Chapter 27
twenty-seven
Ainsley
I t’s just past ten and Lachlan and I are curled up on the couch together. So many things about this simple moment cause an ache in my heart.
The first one being that we could have this. Nights like this, days like we’ve had already, could be our normal. The second being I would do it for him.
I would walk away from the career I’ve worked for and figure it out. I just don’t know how to tell him that without him fighting me on it.
Which is exactly what he’ll do.
“Are you ready for bed?” he asks.
I nod. “Bed sounds good.”
We both get to our feet and head back into his room. After our nightly routines are done, we climb into bed, and he’s staring at me.
“What?”
“You’re beautiful.”
I smile. “Well, thank you. You’re not so bad yourself, Sparky.”
He rolls his eyes. “If you ever call me that around anyone, I’ll have to kill you.”
“I don’t think you have it in you. ”
“Try me.”
I grin. “You do know I have all your friends’ phone numbers. I can very easily create my own group chat without you in it.”
“Don’t even think about it,” Lachlan warns, and I laugh. “And why do you have their numbers?”
“Jealous?” I tease.
“Maybe.”
I like him jealous. “I interviewed them, remember?”
He rolls to his side, and we lie here looking at each other. “Yes, hard work you do.”
I scoff. “It is.”
“You talk to people.”
“I investigate, thank you very much. Please, I could so easily be a fireman, but what I do takes finesse and a writing skill that you, my friend, do not possess.”
“Are you saying firemen are stupid?”
I gasp. “No! I would never. In all honesty, I could never do it. To run into a building that’s literally on fire, no thank you. I run away from that.”
Lachlan pushes my hair off my face, his knuckles brushing my skin. “I’d like to take a stab at your job.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, you’ll be my first try.”
This should be good. “Proceed, please.”
Lachlan clears his throat. “Tell me about New York.”
Instantly my heart sinks. Of all the things I don’t want to talk about, it’s New York. I don’t want to think of the life I have there and the ticking clock in the background of my life that’s telling me time is moving way too fast and this will be over too soon.
So I decide to play it off and respond the way he did when I tried to get him to cooperate.
“Large.”
His brows knit. “What?”
“It’s large.”
“Isn’t it actually relatively small in miles?”
“Sure. ”
“Okay, well, tell me about your life there.”
“Fun.”
He clicks his tongue. “I see what you’re doing.”
I grin. “Being difficult?”
He rolls to me, grabbing me and then moving us so I’m on top of him. “Seriously, I want to know what you do, where you go. Tell me about your friends or anything.”
I place my hands on his chest and rest my chin atop them. “I love New York. I really do. It was overwhelming at first, but then you start to understand it, love it, and it gets inside of you. I have an amazing best friend, Caroline. We went to NYU together and then ended up getting a job at Metro NY .”
“So you guys hang out a lot?”
I smile. “We do. We love the theater, so we try once a month to catch a show on or off Broadway. I’ve gotten to see some pretty amazing actors when they’re testing a show.”
“Okay, what do you love the most?”
You.
I don’t say that. I at least have enough common sense not to blurt that out.
I sigh, trying to sum up in a few words what it is that calls to me. “It’s funny because the Admiral asks me that all the time. He hates it, which makes sense, right? There’s literal chaos everywhere. Lord knows that man runs a tight ship.”
“That he does. Okay, so far you haven’t answered the question.”
“You’re doing very good keeping this interview on track,” I inform him.
“Yes, and you’re trying to derail it again.”
“It’s only fair since you were literally the worst.”
Lachlan grabs my arms and slides me close so we’re nose to nose. “I was trying to avoid you so I didn’t end up doing exactly this.”
I kiss his nose. “I like this.”
“I like this too. Now tell me, what is the thing you love most? ”
He moves me back down to the spot I was before. I exhale and let go with the first thing that pops in my mind. “I love the food, the way the city is alive all the time. I love that any given day you can run into someone famous who you love. I love that there’s always something to do or eat or see. I love that I’ve lived there for all these years, and I still feel like there’s so much more to see. It’s sort of an all-encompassing thing. What can I say, I fell in love with the city.”
“Listening to you talk about it sounds like it’s everything you want.”
It’s not. It doesn’t have him.
“It has most of it. Some things are missing.”
His eyes are on mine, and I can see the questions swirling. I want him to ask me what it is I’m longing for.
We can find a way, I know we can. Sure, it’ll be a lot and probably more difficult than either of us are prepared for, but it can still happen for us.
“Tell me about Caroline. What does she write?”
Definitely not the topic I was hoping for, but maybe he just doesn’t want to deal with my impending trip back home either.
“Caroline is the best. She’s a brilliant writer who writes much better articles than I ever will, and actually does a lot of sports pieces.”
“I doubt that. You’re a great writer.”
“How would you know?” I ask.
“I’ve read your stuff.”
My eyes widen. “You have not!”
“You don’t believe me?”
I shake my head. “No, I can’t imagine you sit around and read about hats and color choices based on the season.”
“I didn’t say I took the advice, but I read your stories.”
