Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Midas
I’m still fucking fuming hours later. I can barely even handle seeing her with my brothers, but some random motherfucker off the street?
Fuck no. And who the fuck hits on someone in a park when they’ve got a kid with them?
For all she knows, he’s an enemy looking for an easy way in. I thought she had more sense than that.
“What the fuck’s your problem? You’re acting like someone pissed in your Cheerios,” Probe grunts as he sits on the stool next to me. “This because Blade’s stepping down?”
I shake my head. “Won’t lie, shocked the shit out of me, but with Conan being sick and Sunshine pregnant, I get it.”
“So what’s wrong then?”
“Nothing I wanna talk about,” I snap, but Probe doesn’t care.
“So it’s about Legs. Don’t look at me like that. You only get this pissy when she’s involved. What’d she do now? Breathe too close to a brother?”
I shove him off the stool, and he laughs. “Damn, motherfucker, you’ve got it bad, and you can’t even see it.”
I sigh, but for once, I don’t deny it. “She’s talking about leaving. Even before she told me I saw the signs but I ignored them.”
“So don’t ignore them. Accept it. She doesn’t need your permission to leave. And with how things are between you, there’s nothing keeping her here.”
“We’re her family. Her friends are here. Her home. Her job.”
“Yeah, and don’t think I don’t know that’s part of why you’ve got her working at Au.
Most of the brothers think it’s so you can fuck her whenever you want and keep her from us.
And yeah, I know that’s part of it. But I know there’s more to it.
You hooked her up at Au to keep her tied here, so she’d never want to leave. ”
“Is that really so bad?”
“It is when it doesn’t make her happy. You’re not asking her to stay because you’re offering her anything. You’re basically saying this is all she’s worth and she should settle.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“I know. Because whether you admit it or not, you need her more than you need air. I’m just trying to warn you, brother to brother, that while you’re over here breathing deeply, you’re choking the life out of her.”
“Hey, Midas.” Kiki saunters up to me, leaning on my arm, her tits practically in my face.
I shrug her off, not interested. As much of a dick as it makes me, I’ve only ever fucked Kiki when things with Legs were getting too heavy.
“What am I, chopped liver?” Probe asks as Lil walks over and hands him a beer, then ignores me and walks off.
“What’d you do to piss off Lil?”
“Nothing. I haven’t spoken to her for days. She’s always at the shelter.”
“Midas, you wanna go somewhere?” Kiki twirls a strand of hair. I frown, wondering where the fuck she thinks I want to go.
Probe snorts but doesn’t say anything, taking a swig of his beer.
“Or you could bend me over the bar? I know you like to fuck me where the others can watch.”
No, I fuck her where Legs will see or where someone will tell her.
“Go suck Probe’s dick, Kiki,” I tell her, turning away, only to come face-to-face with Lil, who’s scowling at me.
“What the fuck did I do?”
She scoffs. “At least you know it’s your fault.”
“When women are involved, it usually is.”
She shakes her head before glaring at Kiki. “You mind?”
Kiki huffs before flipping her hair and storming off.
“You gotta teach me how to get rid of her like that.”
“Oh, that’s easy. You just gotta stop sticking your dick in crazy.”
Probe spits beer everywhere. Lil doesn’t miss a beat, handing him a napkin without taking her eyes off me.
“I picked Legs up the other day and gave her a lift home.”
“Okay.”
“Do you know where she’d been?”
I start getting frustrated. “Just spit it out, Lil. I don’t have all day.”
“She’d just been to the bank to deposit the cash from the pawnshop. The one she does every week.”
Probe curses, and I look between them, confused. “What am I missing?”
“Something Legs has tried to tell you herself, but Kiki popped in and hopped on your cock and distracted you,” she says, her voice tight.
I lean forward, but Probe stops me. “Legs doesn’t drive, Midas. You know this.”
“Yeah, and? Ah, fuck.”
“There ya go. Men really are dumb fucks.” She turns and walks away.
“You’ve seriously been sending Legs to the bank alone on foot with a huge chunk of cash all this time? You’re lucky nobody’s tried to rob her.”
“I didn’t even think. I always make sure she has a ride home every other day. She just tells me not to wait on banking days anymore. I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“You really are. But at least you’re a fucking idiot who can learn from his mistakes.”
I flip him off and stand up.
“Word of advice—don’t fuck Kiki or any of the other club girls at the shop. Your business, your choice. But it’s a shitty thing to do to Legs. You’d hate it if the roles were reversed.”
I shake my head. “She showed up one time, and we didn’t fuck. As soon as Legs left, I sent Kiki packing and made it clear that wasn’t happening again.”
