Chapter 17
Seventeen
“ Q uinn, do you have a red five?”
“Nope,” I say to Wes.
He mumbles a string of curse words and pulls the top card off the deck.
Trying not to come down with a terrible bout of cabin fever, we’ve moved into the study for the day. The curtains are drawn back to allow in the natural light of the winter sun, and a fire rages in the fireplace. River, Wes, Aiden, and I sit in a circle on the massive woven rug in the middle of the room with a deck of cards. For hours, we’ve entertained ourselves by playing every card game we could think of, but we hit the bottom of the barrel about thirty minutes ago when we started this never-ending children’s game.
It’s been a month since these four men forced their way into this house and our lives. In the past, thirty days would seem minimal in our fast-paced world of school, study, and friends, but now, it feels like an eternity. We know who the morning people are and who are not, and the things to do to drive each other mad. Meal preparation and other chores have been equally divvied up, and our day-to-day now has a natural flow. I can’t seem to recall what life was like before they arrived.
I look up from my cards and watch Ryland nervously pace back and forth, running his fingers through his hair. The dark circles under his eyes are evidence of another sleepless night, making me wish he could find a moment of peace. Holding his gun, he splits his attention between watching the property out the window and glancing at us. I gave up on trying to get him to relax and join us on the floor. He’s on edge, and my best guess is it has to do with the cell phone up-link.
Noah has been perched behind my uncle’s desk since sunrise and is not in any better shape. Brown strands of his hair stand straight up, and his dark eyes look weary from hours of staring at a computer screen. River’s laptop sits open before him with the cell phone connected to it and a thick black cord running out the study window and across the lawn to the tower. This plan has taken a lot of time and effort on all of our parts, but Noah has been running the show. Under his direction, Wes and Ryland have wired the tower into the solar panels on top of the workshop. For weeks, Noah has been coding the program that will hopefully connect us to the other side of the world. He’s confident that today everything will be up and running.
The call will be quick, no more than five minutes. After that, the phone will most likely malfunction if not explode due to all the power running directly to it. We have the chance for only one call, and then communication will be lost with the rest of the world again.
I’d be lying if I said I’m not a bit disappointed. I wish each of us could call our families and let them know we’re alive. It must be awful for them to deal with the possibility of our deaths, but I especially feel for the boys’ parents. They sent their sons off on a summer trip thinking it was temporary and they would return unharmed. Their children are lost, and they’re left with the fading hope of one day being reunited.
My fingers are crossed that today will change everything for our families. I pray we reach the right person who can get the word out to our loved ones. Perhaps if a big enough fuss is made about the boys and how they have survived, their story will get to the right authorities, and we can be rescued. It’s a long shot, but it’s all we have. Just this one call.
With his hand back in his hair, Ryland steps away from the window. He stops in his tracks when he catches me staring at him. A forced smile pulls at the corners of his mouth, and I return it with a genuine one. It’s the first real exchange we’ve had all day. It’s not often I get to see this unnerved side of him, so I want to do what I can to help alleviate some of his stress.
“Hello, Quinn,” Aiden says with a raised voice.
I pull my attention from Ryland. “Sorry, what?”
“Do you have a black nine?”
I try to focus on the values of the cards I’m holding. “A black nine?”
“I think we need to talk about our relationship,” Aiden says, playfully throwing up his hands as if exasperated with me.
I raise an eyebrow and try to hide my smile. “All right, go for it.”
River lets out a huff and Wes moans as our game times-out.
Aiden and I have continued with our harmless flirtation. I play along because it’s amusing—an inside joke all our own. I thoroughly enjoy Aiden’s company. He, on the other hand, does it because he believes our back and forth aggravates Ryland, but there’s no sense of annoyance on his part. In fact, I think Ryland reacts more to make me squirm than to get the upper hand on his friend.
“You see, I’m starting to feel like someone else has caught your attention, and I get it. I’m just this sickly lad, and he’s… tall. Perhaps he’s also what others might find”—he raises both of his hands and makes quotation marks with his fingers— “pleasant to look at.”
Ryland leans against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest and an eyebrow cocked. He doesn’t look amused, and at the same time, the tilt of his lips says he is.
