4. Roman
Chapter 4
Roman
The last place in the world I thought I’d end up tonight is Audra’s bedroom. I spent the better part of my teenage years being a lovesick fool, dreaming about what the inside of this room would look like.
As I look around, I feel like all of my senses are being drowned in Audra in the best way. The room is just so… her. From the wine red color of her comforter to the vinyl records she’s got hung up on the wall.
She’s laying several feet away, fast asleep, and I’m wide awake because I’m in fucking Audra Hart’s bedroom . As long as I can remember, I’ve been trying to find a way to be around her and I finally have it.
Sure, I’d rather it be under much different circumstances considering everything she went through with Tyler. But if friendship is all I can have from her, I’ll be happy to be the one to make her laugh on bad days and sleep on her pull out couch when she’s scared.
Eventually, I drift off, wondering what the hell I did to deserve ending up with Audra in my life.
* * *
I wake up to the sound of Audra starting her day. The loud humming of a hair dryer and slow indie pop music coming from the bathroom. Holy shit I’m waking up in Audra’s bedroom. I sit up, get my bearings about me and take in the room in the daylight. I won’t lie, if you had asked me to guess what music she listens to I would have assumed some variation of rock or metal.
I stand and fold the blanket she gave me, sitting both it and the pillows at the end of her bed. I quickly fold the pull out bed back in the couch and replace the cushions.
I turn to walk out of the room right as she walks back in, stopping me in my tracks. She’s standing there wrapped in a little black towel and it takes everything in me to turn my head and look away from her. I whirl around, face on fire, just to hear a laugh fall from her mouth.
“Scared of women in towels, Roman?” she teases, walking past me and over to her closet. I clear my throat.
“Just trying to be respectful,” I say, and I know she can hear the strain in my voice. Just trying to be respectful— oh and, you know. I’ve had a big fat crush on you since I was in middle school, so if I make eye contact with you in nothing but a little towel, I’ll have a bulge in my pants to show for it.
Doing anything to change the fucking subject before she can respond, I ask, “You gonna be okay at the house by yourself all day?”
“You’re leaving already?” she asks quietly. I can’t tell if it’s fear, disappointment, or just plain surprise in her voice.
“Well, I have to work at The Surf Shop today.”
“Oh,” she mumbles, turning to face me then quickly turning back to the closet. “Yeah. I’ll be fine…” I don’t know who she’s trying to convince, but I know I’m not sold.
I find myself wishing I could bring her to work with me so she didn’t have to be left alone here all day. Who am I kidding? I own the shop.
My parents always planned on gifting me and Ares each a car when we each graduated, but the money from odd after-school jobs and summer surfing competitions made it possible for me to buy my own early on. So when graduation rolled around, I was gifted The Surf Shop instead.
“You could come with me?” I offer. She turns to look back to me with those big, bright, green eyes, a slight smile hooked at each end of her perfect lips.
“Really?” she exclaims, and for the first time in weeks her tone sounds bright and hopeful.
“Yeah, I mean, it is my shop. I make the rules and what do you know-” I pause, pretending to check my calendar. “It’s take your new friend to work day!”
She laughs; a real, deep, genuine laugh. As it rings out into the room, I think my heart might burst, dropping me dead right there in the doorway. I know then that the sound of her laugh will never get old, and that I’ll be doing just about anything I can to hear it a million more times.
“Oh, lucky us! What are the odds? It’s almost like your boss knows you made a new friend,” she teases.
“Yeah. Sometimes I feel like we share a brain,” I joke back.
I leave the room, letting her get dressed for the day without an audience. I spend the rest of the morning watching Audra finish getting ready and it’s never been harder to ignore the voice in my brain screaming how I wouldn’t mind spending every morning this way.
It was hard to ignore the voice when she made coffee and slid an extra mug in front of me without asking. It was harder still when she stood in front of me in nothing but a towel and stared at me with hopeful, shining, green eyes when I told her she could come to work with me.
But by far, it was the hardest to ignore when we lingered in her bedroom as she put the final touches on her look for the day. She sat criss-crossed on her bathroom sink doing her makeup and every time I made a joke, she made eye contact with me through the mirror and threw her head back laughing like a little kid. Without a doubt that was the moment that I knew her laugh had quickly become my favorite sound on earth. That’s when that insistent little voice became impossible to ignore.
We leave her house soon after, stopping by mine quickly to grab my work clothes which really just means a fresh pair of sweats and one of my shop shirts. I rush out of the door and we head to The Surf Shop. We pull into the parking lot on the shore about fifteen minutes later.
I park my Jeep in front of The Surf Shop and she follows me inside. The shop is already open. Beck, my oldest friend and sole employee, is standing behind the counter with a wax comb and the board one of our regulars dropped off earlier this week. Audra follows close behind me and Beck leans to peak over at us, his brown ringlets falling over with the tip of his head. He flashes us a wide smile showing all of his teeth.