“Seems there’s hope for you yet.” He gets to his feet and slaps me on the back before walking off.
I reach over and take a drink of his beer before standing and heading out back to look for Legs.
I find her sitting with Sunshine and Inigo.
Sunshine’s leaning back while Inigo rubs her feet, the girls chatting like it’s nothing, while King chases Alex around.
I walk over and greet the others before turning to Legs. “Can I have a word?”
She sighs but gets to her feet.
Grabbing her hand, I drag her into the kitchen and lift her onto the island before stepping between her legs. “I’m sorry.”
She sighs, her shoulders dropping. “Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?”
“Everything? I was out of line before. I don’t want you to leave, even though I get why you might want to.”
“Okay.” She says softly, but it’s not okay, and we both know it.
“Lil just ripped me a new one about you taking the deposits to the bank.”
“She shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I tried. You were busy.”
“You could’ve tried again.”
She shrugs. “It’s not my job to keep reminding you of what’s right in front of your face.”
The double meaning of her words isn’t lost on either of us.
“From now on, I’ll make the deposits or get a prospect to do it. It was irresponsible of me to put you in danger, even if it wasn’t intentional. I’m sorry, Legs.”
Her lips part in surprise before her expression softens. “Alright, you’re forgiven.”
I smile and lean in, dragging my nose down hers. I don’t kiss her, even though it kills me.
“About before…” she starts.
I pull back a little and sigh. “I’m not rational when it comes to you, Legs. I can’t help it.”
“You’re gonna have to get a handle on it. We can’t live like this forever.”
“I know. But not yet, Legs. I need more time.”
“Why? Nothing’s changed.”
“Because I’m not ready, dammit. I’m not ready to let you go.”
“Then ask me to stay,” she whispers. I open my mouth to tell her that’s exactly what I want when she covers my mouth with her hand. “Not as a bunny. As yours.”
My breathing turns ragged as instinct fights with rationality. I want this woman so fucking bad I can’t function without her. But being in a relationship... I don’t know if I could do it.
When I don’t say anything, she smiles at me sadly, her hand moving to cup my cheek. “I’m not going anywhere today, but you need to prepare yourself for someday.”
“Someday, but not today.”
“No... not today.”
I scoop her up off the counter, carry her upstairs, and remind her why she should stay without making her a single promise. And I fucking hate myself a little more because of it.
I sit at the end of the bed, head in my hands, watching her sleep. The covers have slipped down to her waist, exposing the dandelion tattoo and the words inked into her skin.
Anywhere but here
Those words have never felt more painfully true than they do right now.
I’m losing her. Every day she slips further away, but trying to stop her is like trying to catch water with a fork.
It’s not that I don’t want her to stay; I just don’t have what it takes to make it happen.
I could lie, say all the right things, give her pretty promises wrapped in bullshit, but I can’t do that to her.
I wish things were different. I wish I were a better man and we’d met under different circumstances. Hell, I wish she’d never heard of Raven Souls. But wishes are for fools, and her tattoo mocks me with that sentiment.
I get to my feet and stretch, working out the kinks from fucking her into a coma. I pull on my jeans, not bothering with boxers. I take my cell phone from my back pocket and snap a couple of pictures of her, but when she stirs, I put it away.
She opens her eyes and lifts her head, taking in her surroundings. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I’ll get out of your hair.”
She starts to get up, but I stop her.
“Stay.”
She freezes and looks at me, a million questions in her eyes that never reach her lips.
“For tonight. Stay here with me.”
My skin feels too tight for my body, and I have to fight the urge to run. But when she reaches for me, it feels like a cool balm over a burn.
“Okay, Midas. All you had to do was ask.”
I sit beside her and pull her close. Her hands wrap around my arms as she rests her head against my collarbone, her hair tickling my nose, but not enough for me to move.
Ask. It sounds so simple, but it’s not. Not even close.
I close my eyes and rest my chin on her head. “What do you see? Beyond these gates and after Raven’s. What do you see, Legs?”
She takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly.
“I see a house with a big kitchen, one with an island where I can sit to drink my morning coffee and set freshly baked cookies. When I was a kid, I passed this house with white shutters and pretty pink flowers lining the path to the front door. Other girls my age dreamed of castles in the sky, but not me. I craved solid ground beneath my feet. I have no idea what happened to the people who lived there. They could’ve been miserable for all I knew, but something about that house just screamed happy family.
And God, I wanted that more than anything.
I wanted a home. Safety. A place to run to, not from. I guess some dreams never change.
Except they do. And picturing all the things she wants and needs hits me with a clarity that makes me want to scream.
To give her everything she’s dreamed of.
I have to let her go.