“I have a lot to offer,” Aiden says. “I’m a sensitive man who enjoys long walks on the beach and candlelit dinners. I make up for my homely face with humor and my vulnerable side. I’ve heard I’m quite the catch.”
I double over, my laughter filling the room.
Aiden is utterly ridiculous and far from being unattractive. Although, I do agree that his humor is the main contributor to his appeal. He has a way of drawing us all in. He may be a twenty-two-year-old man, but there’s a youthful quality to him. The rigorous life he’s led for almost two years hasn’t left him looking as haggard as the rest of us. His eyes still sparkle with carelessness, and his smile isn’t tainted with indifference. He embodies a typical young man just starting his life.
Ryland shakes his head. “There’s no quality, no matter how amazing, that can make up for that face, Donnelly.”
Aiden bows his head. “I’m destined to be alone.”
I lean into his side, looping my arm in his and resting my head on his shoulder. “Don’t listen to him.” I stick my tongue out at Ryland. “I have to admit, the struggle to keep my hands off you grows harder each day.” My words are meant for Aiden, but my eyes are glued to Ryland.
I’m only too aware of the indirect truth I’ve spoken. The nights when I sleep in the same room as him are a mixture of peaceful slumber knowing I’m safe and restlessness at having him so close. In the early morning, when he’s consumed by sleep, my brain jars me awake with the need to look at him. From across the room, I watch the rise and fall of his chest as he lays on the floor in front of the fire. My body aches to slide next to him and mold to his back, wrapping him in my arms. I’m sure he doesn’t need my comfort, but there are too many days where I feel I need his.
“Quinn, can I have a moment with you?” Ryland says, the playfulness vanishing from his face and replaced by a worry line between his eyebrows.
I give Aiden a quick kiss on the cheek. “By the way, you’re absolutely handsome, not that you need me to tell you.”
As I follow Ryland out of the room, Aiden brightly smiles. “I know, but I play it down for stolen sympathy kisses.”
I roll my eyes. “Well played.”
Ryland closes the study door once we are in the living room. The change of scenery has done nothing to calm his nerves, and again, he paces from one side of the room to the other.
I let him get a lap in before I ask, “What’s going on?”
He stops and brushes his disheveled hair from his face. His chest expands with a deep breath, and he closes his eyes. “I can’t properly express how grateful the four of us are that you let us stay. Both you and River made sacrifices for us even before we earned your trust.”
His demeanor screams uncertainty, and it’s the complete opposite of who I know him to be. We’re still learning all the little things about each other, and I don’t claim to understand him entirely, but something is off. To ease whatever is plaguing him, I move to close the distance between us. Keeping our bodies inches apart, I slide my hand inside of his.
“Thank you, and you’re right, I was hesitant about helping you guys, but I don’t regret it. I mean, Noah and River are happy, and I’m…” I reach up and move a rogue strand of hair that’s fallen across his forehead.
He turns his lips to the inside of my palm and kisses it. My stomach flips at the touch of his warm lips lingering on my skin. My imagination runs wild. The thought that rules them all is if his lips would feel just as soft pressed to mine. I’ve never wanted to kiss someone as much as I do him.
“And you’re…?” He urges me to finish my thought.
I’m always given the opportunity to be brave when I step outside of this house. However, when it comes to my emotional state, I cower. For once, I want to emulate the kind of courage Ryland portrays.
I glide my thumb across his jaw, willing his eyes to meet mine. Their green depths speak of his hurt and the tragedy he has endured. He’s not always strong, just a master at masking those darker emotions. He has taught me that I can be afraid and brave at the same time. And this is one of those times.
My voice is coated in emotions, making my words break when I say, “I’m so glad you’re here.”
He cradles my face in both of his hands. His forehead meets mine, and his expression is full of pain. “I have something I need to tell you. ”
I swallow as my stomach sinks, but I fight to ward off any expectations whether good or bad. I just want this one pure and truthful moment with him.
“Ry, we’re up,” says a muffled voice from the study.
His eyes spring open, and we stay silent, waiting to see if we heard correctly.
“Shaw.” Wes pulls the door open. “Noah says we only have a few minutes, and the phone is already heating up.”
