Chapter 29
Ben
Ibarely slept. Every time I rolled over, I was reminded that I was alone in my bed, and then Tristan’s face would pop into my mind. Not his happy, smirking face, but the hurt that flashed across his beautiful features when I pulled away from kissing him on the Ferris wheel.
I didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with me. I enjoyed my day with him, hell, I even forgot that I was holding his hand on the ice rink because it felt so damn natural. Until that kid sneered at us and called us a name that made Jake’s voice ring in my ears in agreement.
His voice was silenced as Tristan and I made our way around the fair, and then on the wheel, I wanted to kiss Tristan so fucking badly. But when it started moving, Jake’s voice was once again all I could hear, telling me that people would see and be disgusted.
I was such a fucking hypocrite; I’d convinced Tristan to report his assault, lectured him on making a stand against people who didn’t accept him for being gay. Yet I was too much of a coward to make the same stand.
Why I cared so much about what others thought, I didn’t know.
For years, it never bothered me when people talked shit behind my back, or that I had a reputation for being cruel and stingy.
But when it came to this, I couldn’t switch those damn voices off when really, the only person whose opinion mattered was the one I ended up hurting.
Giving up on sleep, I dragged my ass out of bed and hit the gym for a workout, hoping to channel my frustration into exercise. It didn’t help, no matter how hard I pushed myself. Not when I kept checking my phone to see if Tristan had messaged.
My entire body ached by the time I finished my workout, and after showering and eating breakfast, I headed to my office to work, but of course, I couldn’t concentrate. When the clock hit midday, I finally grew a pair of balls and messaged Tristan.
Me:
Hey. Happy Birthday to the twins. I hope you have a good day with them.
I breathed a sigh of relief when his response was almost instant.
Bug:
Thanks, man. The girls have tricked me into taking them to Arcade Palace.
I snorted. I knew the place in town; it sounded like hell on earth. Most of the local kids spent their time there as it had a load of arcade machines, a bowling alley, a laser quest arena, and a go-kart course. Poor Tristan, I couldn’t think of a worse way to spend the day.
Me:
Sounds fun.
Bug:
Yeah, a laugh a second. The girls will probably abandon me the second we get there, and I’ll be left on my own for ages.
Me:
Your parents not going with you?
Bug:
Nah, Mom got called into work, and Dad is attempting to fix the kitchen sink, it sprang a leak this morning.
I rubbed my lip, thinking over my response before tapping out a message, deleting it, and retyping it. I hit send before I could chicken out a second time.
Me:
Want some company?
When he didn’t reply straight away, I cursed myself. Why would he want me to be there on a day out with his sisters? Besides, after yesterday, he likely didn’t want to see me at all.
My heart leaped into my throat when my phone buzzed with a new message. I almost didn’t want to look.
Bug:
Sure. Meet you there in an hour?
I read his reply three times to make sure I wasn’t seeing things before I let a small smile creep onto my face.
Nerves bubbled in the pit of my stomach as I made my way through the mall to the ice cream parlor where Tristan had instructed to meet. I wasn’t just nervous at seeing him, but also meeting his sisters. He adored them, and I had a sudden need for them to like me.
When I saw him in the distance, sitting on the bench outside the parlor with two girls on either side of him, eating ice cream, I wanted to bolt, and I would have done had he not caught my eye and waved me over.
His custom smirk eased some of my anxiety as I weaved through the crowd to meet him. He stood when I reached them. “Hey, man. You found us.”
“Yeah,” I replied, glancing at the two girls gawking at me.
They weren’t identical; one had dark brown hair, the same color as Tristan’s, while the other had lighter chestnut hair and was an inch or so taller. Their features were similar, though, and in both of their faces, I could see Tristan and Rob in them.
“Allow me to introduce you to the most important girls in my life,” Tristan said proudly. “This is Jivey Ivy—” he wrapped an arm around the taller of the two “—and this is Jolly Holly.”
The taller twin, Ivy, scowled at her brother. “I wish you wouldn’t call me that.”
“You love it,” he replied, ruffling her hair and earning an eye roll.
“It’s nice to meet you both. And Happy Birthday,” I said, feeling stupid. Should I have gotten them a present? Or would that have been weird?
“Girls, this is my friend, Ben.” Tristan waved to me, and the twin who hadn’t spoken, Holly, smiled shyly at me, a smudge of chocolate ice cream coating her top lip.
Ivy folded her arms across her chest. “Are you Tristan’s boyfriend?”
