Chapter 28
twenty-eight
Lachlan
“ I think we should get her that one, Daddy.” Rose points to the bouquet that Janelle, the town florist, is holding up.
“You think Ainsley will like it?”
She nods. “Or that one! She likes pink.” Then she walks to the other side of the store. “Oh, I like this one too!”
So far there hasn’t been a bouquet that Rose hasn’t liked for Ainsley. “We’re going to need to narrow it down, Rosebud.”
Janelle puts the last bouquet down and comes to stand beside me as Rose continues her quest. “I could help her find one if you could give me a little about what you’re looking for.”
“Flowers.”
She smiles. “You’re in the right spot for that, but I think flowers are really about an occasion or the person who is receiving them. There’s an art to selection, and I happen to be a professional in this area.”
I clear my throat. “Right, well, I need flowers for a girl.”
“For Ainsley?”
“Yes, she’s a friend, who is not a girlfriend or anything. She’s writing an article about me. That’s what brought her here, at least. She’s not just a journalist, though, because we grew up together, and, you know, we’ve ... got a complicated relationship.”
Janelle nods slowly. “I see, so she’s not a girlfriend, but she’s not not a girlfriend?”
“Exactly.”
“Well, how much of the not not is she?”
“Well, she’s not a not because I really care about her.”
“Hmm, that does make it difficult,” Janelle says as she looks around.
“Yeah, it’s very difficult.”
Mostly because I’m in love with her, and in a few days she’s going to leave, and I’m going to have to let her.
No matter what she says, I’ve seen what happens to women who give up their dreams. I’ve watched it eat someone away until they had nothing left and just gave up. It’s why when Claire said she didn’t want to keep Rose, I was willing to take the pain of giving up mine and living a new dream.
One where I can show Rose what it looks like to always have someone there to put you first.
“Might I suggest that you look around and just select a flower. One that makes you think of her the second you see it. It can be color that draws you or just the way you feel. We’ll start with that and build off it.”
“I’m not really . . .”
“Just humor me, Lachlan.” Janelle nudges me to do as she asks. “Rose, would you be able to help me with an order? I’m all alone today, and it would just be the best day if you could.”
Rose appears within seconds. “I can help!”
“Great.” She turns to me. “Go for your walk and we’ll be in the back.”
Unable to tell her no, I start to walk around. Nothing jumps out at me. Nothing feels special or close to Ainsley. Some are too delicate, which is definitely not like her. She’s strong, beautiful, and soft in certain ways, but still able to stand her ground and hold up against the storms .
This is stupid. It’s a damn flower. What the hell am I supposed to see in it that reminds me of ...
Just as I was about to curse Janelle for making me walk around, I see one.
It’s different from anything I’ve seen in the store. It’s beautiful, but more than that, it’s tightly wound, yet the outside layers look as though they’re open and welcoming.
The petals are delicate, but not as though they can’t handle whatever comes their way. It’s truly stunning.
“Ahh, the Juliet rose,” Janelle says softly behind me. “I just got those in today. They’re very rare, but I have a bride who read about them and asked me to get some to see it in person. They took ten years to get to be this way.”
“It doesn’t look like a rose,” I say.
“I think that roses are a lot like people. They don’t all look the same, smell the same, or grow the same. They’re unique and beautiful. They start as a bud that doesn’t look like it can open because it’s so tight, but then, as time goes, it gains its strength and opens layer by layer, until it shows you every glorious part of itself. It has thorns to protect itself when someone tries to steal it.”
I chuckle once. “I feel like you’re trying to teach me more than just roses.”
“Remember I said I know this type of art?” she asks, but she doesn’t seem to want an answer. “I’ve seen this canvas before. A man in love, knowing he’s going to lose, but doesn’t know where to go from here.”
Sounds about right. “And what would you advise that man?”
She turns, grabs a flower from another rack, and hands it to me. “Buy her the Juliet rose when you’re willing to give her your heart. Until then, give her the carnation.”
“Ainsley?” I call her name as I open the door.
“She’s going to love the flowers,” Rose whispers as she holds them.
“I’m back here!” Ainsley replies from the rear of the house. We make our way to her, and she comes out of her room, pulling the door shut. “Hey.”
Rose, who has zero patience, extends her hands with the bouquet of flowers. “We got you these!”
Ainsley drops down, squatting in front of her. “Oh, wow. Rose! These are so pretty.”
They’re your basic bouquet with a stupid carnation in the middle because Janelle had to make her point. The rest of the flowers Rose picked out, which means it’s like a box of Skittles.
“I made it with Ms. Janelle. She let me go in the back and put them all together!” Rose explains.
“Well, you just did the best job I’ve ever seen. These flowers are the most stunning. Can I have a hug?” Ainsley asks.
Rose launches herself into her arms. “I love you, Ainsley! I wish you could stay forever.”
“Aww, I love you too, Rose.” Ainsley smiles up at me as she hugs Rose tighter.
Seeing the two of them like this makes me hate this all the more. There’s this tightness in my chest that won’t go away.
