Chapter 5 #2
But it was like taking a tea break, wasn't it? He'd fucked up in a massive way that he was deeply ashamed of and, uncertain, he'd become hesitant and shy again. And I'd been waiting for him to stride forward, the knight of Creche Thiel, my space prince.
And it wasn't like I knew much about relationships. I certainly didn't have a starchart for this one – but of the two of us, I had to be better equipped for this. Which meant that, if I wanted to work any of it out, I had to step up and – and lead.
I'm trying to follow where you lead, he'd said, and I'd been doing a shit job leading, waiting for him to be head of house and take charge.
Although because I'd also stipulated that, when he was head of house or when we were on creche business, I was working for him and he was my client, of course he wouldn't. He couldn't, because they were separate realms.
No wonder everything had been a mess.
I tapped my stylus against the datapad, forcing myself to try to translate the same sentence – It would be my pleasure to offer you tea – for six different social positions.
I stared down at the datapad, considering just how different abayan language and convention were because of power hierarchies.
I'd been thinking of myself as still having less power, but it was clear that, to Araxis, I had more.
I will make you tea, I wrote firmly. It is my pleasure to care for you in this way.
* * *
The call dragged on for an eternity, until the conversation shifted into familiar abayan phrases indicating the close of a successful meeting.
It has been our pleasure to speak with a representative from such a fine creche, and You have done us an honour by inviting us to speak, and more of the same.
I set my datapad aside – I'd finished a great number of exercises and had sent them to Inmadra, who'd already managed to get the first few back to me with some truly scathing marginalia – and shuffled a little closer to Araxis so that I was sure I was visible.
I smiled my pretty smile and waited patiently – okay, maybe not patiently; my fingers were beating a staccato drumbeat against my thigh – for the screen to click off.
"Thank all the stars," sighed Vivith the moment the feed died. "They would not stop speaking."
Araxis trilled, and I stood up, rolling my shoulders and stretching. "Good result, though?" I asked.
Vivith's dark stare flashed up to look at me, their mouth narrow, as if they'd forgotten I was there and had been unpleasantly reminded.
"Yes," said Araxis, also standing as Vivith gathered the tray with the teapot and array of cups, and the little plates of food we'd been nibbling on throughout the meeting.
"We have agreed to invest in one of their textile productions in exchange for their support for our petition.
In truth, I think the exchange is to our benefit: it is a good investment regardless, although their creche was subject to some unpleasantness recently so they have struggled to find partners. "
"What kind of unpleasantness?" I asked as we drifted back into our room. I was already tugging out of the formal top with its high collar.
"Their head of house stepped down, and there was a very public feud about which arkathi – that means those who are eligible to hold a leadership position – would take on the mantle.
" Araxis, too, shrugged out of his formal jacket, following me into the closet where I had summarily dumped all of my clothes in the bin for laundry.
They needed to be washed and pressed every time I wore them, which struck me as incredibly stupid.
I mean, I washed my other clothes, but you could go a long time between washing ugly sweaters that never touched your skin and only occasionally got strange substances on the cuff.
"What should I wear?" I asked him as he carefully hung his jacket up. I couldn't help but notice that his formal wear wasn't as finicky. At Araxis's blank look, I added, "You know, for our date? If – that's still happening?"
Had he forgotten? Had that been a fever dream entirely? Our meeting had run long but –
He must have seen the thought on my face, because Araxis flushed silver immediately. "I did not forget, Sashen," he said. "I could not. You can wear whatever you like." He turned his back to me as he slipped out of his shirt.
"What I like," I said carefully, trying not to get distracted by the muscles of his back, the elegant shape of his spine, "is knowing how to dress for the situation. I like – meeting the brief."
Araxis pulled on a dark draped top that showed a lovely expanse of collarbone.
His eyes were endless black as he looked at me, as I stood nearly naked in front of him, that stare skating over my body before he forced himself to look in my eyes again.
"I – Whatever you were planning on wearing for your afternoon plans will be fine," he said.
