Chapter 28
twenty-eight
*LEO*
Barkley is deep asleep, grunting and snoring a little. That traitor! How can he be so calm, collected and relaxed when his dad is literally going insane?
I am so annoyed.
Which is rare. Usually, I am sad after any type of conflict, and mostly, blame myself for it.
Actually, I have come to the realization that I blame myself for literally everything.
Anyone looks at me the wrong way? It makes me wonder what I did.
Back in the office, when a co-worker didn’t greet me enthusiastically… I thought I had done something to them.
Man, I really walked through life, constantly thinking everything was about and because of me. How exhausting.
In a way, it’s refreshing that I am mad now.
Maybe I should thank Soren for that. Later, after I tell him how annoyed I am.
Like, what is he even thinking? Michael pops up for not more than five minutes, and he already thinks I am happily going to accept the job opportunity just because?
He saw me having panic attacks when I was even just thinking about picking up my notepad again.
I told him how happy I am here, and how free I feel.
We made plans for the next couple of months. We want to go hiking, and I want to cultivate his garden in spring.
And I made plans with Hector and Valentina too, for next year’s Christmas celebrations and the town fair.
Why the fuck would I return to a job that almost made me kill myself and to a place that holds all those bad memories?
Grabbing my phone, I am about to send another message to Robin.
Poor guy, I have been spamming him ever since I got home.
Hopefully, he will believe I am just drunk and had one hot, mulled wine too many.
I originally wanted to spend the night at Soren’s place or invite him over to my place, but didn’t, for obvious reasons.
I still miss him.
He wrote me a few messages a couple of hours ago, but I didn’t even have the heart to read them.
I think I might have faltered immediately.
The thing is, I don’t think he truly gets it.
I could see it on his face that he noticed my reaction to his words, about not wanting to stand in my way.
And he looked like he was panicking, more than a little.
I just doubt he even realizes why I am so pissed.
Just talk to me, you dunce, instead of jumping to conclusions!
This brings me to a new idea. Instead of spamming Robin with more messages, I settle on my sofa and look up jokes and funny ways to call someone stupid. Some of them are yawn-worthy dull, but some are hilarious, and I wish I could share them with Soren right now.
My favorite being ‘Your train of thoughts is like a replacement bus service’. How very fitting.
Barkley stirs suddenly, raising his head. “Hey buddy,” I whisper. “What alerted you?”
He just wags his tail briefly before dragging himself up and trotting towards me slowly. He rests his big head against my knee, waiting for me to cuddle him before he trots towards the door.
No way…
I follow my pup downstairs, opening the door right when Soren is about to knock.
I want to tell him that he is insane for dropping by at such an ungodly hour.
I want to ask him if he ran all the way, because he is panting quite a bit.
I want to close the door in his face and have him knock at my door for a bit longer.
Instead, I just lean against the door frame, sighing inwardly. “Hi,” I say.
Soren’s hair is a mess, and there is cat hair all over his jacket. Red cat hair. He is so going to adopt Cracker, I know it already. I knew it from the first moment I saw them together. “Okay, Leo, please listen to me.”
“I am listening,” I say.
“I am not sure if I am made for the city,” Soren says. “But I can’t have it happen again. I want to try… or maybe do long distance… or…” He pauses. “I don’t want you to think I was breaking up with you. That was never my intention.”
“I never thought that’s what you meant to say,” I say, inclined to tell him that stupid joke about the train of thoughts, because seriously…
“Soren,” I say, finally letting out that exasperated sigh I was holding ever since we parted earlier tonight. “I am not moving anywhere!”
“But your boss—"
“Michael came here to tell me my name has been cleared, officially. He was always at my side during this whole fiasco and always believed in my innocence. He was the one who pushed relentlessly to reveal the truth. And it’s true, he made me an offer today,” I say.
“And told me I can return anytime, but I declined. Obviously. My brother is here, I have new friends, and I like the town. And you are here too. I like that this place gave me the chance of having a new start.”
“But he told you to think it through,“ Soren says. I can see the confusion on his face, but also how the wheels start turning a little. Finally.
“He offered me to work remotely,” I explain. “As an independent contractor. When I declined the job offer, he said, he would love to hire me for a few projects even when I am not with his company.”
“Y… you are not moving,” Soren stutters.
“Obviously not.”
“You—“ He pauses, brushing through his hair. “Oh god.”
I shake my head. “What made you think that I would? You know firsthand how happy I am here, and how much I struggled with my panic attacks.”
Soren looks flustered. “It was like a movie that went off in my head, and I instantly panicked.”
“I get these types of movies too,” I mutter. “But you could have at least asked me first before throwing yourself into a full-fledged anxiety attack. Well, technically, I could have talked to you too.”
“I am sorry,” he says quietly. “You are right. I jumped to a conclusion a bit too fast.”
“Man,” I sigh. “Be glad that I am obviously blinded by love.” I step aside. “Come inside. It’s freezing cold out there, and I really don’t need the neighbors watching us argue on the street. I know this is a small town, and they love the drama.”
