Chapter 33 – When the Stars Align #3
Valerie's smile sharpened. "The difference is that I know what you want.
You want power, status, freedom, and a life well lived.
And, look, I think you're going to go off with Araxis no matter what.
You love him, and for what it's worth, I think he's really sorry.
I know he is; I've listened in on his interviews too.
I like your space prince, even though he's fucked up – but there might come a day when you want a ripcord.
If you decide you're done, I'll get you out, no questions asked.
There's your power and freedom. And, look, you won't be working for Perseus, you’d be working with us.
You know, sharing information you think is relevant or interesting.
If it helps, that's status with us. As for a life well lived – I think you've got that covered, although if you do want to join us at Perseus after you're done with the abayan empire, we've got trees and oceans and a slew of terraformed planets with all those animals you've watched in your documentaries.
I just – I don't think your options should be Araxis or an airlock, you know?
You deserve more than that particular fork in the road. "
A way out, she said. No questions asked.
I didn't believe that – of course I didn't – but it might be nice to have some more options.
"I just don't know if I can trust you," I said finally.
"I don't know why I would." After everything, after she'd basically been in my head, I figured honesty was the best policy.
If anyone would know I was bullshitting, it was probably this person.
Valerie stood, nodding and rolling her shoulders in a quick stretch – such a familiar, human gesture it was almost jarring.
"I get it. So don't make a decision now.
Take some time and think about it. Have your heart-to-heart with Araxis and see how you feel about things after that.
Here's how to reach me." She flicked her wristband; my own – still disconnected from the datasphere but with local networks active – buzzed softly against the inside of my wrist. "I'll check in later, and I'm going to send you some actual shoes, just because.
What you said about boots that fit being a major highlight of your life?
Too fucking tragic." She reached and grabbed the small box from the table, jabbing at a few buttons.
All at once, the pressure on my eardrums dropped away, the chorus of ship systems around us humming and buzzing in a familiar song.
"It's been nice meeting you in person," she added, sticking her hand out again.
"Sure." I took her hand again in a quick handshake before dropping my own away.
She looked at the datapad and wriggled her fingers a little, so I pushed it into her waiting grasp.
I didn't want to read anything else about what someone somewhere thought about my fucked up childhood and how that had made me an easy mark anyway.
"Did you want to see him now?" she asked as she stepped toward the door, datapad held between her elbow and her ribs.
I wasn't sure. My head was too full of possibilities, my thoughts and feelings too tangled.
Some of that must have read on my face, because Valerie's mouth twisted into a concerned shape, the skin between her eyebrows creasing.
"You could wait until the morning. If you wanted a breather.
Today was another long one for you – and absolutely brutal.
You nearly broke my heart, just from listening. "
I hated that. I hadn't wanted anyone to listen.
My teeth were working the inside of my cheek raw as I studied her and thought about everything she'd laid out.
She'd heard everything, she knew everything, and, I don't know, some part of me just needed an external opinion on what the fuck was the best course of action.
It was like I was standing in the middle of a maze and I needed someone with an aerial view to help me find my way out.
"You said you like him, Araxis. Do you think – I mean, what would you do? "
"Oh." Something sad flashed across her face, lightning quick, and then she huffed out a sigh.
"I think you were right when you said that he plays his cards close to his chest. He wants you to be proud of him; he wants to deserve you, and I think…
I think he'll be tempted to keep hiding things that might upset you, believing he can deal with them before you ever have to become aware of them.
So if I were you, I'd draw up a list of my questions and I'd sit down with him and hammer out the details of what's going to happen with you two.
Like negotiations, right? And, I don't know, maybe take a break from fucking him while you try to get things sorted out?
We're all stupid when we're in love. And when we're having mind-blowing sex. "
"Don't get ahead of yourself. The sex is fine," I said, my neck prickling with heat. God, the things I had said in that interview room – the way I had spoken about Araxis –
She raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Uh huh, sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night."
But despite her knowing look, Valerie's advice was…
good. It was the kind of advice someone like Silver Sea would have given me, and the comparison made me like Valerie Prior a little bit more and give a little more consideration to her proposition.
"Will you send me some files, about… your people? "
Her smile flashed bright and she nodded. "Yeah, of course! So – should I say you're taking the night off, starting fresh in the morning?"
I agreed, and Valerie left to go speak with Justiciar Tra Fell. I was escorted back to my tiny room to stare at the wall and think carefully about the options before me. I'd wanted to chart my own course; I'd wanted to be the pilot of my own life.
Now was my opportunity to do just that.