“Hey, Ro! Who’s this?” he asks, gesturing to Audra. I could smack him for this. He knows good and well who Audra is. I’ve only brought her up a million times. She’s moved to stand slightly behind me in the face of someone new.
“This is Audra,” I reply, pointing to her over my shoulder. “Audi, this is Beck.” I add, nodding my head in Beck’s direction. She smiles sweetly and waves to him.
“Audra…” he pauses, thinking hard like he’s trying to connect the dots. “Oh! Like the one you?—”
I cut him off quickly, shaking my head. “Audra as in Ares’ friend. And mine,” I correct. Audra looks between me and Beck questioningly, but doesn’t say anything. Beck, however, laughs to himself as I shoot him a glare. Please don’t do this to me, you fucker.
Beck knows all too well who Audra is, considering the amount of times I’ve drunkenly confessed to how completely infatuated I am with her. Beck is the best person I know and certainly the best friend I’ve got. A helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, and second father I never knew I needed- all of the things that make Beck the man he is. They also make him the last person I should be letting Audra talk to unsupervised.
I whisk Audra away shortly after, spending about half an hour walking her around the shop. During that time, I show her everything, from where basic stock items are, to the repairs we do during the day. She seems interested enough in the goings on of the shop. Either that, or she’s really good at pretending.
We move to the employees only section, where I show her the makeshift studio for cleaning boards and painting custom orders. I show her the shed out back where we keep the wetsuits for renting and surf lessons. Finally, I bring her back inside and show her the big, comfy couch where we spend the majority of our time.
“Well, that’s it, that’s the shop!” I say, plopping myself down on the couch.
“It’s cute! Like something out of a movie or a Pinterest board,” she giggles, sitting down next to me.
We sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, and I watch her take in the main room one more time. “I have to get a couple things done, you cool to hang out here and wait for me?” She nods and I get up, walking to the front counter to start going through my everyday tasks. Usually, they feel overly boring and mundane, but today? Today, I get to do them while the prettiest girl I’ve ever met watches and it feels like I won the job lottery.
The bell above the door dings as someone walks in the shop. I look up to offer a simple greeting before going back to my tasks, knowing Beck will help customers while I get things done. I don’t think much about what’s going on around me, but out of the corner of my eye, I see Audra tense.
I look over to see her frozen, her eyes searching for mine. My eyes shift quickly, looking over at the guy who’s just come into my line of sight. I have absolutely no idea who he is, but based on the look he’s giving Audra while she’s sitting on the couch, I immediately decide I don’t like him one bit. I make my way toward the front of the shop, putting myself between Audra and whoever the hell this person is that’s making her so uncomfortable.
“I can help you,” I chirp in the most annoyingly nice tone I can muster, stepping in front of him to block Audra from his view.
“I just came to pick my board up,” he says, nodding his head towards the backroom. Sure enough, his board’s hanging there, freshly cleaned and waxed. I can’t lie. In this moment, solely off Audra’s reaction when he walked into my shop, I wish I had scuffed it or accidentally broken it during the cleaning process.I nod, walking to the back of the store to get the board and get this guy out of here.
Apparently, I’m the only one in the room with a little self preservation. As I cross over the employees only line, the stranger speaks up. But not to me. To Audra.
“Of course you’re with some other guy,” he scoffs in Audra’s direction. “Tyler’s gonna love this, Audi,” he sneers at her. I freeze as I grab his board, my nails scraping the edge of the wood. Oh, fuck no. Not in my shop, dipshit.
I attempt to scrounge up all the maturity I can on my way back over to him, but I know I’ve come up short as I storm my way over. The handful of seconds it takes me to get over there, grinds further at my nerves because I see Audra sitting on the couch stunned, paralyzed with tears in her eyes.
“Get the fuck out!” I spit, shoving the board into his hands.
He rolls his eyes, grabbing it. “Whatever, dude. She’s just a slut.” He dismisses me.
I know I should let it go. Be a professional, or whatever the fuck grown ass people do when a customer is being a pain. Unfortunately for this customer, I don’t get dissed or dismissed by scrawny little assholes who can’t stand any taller than five foot, seven.
“Say anything else about her and I’ll break your fucking neck,” I seethe. “Probably a little harder to talk shit that way, huh?”
I use the bulk of my six foot frame to herd him out of the door. He just throws his hands up and walks back to his car. Yeah that’s what I fucking thought. I stand in the doorway, watching him struggle to load his board into his car, until he peels out of my parking lot so I know he’s gone. The second his tail lights disappear from sight, I immediately turn to check on Audra. She’s still sitting on the couch with a blank stare and tears filling her eyes.
“You okay, Audi?” I ask, crouching down in front of her.
She doesn’t say a word. She just throws her arms around my neck, hugging me. In different circumstances, I’d be freaking out because Audra Hart is hugging me—hell, who am I kidding? I am freaking out despite the circumstances. I chastise myself, b e so fucking normal about this, Roman. Do not fuck this up.