He lets go of me, and I swear I see a flash of regret in his eyes before he jogs back into the study. My head spins as every thought I held at bay comes rushing in. Questions about what he needed to say and if he planned on kissing me. But it doesn’t matter. For now, I have no choice but to block everything out and follow Ryland and Wes back into the study.
Noah sits behind the desk with the phone in his hand and a blank computer screen before him. Everyone has gathered around him, waiting to see what will happen next. I stand off to the side and watch Ryland give a quick nod and step beside Noah. He maneuvers the laptop to face him as the phone rings. Within seconds, a grainy picture of a dark-haired woman appears on the computer screen.
I’m astonished. I had no idea Noah was working to make a video call.
“Dylan,” the woman sobs over the sound of hysterical voices in the background. “It’s his phone,” she explains to those around her.
“Mrs. Kassis, it’s Ryland.” He leans down with both arms, supporting his weight on the desk.
She frantically nods. “I can see you, Ryland. Noah, Wes, Aiden.” She greets them. “Where’s Dylan?”
Noah turns his face into River’s stomach, and his shoulders shake while my cousin lovingly runs her fingers through his hair.
“I’m so very sorry.” Ryland swallows a gulp of air, and his eyes shift like he is searching his memory for the carefully scripted speech he prepared for this moment, but it seems to elude him. “I couldn’t save him.”
“Ry.” Aiden places a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugs it away. I know the guilt he carries feels like too gentle of a punishment for not returning a son to his mother. This is his one chance to lessen that guilt a fraction.
Dylan’s mom is consumed by tears, and her makeup runs in black streaks down her beautiful oval face. “Did he— Is he one of them?”
“No,” Aiden answers, giving Ryland a firm look that begs him to let it be.
The heartbroken woman’s world has ripped wide open, and she doesn’t need all the gory details of her son’s death. Ryland cannot rely on her to absolve him of the sins he believes he committed. Not when her pain is just as deep, if not deeper than his.
“Where are you boys? Can you find a way home?” Mrs. Kassis sobs.
“We’re working on it,” Wes says, with a strained smile.
“Tell me where you are so I can send help. Your families?—”
The screen blinks in and out, breaking up her words before smoke discharges from the phone. Noah quickly pulls the plug from the computer, saving it from malfunctioning just as a light flashes outside followed by a deafening crack coming from the tower.
I blink at the blank screen, processing what happened. This call was nothing like I expected. From the beginning, I assumed we’d contact the Giran authorities and plead our case to be rescued, but it was never their intention. Linking the cell phone to the tower was always meant to be an attempt to notify Dylan’s family of his death.
The group next to me quietly exchanges brief sentences and comfort each other with promises of getting home. Even River is caught up in the moment, hugging each of them and whispering kind words while rubbing their backs.
Our chance of a more plausible escape plan has vanished.
Anger and frustration heat within me, and I want to scream. I was misled to believe they were trying to save us. Every time I spoke about this moment, I was never corrected by any of them. It was their intention to deceive me from the start. And it would appear everyone was in on it.
Without a word, I turn on my heels and rush from the room.
From behind me, River says, “No, let her go. She just needs some time.”
I hurry out the front door, slamming it closed behind me. The ground is slick with ice from where the snow has melted during the day and refrozen at night. My feet slip as I sprint across the yard and into the woods. I leap over fallen trees and dodge large rocks. Low snow-covered branches cross my path, threatening to scratch my face, but I duck and shove them aside. It’s not until I reach the edge of the lake, that has transformed into a massive block of ice, that my body gives out. I fall to the ground, pulling my legs to my chest and resting my head on my knees .
My unhinged emotions bombard me. One part of me is livid with myself for being upset. The death of Dylan has plagued his friends for far too long, especially Ryland. This was their chance to lessen their torment and honor their dead friend. In letting his mother know of his death, they were able to give her closure and gain some for themselves as well. I can’t deny the call was the right thing to do, but at what cost? The tiny ounce of hope I had for River and me has been violently ripped away. For weeks, I’ve clung to the unlikely probability that this call would work in our favor. I’d built it up in my mind to this epic moment when someone would come to our rescue. In a matter of minutes, my dream was quashed, and reality put back into its place.
I can respect that the boys had a difficult choice to make. I honestly couldn’t say what I’d have done in their shoes. I just wish it wasn’t paid for with my trust.
