Chapter 32
32
Silas
We had played our last concert in Philadelphia the night before, and instead of heading straight to the airport the next morning, the band and crew got together for a farewell lunch to celebrate the end of the tour. It was the least we could do for the people who had worked their asses off to make sure our shows had run smoothly.
As soon as we were done, I caught an evening flight to Boston. Sitting in the back of the SUV as I rode through the city, I couldn’t stop thinking about the last three weeks.
The tour had been even better than I think any of us could have imagined. Every show and crowd had been incredible, I had maintained my sobriety, and I’d learned I could still have a great time doing what I loved without the extra shit that had almost killed me.
Now, I had to figure out what came next, which was the entire reason I was back in my hometown. I had almost called my parents, knowing they’d invite me to stay with them, but I didn’t feel like explaining why I was spending time with Cash, especially since they knew he and Britt had broken up and that he wasn’t my sober companion anymore. Instead, I’d booked a room downtown.
Cash was still working with his client, so we didn’t have definite plans yet. Pulling out my phone, I shot him a text:
In Boston now and got a hotel room downtown. When do you think you can stop by?
Although we’d texted more often since that night in Pittsburgh, it usually took him a bit to respond. I tapped my fingers against my thigh as I waited, suddenly nervous about seeing him face to face. My phone buzzed, but when I looked at the screen, it wasn’t from him.
Donnie: Saw you’re back in town. Think you can stop by the club? I need a favor
I should’ve known the selfies I had taken with a couple of fans in the airport would make the rounds and my whereabouts would become public, but this had to be some sort of record.
What sort of favor?
Nothing big, I promise. Just something for my girlfriend
A girlfriend? That was a shock since he probably hooked up with more women than I did.
I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to decide what to do. Donnie and I had been close at one point, and while our friendship revolved around partying, that didn’t mean it still had to be that way.
I can try to stop by later
Thanks. I’ll owe you one
A few minutes later, Cash finally responded:
I can’t get away until nine. Will that work?
Sure. We can meet in my room so we have some privacy
Sounds great. Can’t wait to see you
After reading his message, I knew I was sporting a goofy grin, but I didn’t care. The feeling was mutual.
Me too
Since I had almost two hours to kill, I decided I’d check in at the hotel so I could shower and change and then meet up with Donnie. I was about to text him to let him know I’d be there soon when my text notification went off yet again.
Mom: Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to Boston?
Fucking social media.
Uh … surprise!
Where are you staying? Will we see you while you’re here?
I shook my head and chuckled, knowing I couldn’t get out of visiting them.
I have plans tonight, but I’d love to see you and Dad tomorrow
Okay sweetie. See you then
The Sapphire Lounge looked the same as it had when I’d visited eight months ago. Instead of taking me to Donnie’s office, the bouncer led me to a table in the VIP area. When I’d been at the club before, I had looked forward to watching the show, but this time, I barely glanced at the stage. Knowing what went on behind the scenes with the drugs and random hook ups, it no longer felt like my scene.
A few minutes later, Donnie walked over with a large bag in his hand and the usual cocky smirk on his face.
“Hey, man.” He clapped me on the back before sitting across from me. “Glad you could stop by.”
“No problem. I had a little free time.”
He chuckled. “I imagine it’s difficult for the rock star to make time for his old friends.”
I ignored the dig. “So, what’s the favor you need from me?”
He pulled a vinyl record and a rolled-up poster from the bag, sliding them across the table. “I sort of messed up with my girlfriend the other day. She happens to be a huge Surrender fan. In fact, I met her at your concert, and I thought if you could sign a couple of things for her, it might help smooth things over a bit.”
“Gotta admit, I was a little surprised when you mentioned a girlfriend.” I snorted. “Weren’t you the one who always said you wouldn’t settle down?”
“Pretty sure that was you. But I’m a one-woman guy right now. Turns out getting with a social media influencer is pretty good for business as well.”
Well, that made more sense. My stomach churned a little at him admitting he was using a woman he was dating. Feeling bad for her, I grabbed the Sharpie he was holding and scribbled my name on both items.
When I was done, I made a show of looking at my phone. I had about twenty minutes before Cash was supposed to show up at the hotel. “I’m supposed to meet someone soon, so I should probably take off.”
