Chapter Fourteen - Thalia
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Thalia
PENELOPE AND I decided to repaint the living room in an attempt to stay busy now that the gallery is open.
I wanted to paint the walls black to match my mood, but I was outvoted. We ended up going with a sage green as it compliments the furniture already here.
“He surprised me with this fabulous dinner that he cooked. I swear my jaw hit the floor when I found out Owen could make something other than protein shakes and eggs. I wonder how long he’s kept that tidbit to himself,” Blake muses, laughing lightly as she edges carefully where the trim is.
“The bar is set so low for men.” I sigh, pouring more paint into the tray.
Penelope snorts, clearly finding my statement amusing. She’s put up with her own fair share of awful men, so I know she understands where I’m coming from. “Agreed.”
“I don’t know how you put up with my brother, B.”
Blake smiles widely at me, her auburn hair falling in her face as she turns quickly. “Well, I wouldn’t call it putting up with him because I love him. You on the other hand, I do have to put up with since you’re Owen’s little sister. Sebastian I have to put up with because he’s my husband’s best friend.” She grimaces, rolling her eyes. “He came over and was groveling at Owen’s feet to forgive him for the way he’s been acting. He did say he came clean to Kiera everything about your guys’s relationship, so maybe things are turning around.”
Yeah, I don’t think things are turning around for the happy couple, but I’ll let Blake believe what she wants. It’s not my mess, and I’d prefer to be as far from the cross fire as possible.
“I never thought he’d actually do it! Are they still getting married now that Kiera knows the truth?” Penelope looks at Blake in surprise, but I wonder how surprised they would both be if they knew I already told Kiera before Sebastian did.
I’m a shitty friend. The only person I told about my slip of tongue was Chris, and now he’s is back in Florida. As far as anyone here knows, Kiera had no idea before Sebastian told her. That’s exactly how I plan on it staying.
But did Kiera tell Sebastian about her study partner that she cheated on him with? Probably not. I did keep that information to myself as I haven’t quite decided what the right or wrong thing to do is in that situation.
I don’t particularly feel like being shot for being the messenger.
“Yes. The wedding is still on.” Her amber eyes drift to look at me, and a sense of dread fills my stomach. Why is Blake looking at me like that?
“Whatever you’re going to say, just say it. I’m a big girl.”
“He’s selling the house. ”
Oh. I’m not sure if I have any room to be upset because it was never mine. Maybe it’s a good thing he’s selling it; it’s only served as a reminder of what I almost had. Still, I can’t forget how happy we used to be in that house before everything fell apart.
Blake clears her throat, and I feel the weight of Penelope’s stare analyzing my reaction. “Good for him. It’s just a house so stop looking at me like that, guys. Sebastian can do whatever he wants, as he’s proven time and time again. The house is his to do with what he wants. Besides, I’m with Eric,” I say, probably overplaying nonchalance, but my friends are going to believe whatever they want.
Which I am.
Eric brought up the conversation a few days ago, and I agreed to give us another chance. I’ve caught myself wondering if I agreed for the wrong reasons, but I’m willing to give it a shot. I need to move on once and for all. Why not with Eric?
“I like Eric, you guys are cute together. He’s been staying over a lot,” Penelope teases casually, winking at Blake as my face flushes. I’m twenty-six. I shouldn’t be embarrassed for having sleepovers with my boyfriend. Wow. That’s kind of weird. Eric is my boyfriend? Has it really been that long since I’ve called someone my boyfriend that it feels weird?
“He has, but I’m surprised you’ve noticed. You’re hardly home.” I change the conversation back to her.
“I’ve been seeing someone.” Penelope rolls her eyes, but she can’t hide the smile on her face. I’m glad she’s finding her place here .
“Well typically that’s what it means when someone is rarely home. Are you going to tell us about them?” Blake asks, setting her paintbrush down.
“He’s nice,” Penelope answers vaguely, pulling her dark hair over her shoulders. It’s weird that her hair is longer than mine now, considering the entire time I’ve known her, mine has always been longer.
I look at her in confusion as I roll the paint onto the wall, “I seriously hope you’re going to tell us more than he’s nice? Do I need to be worried about tracking you when you’re not at home?”
“You have no problem keeping your own secrets, so why can’t I keep mine?” she asks with a pointed look.
Damn, okay.
“I don’t keep secrets,” I say flatly, turning to focus on the paint. I hope Penelope drops it.
“Oh really?”
Okay, we’re not dropping it. Awesome. I dip the roller into the paint, taking care not to drip onto the hardwood. “Really.”
“Then do you have feelings for Sebastian?” Penelope asks bluntly, and I think my heart stutters in my chest at the question.
“I hate you. I’m not answering that question.”
“Pen, if we all know, then it’s not a secret,” Blake adds in. I focus intently on the wall, because I think it’d be really tempting to fling green paint at them. I really should have pushed harder for black paint.
“I don’t have feelings for Sebastian,” I insist stubbornly, fighting every instinct in me telling me that it’s a lie.
