way. As soon as we arrived at the hotel, we ordered room service and snuggled while we watched a cheesy Hallmark movie (Charlie’s choice, of course) and waited for the food to arrive. After we ate, we snuggled back together and finished the movie.
“So, what now?” I asked after placing a kiss on Charlie’s forehead.
Charlie pulled away from me and gave me a sly grin. “I saw that the shower has one of those rain shower heads. Want to try it out?”
My body buzzed as I pulled Charlie’s back up against mine. “Feeling dirty?”
Charlie bit her bottom lip and ran her eyes over my body. “I’m feeling very dirty. ”
My heart thudded in my chest, and the sensation spread all the way down to my core. I couldn’t remember the last time Charlie and I had sex. I could probably count the amount of times we had since the babies were born on one hand, which was absolutely insane. “I guess we better go get you clean then, huh?”
Charlie stood from the bed, turned away from me, and put on a show that had my mouth watering as she slowly removed every layer of clothes she was wearing. When she turned back around, she lifted one eyebrow at me, causing my stomach to flip flop even more. “I wouldn’t call what I’m about to do to you clean , my dear.”
I jumped out of the bed and didn’t waste any time tearing my clothes off. I wanted to put on a show like Charlie had done for me, but it was no use. Her words had me way too excited. All I could think about was finally having her hands on me after way too long.
Charlie apparently had other ideas though. As soon as we were in the shower with the water pouring down on us, she dropped to her knees in front of me. I expected at least a little bit of foreplay, so my legs almost gave out when her tongue darted out and licked a path up my center. I put my hand on Charlie’s head to bring her mouth even closer, but also to help to balance myself since the feeling of her tongue circling my clit made it hard to stand.
As if that wasn’t enough to drive me insane, she soon added her fingers into the mix. I threw my head back and let the water wash over my face as electricity pulsed throughout my body. I moved my hips to push my center against Charlie’s mouth, which was sucking hard on my clit while two of her fingers pushed deep inside of me. Her hands and mouth pulled away from me for a split second, but before I could groan from the loss of contact, they had switched spots. Her fingers massaged my clit while she fucked me with her tongue. When her tongue went deep inside of me, I saw stars as an orgasm shot through my body.
“Shit,” I said as I struggled to catch my breath. “I really didn’t mean to come that fast, but holy shit, I also wasn’t expecting that. Where the hell did that come from?” I asked with a strained laugh.
Charlie stood and licked her lips. “I feel like I’ve been building up to this moment for so long. God, I can’t even remember the last time I tasted you. I couldn’t resist diving right in.”
“Well, feel free to dive right in whenever you please,” I said with another laugh.
“Is that a dare?” Charlie brought her fingers back to my wet center and lifted an eyebrow at me, while she smirked like she knew she had complete control over me.
She almost did and I almost let her keep going and take me once again, but as much as I wanted that, what I wanted even more was to touch her. I moved her hand from my center and pushed her hands to rest against her sides, then shook my head. “It’s my turn.”
I started by giving attention to her breasts and relished in the way she threw her head back from just one touch. I took one nipple into my mouth while I squeezed the other between my thumb and forefinger, causing Charlie to let out a low moan that made me even more turned on. After a few minutes, I moved one of my hands between her legs and ran my fingers through her folds. When Charlie purred in my ear, I shoved one finger, quickly followed by another, deep inside of her.
“More,” she begged between large gasps for air, so I added a third finger.
Her center moved against my hand as I used my fingers to fuck her. “Yes. Right there. Yes. Fuck, Reagan. Keep going. Don’t stop.”
“I love when you talk dirty to me.” I smirked at Charlie, but continued to move my fingers in and out of her until a warm liquid hit my hand and she screamed out my name.
Charlie giggled as she rested her head on my shoulder. “Oh my god, that was so good. How did we wait so long to do that? What’s keeping us from doing that every single night?”
I tapped my chin as if I actually had to think about the answer. “Hm. I don’t know. Definitely couldn’t have anything to do with those three crazy little humans that live in our house.”
Charlie picked her head up off my shoulder and smiled a smile that was much bigger than anything I’d seen from her in a long time. “I love those three crazy humans. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to remind myself this isn’t a dream.”
“So, it still feels like a dream to you?” I asked, a little worried my question might ruin the moment, but I needed to know. Charlie seemed so miserable lately.
When Charlie shook her head, my heart squeezed in pain. That’s what I was afraid of.
But then her smile became even bigger and she grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “It’s better than a dream.”
“Are you sure? I feel like you’ve been so unhappy lately.”
