Chapter 28 #2
When we’d first arrived after finishing our burgers, Ben looked as though he wanted to run a mile, and when we stepped out of the car to the cheery Christmas music, I thought he was going to demand I take him home.
But he didn’t.
“I’m not sure about this, Bug,” Ben said, hesitantly standing after changing his shoes.
I grinned at his attempt to balance on his blades. “You’ll be fine. We’ll go slow and stay near to the sides.”
He muttered something under his breath as I stood, balancing with ease. I was by no means a pro on the ice, but I’d been coming to the rink every year for as long as I could remember, plus, I’d visited the rink several times in Beckford, the next town over.
Following me to the ice, Ben wobbled on his blades. I stepped onto the rink, holding out my hand for him to take. He grabbed on, squeezing my hand in a vice-like grip as his blades met the ice, and I had to stifle my laugh at the look of pure horror on his face.
Kids whizzed by us as he fought to find his balance, his other hand whipping out to grip the side. “Bend your knees slightly; it helps with your center of gravity,” I instructed, remembering the lessons my dad gave me the first time he took me skating. “And lean forward a little.”
A crease formed between his brows as he concentrated on my instructions. “Like this?”
“Yeah, that’s good,” I replied, hoping to encourage him. “Now, we’re gonna glide, so push off with one foot, then switch to the other.”
Standing on one side of him and holding his hand, I slid my feet, leading him forward. Ben kept his gaze fixed on his feet, but as he copied my movement while still gripping the side with his other hand, he stumbled.
“That’s nearly it, but don’t lift your feet. Imagine they are stuck to the ice, and the only movement you can make is to glide.” This time when we moved, his feet stayed on the ice. “That’s it! Well done, baby.”
He beamed at me, a beautiful smile that warmed me to my bones. Pride coursed through me at being the one who got to see how damn gorgeous he was when he smiled like that.
For the next half hour, we made our way around the rink a few times, Ben’s confidence slowly growing. He grinned the entire time, and when we started our fourth loop around, he let go of the side, but his other hand remained firmly clasped in mine.
“You’re doing so well, Ben,” I said, grinning back at him proudly. “It took me a lot longer to get the hang of it. You’re a natural.”
His eyes twinkled under my praise. “Nah, I reckon it’s ‘cos I’ve got a good teacher.”
I couldn’t help but hear the double meaning in his comment, and for several seconds, the two of us grinned at each other, and God, did I want to kiss him. He was the first to look away, clearing his throat as we continued skating.
“Hey, there’s a rink over at Beckford. We could go there sometime,” I said, wondering if we could make this a regular occurrence.
“Yeah, that would be good, Bug. I didn’t think I’d be saying this, but I’m rather enjoying myself.”
“See, told you it would be fun,” I replied, only for my grin to falter at the sight of Ben’s face.
He wasn’t looking at me; instead, his eyes were fixed on a kid, no older than about fifteen, skating in our direction. The kid’s gaze dropped to where Ben and I held hands, a sneer contorting on his face. As he passed us, he hissed something that sounded awfully like he’d called us dirty homos.
A knife stabbed my chest when Ben released my hand to wipe his palm on the side of his jeans. “I…uh, think I’m ready to skate solo,” he said, trying to hide the real reason he’d dropped my hand.
I forced a smile on my face, knowing that it didn’t reach my eyes. “Yeah, sure.” The sudden need to put some space between us slammed into me like a wrecking ball, and I skated a few steps ahead of him, calling over my shoulder, “Catch me if you can.”
Refusing to slow down, I skated away, trying my hardest to ignore the thick lump of emotion clogging my throat.
When Ben crashed spectacularly into the barrier, my sour mood vanished, replaced by sympathy. I wasn’t being fair. He’d made it clear he wasn’t ready to be out in the open with me, and while I hadn’t set out to make the day feel like a date, subconsciously, that was what I had hoped it would be.
I skated over to him, relieved to find he wasn’t hurt. He laughed the collision off but admitted he was more than ready to get off the ice. Not wanting to ruin the rest of the day, I forced my mood away, determined to make good on my promise and give Ben a day he wouldn’t forget.
With our skates returned for our shoes, we headed toward the fairground, stopping at the Christmas stalls along the way to see what was being sold. By the time we hit the rides, dusk was setting in, and all the attractions had their lights on, adding to the euphoric atmosphere.
