Chapter 22 New Roommate #2
A part of me agreed, but I also remembered what Jack and I had discussed.
No more lies, no more secrets. It was a question of respect.
At the same time, I had to think about my own sanity and the sanity of everyone in the apartment.
Was this really the time for Jack to have another one of his breakdowns, when all of us were already so on edge?
As I asked myself this, I crossed eyes with Mike, who threw up his arms and shouted, “What do you think, Jenna? Do you want my brother to know? Because, fuck it, if you do, I’ll tell him.”
“Mike, for God’s sake, don’t curse in front of the girl,” Will said.
Sue, who had remained silent up till then, observed, “I really doubt that’s a good idea. Mike clearly regrets what he did. I think that’s enough. All of us make mistakes.”
“A mistake is doing it once,” Naya responded.
“This is the third strike for Mike. There’s seven of us in this apartment now, that’s way too many, especially if one of us is going to criticize other people’s relationships and constantly try to undermine Ross, who’s done so much for us.
If he confesses to Ross and they make up, fine, but otherwise, he can go.
I’m not going to sit here and cover up for him anymore, and I’m not going to keep listening to his bullshit. ”
Sue and Naya scowled at each other, then looked at Mike and me.
“I can tell him,” Mike said. “I’m not scared, if that’s what you guys think.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I told him, “Do whatever you want. I don’t care.”
A few minutes later—following a stressful silence—Jack opened the front door, walked in whistling, and stopped as he noticed how awkward the situation was. “Is something up?” he asked.
“Come here, honey,” Naya said to her daughter, picking her up and walking to the bedroom. “The adults have something they need to talk about.”
Jack looked confused. “We do?”
Will was as nervous as I was. Mike was even worse. He was opening and closing his fists, and a thin film of sweat had appeared on his brow. Sue’s lips were pursed as she observed the scene.
“OK, seriously,” Jack announced. “I’m going to need you guys to tell me what the hell’s going on now.”
“Something happened,” Mike admitted. “And it’s past time I told the truth. I kissed Jenna.”
I wished he hadn’t just come out with it like that.
He could have prepped Jack, made an excuse, something.
I felt like a soldier on a battlefield waiting for a grenade to land and explode.
For a few seconds, Jack stood there staring, and I even began to wonder if maybe he didn’t care.
But then a shadow fell over his face. “Tell me you’re kidding. ”
“I’m not,” Mike said. “It was the night Naya gave birth. I tried to kiss her, she pulled away from me. That’s it. End of story.”
Did he hope just blurting it out would make it seem like less of a big deal—one of those things that just happens, like bad weather or a burst pipe?
I don’t know, but it didn’t work. The tension grew in Jack’s body as he turned from his brother to me.
There were too many emotions in his face for me to grasp what he was really feeling. “You didn’t tell me,” he said quietly.
“I’m sorry,” I responded.
“You said we’d tell each other everything. And as for you, Mike… You’re a miserable piece of shit.”
Will stood, his hands slightly raised, as if he were trying to calm a wild animal, and warned Jack not to say anything he’d regret.
“Oh, don’t you worry,” Jack said. “I won’t regret any of this.”
“What do you want, Ross?” Mike asked. “I admitted it. I was sincere. That’s a lot for me.”
Jack smiled bitterly, enraged, and said, “Oh, should I go get you a prize now? A cake, maybe? You think since you admitted it, that makes it OK? I’m not supposed to be pissed off now?
You’ve never been able to change, Mike, and you never will.
You’re a bum, a loser. You don’t even deserve to be talked to. ”
“This was different!” Mike argued.
“Every time you fuck up, it’s different.
And then you come to me and call me brother and tell me it’s important to make peace, but you never actually try to improve.
And whenever I treat you like an adult in the hope you’ll be responsible for your actions, you go off crying about how no one loves you.
Has it ever occurred to you that maybe no one should? ”
That was cold, even for Jack. Mike grimaced and looked away. But Jack wasn’t done. He turned to me, unable to speak, and that silence hurt worse than any words. Then he stepped to Will. “Did you know?”
Will nodded. “I’m sorry, man.”
“You’re sorry?” Jack roared. “Screw you, too, Will. Seriously. All of you leave me alone. Every one of you is pathetic.”
He stomped out of the apartment without another word, and none of us knew what to say.