I’m not even sure what to say to that. “Why would you read them?”
Lachlan’s lips form a soft smile. “Because I wanted to feel close to you in some way. So when your brother talked about you working for the paper up there, I started getting them. ”
My jaw drops. “You what?”
“You know, for an investigative journalist, you kind of suck. Shouldn’t you know, Miss I-Know-Everything-about-You, that I subscribe to your paper?”
“I don’t exactly go into that department, but can we just stay on this for a moment? You subscribe—for how long?”
“Since you started working there.”
I roll off him, sitting with my legs crossed on the bed. “Lachlan!”
He moves over to the side of his table and pulls out the lower drawer, then hands me a small stack of newspaper clippings. “See for yourself.”
With a shaking hand, I reach out and take them, already tearing up. He kept my articles in a drawer beside his bed.
The first tear falls as I flip through, looking at my first printed piece. It was terrible. Truly, the writing is just awful, but he has it and he cared.
“Why did you keep these?”
“Because you wrote them.”
My heart is pounding, and when I open my mouth to tell him how much it means to me, “I love you” comes out instead.
He rolls me on my back and hovers over me, taking my face in his hands. “What did you say?”
“I said I love you. I’ve loved you my whole life.”
“Sweetheart, you can’t imagine how much I love you.”
And if I thought I was stunned before, it’s nothing compared to this moment. He said he loves me. I’m pretty sure those magical falls did something to us.
“You love me?” I ask, almost afraid that he’s going to take it back.
“How could I not? You’re everything to me, Ainsley. You’re beautiful, smart, funny, a little maddening, but it only makes me love you more. You have invaded every part of my life, but that’s because you live in my heart and soul. No one has ever made me feel like this.”
I pull his head to me, kissing him softly. But then his words really penetrate and my heart breaks. I know I have only a few days to convince him that we could at least try, because I don’t want to lose him.
I woke up with swollen eyes and a heaviness in my chest after seeing the text from Lachlan saying that he and Rose had gone for the day.
Lachlan
Good morning, sweetheart. You were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you. Rose is at Becky’s for the day while I’m working. I’ll be home around six and Rose would like us to do dinner out tonight.
Dinners. I love dinners with them. They’re filled with laughter and talking about what we did for the day. I only have a few left.
All of this sucks.
I need to get a grip, because no matter what happens, I’m going to find a way to make all of this work. I’m going to talk to my boss. Maybe I can work remotely, or I’ll find another job. Either way, I’m not giving up so easily.
As I’m about to reply to Lachlan, an email comes through from Mr. Krispen.
Ainsley,
Why the hell are you still in Ember Falls? I read the first draft, you have plenty of notes and information, there’s no need for you to remain there. We need you back in the office by Monday.
The breath in my lungs expels and I gasp. No. I had days. Days. Not a day. I don’t want to go back to New York now. I wanted to spend the next week with him. I quickly send off a reply .
Mr. Krispen,
While I understand that you believe I have everything I need, I’ve decided to take the story in a different direction. I think it’s best I stay in Ember Falls until the previously agreed upon time to ensure the information I have is adequate. Mr. West and the other interviewees live in a more remote area of the valley, and cell service is often unreliable, as well as they are extremely busy. It’s best, since publication is coming up, that I remain here.
Best,
Ainsley
Of course the reply from him is immediate and with one word.
No.
I mean, why would anything go my way? I climb out of bed and call Caroline.
“Hey, I hear you’re coming back soon,” she says as she picks up.
“No.”
“No? But Mr. K said ...” She’s quiet for a second. “Ohh, you’re like ... quitting?”
I sigh heavily. “No, I can’t afford to quit. I have a lease and a car payment, and it’s not like he asked me to marry him and move in, so even if I did quit, I’d be homeless and broke. So, yeah, that’s not the plan.”
“Then what is the plan?”
“I don’t have one yet.”
She laughs softly. “Oh, Ainsley, you went and fell head over heels for the man, didn’t you?”
I flop back on the bed and groan. “I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t in love with him.”
“Does he feel the same?”
“He told me he loves me.”
“And?”
The stupid tears are starting to pool. “And he told me he wouldn’t let me give up my dreams. ”
“Dreams change,” she says, always pragmatic. “Maybe there’s a new dream for you both. You know, life is a ride.”
I laugh once at that. “A fucking roller coaster or a free fall is more like it. I was doing okay before having to come interview him, you know? Like, I’d learned to live without him as a part of my life, and while it wasn’t great, it wasn’t terrible. There was an ignorance to it all.”
She snorts. “Ignorance is bliss, but it’s still ignorance.”
“Well, now I don’t even have that.”
No, instead I have the knowledge of what it’s like to love him and to be loved by him.
It all sucks.
“So, tomorrow?”
“I guess ... I guess I have tonight to figure out if I’m getting in a car and heading to New York, or if I’m going to upend my life and live off my paltry savings account.”
“I look forward to either holding you as you cry and we drink red wine floats or helping you pack.”
Yeah, I just don’t know which one it’s going to be.