Chapter 5
FIVE
JARETH
I hate this.
Roman feels so good in my arms, so natural, so fucking wanted, but I’m torn. For the first time in years, I feel conflicted over my lingering feelings for the gorgeous wolf and the ones that haven’t quite died for Loch yet. I want to hold him too.
How fucked up am I that there are two amazing men in this world and I can’t have either of them for different reasons?
“Is Loch okay?” Changing the subject from stupid fated mates is a good idea.
“I think so. Did he tell you what made him decide to do something so reckless?”
I practically cringe as I focus on my tea. “He was very confused about some things and he desperately wanted to be a supe.”
“He mentioned that, but not why.”
I exhale slowly, moving to sit next to Roman at the table. “I think he was jealous… of us. Of our bond.”
“Jare, fuck.” Roman looks pained and a little guilty. “Why didn’t you tell him about why you hate vampires so much?”
“I didn’t think it was fucking relevant. Never in a million years did I think he would go and do what he did. He broke my heart, Roman.”
Roman’s anger and protectiveness show on his face, and I’m sure he’s seconds away from letting his wolf out, so I rub his hand.
“He didn’t mean to. He did it to be closer to me. He just misunderstood the impact it would have.”
Roman nods, rubbing his chin. He’s so fucking handsome and sexy and beautiful that my heart clenches. He was—is—my first love.
“You can’t forgive him?”
I shake my head, playing with the handle on my mug. “No. How am I supposed to live with a vampire?”
“He isn’t them, Jare. You know that,” he says softly.
“Put yourself in my position. Could you forgive it?”
A skeptical look flickers over his face and he waffles his head back and forth like he’s considering the question carefully.
“You fed him. You still love him,” he says, not really answering my question.
“I hate that you know that.” I focus on my steaming drink. “He was dying. Too weak to stand and burned from the sun. He couldn’t heal. I had no choice.”
Roman studies me in that way that makes me think he can see straight through to my soul.
“Stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?” he asks, lips turning up.
“You know what you’re doing.” Dragging a hand through my hair, I consider my options. I could tell Roman the truth. I usually do, but right now, everything feels so much more sensitive. Talking feels like pushing on a nasty bruise.
“I want you to be happy, Jare. You know that. It’s all that matters to me.”
“That’s obviously not true or you’d be here with me.”
“Jare, come on.”
“What?” I snap, then blow out a breath to calm down. “Could you, um, just keep me posted about Lochlan? I just need to know he’s gonna be okay.”
“Of course he’s gonna be okay, but yes, I’ll keep you posted.”
“Thank you. For helping him, I mean. You didn’t have to.”
“I did it for you. You understand that, right?”
Nodding, I focus on my tea instead of his gorgeous face. I didn’t know it was possible to feel so completely, devastatingly in love with two different people at the same time, but here we are.
LOCHLAN
“So, if I consistently eat at least every two days I’ll be okay?”
“That’s my schedule,” Cassius says. “You have to figure out your own, but that’s a good start. What are the signs again?”
“Paleness, loss of strength, sensitivity to light.”
“And?”
“Hunger cues, but I’ve been ignoring those.”
“Not anymore,” the pretty vampire says. “Feeding is all that matters, ultimately. It’s how we survive.”
“Okay, but blood is kind of gross.”
Cassius looks at me like I just grew a second head. “What? That’s why you don’t eat when you should?”
I nod, feeling sheepish. “I’ve tried to get over it, and so far, I can only make myself eat when I’m struggling.”
“That won’t do. It’s literally the only way you can thrive. I could tell you what a starvation death looks like and it’s not pretty. I assure you that you don’t want to experience it.”
Huffing, I nod. “How do I deal with it?”
“Why did you become a vampire if you think blood is gross?”
“I mean, did you want to drink blood before you turned?” I shudder.
“Obviously not, but once I turned, it was just natural. It’s no different than mortals needing water. Was turning your choice?” He gives me a look of concern and a hint of rage, like if I say “no,” he’ll hunt down the vamp who turned me and punish him.
I nod, feeling even dumber. “It’s the only way to become a supernatural if you weren’t born that way.”
“Unless you can talk a fae into it.”
“What does that mean?”
“A fae? They can do almost anything. There’s rumors they’ve even reversed some curses. There are some among them who are super powerful.” His face lights up. “Ah. Perhaps there’s one who could undo your vampirism.”
I pull my head back. “No. I don’t want that. Then all of this was for nothing.”
Cassius cocks his head. “What do you mean?”
“I did it for Jareth. I… I love him. I wanted to be able to bond with him the way supernatural beings bond.”
“Like a mate? Isn’t Jareth a mage?”
“Yes.”
He rubs his forehead. “You dear sweet summer child.”
“Huh?”
“It’s rare for mages to have mates. But putting that aside, if you were his mate, he would’ve known that before you turned.”
My heart feels like it fell to the floor. “What?”
“He would’ve known. He would’ve been able to sense it. In rare cases, supes can be fated to mortals. It’s certainly not unheard of. Given his magical nature, he would’ve known.”
“So…” I pause as my mind spins. “It can’t grow or happen because I turned? It’s either there or it’s not?”
Cassius shrugs. “I don’t pretend to understand how the fates work, but generally speaking, as I understand it, our souls are destined at the moment of creation.”
“Oh.” I slump in the chair I’m sitting in. “So, it doesn’t matter? I did this for nothing and now he hates me.” My eyes sting with tears. “Great.”
“I doubt he hates you.” Cassius sits across from me, his tone soft. “He fed you when you were starving. That’s an act of love, or at a minimum, concern.”
