Chapter 7 Joshua
JOSHUA
I thought about how to answer him the whole walk back to his house.
What are the good things I’m in my head about?
The answer was on the tip of my tongue, but I wasn’t ready to say it out loud.
Not yet. More importantly, I wasn’t ready for Matthew to be pissed at me when I did.
Because the thing I couldn’t stop running on a loop in the back of my mind was Matthew in the kitchen with a pump in his hand and milk moving into a glass jar.
Dr. Arthur had been careful not to mention Matthew specifically, but he obviously knew that I knew.
In his steady and nonjudgmental voice, he explained that it was a rare but natural phenomenon that I should research if I was curious about it.
He also mentioned that most men who experienced lactation were open to answering questions from an open-minded friend.
And, of course, when the time felt right.
When the time felt right.
That was the kicker. Nothing ever felt right for me, but being sweaty from a run and out in public was definitely not the right time.
So I lied. I didn’t want to lie, but it just came out. "I've been thinking about how lucky I am," I said finally.
Matthew was walking beside me, but he stopped and raised an eyebrow when I turned back to him. “Lucky, how?”
"That you saw me." I kept my eyes on the path and kept walking.
When I could hear him moving behind me, I continued.
"That you’re the kind of man who cared enough to stop…
and that Jeanette cared enough to say something to you.
" I shook my head a little at how quickly my life had changed.
"A hundred things could've gone differently and we wouldn’t be standing here right now. I just keep thinking about that."
Matthew was quiet before he exhaled. "Yeah, I keep thinking about that too."
We walked mostly in silence back to Matthew’s house, and when we got there, we both washed up and changed into sweats before meeting up in the living room.
Gerald was making his rounds along the baseboard, so I stepped over him on my way to the couch.
Matthew pulled out his phone and started tapping the screen. "What do you like on pizza?"
Pizza? I hadn’t had pizza in ages. "Anything except anchovies."
"Finally, something we agree on." He winked and then finished the online order. "It’ll be here in forty minutes."
I glanced out at the side of the house where Matthew had put my bike earlier. "Hey, where's my bike?"
"Garage." He jerked his chin toward the door at the back of the kitchen. "She’s safely in bed for the night."
Something in my chest loosened at the way he took care of the only thing I cared about. "Thank you."
“Of course.” He grabbed the remote and plopped down on the couch. “You wanna watch a movie?”
I sat down on the other end and folded my legs beneath me. “Yeah, I love movies.”
We settled on an action movie about a beekeeper who was some ex-military vigilante guy. And he was fucking jacked. Hot, but not as hot as Matthew. Mostly because Matthew was real and beside me and smelled so damn good.
The pizza came, and we ate it in front of the TV with the lights on low.
I was having such a great day that I didn’t want it to end, even when I started nodding off.
I didn't mean to fall asleep, but one minute I was cringing at a gory scene on the TV and the next, I was out. I didn’t wake up until the music came on with the credits, and I realized my head was on Matthew's shoulder.
At first, I sat very still and pretended to still be asleep. But then I knew he was smarter than that, so I fully opened my eyes. “Sorry about that.”
I was at an awkward angle, so I pressed my palm to his chest to push off it and noticed that his shirt was damp. For a second, I was afraid I’d drooled on him, but then I remembered. And with that memory, all the blood in my body rushed to my dick because I knew his shirt was wet with milk.
Without really deciding to do it, I curled my fingers into the fabric and looked into his eyes.
Matthew went very still, like he was afraid to move at all. He looked down at me with a hint of fear in his eyes.
“You’re wet.”
"I'm sorry." His voice was low as he tried to put some distance between us. "I was gonna move, but I didn’t want to disturb you."
"It's okay." I held his gaze and forced an awkward smile. Not awkward because it wasn’t genuine but awkward because I was so damn horny, I just wanted to climb up onto him. "I think it's...cool."
He was still guarded and maybe not sure I knew what was actually happening. “Cool?”
"Yeah." I didn't let go of his shirt as I leaned a few inches closer. "It’s actually kinda…hot."
Matthew’s shell-shocked expression was too hard to resist, so I did the last thing in the world that I should have done and kissed him.
It was just my mouth against his for a long moment. He went completely motionless for a beat before he moved his lips gently against mine.
And then he pulled back. Just far enough to break the contact.
“Sorry.” Heat rushed to my face, and I was mortified for doing something so inappropriate.
“Don’t be.” His hand came up to the side of my face, and he held me there.
"I want that too, but it's too soon." His voice came out a little rough, like I was affecting him as much as he affected me.
"You need more time." His thumb moved along my jaw, and I mewled at the touch.
"I don't wanna take advantage of you, baby. "
That word moved through me like something physical was melting me into a puddle at his feet.
Before I could register it, a foreign wave of emotion filled me and my eyes stung with tears. “You want to too?”
Matthew made a quiet sound and pulled me onto his lap. I tucked my face against his neck and quietly sobbed. Having someone hold me felt so damn good. I held him tightly, squeezing him as if I could mold my body against his. I definitely tried.
"I'm sorry about the shirt." He spoke into my hair and then ran his fingers through it. "I should've moved earlier."
I shook my head against his warm skin and pressed my palm flat over his chest. I could feel the warmth through the damp fabric, and my arousal broke through my emotion. "I know about the milk."
His whole body stilled again.
"Dr. Arthur didn't tell me anything." I quickly pulled back so I could make eye contact. "I saw you pumping and wasn’t quite sure what you were doing, so I asked him about the milk part, but I didn’t say it was you.
" I pressed my forehead to his shoulder and whispered, "I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. "
Matthew threw his head back and sighed.
"I think it’s hot." I kept my face down but massaged his pec with my hand.
I could feel what was happening under my left thigh where I was half-sitting on his lap. He knew I could feel it, but he didn't try to move me or pretend his hard erection wasn't pressed against me. He just held his jaw tight like he was in the middle of a big decision.
Poor guy was still trying to be a gentleman. Dammit.
It was super annoying, even though it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me.