“Keep telling yourself that.”
I will because there isn’t really another option .
“So he isn’t the reason you locked yourself in your room four days ago?” Penelope asks curiously.
No. It really wasn’t Sebastian’s fault, but I doubt they’d believe me if I told them it was Kiera’s.
After I got home, I needed the night to process what I’d seen. I guess I incorrectly assumed Penelope had gone with Chris and Henry to Owen’s for dinner if she noticed I was hermiting.
I still can’t believe Kiera was having sex with her fucking study buddy. Can I start calling him her fuck buddy now in my head since I’m not sure how much studying they’re actually doing? And where the hell does she get off telling me that I owe her? If anything, Kiera owes me because I’ve put up with all of this shit for her wedding to my ex-boyfriend.
She’s been calling me constantly the last few days, and I’ve ignored every single one, in addition to deleting every text that comes through. I’ve already seen more than I wanted to. I just want her to leave me alone—actually, I want both of them to leave me alone. Is that too much to ask for?
Sebastian might have been acting like a jackass, but he doesn’t deserve to be cheated on by his fiancée. No one deserves that.
The other part of me has been trying to understand why her first instinct after learning the truth was to screw another man? It’s making me understand Sebastian better, and why he hid the truth from her for so long.
Bash is an idiot, but he’s also kind of great if you’re the one being loved by him. I know what that feels like better than anyone, but he loves her. I’m the one who was almost the worst thing that happened to him .
I haven’t been able to shake the similarity in the way he looked at me on the deck that night to the way Sebastian used to look at me. Except then I punched him, so it’s all going so great for me.
“Thalia?” she asks, and I shake my head, trying to push Sebastian out of my head. It’s proven to be a lot harder than I expected if the past few years are any indication.
“No, it wasn’t because of him,” I answer quietly. I don’t trust myself to say more.
“Was it Eric? Did he say something to you?” Blake’s voice is now laced with concern.
I look at her in confusion. “Why are you assuming it has to do with a guy? Maybe I was having a bad day?”
“Were you?” she asks, watching me carefully. I turn back, continuing to roll paint on the wall.
It’s better they don’t know. Blake said it herself—she has to put up with Sebastian because he’s Owen’s best friend. Telling Penelope and Blake might make me feel better, but it will surely complicate things further. At least now, I only have to deal with my own guilty conscience for not telling Sebastian about Kiera’s actions. I’m not super interested in hearing what Blake and Penelope have to say about it right now.
“Yeah. I was having a bad day. It didn’t have to do with Eric or Sebastian.” Maybe if I tell myself that enough times, it might become true. “It was just a really bad day.”
~
I can’t sleep, and trying not to wake Eric up is only making me more restless. His steady breathing hasn’t changed, but if I keep tossing and turning, it will. He’ll ask what has my mind moving a thousand miles an hour, and that’s not a conversation I want to have.
Lifting the covers slowly, I slip out of the bed just as a loud crash of thunder shakes the window panes. I hold my breath, looking to see if Eric has stirred, but he’s still sleeping like the dead. I’d feel awful waking him up, despite Eric previously asking me to wake him up so I’m not by myself. Except I think a part of me likes being alone in the middle of the night.
It gives me time to think. Most of the time, thinking isn’t the best thing for me, but I think tonight, I could use it.
I make my escape to the living room, spotting my bag on the couch. I pull my computer out, deciding to take a trip down memory lane to my time at Duke. Maybe it can help me clear the tangled jumble of thoughts in my mind.
It didn’t seem like it at the time, but life was so much simpler then. I took it for granted.
It’s ironic because it’s exactly what I used to say about my time in France, but running away from my problems isn’t the answer. It would be nice to think I’ve outgrown it, but honestly, I’m itching to go somewhere, anywhere but Charlotte, North Carolina.
Running is unfortunately a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
I pull my hair up so it’s off my neck, but the length makes it harder to do that. I can’t pull it entirely out of my face, which is annoying, and something I didn’t consider when I chopped it. The short hair was a change I needed to mix things up in my life. Eventually, I’ll mix things up enough something will stick.
Lightning flashes through the windows in Eric’s apartment, illuminating the simplicity of it. The furniture is modern and minimal. There’s a bookshelf in the corner with books and pictures of his family on it. I immediately recognize the framed photo from when Duke won the national football championship. Even now, everything in my life ties back to Sebastian Walker.
Eric’s life is simple.
Mine is complicated.
I have bits and pieces of myself scattered all over the world. I can’t fit myself into a box, nor do I think I want to. I’ve seen and experienced so much culture that I can’t imagine doing anything different in my life.
Except Sebastian.
I think I’d do things differently with him, if I could go back.
I linger on the photos from my graduation ceremony. For once, I’m in front of the camera instead of behind it. I still think I look ridiculous in my cap—back then I was convinced there wasn’t a good reason for them, because everyone looked terrible in them. I still think that, but whatever. It’s a stupid hat.
