Chapter 22 #2
I groaned, unsure if I should even give him one.
I didn’t want him to judge Javier unfairly.
Not when Javier was gone, and his memory was all I had to fill the void he left in my heart.
But fuck. Maybe Enoch was right? I was just another human punching bag to inflict pain on.
Someone to test out what methods of torture would be the most effective on his assignments from Carlos.
Although, his tests began well before whatever bullshit he was doing for Carlos.
Fuck. I let my brother abuse me, didn’t I?
“I promise I’ll listen,” Enoch whispered, squeezing my hip softly.
I let out a breath before deciding to make him understand that Javier wasn’t a bad brother. At least maybe I could convince myself.
“Look, Javi and I grew up around a bunch of shitty people. People like my dad who did shitty things sometimes. As in, use me for an ashtray. When I…when I was seven or maybe eight, I asked Javier to teach me how to fight back.” I paused to gauge Enoch’s reaction, but he motioned for me to continue.
“Part of the reason was because I didn’t want to cry again.
It hurts like a motherfucker, and it fucks up my vision…
you know that part. We couldn’t afford to get them fixed, like get the scar tissue lasered off, so if I kept crying, I’d end up losing my sight.
And,” I cleared my throat, “the other part was that I was tired of Javi always trying to protect me, baby me. I felt responsible whenever he’d try to stop our dad or one of his friends from doing something.
Javi didn’t believe me, but I told him that I could prove I was as tough as him. Javi rarely cried.”
Enoch gave me a silent nod to continue.
“So, he stole some cigarettes and a lighter from our dad and burned me. I cried like a fucking baby, and he thought he’d made his point, but I made him do it again, and again, and again…
” I trailed off, my mind slipping back into memories.
“Anyways…he started giving me lessons until I’d managed to control my response to pain or emotions without crying at the drop of a hat.
I was kind of a fucking crybaby as a kid. It wasn’t cute.”
“Wait, so you asked your brother to torture you?” Enoch asked slowly.
“Well, when you put it that way it sounds really bad,” I shrugged.
“It was either that or end up blind. And I wanted to be able to protect him too. I wanted to be strong and brave like my big brother. He loved—” I closed my eyes and swallowed, the lump in my throat threatening to release a sob at any moment.
My mind couldn’t help but picture Javier scalping that man. I pushed it away. Even if Javier enjoyed hurting me, I had asked for it. I was the one who let him continue to test me, continue to hurt me if I didn’t pass.
Enoch was silent, rubbing small circles with his thumb on my bare skin where his hand went under my shirt. After a minute or two the urge to cry passed and I continued.
“Javier loved me. And he did what was necessary to keep us alive. I wouldn’t be here today without him. His methods might have been unorthodox, but they worked, and I didn’t have an issue with it.”
Enoch nodded, letting the silence fall between us as he processed what I had told him.
“He, um…wow. I can’t imagine doing that to one of my sisters.”
My chest ached. I hated myself for questioning Javier’s love for me. And I hated even more that I’d never get an answer from him.
“Thank you for telling me.”
I nodded and uncharacteristically thanked him as well for listening.
“You said that your dad hurts you. Is it still—I mean are you not safe at home? Does he still hurt you?”
Shit. Shit. Shit. He cannot tell his dad. He cannot get police involved.
“No,” I shook my head forcefully. “I’m safe now. He can’t hurt me anymore. I promise. But, um, I appreciate the concern.”
Nox looked like he had a million other questions he wanted to ask but instead he said, “Sleep?”
I yawned as if on cue, relieved that he was dropping the subject. He was getting too close to the truth for his own good.
Nox chuckled and closed the distance between us, tucking his hand beneath my hip as he held onto me. I could feel his steady breathing on my shoulder and tried to match his calm aura, drifting into a sleep.
???
October 29, Friday
Enoch
I jolted awake, looking over at Shiloh who reached up to rub her eyes. The light suddenly flicked on, and I sat up, realizing we must’ve been woken by someone entering my room. When my eyes adjusted, I saw Sebastian standing in the doorway with a coy smile.
“Good morning, sleepyheads. Dinner is ready downstairs.”
Shiloh told him something in Spanish, causing him to laugh, but I was pretty sure it was some kind of insult. He turned to leave the room, making sure to keep the door wide open and I rested my head on my pillow snuggling back into Shiloh’s side.
“How’d you sleep?” I asked against her neck.
“Good,” she sighed as she stretched her legs out that were tangled with mine. “Could definitely sleep for another five years.”