“He doesn’t love me. Not anymore.” I can feel myself getting pouty, and I’m well aware that it’s not a good look on a grown adult, let alone a vampire, but I can’t help it. I ruined everything.
“I’m sorry.” Cassius does genuinely sound it too.
What am I gonna do now? As I sit stewing in the consequences of my actions, my mind latches on to what Cassius said about fae people.
“How do you find the fae?” I ask. “Maybe if they can’t take the vampirism away, they could make me like blood? Is that possible?”
“Perhaps. A good witch could do it too, but the fae can make it permanent. With a witch, you’d have to get the spell renewed periodically.”
“Do you know any?”
He shakes his head, putting his hand over mine. “No, and now that I’ve said it, I’d rather you forget about them. The fae are not easy to deal with and it’s not advisable. They’re known tricksters, and what you see is never what you get.”
I close my eyes and tilt my head back. “This sucks. Now I have to be a vampire for eternity?”
“It’s not so bad. I rather like it.”
“What’s good about it?”
“What isn’t? Being a vampire is a sensual experience. We feel so much more than those around us. Inhale.”
He puts a hand on my chest to encourage me, and I do as he says, inhaling deeply as my eyes flutter close.
“Smell that?” Cassius says. “That soft floral scent mixed with the char?”
It hits me then—a delicate scent as soft as spring. “What is it?”
“Narcissus. It’s the only flower that grows down here. It’s miles away from us, but we smell it. Even Roman’s wolf nose can’t detect it from here.”
The mention of Roman makes my stomach twist in a delightful way, but I push those thoughts aside.
“Oh, there,” Cassius says. “Do you smell the river? Mossy, dank, decaying? Do you hear the souls slipping below the surface? We are several levels down from there, yet it is as if we are standing on the banks.”
“Wow. I can smell it,” I say, awestruck.
“Now listen. Find voices.”
With my eyes still closed, I focus on the space around me, and slowly, male voices slip in.
“No. We played your stupid card game last night, Drax. It’s my turn to pick the game.”
“Don’t call my mate stupid.”
“I didn’t. I called the game stupid. That’s different.”
“What’s your idea then, Rune?”
“Let’s do tarot. That’s fun.”
“Oh yes, that’s fun,” another voice says, deep and raspy.
“You’re just saying that because he’s your mate.”
“Stop complaining, Drax. We always play your games.”
“Where’s Roman? I need backup.”
“Cassius too. Who wants to go get him?”
“Not me. I got him last time.”
“I’m not going.”
“I’ll go—”
“That’s enough of that,” Cassius says, slightly annoyed. “Game night. Those are my coworkers you heard.”
“That was cool. I’m used to voices sounding like a garbled mess.”
“Because you have to focus. Over time, you can learn to isolate whatever sound you want. You can hunt by smell alone. You can detect whose blood is a better source of nutrients for you. For example, drug users may be easy to catch, but they’re lousy meals.
It’s like junk food. It’s not as good as it looks and you’ll feel like shit after. ”
“I don’t want to hurt people, and I’m not good at stopping when I should.”
“Because you’ve had no practice. We’ll go and hunt together. I’ll show you how I do it.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“I’m doing it for Roman.”
“Right.” We’re not friends. He’s doing his friend a favor, but just the same, I appreciate it. “Thanks.”
He tilts his head up. “Roman is returning.”
I close my eyes, trying to find his scent, but I don’t even have to try. It slams into me, enveloping me like a storm. My insides tingle and my cock actually plumps as his masculine scent wafts around me. Whoa.
When I open my eyes, Cassius is watching me. “Interesting,” he says quietly.
Then another scent hits me, this one fainter, but I’d recognize it anywhere. Jareth. I’m on my feet, heading for the door when it opens and Roman enters. Alone.
He was with Jareth. I can tell. My stomach twists with jealousy. Did they finally fuck now that I’m out of the picture? Did Roman run to him to take him from me once and for all? I sniff again and it’s hard to tell. Everything about Roman already smells like sex.
My lip curls with anger as I try to stuff down my growing rage, but it’s almost useless.
Calm yourself, vampire.
My breath hitches when I hear Cassius’s voice in my head, and I turn sharply to face him. He smiles.
Can I do that too?
Cassius tilts his hand back and forth, signifying to me that my thoughts sort of reached him.
Focus. You’ll get there.
“How are things going?” Roman asks, his gaze switching between me and Cassius.
“Good,” Cassius announces. “I’ll teach him to hunt in a bit then he’ll at least have the foundation he needs.”
Roman nods, smiling softly at me. “A productive day, then.”
“Yep.”
He raises an eyebrow, no doubt noting my clipped tone.
“Is there somewhere I can, um, freshen up?”
Cassius snorts before ducking his head.
“Sure. We have guest rooms,” Roman says. “I’ll take you to one.”
“Gonna let Auri know what’s going on?” Cassius sounds amused.
“Yeah, guess I need to do that.”
“Who’s Auri?”
“The boss,” Roman says. “I need to let him know we have a guest.”
“I won’t be here long, right? I’ll be leaving soon.”
Roman studies me for a moment, his eyes seemingly pulsing with light, and the longer I gaze at him, the more my body reacts, drawing closer. My fangs drop and my eyes sting, startling me.
“Oh yes, very interesting,” Cassius says. “Lochlan is more than welcome to stay in my room. I don’t mind at all.”
Roman turns his gaze to his friend, releasing a growl that makes my cock swell. What the fuck is going on?
Cassius throws his head back and laughs.
“Shut it,” Roman grunts.
“What is happening right now?” I ask.
“I’ll take you to a guest room.”
“I’ll swing by later and take you out to eat,” Cassius calls out while Roman practically lifts me off my feet with his hand around my arm.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Perfect,” he grunts.