I place my hand on Rose’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go change for dinner?”
Rose releases Ainsley and rushes off.
I help Ainsley back up, and she looks down at the flowers. “They really are beautiful.”
“Not as beautiful as you are.”
Her cheeks redden, and she shakes her head before leaning in to kiss me quickly. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
She sighs heavily. “Look, I ... I don’t know how to say this, so I’m going to just blurt it out before I get too nervous and ramble. Which I tend to do. I don’t really know why I do it because when I write it doesn’t really go in circles, at least not when I’m in the zone, you know? It drives everyone crazy, so I try really hard not to ramble.”
“Ainsley, you’re doing it now,” I say, cutting her off.
“Oh. Right.” Her nervous laugh makes me brace myself for something I’m not going to like. “When we get back from dinner, I’m going to need to finish up.”
“Finish what?”
Her story? I thought she had another week or two to do that.
“Packing. I got an email from my boss, and he’s being incredibly rigid about it. I have to go back to New York for a meeting tomorrow.”
Relief hits me hard for a minute. I thought she was leaving for good. “So when will you be back?”
She blinks and then shifts her weight. “That kind of depends on a few things.”
“Work stuff?”
“Or you stuff.”
“Me stuff?” I ask.
“Yes, because he wants me back at work. He doesn’t think I need to be here anymore.”
“I see.” The relief I felt dissipates as though someone just dumped water on smoldering embers. “So you’re leaving tonight?”
“Tomorrow morning, I was planning. I wanted to spend time with you and Rose and ... talk.”
That ache now is a knifing sensation.
“Talk?”
It seems all I’m capable of doing is asking more questions.
“Yes, talk. I think we both have a lot to discuss, don’t you?”
Rose runs back in, wearing a dress and a smile so wide it breaks my damn heart. She’s going to be devastated when Ainsley leaves. The two of them have had their nightly story time, and Ainsley gets up with her in the mornings. They’ve become friends, and this is exactly the kind of shit I wanted to avoid.
“Rose, what do you think about staying in instead?”
Ainsley reaches her hand out. “No, please. I want to do our fancy dinner. You got these beautiful flowers, and Rose is already in her very pretty dress. I just need to change. Do I have enough time before we have to go? ”
Rose looks to me and then to Ainsley, and nods. “I think so.”
Ainsley’s brown eyes meet mine. “Lach?”
Even though I want to rail at the world for bringing me Ainsley only to take her again, I force a smile because I need to protect my daughter. “Yes, of course.”
She kisses Rose’s cheek and then heads into her room. I don’t even remember walking away from her door, but I’m standing in the middle of my bedroom, the sheets still a mess from where we slept, and on her side table the lotion that she has to put on before bed. All of it there. All of it will be gone.
Fuck.
I sink onto the edge, my head in my hands. How did I let this happen? How did I let myself get so deep with this woman? I knew the ending. I saw the interception before the ball was even thrown.
However, I didn’t pivot. No, I stayed on course, knowing that I would be the one to tear myself apart, because it’s what I always do.
I did it with my mother.
I did it for Rose’s mother.
I’ll do it again for Ainsley.
Dinner is like being put through a twelve-hour-long play in another language. You sit there, hearing the things around you but comprehending none of it. You just ... endure.
Ainsley is her normal, perky self. She laughs, talks to Rose, they have their little inside jokes, and I sit here watching it all while completely numb.
Our meal is at no charge, thanks to some Good Samaritan who probably saw the story about the fire. We climb into my truck and make it back to the house.
Rose falls asleep in the back seat, and Ainsley reaches out, resting her hand on my forearm. “Are you going to talk to me at all? ”
“We talked.”
She sighs through her nose. “If that’s what you want to call it. I know I blindsided you, and I’m so sorry, Lach. I didn’t know. I tried to fight my boss, to convince him I needed to stay here, but he’s adamant I return to the office.”
“I understand it. I’m not mad or anything. I just hate it, and I know she’s going to hate it more. Rose loves you. She’s going to be crushed when we tell her.”
Ainsley turns her head to look out the window. “I know and I hate myself for that, but I don’t want to spring it on her in the morning. I’d like to talk to her when we get back.”
“If that’s what you want.”
It’s definitely the better plan. At least then Rose can have a little time to be sad, but hopefully see it more like when Caspian comes to visit.
I pull up to the house after we finish the last part in silence. I’m fully aware that I’m being standoffish, but I know what has to happen here.
“And what about you? Are you crushed for yourself?”
“You know how I feel about you.”
I fucking love her.
Ainsley pushes her long brown hair back. “I don’t know how I’m going to get in that car and leave you willingly.”
I don’t know how I’m going to survive her doing it.
I force a smile. “We have tonight. Let’s not even think about tomorrow.”
Because if I do, I might fucking scream.
“Can we go to the falls?”
“What?”
“I’d like to go back, if Delaney can watch Rose, or I can ask Hazel.”
At this point, all I can hope for is some magic to make all this work out. “Sure, I’ll text Delaney, and if not, we can ask Hazel or any of the guys. They owe me.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”