We both stood, and he reached into his pocket. “Here’s a little something as a thank you.” He shook my hand and slipped me a baggie that felt all too familiar.
“Not my scene anymore.” I tried to give it back, but he held up his hands.
He grinned. “I heard rumors about you doing the whole sobriety thing after rehab, but you’ve never been one to pass up a good time.”
My jaw clenched. I could continue to argue with him, but that might cause a scene, which could lead to unwanted media attention if anyone decided to sell a story to the paps. Against my better judgment, I shoved the drugs into my pocket and walked out without another word.
Outside, the sidewalks were packed with people, and the last thing I needed was for someone to catch me holding onto coke. I’d just have to wait until I got to the hotel to toss it.
By the time I returned to the hotel, Cash was already waiting in the lobby. My first instinct was to rush over to him and pull him into my arms, but it didn’t seem like the right thing to do because I didn’t know exactly where we stood with each other. Besides, anyone could see us. I didn’t know if or when we’d be ready for public displays of affection since that would mean essentially coming out.
He looked up from his phone as I approached and smiled. “Perfect timing. I was just getting ready to call you to say I was here.”
“Oh good. I was worried I was going to be late. I went to see a friend, and the visit ran slightly longer than expected.”
“And here I thought you came to Boston to see me.”
My finger stilled just when I was about to press the call button to the elevator and I glanced over at Cash. He was smirking and I had the urge to pull him into my arms again.
“You are the reason I came to Boston, but my buddy needed some merch signed.” I finally pressed the up button.
“Ah, yes, the life of a rock star.”
“No rest for the wicked.” I winked.
The elevator doors opened and we stepped inside.
“So, how was the last show?” he asked as I pressed the button for my floor.
“It was amazing. I’m a little bummed it’s over, but I’m looking forward to having time for other important things.” I gave him a look, hoping he’d catch my meaning.
He nodded, and his lips quirked, although he tried to hide it.
When the elevator stopped, we stepped out and headed toward my room. At the door, I reached into my pocket for my keycard and stiffened a little when my fingers brushed against the plastic bag I’d shoved in there.
Damn it.
I pushed the door open and walked in first, making a beeline for the trash. I needed to get rid of that shit immediately.
“What the hell is that?” Cash growled from behind me just as I was about to drop the coke.
I froze, surprised to see how closely he’d followed me inside.
“It’s not what it looks like.” I regretted my words immediately, remembering they were the same ones I said to him during the holidays when it happened to be precisely what it looked like.
His gaze darkened. “So, you’re not holding a bag of coke?”
I let out a breath. “I am, but it’s not empty, which means I didn’t use it.”
“Then why do you have it?” His voice changed from angry to desperate, as if pleading for an explanation that made sense.
“Donnie gave it to me.”
“Donnie?”
I nodded. “He wanted me to sign some stuff for his girlfriend and then gave me this shit as a ‘thank you’. There were people around, and I didn’t want to cause a scene by arguing about it. Instead, I took it and left, planning to throw it out as soon as I could.” I finally dropped the bag into the trash and grabbed his hand instead.
He closed his eyes. “You have to understand. Seeing you with drugs after ...”
“I know,” I whispered. “It looks bad.”
“It’s more than that. It scared me. What if you OD’d again? What if you weren’t okay this time? The thought of losing you brings up old memories, and I’m not sure I could recover if you were to leave me too.”
I could hear the pain and sadness in his voice, and it nearly broke me. I wanted to remove any doubt he had about me and what my intentions had been when I’d left Donnie’s club with drugs. I grabbed his hand, running my thumb over his knuckles. “I promise, I wasn’t even tempted tonight. The only thing I could think of was getting rid of the coke as quickly as I could without anyone seeing me.”
“I want to believe you.” He breathed and looked deep into my eyes. “If we’re going to make decisions about us, I need to believe you.”
“You can.” I wrapped a hand around the back of his neck. “The only thing I’m addicted to is you.”
He shook his head. “That’s not healthy either, Silas.”
“You’re right. That’s not exactly what I meant.”
His hands gripped my waist. “Then what did you mean?”
I swallowed hard as my heart beat faster. It was time to say the words I’d been holding back since Austin. “I meant I don’t want to live without you. Not because of an addiction, but because I love you.”