Chapter 39
thirty-nine
Cash
“You’re in trouble, dear brother.” Maisy raises a scolding eyebrow at me from her vinyl loveseat perch as I walk into the dimly lit lobby of the hotel that’s her temporary home.
In need of some caffeine, I glance around for a vending machine, but there’s nothing but the empty lobby and a long hallway that looks vaguely horror-movie-like with its flickering fluorescent light and blood-red carpet. “What now?”
“I just talked to Georgia. You fucked up.”
My chest tightens. “What?”
“You told Georgia I needed you here.”
“And? What the fuck is going on right now?”
“And I didn’t. I didn’t ask you to be here, and I definitely didn’t ask you to skip your girlfriend’s party for me.”
“That’s what this is?” I sigh in relief. “You scared me there for a minute. Here, take your candy. I got you some nice, expired Christmas ones too.” I hand her the grocery bag of M&M’s she requested, plus a few sleeves of the marshmallow Peeps she can never get enough of this time of year.
“You should be scared, Cash, she’s upset. You lied to her about why you’re here.”
“The fuck I did. I don’t lie to Georgia.”
“Whatever, the point is she probably thinks you did. So if I were you, I’d get on the phone and clear things up.”
I shake my head. “You know, I’m finally starting to see why dating your friends was a bullshit idea bound to get me in trouble on both ends.”
“Figures it would take you a decade.”
The second Georgia’s voice comes through the phone, I know she’s been crying. Guilt pangs in my chest.
“Georgia.” I swallow. “You were crying.”
“Yeah.” She sniffs. “I’m pretty confused.”
“About what happened yesterday?”
“Yes. And about us.”
“Let me explain. Well, first, let me say I’m sorry. I should have been there like I promised, and I definitely should have told you why I wasn’t. I was out of my head.”
“I get that. You had a scare over your sister. But you told me she needed you there, and that wasn’t true.”
“I—I wasn’t lying to you.”
“Your sister basically outed you.”
“I don’t know how to explain it. When I said it, it wasn’t a lie—she did need me. No, she didn’t say the words, but…what else can I say? I thought my sister needed me, honey.”
A long silence passes in which I wish I could see her face.
Is it even possible for her to understand where I’m coming from?
I know I sound like I’m full of shit—I know I lied to you, Georgia, but it didn’t feel like a lie—but if Georgia had a sister like Maisy, she’d get it.
If she had anyone at all. My heart thumps with pain for her.
“I don’t know how to respond,” she says at last. “I get the part about loving and protecting your sister. Can’t say I relate, but I believe you.”
“What’s the other part?”
“Being the girl who gets forgotten about.”
Fuck. “That’s not what you are.”
“I was yesterday.”
“You’re the girl I love.”
“But Cash, loving someone isn’t just saying the words. It’s showing up and being there.”
“I missed one thing.”
“You missed the thing! The thing I really needed to not have to face alone, and you weren’t there. Instead, you had me worried you were dead somewhere.”
Guilt and regret fight for space in my already-tight throat. “I messed up yesterday,” I admit, hating how plainly true it is. “But I also know you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. You faced it without me at your side.”
“Please don’t make this about my strength.
Yeah, I faced it because I had no other choice, and it sucked.
It was a terrible day I never want to think about again.
And it would have been terrible even if you were there, but at least I wouldn’t have been alone.
At least when it was over, I could have cried to you instead of by myself. ”
“I’m sorry, Georgia. I’ll never stop being sorry that I put you in that position, sweetheart. But can I make a mistake? Please. Let me apologize and let me make it okay.”
“Yes, you can make a mistake.”
“So are we okay?”
“I don’t know. I told you I’m confused.”
“Let me come by tonight when I get back.”
Silence.
“Georgia?” A little lump of fear forms in my throat.
“That’s fine.”
Maisy’s eyes don’t leave me as I stalk back to the lobby. “What did Georgia say?”
I swallow down the bitter taste in my mouth. “She’s pissed I didn’t show up for her. And hurt. I’ve never heard her like this before.”
“Well, how did you expect her to react?”
“I expected her to understand this was unavoidable. I didn’t skip out to go get drunk with my friends, I had a family emergency and had to be somewhere else.” I rake a hand through my hair until it tangles in my curls. “I didn’t expect her to be so…needy.”
“Needy?” she repeats disapprovingly.
“All right, maybe that’s not the word. But Georgia’s strong. She’s so independent. I knew she was nervous about seeing her family, but she handles things on her own all the time. I don’t get why she’s suddenly acting like she couldn’t make it through the day without me.”
“She is independent,” she agrees. “But is that her personality, or is that the circumstances she was handed?”
“Does it make a difference?”
“Maybe she’s only as strong as she’s had to be. Maybe she doesn’t want to be strong all the time.”
“Yeah, okay. But that’s growing up, isn’t it?”
Maisy shoots me a look of disappointment that could rival my mother’s. “Cash,” she scolds softly.
“What?” I snap.
“Since when are you so cold? And to Georgia, of all people?”
Shame and anger heat the back of my neck.
“Look, I—I’m doing my best here. I overreacted about your situation and I fucked up, but I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.
Georgia has to understand that, right?” I look to my sister, feeling totally out of my element and hoping to hell she has some insight for me.
Maisy gives me a look of sympathy. “I’m sure she knows your intentions were right, Cash.”
“Which isn’t enough.”
“Well then?” she demands. “Why are you just standing there?”
“What do you want me to do, scrub the floors?”
“Go to her!”
I nod, that simple command filling me with urgency. “Right. Yeah. Thanks, Mais.” I kiss my sister on the cheek. “I gotta go fix this. Wish me luck.”