Blake had to help me pin it to my head since it wouldn’t stay on any other way. By the time these pictures were taken, I’d gotten fed up with it, and Sebastian had to stop me from throwing it into the trash can.
Sebastian’s arms are wrapped around me in this one, and his lips are curled upward into a soft smile. He’s not looking at the camera, but at me. He looks at ease, and I’m laughing as I hold the beautiful bouquet of flowers that he’d gotten me. This picture is a reminder of why I don’t like to photograph people. Pictures capture people for who they are, and the only thing I see in this photo is how in love we were .
It was taken a month before he proposed, and I froze.
I miss us, and how happy he made me.
I miss not fighting with him every single time I’m in the room with him.
But most of all…I miss Sebastian.
I think I’d give anything to have him look at me now the way he’s looking at me in this photo again.
Another flash of lightning is followed by a loud roll of thunder, and I nearly jump out of my skin. “Shit,” I swear, resting a hand on my chest to calm the rapid beating of my heart. I walk to the window, the wild storm outside matching the one in my head.
I didn’t realize it was supposed to be this bad tonight. I hope Penelope’s okay at the house. She doesn’t like storms. But…maybe her new friend is there to comfort her. For as much as she enjoys talking about my sex life, she’s quite tight-lipped about her own these days.
Returning to the computer, my chest hurts at the sight of the picture again and the memory attached to it.
~
“Can we please just go? It’s just graduation, and I miss our dog.” I’m tired of being around people, and I’d prefer puppy snuggles than being packed into the stadium like a sardine. I groan, causing Sebastian to chuckle, leaning down to kiss the corner of my mouth. It’s infuriating how easy it is for him to make me smile.
“No. We still have to take pictures to memorialize this achievement. Enjoy today, love. You only graduate from college once,” he says, his dark eyes crinkling as he smiles.
Bash looks nice in his polo and khakis, resembling the prep school kid he was a few years ago, except now he’s is built like a man. He’s always been muscular, but whatever diet and workout plan his coaches have him on is awesome. I’m 100 percent enjoying reaping the benefits.
I roll my eyes because I’d much rather take this costume off and go home. “Or I could be like Chris and get my master’s.”
He raises an eyebrow skeptically. “Are you going to get your master’s degree?”
I cross my arms over my chest, still holding the flowers he’d given me as soon as I found them after the ceremony. “No. I’m never going to take another class as long as I live.”
“At least this is the last graduation ceremony we have to sit through. I was so bored I was watching Dora over the shoulder of a five-year-old.” Owen laughs as Blake looks at him in disbelief. I’m not shocked. That sounds exactly like something Owen would do.
Dad tips his head backward to laugh at my brother’s stupidity. If you’re going to do something like that, why would you admit to it? “I’m really proud of you, Owen. Your sister is graduating, and you were watching Dora the Explorer .”
“Yeah, Owen,” I taunt, sticking my tongue out at him.
Mom rubs her temples. “I still have hope you’ll be able to grow up someday, but I won’t hold my breath. You two, go stand over there so I can take your picture. How do I work this thing?” she says, and I wince as she starts to push buttons on my camera.
“Babe, she’s going to break my camera. Do we have to take photos?” I whine as Bash guides me to where she wants us to pose. Sebastian wraps his arms around me, holding me close. God, I can’t wait to go home.
“Yes, we do. You’re the one always complaining we never have any pictures together. To get pictures, you have to be on the other side of the camera, Lia,” he whispers in my ear. “If she breaks your camera, I’ll buy you a new one.”
“I can buy it myself if she breaks it,” I reply stubbornly, causing Sebastian to laugh .
I love his laugh. It’s deep and full of joy, causing me to smile as my mom hits the button to take the picture. “So buy your own damn camera, love.”
I gasp and turn to look up at him, seeing Sebastian grinning down at me. Oh, he’s totally being an asshole just to get a rise out of me. I reach up and pull him down by the collar of his shirt, kissing him deeply, despite the fact my parents, Blake, and my brother are a few feet away.
~
I wish I could go back to tell myself that it would have been okay to say yes instead of not now . Asking for more time when I already knew the answer is how I lost him, and got all of us into this disaster.
I was afraid and caught off guard. My fear was that Sebastian’s dreams would overpower mine, and I’d lose who I was in the process of loving him. Bash never would have let that happen, though. I know that now. Hell, I always knew it.
Tears burn in my eyes as I torture myself looking at the adoration on his face. I should have said yes.
My fingers move the cursor to the trash button—but harder than seeing it, would be trying to forget it.
I shut the laptop, blinking the unshed tears out of my eyes. I’ve cried enough over that man; things only change if you break the cycle.
Returning to Eric’s bedroom, I curl into his side as his arm immediately wraps around my waist, pulling me closer to him.
I focus on his steady breathing and the steady downpour of rain to close my eyes, knowing it’s no use.
If you pretend long enough, it might actually happen.