Tristan’s eyes widened in panic as my chest tightened. But it wasn’t in fear. I liked the thought of being Tristan’s boyfriend. In fact, I more than liked it.
“No, Ivy,” Tristan said, quickly recovering. “Ben’s just a friend.”
The words were like a knife plunged straight into my heart, and it took all of my restraint not to correct him and tell the girls that he was more to me than a friend.
He was everything.
Before I could say anything, though, Tristan clapped his hands. “Right, come on you two, eat up so we can hit the arcades.”
The girls squealed and licked their ice creams as they led the way through the mall to the Arcade Palace, throwing questions at me every so often: did their dad work for me, was I excited about Christmas, did I have a Christmas tree at home?
Ivy was the confident one out of her and her sister.
Where she fired question after question—for which Tristan apologized and said he should have warned me about Ivy—Holly barely spoke.
I didn’t know if she was shy or felt overshadowed by her dominant sister, but I couldn’t help but glance surreptitiously at her.
She carried herself like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.
Reaching the arcade, we headed to the counter, where Ivy bounced on the spot. “Tris, can we get the access to everything voucher? I really want to beat Holly on the go-karts.”
Holly scowled, but my attention snagged on Tristan, who was staring at the price board, his brows furrowed, no doubt at how expensive it was.
Without thinking, I pulled my wallet out. “Here, let me get this. I didn’t get you ladies anything for your birthday, so this can be my treat.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Tristan said, his cheeks blushing.
“I know I don’t have to, Bug, but I want to.”
It didn’t occur to me that I’d called him by his nickname until Ivy giggled. “Why do you call him Bug?”
I grinned playfully at her. “‘Cos your brother can be annoying like a bug sometimes.”
She laughed harder, and I couldn’t help but grin wider when Holly joined in laughing. “Yeah, he can be so annoying,” Ivy said.
“Like you,” Holly added.
“Alright, let’s not start fighting,” Tristan interjected before putting his hand on my shoulder. The simple touch frazzled every nerve in my body. “Thanks, Ben. That’s kind of you.”
“My pleasure.”
And it was. It was a pleasure to help him out and see the twins’ excitement.
Tristan was right. As soon as we hit the arcade, the girls ran off to play on the machines, leaving Tristan and me to grab a coffee and find a seat in the viewing area.
An awkwardness had settled between us, and I hated it. I hated how his body felt tense next to me. I hated how much I wanted to rest my hand on his thigh, but my rigid body wouldn’t move.
There was so much I wanted to say to him, but every time I opened my mouth, the words dried up on my tongue, and I reverted to sipping my black coffee.
“So, what did you get the twins for their birthday?” I asked, steering into safe territory.
“I got them IPads each. The little shits keep stealing mine,” he replied, grinning affectionately.
Even if he hadn’t constantly spoken about the twins over the last few weeks, it was obvious how much he loved them, and a rare pang of jealousy shot through me at not having had the kind of childhood Tristan and his sisters had.
“Wow, that’s generous of you, Bug. Must have cost you a fortune.”
He shrugged. “It was worth it to see their faces when they opened their presents this morning.”
I took another sip of my coffee, not knowing what else to say. I needed to clear the air. Apologize for being a coward and making him feel like my dirty little secret. I sucked in a deep breath, but as I opened my mouth to attempt an apology, Ivy appeared from nowhere.
“Tris, Holly won’t play air hockey with me. Will you?”
The brief frown told me he didn’t want to, but forcing a smile on his face, he stood. “Come on then, but be prepared to lose, loser.”
“You’re the loser,” Ivy retorted, running back to the arcade.
Not quite able to meet my gaze, he set off in Ivy’s wake, throwing over his shoulder, “I won’t be long.”
Minutes ticked by, and as I sat alone, attempting to block out the shrieks of excitement and high-pitched giggles, I vowed to make things right between Tristan and me when he returned. I just needed to be honest and tell him what was going on in my head.
Another five minutes passed when the seat next to me was taken, but not by Tristan. I glanced at Holly, not knowing what to say to a twelve-year-old girl. “Hey.”
“Hi,” she replied sullenly.
I cleared my throat. “Are you having fun?”
She sighed. “I guess.”
Her gaze hadn’t left a group of girls who were huddled several feet away from us. Or rather, her eyes were fixed on one girl in particular who was playing on a machine. “Is she a friend of yours?”
She looked away, her cheeks flushing bright red. “No,” she said quietly, and then almost to herself, added, “She doesn’t even know I exist.”