Beck walks in from the back, saving me from making a fool of myself when Audra obviously needs comfort right now. “Who the fuck was that guy?” Beck yells over from the desk, scowling deeply.
Audra sniffles, pulling back from my neck. If it was anyone but my best friend, I might be a little pissed that he was the reason she pulled away from me. But right now, I could kiss him for being as outraged as I am and for saving my lovesick ass.
“My ex’s friend,” she murmurs.
“You want me and Ro to kick this kid’s ass?” He laughs, flashing her his signature boyish, toothy grin. The thing is, I know he isn’t kidding. Not even a little bit.
Audra lets out a laugh but it’s sour, like nothing’s funny about the situation at all.
“He’s the least of my concerns,” she replies coldly. It’s a loaded statement and I know exactly what she means, but I wonder what, if anything, she’ll address with Beck in the room.
“Well, if you need us to kick someone’s ass, let us know.” He chuckles. “Or just me, if you feel strongly about fair fights.” He winks, flashing her a goofy grin.
I’m a little surprised when she laughs again. “I’ll keep that in mind, Beck, ” she says sweetly, nodding at him. As her words wash over me, I’m reminded that when she isn’t crying or scared, every word out of her mouth is soft and honeyed. You’d never know it just by looking at her. Audra’s been known to have a mean mug, one of those faces where it looks like she might bite your head off for one wrong word. Unsurprisingly, most people, including me—hell, especially me—are helpless to do anything but let her and then thank her for it.
Beck offers a small goodbye, turning on his heel and dancing away backwards. It has its intended effect, and a flurry of giggles rip their way through her. Every time she laughs, it feels like a sign that she’s going to be alright. I hope she feels the same way.
Besides Ares, I’ve never had such a strong inclination to make sure someone is okay. Wanting to keep my sibling safe is kind of given, it’s built into your brain when you become an older brother. Audra is a different story. It’s like ever since she cried in my arms that first night, all I can think about is making sure she’s alright.
I know that part of it is I have a thing for Audra. I have ever since the very first day Ares brought her home in middle school, but it’s never felt like this before. It was always lingering glances, ‘mistakenly’ running into her, or trying to find a way to put myself on her map. But now, it’s all wiping tears, sleeping on couches, and trying to be the one to earn a laugh out of her.
* * *
The rest of the day is slow and quiet at the shop. Beck and I do busy work and Audra intently watches. Time is spent with a good mix of peaceful silence and joy-filled laughter. It’s so good to hear her enjoying herself that I don’t even feel jealous watching her laugh at Beck’s jokes when he lobs something over from the backroom.
Beck heads home about an hour before the shop closes, leaving Audra and I there alone.
“When we leave here, am I taking you home?” I ask.
“Yeah, that would be perfect. I think Ares is going to pick me up from there to spend the night tonight. He said we’re grabbing Ravyn on the way home, too,” she answers. For the first time in a long while, she doesn’t sound pained when talking about spending time with the two of them.
“Okay, I can do that. Finally starting to find your place in those friendships again?” I test, grabbing the last few things off the counter.
“No, but I decided to take your advice. I have to give things the time to fall back into place and they never will if I keep avoiding my friends.”
“Have you told them?” I hear my voice echo in the empty shop I immediately regret asking. I know it isn’t my business and I know she doesn’t want to talk about it, but the question’s out of my mouth before I can hold it back.
Her head snaps in my direction. “No, why?”
Guilt forms like a ball in my chest over how panicked she sounds.
“I haven’t said anything,” I assure her, “and I won’t say anything. I just think it might help you feel closer to being back to normal if you aren’t keeping something from them. That’s all.”
“I just can’t,” she brokenly answers. I want to tell her she can and that she should. To assure her that she doesn’t have to be scared of Tyler anymore because I’ll break his arm before he touches her again. But I don’t. I’m not in a position to make her those promises. I leave it all unsaid because it’s none of my business, and we both know that.
“It’s none of my business, anyways.” I shake my head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
We sit, staring at each other as awkward silence creeps in. “Come on. Let’s get you home,” I call, holding the front door open for her. She brushes past me quickly and I sigh, pulling the door closed and locking it before following her out to my car.
The entire ride to her house is tense and silent. It’s made worse by the fact I know it’s on me and that I have to do something to fix it. I want to, more than anything, but I come up short on solutions and have to live with the tension I made when I opened my big mouth.
When I park in her driveway, Audra quickly unbuckles and throws open the passenger side door. She leaves as fast from the Jeep as she did from my shop, not pausing to say goodbye or wave to me from her door like she did three weeks ago.
There’s nothing that compares to the silence ringing in my Jeep as I drive home, nothing except maybe the absence of her in my passenger seat. Not one note of that favorite laugh of mine replaying in my ears like there should be.