"We're travelling to Glimmer Ward to an art gallery.
It's not an event, so there is no need for formality.
Unless you would like that?" He paused, the skin around his eyes tightening.
"Should I have chosen something more formal? The literature was unclear."
I stared at him, incredulous. His hands drifted to his waist, curling the hem of his shirt in his long fingers.
"The literature, huh?" I asked, settling on one of my questionable sweaters – the gray one with uneven cuffs; at least is wasn't too lumpy, and it entirely covered the junction of my neck and shoulder – and my usual jumpsuit.
"I have been doing some… reading," Araxis explained as we stepped into the bedroom. He looked nervous. He was acting nervous.
"And what has your reading been telling you?" I asked, amused. He was awfully cute like this.
"For many humans, dating involves a series of social encounters and activities meant to allow prospective partners to come to understand each other better and to determine compatibility.
Common activities include cultural outings, athletic activities, sharing food and drink, and taking in local sights.
Sometimes it involves the introduction to family and friends, depending on how far along those involved are in the dating process.
" He said it like he was reciting something he'd had to learn for school, and he looked at me afterwards like he expected a correction.
I felt a slow smile catch my mouth, and I had to look away so he didn't think I was laughing at him.
"Yeah, that's about right. Although it was a bit different on Seraphim.
Lots of praying and reading the litany or the Words of Wisdom.
" I paused, wondering how, exactly, he'd come across this information.
Then again, I'd learned more about humans from the Primus datasphere than I had on Seraphim, so the information was definitely out there. "So we're going to Glimmer Ward?"
"I have called for an inter-ward shuttle, if you would walk with me to the transit station," Araxis said, tipping his head toward the door of our bedroom.
I grabbed my bag with the things I needed for Radiant Ward – just a few of the supplies Rodil had asked me to pick up and a change of clothes for Tam's – and followed him.
We passed by Vivith in the hall as they were carefully packing a satchel with documents for their imminent meeting with Ai'lun Industries in Central.
Their black stare flicked up as I tugged on my boots, lips tightening into something dangerously close to a sneer.
They waited until Araxis had stepped out the door before saying, flat, "How nice it must be to have time for leisure.
He would not want you to work too hard, I gather. "
My heart immediately thudded in my chest, as if getting ready to fight – but I didn't want to spare Vivith any energy, not today.
If they wanted to be catty, that was fine; I knew how to handle that.
I shot them a look over one shoulder, and put on my most earnest expression, which I knew would piss them off.
"Yeah," I said, "It is. Maybe you should try getting a hobby besides making shitty comments no one cares about.
" And then, with a flash of a smile, I shut the door behind me, closing away their startled expression and giving my hands the tiniest shake, as if their sneering disdain was something I could physically remove.
I smoothed away any irritation from my expression, and followed after Araxis. The moment we hit the expansive boulevard, he adjusted his pace so that he was walking by my side, his hands clasped carefully behind his back as he asked, "Did you – date anyone on Seraphim? Or on Yellow Fin?"
"No. I mean, they tried on Seraphim," I said with affected ease.
I hated to think about it, but he wanted to know.
"They really hoped that my last stint in re-education would do the trick, but the only person I wanted to date was my best friend, and, uh, I definitely didn't want to read the litany with him.
" I played it off like a joke, although it had been one of the worst times of my life.
I remembered sitting in a room with Shepherd Jariden and some girl who'd probably had as much interest in boys as I did in girls – Mirah, maybe, or had it been Nadira?
– while we took turns reading some very pointed verses from the Book of Devotion about the promises of a fruitful union when you followed the holy template for family and desire.
"Am I correct in understanding that their concern was that you are a man," he said the word like it was foreign to him, which I guess it was, "and that you are not attracted to women?"
It seemed so incredibly obvious that, for a moment, I actually wondered if he was fucking with me.
I'd explained before. I'd tried, anyway.
Then again, Araxis had said that it was different for abaya: there weren't restrictions on who you could be attracted to.
There were just restrictions in three thousand other ways.