We started with the tilt-a-wheel, the two of us laughing until our sides hurt as we were spun around and around. After, we hit the Big Dipper, a rollercoaster that had five loops in it. With each ride, Ben’s happiness grew, as did the ache in my chest.
Night had well and truly set by the time we had been on all but one ride. I’d saved the best ‘til last. Reaching the Ferris wheel, Ben stared up at it, the lights from the ride showing the awe on his face.
“Is now a good time to tell you that I’m afraid of heights?”
Slapping his shoulder, I snorted. “Dude, we went on the Big Dipper three times, which is easily as tall as this.”
“I know, but I was too busy trying not to throw up to worry about how high we were.”
I rolled my eyes at his dramatics. “Well, they say the best way to conquer your fears is to face them. Besides, the view from the top is worth it.”
His lips pursed into a thin line, but reluctantly, he followed me to the entrance, where we showed the wristbands we wore that gave us access to all the rides. Once locked in the seat, our cart moved backwards to let the next couple on.
We didn’t speak as we watched more people being loaded onto the ride every time we moved a little higher in the air. When we reached the top, Ben let out a sigh. “You were right, this view is incredible.”
I leaned back into the seat, admiring the view of the town stretched out before us.
I remembered the first time I’d ridden the Ferris wheel.
I’d been wedged in between my mom and dad, and had clung to them for fear that we would fall.
But when the ride finished, and we got off, I begged them to go on it again.
Not for the first time, I thought about Ben’s childhood and how different it was from mine. I couldn’t imagine growing up without two loving parents, and as I snuck a glance at him, finding him taking in the view, the familiar feeling of warmth spread through me.
He’d had such a shitty past, and I wanted nothing more than to give him a future he deserved, but at what cost?
The ride began moving, slowly bringing us down to the ground before rising back to the top again.
It started rotating, and each time we reached the top, I pointed out different buildings to Ben that we could see from the air.
I didn’t know if he meant to, but he kept shifting closer, and with my arm stretched out along the back of the cart, it was almost as if I had my arm around him.
When the ride finally came to a stop again, we were at the very top. “I love this view,” I said quietly. “I don’t know why, but I always think of this whenever I feel like life is getting hard. It reminds me that there’s a whole world out there, and this, right here, is just a tiny snapshot of it.”
“That’s very inspiring, Bug,” Ben said, his tone serious.
I smirked. “What can I say, I’m an inspirational kinda guy.”
He met my gaze, trapping me with his dark eyes. “Yeah, you are.” He inhaled a deep breath. “Thank you for today, I’ve had fun.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
Neither of us looked away until his eyes dropped to my lips before coming back to meet mine again. “I really want to kiss you right now.”
“Then kiss me,” I replied, desperately wanting to feel his lips against mine.
He shifted, slowly leaning forward, only to freeze when the ride jerked to life, and our cart was lowered. Ben moved back, putting extra space between us, and the disappointment I’d felt earlier washed through me like a tsunami.
I tore my gaze away, my jaw clenching as the ride continued lowering until it was time to get off.
A heavy tension had settled between us as I drove us back to Ben’s house in silence. Pulling into the driveway, I stopped behind my van and killed the engine. Neither of us moved.
“You want to come in?” Ben asked, hope lacing his voice.
I wanted to. Fuck, I really did, but I needed space. Space to think, and if I went inside, it wouldn’t be long until we were ripping each other’s clothes off, and I’d once again forget all the promises I’d made to myself.
“Nah, I need to get home. It’s the twins’ birthday tomorrow, and they’ll never forgive me if I’m not there when they wake up at the crack of dawn.”
It was a little lie. It was Holly and Ivy’s birthday, but they didn’t tend to get their asses out of bed until at least mid-morning. I would have had plenty of time to drive home before they woke, but I just needed to be by myself.
“Oh. Well, I hope you have a good day with them.”
“Thanks.” Sullenly, I got out of the car, walking around the front to meet Ben, and handed his keys back. “Thanks for letting me drive your baby. She’s a real beauty.”
He nodded glumly, his sour mood matching mine. Unlocking my van, Ben loitered in the driveway, but just as I was about to slide into the driver’s seat, he stepped forward. “Bug.”
“Yeah?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed several times, and a nervous anticipation rushed through me. “Thanks again for today,” he eventually said, his gaze dropping to the ground and making me think that he had intended to say something else but had changed his mind at the last minute.
“Anytime,” I replied.
And then I got the fuck out of there.