I don’t bother to hold back my tears. Their wetness and the unrelenting cold remind me that I’m still alive, and my fight is not over. But for this small moment, I give in to my hurt and sadness, letting them run their course until I’m unable to cry anymore.
Crunching snow under slow steps invades the quiet around me. I keep my head down, hiding the evidence of my weakness as something warm is placed around my shoulders. I wrap it around my body, realizing my limbs are shaking and teeth are chattering. I wasn’t dressed for the freezing temperatures. I’ve sat here wallowing in my sorrow and welcoming hypothermia at the same time.
Extra heat radiates from the body that slides down beside me.
“I wanted to tell you about the call,” Ryland says.
In the safety of the jacket, I keep my face hidden as I dry my eyes. “Why didn’t you? ”
“Not that it makes it any better, but I was trying before it connected.”
I look at him over the fabric. “No, it doesn’t make it any better. You let me believe you were calling for help.”
“I know you, Quinn. There was no way you would’ve agreed to the call. You would have fought it.”
“You’re right. I would have pushed back. This was our one chance to find someone outside of this fucked up situation to help us. I’m stubborn, but not unreasonable. Maybe if you had given me a chance, I would have also come up with a compromise. We could have all gotten what we wanted.”
“Do you honestly think you would have bent on this? You have a one-track mind when it comes to River,” he says, keeping his eyes on the frozen lake before us.
“She’s the only thing I have left in this goddamn world, but she isn’t all I care about. Despite fighting it, I’ve grown to take the well-being of the four of you into account as well. Or is this all one-sided and I’m the only one considering you guys my friends?”
“No, Quinn. It isn’t one-sided. You know that,” he says, pure conviction lacing his tone.
His certainty jars a little of the fight out of me and my voice wavers as I say, “You could have at least put it up for a vote and given me a voice in the matter.”
He turns to me, guilt etching deep lines into his forehead and around his mouth. “We did put it up for a vote, and you were outnumbered.”
Through clenched teeth I say, “I guess we’ll never know if I would have compromised.”
I want to scream and unleash my fury upon him. From the moment I met him, I tried to hold him at a distance. I begged him not to let his guard down when I was miserably failing. He forced his way in, and I trusted him almost as much as my own family. He betrayed me, but he didn’t act alone.
“River knew, didn’t she?” I ask.
He nods. “Noah told her when we were in Blythe. Don’t be upset with her, be upset with me. This was my fault. Hold me responsible and let me make it up to you.”
“How? She’s going with you no matter what. She thinks it is useless for us to say here any longer. The minute we leave, I have no safety net for her or myself. You can’t guarantee we’ll get across the border, and if we don’t, it will be her and me fending for ourselves.”
“I already told you we will work it out. I’ll get you both across.” He almost has me convinced, but the rational part of me knows it’s empty promises. What we’ll face at the border is unknown.
“How can I believe you when you’ve already deceived me?” I ask.
He flinches and says, “I’ll make it up to you, I promise, whatever it takes.”
There’s only one thing worth a damn that he can give me right now. “If you want to make it up to me, then swear you’ll protect River at all costs. I’m not delusional. I know you won’t put her above your friends, but you sure as hell better put her above me. Swear to me, if a moment comes where you have to choose her or me, you’ll choose her.”
His eyes widen and he shakes his head. “That’s not a promise I can make.”
My heart shatters. He’s my last hope of delivering River back to our family alive. “Then your promise of doing whatever it takes is just another lie.”
He reaches out and wipes away a tear sliding down my face with his thumb. “Ask anything else. ”
I wouldn’t go as far as to say his affections for me run as deep as love, but he does feel the need to protect me. I’m sure watching over River seems redundant to him. He has said that Noah will always look out for her, leaving him open to watch over me. But I need him to go against whatever drives him to protect me. If River and I can’t both be reunited with our parents, then I’m going to make sure one of us does. It will be her, and I need his help to do it.
It pains me to hurt him, but I have no choice. “There’s nothing else I want. Promise you’ll put River’s safety above my own.”
His brows furrow and he frowns. I know he doesn’t want to say the words; his integrity will not allow him to back away from an oath. Once he says he will put her first, he’ll be held to it. That is exactly what I want.
Ryland takes a deep breath and quietly says, “I promise.”