“I know.” Charlie’s smile dropped as she looked toward the floor. “It’s not you, I promise. It’s work. It has me really stressed. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I put my hand under Charlie’s chin to force her to look back up at me then I placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “As long as we’re okay, that’s all that matters to me.”
“We’re great.”
***
My night away with Charlie was exactly what I needed, and the following week, I felt completely rejuvenated. I still didn’t know what job I wanted to look for next, but I could tell I was getting closer to figuring it out. I even took out my iPad and started playing around with some designs. During high school and college, I used to spend a lot of my free time sketching and making graphics. At one point, I had thought about majoring in graphic design, but decided on business with a minor in marketing since I felt like it would open more opportunities for me. As I worked on a fake mockup for the company Charlie worked for, I questioned if I had made the right decision. This felt like the type of job I should be doing, not just social media and email campaigns, which was exactly what my last job had become.
That Friday, I couldn’t sit still as I waited for Charlie to get home from work, because I was so excited to show her what I had been working on. My mom and dad had taken the three kids to dinner ( bless them ), so we had the house to ourselves. At least for a little while.
“You’re home!” I shouted as I practically sprinted through the hallway as soon as Charlie came in the door.
Charlie threw her work bag on the ground and let out a long sigh. “Yep. And I’m exhausted.” She squinted as she stared down the hall. “Where are the kids?”
“My parents took them to dinner, so we have the place to ourselves.”
“I really hope that doesn’t mean you’re expecting to have sex, because I’m way too wiped out for that.”
“I kind of figured that would be the case.” Even though less than a week ago you were saying how you wanted to do it every day. I tried to shake these thoughts from my head. Charlie and I had gotten ourselves back to such a good place last weekend, and even though I could slowly feel it fading away as the days passed and real life took over again, I didn’t want to start another fight. Especially not over something as trivial as sex.
I took Charlie’s hand and led her up the stairs. “How ’bout we just cuddle instead?”
A small smile parted Charlie’s lips. “Snuggling sounds great. Just let me get changed first.”
“Perfect. I also want to show you something.”
“Can’t wait.”
I lay down in our bed and took out my iPad, bringing up the design I had worked so hard on. As soon as Charlie crawled into bed, she wrapped her body tightly around mine. “So, what did you want to show me?”
“This.” I could feel a proud smile spread across my face as I turned my iPad so she could see it.
“That’s cool, babe.” Charlie laughed as if she wasn’t staring at something I spent all week working on. “Why’d you make that?”
I shrugged, suddenly feeling extremely deflated. “Just messing around I guess.”
“Awesome.” The tone of Charlie’s voice and the hint of a huff she let out after saying it led me to believe she thought my hard work was anything but awesome.
“Just say it.”
“Say what?” Charlie asked, sounding sincerely confused.
“Whatever it is you’re thinking.”
“It’s nothing. At least, nothing important. Let’s just take a nap and relax while we can.”
I sat up, because I wasn’t willing to just blow this off. I thought Charlie would at least be somewhat impressed with what I made, but if anything, it seemed to have just annoyed her. “No. I’m not going to act like everything is okay when it’s clearly not.”
“And I don’t want to say anything that I’ll regret because I’m exhausted.”
The bite to Charlie’s words made my skin itch. I couldn’t just lay here and wonder what she was thinking when all she had to do was say it.
“It’s fine. Just tell me.”
“Fine. I guess I just wish you would spend your time actually looking for a job, rather than just messing around and doodling.”
“Doodling?” The itch turned to a burn as my body heated up with anger over the fact that Charlie could dismiss my hard work like that. “I actually worked really fucking hard on this so called doodle, Charlie. Really hard.”
“I’m sure you did. It looks great. All I’m saying is that I wish you put that much work into finding a job.”
“Maybe I’m trying to find my passion instead of just finding a job.”
“Well, your passion doesn’t buy our kids’ diapers and formula. Your passion doesn’t put food on the table. You know what does? The fact that I’m working my ass off for us.”
Her words were like gas on a flame and I was about to blow up. I took a deep breath, but it was no use. Her words hurt, and I was livid. “Jesus Christ, Charlie, where is this coming from? You literally sound like your mom right now.” I cringed as soon as the words left my mouth. It might feel like the truth at the moment, but given the rocky relationship Charlie had with her mom, it was a low blow. “Charlie, I—”
Charlie threw her hands in the air and jumped from the bed. “This is why I didn’t want to talk about it. I’m going for a walk.”
Before I could even consider trying to stop her, she walked out of the room. Just a few seconds later, I heard the door open and slam shut. Shit.