Chapter 30
30
CASH
I was trying to act as though leaving Silas to continue his tour without me was just like leaving any other client after our contract was over. But I knew better. Silas wasn’t just another client , and while I could try to convince myself he was only a guy I had been messing around with, I knew he meant more to me than some friends-with-benefits type of relationship.
It no longer fazed me that he was Britt’s brother or even my client. Hell, I didn’t care that he was a dude. Everything about him was new and unexpected, and I was enjoying it so much that I didn’t want to leave either.
But I had to.
Sitting at the airport, I hovered my thumb over Silas’s name in my contacts, fighting the urge to call him. My flight was boarding in a few minutes, but my mind was stuck on the way he all but begged me to stay.
I’d wanted to stay. Wanted to call my work and tell them anything to have them keep me on with Silas, but I also knew I had my own shit to figure out and Silas didn’t need me anymore. Despite both of us wishing we had more time together, it would have been wrong of me to continue as his sober companion when I would have been doing it with ulterior motives.
Dragging a hand down my face, I let out a slow breath and glanced around the terminal. People were rushing to their gates, standing in line for overpriced coffee, flipping through books they probably wouldn’t finish before their flights landed. It seemed like business as usual. Meanwhile, my brain was caught somewhere between Austin and wherever Silas was.
I could still hear the way he had said he wasn’t ready to let me go. The way he’d looked at me when I opened the door to leave, as though he’d been waiting for me to change my mind. And if I was being honest with myself, I almost had.
As much as I wanted to stay, I didn’t know what that meant for either of us. We had never talked about what had been happening between us, never let ourselves think past the next city, the next hotel room. And now that we were apart, we had no choice but to figure it out.
The boarding call for my flight snapped me out of my thoughts. I grabbed my bag and stood in line to board.
Instead of sending a text to Silas like I wanted, I sent one to Britt:
Hey! My time with your brother has ended and I’m on my way back to Boston. Can I stop by tomorrow to get my stuff? I’ll need to make a few trips to the storage unit I rented
I hadn’t expected to hear from her since she was always busy—at least she had been when we were together, but as I took my seat on the plane and was about to put it in Airplane Mode, a text came through from Britt:
Of course. I’ll be home and can help
Then another one from her:
Or you can leave the stuff here. We should talk
Talk? What was there to talk about? Did she somehow know about me and Silas?
What is there to talk about?
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I hate how things ended
I snorted a laugh, thinking about how she was the reason we’d ended the way we had.
Sure. I gotta go. My flight is taking off
As the plane took off, I leaned back against the seat, staring out the window as the city shrank below.
Before moving to Boston with Britt, I’d had my own apartment in Houston—a place that had been mine, even if I hadn’t been there much. But when we’d moved in together, I’d let it go, figuring we were building a life in Massachusetts. But now, after leaving Texas for a relationship that hadn’t lasted, I had no place to call home.
I wasn’t homeless, exactly. I had a hotel booked for a few days before I started with my new client, but it reminded me too much of bouncing between families in foster care, never knowing how long I’d stay before I had to pack up and move again. Even when I had landed with the Rhodes, I’d known it wasn’t permanent. They cared, but I was still just a kid passing through.
Maybe that was why I felt so unsettled. Because even though I was used to picking up and leaving, something about this time felt different. I wasn’t just moving on to the next client—I was leaving something behind.
Someone behind.
My phone was still in my hand, and I stared at it. One text. One call. And I knew Silas would answer. Knew he’d tell me to come back, that he’d tell me again that he didn’t want me to leave. And fuck, I wanted to hear it again.
What we’d had hadn’t just been some meaningless fling. I knew that. Silas knew that. But what was it? I’d been in a real relationship before and had started to build a life with someone. And yet, this thing with him had dug under my skin in a way I hadn’t expected. A way I wasn’t sure I was ready for.
Instead of texting him, I dropped my phone into the seat pocket in front of me. If I was going to figure out my feelings for him, I needed distance. But even at thirty thousand feet in the air, I wondered if I was making a mistake.
I knocked on Britt’s apartment door and then waited with my hands in my pockets. It was weird not using my key to let myself into a place I was on the lease for. That was something we’d need to deal with another time because all I wanted to do was get my things, get new clothes, and be on my way.
The door swung open, and Britt stepped aside to let me in. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I walked past her. The place looked the same, but it felt different. Like I was stepping into someone else’s life instead of one I used to share.
She shut the door behind us. “I was gonna make some coffee. You want some?”
I shook my head. “I’m just here to grab my stuff.”
She took a step closer to me. “I meant what I said about talking. I hate how things ended.”
I lifted a shoulder. “Yeah, well … that was your call.”
She frowned. “I know. And it was a mistake.”
I balked. “What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to know I regret what I did. I got caught up in my own shit and took you for granted. I thought being with Kenny was what I wanted, but I was wrong. I shouldn’t have cheated on you. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I miss you.”
I let out a slow breath. “Britt?—”
“I want us to try again,” she said, cutting me off. “I know I messed up, but I love you. And I don’t want to throw away what we had.”
I stared at her. I wasn’t the same person who had walked out of this apartment. What had happened in the past few weeks with her brother had changed me. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said finally.
Hurt flashed in her eyes, but she swallowed it down. “Because you don’t love me anymore?”
I stiffened, my stomach twisting. “Britt, it’s not that simple.”
She swallowed hard, her eyes searching mine. “You just let me walk out of your life. You didn’t even fight for me.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I didn’t have a response. She was right. I hadn’t fought for her. But what was I supposed to do? Beg her to stop sleeping with someone else? Pretend like there was something left to save? She’d already made her choice.
As she studied me, her expression shifted from frustration to realization. Not because she knew the details, but because she could feel it: the new distance between us, the way I wasn’t torn up over the split the way she thought I should be. Something had changed; she didn’t know what, but she knew it was enough and I wasn’t getting back with her.
She nodded slowly. “You just let me go. Like I didn’t even matter.”
“You’d made your choice, Britt. What was I supposed to do? Beg you to stay after you told me you were cheating? Your brother needed me, and you expected me to fight for something that you had already broken?”
Her face tightened. “So that’s it? I made a mistake, and you’re just done?”
Silence stretched between us. I had nothing left to say, and Britt looked like she was trying to figure out if she had anything left to fight for.
“Yep,” I said after a few beats.
“Okay, well, let me know if you need my help.”
I walked to the guest room that had my boxes and grabbed one and the keys to my truck.
Over the next half-hour, I loaded up my Silverado and went to the storage place to unload it. I made a few trips until everything was where it belonged, then took the key to the apartment off my key ring and handed it to Britt.
“Take care of yourself,” I said.
Her lips parted, like she wanted to say something, but she only gave me a tight smile.
The finality of our relationship wasn’t the gut-wrenching loss I would’ve expected. I just felt done. though I knew if things with Silas and me continued, I’d have to face Britt again. But that was a problem for another day.