Chapter 8
eight
*SOREN*
For the umpteenth time this week, I am wondering what the fuck I am doing.
Robin always tells me I have some huge helper syndrome going on for me, but I am not sure if that’s true.
I want to help Aspen and his brother, but dear Santa, this guy with his soft brown eyes and his shy smile is getting more to me than he probably should… after just a couple of days.
He should be off limits for me. I don’t know any details about him; I just know that he went through something traumatic recently, which further led to a complete breakdown.
Aspen always described his little brother as a bit serious, yet easy-going and confident, with a tendency to perfectionism.
I don’t know what happened, but I do know that the easy-going and confident part of him was completely beaten out of him.
And I want to hurt whoever did that to him.
He needs to heal and find his confidence again, not have his brother’s best friend chase him.
“Well,” I sigh, patting Doodle’s head. “What should I do?” Doodle is an older cow, staying at Mr. Martin’s retirement farm.
He is a wealthy man who saves animals of all sorts from being disposed of once they lose their purpose to their owners.
I love his farm and highly appreciate the kindhearted man who owns it.
Doodle chews on her hay, not paying me any attention.
“You still talking to the animals, Doc?” Mr. Martin chuckles.
“An old habit,” I say. “I want them to hear my voice and hear that they are safe. Well, technically, I don’t need to hold a whole conversation with them.”
Mr. Martin just shakes his head in amusement. “Sometimes I do the same. So, what’s your verdict? How is Doodle doing?”
“She is weak,” I tell him. “And will need extra attention with her food to add some weight to her, but she should be fine.”
“I am glad to hear that.” He gently pets her, smiling at me. “Now tell me what you have been pondering over.”
“Why do you believe I was pondering over something?”
“For one, you have been mumbling something to Doodle the whole time you were treating her, and second, you just asked her what to do.”
He looks at me expectantly, and I have no reason to shoot him down. “Hypothetically,” I say. “I might be interested in someone.”
“Well, isn’t that good news!”
“The person in question is my best friend’s brother.”
“Good, it means you won’t stay best friends but instead become family.”
I snort. “He has only been here for a week.”
“And?”
“Isn’t that too short of a time to fall for somebody?”
“I don’t know about others, but I fell in love with my missus after talking to her for five minutes. I just knew it right away.”
I am at a loss for words. I didn’t know he was that romantic. “He is… he was hurt and came here to heal.”
“I don’t see the problem.”
“Wouldn’t it be additional stress for him to have someone pursue him?”
Mr. Martin blinks. “Why don’t you ask him out and see for yourself? He can tell you how he feels about this. No good thing has ever happened by not communicating.” He chuckles. “You are too old to act like that, Soren. Just spend time with your beau, ask him out and see if he reciprocates.”
I don’t tell him that sometimes things aren’t that simple, but when he waves me goodbye and walks back to his house, I see his wife coming back from her walk.
There is this precious brief moment in which he takes her hand and smiles at her. It’s so heartwarming to see two elderly people together, still so much in love.
Maybe sometimes it is that simple.
“Maybe, Doodles, I could invite him for a hike?” I say. “Granted, I don’t know if he even likes hiking.”
A pause.
“I mean, I could take Mr. Martin by his word and believe Leo will tell me if he hates hiking.”
I watch Doodles continue to chew on her hay.
She peeks outside of her box, frowning at the snow before turning around and returning to the warmth of the stables.
All of a sudden, I am feeling like an idiot.
What am I even doing here? Mr. Martin is right, I am not in high school anymore.
My last relationship might have hurt my confidence a little, but if I don‘t put myself out there, I will never move on.
Grabbing my phone, I take a pic of Doodles and send it to Leo.
That’s Doodles. She says hello.
He replies swiftly. She is so cute!
Walking out of the stables, I notice thick snowflakes falling down from the sky. I take another picture and send it to him. It’s snowing. Isn’t it beautiful?
Yes, I love the snow. I have never experienced this type of thick snowfall before.
Have you ever gone hiking in the snow?
No, I never had the chance. Actually, I have never been hiking at all.
Would you like to go on a short hike with me tomorrow? There is something about walking through a white landscape with lovely company that’s just magical. I would love to share it with you.
I hold my breath as I am waiting for his answer.
If he hates the idea, I will try to offer to do something else with him.
I just want to make sure to get him out of his apartment without coming over as too overbearing – that’s Aspen’s task.
I just want him to see how beautiful the outside is, and how he doesn’t need to be scared here.
Of course, all of this only works if he agrees to meet me in the first place.
Are you sure I am not going to slow you down?
I chuckle. I am not a professional hiker myself.
I can see the dots, indicating that he is writing something. Then a pause. New dots. I wait like that for a few minutes, my worry rising. Did I come on too strong?
Finally, Leo’s message pops up. I think Barkley would enjoy it as well.
My chest feels warm and fuzzy at his words. I bet he would. His breed loves the cold and snow.
I swiftly send another message. So, is this a yes?
Yes, I’d love to join you.
Great, I will pick you up at 8 a.m. Make sure to dress warmly!
Do I need to bring something?
No, I‘ll have it covered.