I chuckled softly, nodding in agreement. We didn’t move for another few moments until we heard Sebastian call out from downstairs that he’d send Ruthie in with a dirty diaper to get us up. Shiloh laughed and reluctantly pulled away, sitting up and stretching.
“Close your eyes,” she said.
I realized she was going to change back into her clothes and involuntarily pouted. She looked good in my clothes, and they didn’t fit her any worse than what she usually wore. I didn’t see why she needed to change.
“Enoch,” she warned, raising her brow. “This isn’t a free show, you horny fuckwit.”
I chuckled and closed my eyes obediently.
“For the record, I was only going to suggest you stay in my clothes. But now that you mentioned the free show, I can’t help but imagine it.”
I startled and laughed when she threw my sweatpants directly at my head. “Hey, I’m human and I just so happen to think the opposite sex is attractive, okay?” I defended myself with a smile. “You’re the one who put the dirty image in my head.”
“Shut up, shitbird.”
She has a way with words.
When Shiloh finished, she left me to change alone, and I found her downstairs in the kitchen talking to my mom and sister. I didn’t want to interrupt them, so instead I grabbed some plates to go set the table.
Once everyone was seated at the dining room table, we said grace and my mom immediately spoke to Sebastian and Shiloh.
“So, Shiloh, was Sebastian always such a comedian?”
Shiloh smiled, meeting Sebastian’s gaze and nodded.
“Oh yeah! He’s always been able to make anyone laugh. Even Luz would laugh at his antics.”
My mom looked curious, and Sebastian clarified.
“Luz ran a daycare out of her home and pretty much raised all the neighborhood kids since we were in diapers until we could be home alone without burning the house down,” Sebastian said, catching Shiloh’s gaze.
“Yeah. She was pretty uptight, but Seb was such a clown and would pull pranks that she’d occasionally laugh at,” Shiloh laughed.
“I would love to have seen you as a kid,” Eden chimed in, smiling at Ruthie. “I guess we’ll see if Ruthie will be the class clown like you.”
Esther, who’d been uncharacteristically quiet, suddenly spoke up, “Are you Nox’s girlfriend?”
I almost choked on my water and sent a glare in her direction to silently tell her to shut up.
“Esther,” my mom clicked her tongue in reproach.
“What?” She shrugged innocently. Damn, twelve-year-olds these days have no fear. “I mean, they were just sleeping together upstairs—”
“She means literally,” I interjected for my mother’s sake as she looked at me wide eyed. “We took a nap.”
“Duh,” Esty rolled her eyes and continued. “If they’re not hanging out, then he’s talking about her, and I heard him say her name in his sleep once. I think it’s a reasonable assumption.”
I glanced at Shiloh and saw that her cheeks were red with embarrassment, and she was staring at her plate of food. I cleared my throat, annoyed that Esther had to be so honest. I wasn’t embarrassed though, because it was already apparent that I had feelings for Shiloh.
“No, she’s not. And stop spying on me, it’s creepy.”
“Ah-ah,” Ruthie exclaimed, breaking the awkward tension.
“?Más agua?” Sebastian asked her, using the sign language they said helped her communicate. She stared at him for a moment before holding out her empty plastic cup and Sebastian signed gracias.
“You’re raising her bilingual?” Shiloh asked Eden.
“Yes, it’s important to us that she doesn’t lose that part of her identity just because I’m not fluent.” Eden smiled, glancing at Sebastian as he returned with Ruthie’s cup. “But I’m trying to learn as well. He speaks only Spanish at home to try and teach me at the same time.”
They shared a look, Sebastian smirking. “She probably knows more than I do. She took it in high school. Plus, two semesters when we were in college. I didn’t really pay attention to all the grammar stuff in school, so I’m only really fluent enough to speak it, not read and write.”
“She’s lucky to have parents that care so much about sharing their cultures,” Shiloh smiled. “So, you guys met in college?”
Seb smiled with a nod, eyeing my sister with adoration. “Yep. Love at first sight.”
Eden rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky we ended up in the same English class.”
“Don’t I know it,” Sebastian said with a wink. “It was meant to be. Even ended up getting job offers for the same hospital.”
“What do you do?” Shiloh asked.
“Oh, I work as a graphic designer for the Baylor Hospital system here in Texas. And Eden’s a clinical nutritionist. Well, if she goes back to work in the fall. She took the last year off as maternity leave but we’re on the fence still about when she’ll go back to work.”
Shiloh nodded slowly, chewing on her bottom lip.
“What about Javi?”