Barkley jumps up and down in joy when we both come back inside, though I am not sure if I’d call it jumping.
It’s probably more hopping, in a very adorable way.
When we are back upstairs in the warm living room, Soren hugs me from behind.
“I am sorry,” he says. “Robin was right, I should have talked to you instead of immediately jumping to conclusions.”
“You talked to Robin?”
“Like half an hour ago,” he admits.
I can’t help but chuckle. “Poor Robin. He got a flood of messages from me, too.”
“He mentioned something like that,” Soren admits before he pauses. “Can you forgive me?”
“Of course I can forgive you,” I say. “Don’t be that dramatic. Now, if you accused me of cheating or getting it on with Michael, I’d be really mad.”
“And now?”
“I am just a little mad,” I say, rubbing my eyes. “And tired.” I pause again. “And a bit hungry. After eating the whole evening, how is that even possible?”
“I am hungry too,” Soren says.
“Do you want to try the jam Aspen made?” I offer, deciding we really need something to eat after all the drama that just went down
“Do you have bread anywhere?” he asks.
“Yeah, Mrs. Bell gave me freshly baked sandwich bread yesterday.” I gesture at the drawer before leaving briefly to fetch one of the bottles of jam Aspen gave me. I wasn’t even aware he could do something like that. But then, he also owns a bakery, so I shouldn’t be surprised.
Still, I am.
I constantly am. It still feels embarrassing how little I know about my own brother, although I always loved him so much.
When I return to the kitchen, Soren has put out two plates for us and cut some slices of bread. There is also hot cocoa ready. I am so glad he is back to being my Soren.
We settle down in the living room, both munching on our bread in silence for a while. It’s good. Though good actually doesn’t even remotely describe it. The jam is fantastic. I definitely need to tell Aspen how much I loved it.
“I want to apologize once more,” Soren says into the silence. “I was being stupid.”
“I think Michael knew I would decline, but wanted to offer it anyway. It was an act of courtesy,” I pause.
“Listen, Soren, there is no way I will ever return to that job. Fuck, even thinking about stepping one foot into the company building again makes me feel sick.” I shiver, pulling my sweater tighter around me.
I feel cold and a tad bit disappointed. “Did you really think I would just leave without talking to you?”
“I went into panic mode,” Soren admits quietly. He puts his plate aside and slips closer to me to pull me into a hug. “I don’t truly believe that you would just leave and not talk to me. My mind just didn’t let me be rational.”
Unfortunately, I get this feeling. “There is a story behind this, isn’t there?
” I ask. “Aspen and Robin hinted at it previously, and you mentioned a bad breakup, too. I didn’t want to push you for answers.
But I have told you all about me, do you think it’s fair to keep this a secret from me when it clearly triggers your insecurities? ”
“No,” Soren says quietly. “Okay, the ugly truth?”
I nod.
“It’s nothing too deep,” he says. “You know, a lot of people experience the same. My ex-boyfriend… we dated for years. Then he got a job offer, a really good one. First, he declined. I want to believe I didn’t push him, but I don’t know how he truly felt about it.
” He pauses. “He was so unhappy, and he kept blaming me for it.”
“I can’t say for sure,” I mutter. “But I don’t believe you forced him to stay. This is you we are talking about. I‘ll bet you looked up flight schedules, just to make sure you could visit him.”
“I did,” he says. “But I wasn’t enthusiastic about it. Long distance can only work for a while. Eventually, we’d need to make a decision.”
“So, what happened?”
“He got the same job offered again, and this time he took it. I made sure I was supportive. But he left within a few days. Before he did, we got engaged.”
“Wait… you were engaged?” I ask, stunned.
“Yeah, but not for long.” He shrugs. “Being long-distance was hard, but I hung in there. It is doable, you know? One day, I had my assistant take over for me and decided to surprise him with a visit.”
Something about the way he says it, tells me that said surprise didn’t end well. “It’s sweet,” I say quietly. “That you wanted to do that. What happened?”
“He was with another guy,” Soren says shortly.
“And that’s it. That’s how we ended.” He turns to look at me, taking my hands.
“Listen, Leo. I know you would never do that. You wouldn’t cheat on me, and you wouldn’t just pack everything and leave.
You would put real effort even if we were having a long-distance relationship because that’s the person you are. ”
“But you heard that Michael offered me the job, and went into panic mode,” I conclude.
“I think I was panicking more about the fact that I would hold you back,” he admits. “And that you would be unhappy, and then obviously loathe me, before you’d leave for real.”
“So, you jumped right into being supportive by not wanting to hold me back?” I conclude. Makes much more sense now that I know his history.
“I promise from now on I will always talk to you first before making up any scenarios in my mind,” he says.
“Okay,” I nod, snuggling against him. I feel so drowsy now after all the drama, and sitting here with him in the warm room just feels so comfortable.
“Are we good?” Soren asks quietly.
“Yeah, promise to take me out for dinner tomorrow, and we are fine.”
“It’s a date,” he says.
He says some more, but I am so tired, my brain filters out all the noise around me, pulling a blanket of drowsiness over me.