I gaze at Doodles, nodding at her. “Thank you for your support, girl. I have a date!”
*LEO*
I can’t believe I said yes! “Barkley, I am insane! I just agreed to go hiking with Soren!” At the word hiking, Barkley rises from his spot on my carpet and comes padding towards me.
My cheeks feel hot in embarrassment. Did Soren just lowkey flirt with me? It’s so hard to tell over text. He said something about 'lovely company‘, and it being magical. I know I am getting far ahead of myself, probably reading way too much into it, but I can’t help the way my heart stutters.
“Do you think it’s a date?” I ask Barkley.
He just looks at me innocently.
“I don’t know what I am thinking… Soren is Aspen’s friend.
If I read too much into it, it will just be embarrassing for everyone, and it will be my fault.
But he is so…” I open my messages again, scrolling up and reading through everything he said.
He has messaged me every day, in addition to picking me up every morning. And he keeps sending me a joke daily.
Maybe that’s just how he is? Maybe he is also sending a joke a day to Robin and Aspen?
Barkley looks at me expectantly.
“He is so hot,” I finally say, feeling my cheeks heat up again after saying it out loud. It makes me feel like an idiot… this is not the first crush I’ve had, in fact, I went clubbing a lot during college and at my last job. I hooked up with several guys.
But I have never dated.
I just went to a bar, flirted a bit and let somebody pick me up.
Soren wants to get to know me, and it’s scary as fuck. I have so little to offer, while he is a vet with an exciting career and a funny, intriguing personality. And I am bland like milk coffee without sugar and spice.
Barkley grunts.
“I know,” I tell him. “I already said yes. I can’t back down now, or it would be even weirder. But how about we at least go and buy some snacks?”
At the word snacks he jumps up excitedly.
“I agree, it’s a great idea!”
Barkley and I use the opportunity to go for a walk, plus do some shopping. I haven’t been hiking before. Most of my time growing up, I either studied or did what my parents told me to do, and then as an adult, I went to college, and again did what my parents wanted me to do. And at work… again…
There clearly is a pattern.
I wonder if I do have a personality aside from them.
“Hello, my dear,” Mrs. Bell, the owner of the bakery, greets me. “How can I help you?”
“I am going hiking tomorrow. I wondered if there is anything I could take along?” I ask, blushing slightly. “I have no experience with hiking, so…”
“What a lovely idea,” she beams. “You are going with Soren, aren’t you?”
Oh, I am dead. How did she know!? She must have sensed my confusion, because she just smiles. “He always goes hiking on a weekend when he has the time. And seeing how the two of you have been walking around together, it was just an old lady taking a good guess.”
She winks at me, making me blush even further. How much more embarrassed can I possibly get before I explode!?
“He is really nice to me,” I stutter.
She grins. “Indeed. He is nice.” Before I have the chance to say anything, she continues. “As for tomorrow, I can prepare you some sandwiches. I will wrap them properly. Keep them in the fridge and they should remain fresh until tomorrow.”
“Please, that would be fantastic!” I watch her shuffling around, hearing the bell at her front door chime another time and a middle-aged couple, the Porters, coming in. They own the grocery store across the street.
“Oh, Leo,” the woman beams. “We have just seen your decorations!”
“Maybe Aspen and Robin will win this year,” her husband says.
“And then we could go against East Sunhaven,” Mrs. Bell agrees. “Their decorations have always been better, but this year we have a chance.”
“I thought it’s just a contest within the town?” I ask.
“It is,” Mrs. Bell says. “But the two towns always go against each other for the best town decoration. We have an event shortly before Christmas with a huge snowball fight and other competitions. The best Christmas decoration is part of it.”
“I am sure the mayor will soon contact you,” Mr. Porter says.
“Oh, and I know it’s all a bit much for this year, but next year maybe we could hire you for some help,” Mrs. Porter adds.
Mrs. Bell waves her hand. “Shush, Daisy, I wanted to ask him first.”
“We can deal with that next year,” Mr. Porter says. “For now, we should focus on the town. Our Christmas decorations suck.” When the two women want to protest, he makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. “Come on, we know it’s true.”
I feel a new wave of panic hitting me. It’s one thing to help Aspen, but another to get involved in town business, especially when it means I have to deliver no matter what.
“I am not sure if…” My voice gets stuck in my throat, like every time I am getting stressed.
“I mean… I don’t know…” Fuck, why can’t I talk like a normal person! ?
It should be so easy: I don’t know if there is enough time to pull something off. I have never done a decoration job, so no promises. I don’t know if I can pull it off.
Fucking easy!
“Don’t worry,” Mrs. Bell says softly. “It’s just for the fun of it. And if you can’t do it this year, there is always next year too.”
Her words make me feel a bit easier.
I don’t have to, but do I want to? Or don’t I want to?
It has become so difficult to decide on what I truly want.
Battling my insecurities is a daily struggle.
I was at my lowest when Aspen picked me up.
He managed to patch my soul up a little and help me with my depression, so I was able to move here.
Coming here to stay in a new town with new people is a new chance.
For the first time in months, it feels like I can actually breathe again.
This is probably the last chance I will ever get, and I want to keep fighting to get back control over my life.