The next morning, Jack still hadn’t shown his face, and I had to get up early for an exam.
I hoped I hadn’t bombed, given how little sleep I’d managed to get.
I couldn’t stop thinking about whether my relationship was over—all Jack had asked for from me was honesty, and I didn’t know why that was so hard to give him.
And so when Naya met me in the hallway and said, “I think my daughter hates me,” I was happy to be able to focus on someone else’s drama.
In her daughter’s defense, if someone tried to put a diaper on me as ineptly as Naya was doing with Jane, I’d probably hate them, too.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I said, “she’s just uncomfortable.”
“It’s not the diaper, Jenna, it’s everything. I’m not good at being a mom, and Jane knows it. She hates me, I’m absolutely certain of it. Can babies feel hatred? Have you ever read anything about that?”
“Come here,” I said, scooped Jane up, and took her gently back to the changing table.
Naya apologized for being a pain. “I know I complain too much.”
“It’s not that,” I responded, “it’s just that you let any little thing get you down. Like this. It’s not instinct, it’s something you learn, but it’s hard to get any better when you fall apart any time something doesn’t go perfectly. Now watch.”
I put Jane’s favorite rubber duck beside her, then gripped the baby’s ankles softly.
She blinked her pretty little eyes. Naya looked as concentrated as a student taking notes.
I unstuck the tabs, opened the diaper, and, noticing Jane had a slight rash, rubbed her down with a little ointment.
When she was changed and clean again, I picked her up and handed her back to Naya. “See? Good as new.”
“You’re magic,” Naya said.
“I had a lot of practice with my nephew.”
“Can you come watch me the next time I change her? I really do want to get it right.”
“Of course,” I told her. “I’m an expert.”
Naya held Jane to her shoulder and rocked her as she put away her things.
The baby grabbed a lock of her blond hair and started sucking it.
She only ever did that with Naya, and I couldn’t help laughing at it, because Naya had always been obsessed with her hair.
But having kids can make the vainest person less self-centered, and Naya had given up trying to stop her.
“How was your test?” she asked as we walked toward the living room.
“Horrible.”
“How was class?”
“Horrible, too.”
“Man,” Naya said, “it’s a barrel of laughs around this apartment lately.”
Maybe I should have sugarcoated things, but in that moment, I couldn’t.
I was drowning, and I was unable to focus because I could barely sleep between the baby and my issues with Jack.
After the test that day, I’d walked out of class and overheard everyone saying how easy it had been.
I had barely waded through it, and I didn’t want to even consider how ridiculous half of what I’d written was.
I needed to move forward, not backward, though, so I spread out my notes for my other classes on the coffee table and started studying.
Will was there with his laptop—he’d been glued to it since his internship started—and Sue was in her easy chair chitchatting with Mike.
Naya started complaining that her boobs hurt. I tried to ignore her.
I could have gone to the bedroom, but of course I didn’t feel like it.
Everything there reminded me of Jack, and the thought of Jack reminded me that I had a very unpleasant conversation in store for me.
With the TV on, I could hardly concentrate, and I thought Mike and Sue should have the decency to turn it down.
But they were locked in one of their usual spats.
They started throwing pillows at one another, and one of them missed and scattered my notes.
Jane grabbed one of my sheets of paper, crumpled it, and stuffed it into her mouth.
As I was picking my stuff back up, I growled, and everybody realized I was at my limit.
They fell silent, and I inhaled and exhaled three times, trying to regain control of myself.
I was stomping around, gathering my papers and trying to get them in order, when Jack walked in, still wearing the same clothes he’d had on the night before. Worst of all, Vivian was with him.
I hadn’t seen her since our less-than-pleasant encounter at the airport.
She smiled, but I knew how sincere her smiles were.
Since I’d told myself I’d try to play nice, I managed to muster an expression that wasn’t quite disgust. Jack looked irritated as he glanced back at her.
“OK, I’m home,” he said, “you can leave now. I told you I didn’t want you to come up. ”
“Well, I’m here now, and you can’t kick me out,” she said.
Jack turned to me. “What’s your problem?” he asked. “You didn’t call me, you didn’t send me a single text. I could have died and you wouldn’t even know.”
It was true. I’d thought he needed his space, and plus I had studying to do.
“He didn’t die,” Vivian said. “He was with me. Luckily.”