Amongst the Aspens

10. Jack

It’s been seven days since we found Jessica and I still feel a weird numbness. The autopsy hasn’t come back yet but we all know that the cause of death is homicide, it’s really just a matter of determining how it was committed and by whom. The fact that she was found so close to Eric Lloyd’s property line after he was the last to see her is definitely suspicious. I’m hoping that the police are able to lift some evidence that the fucker must have left behind so we can arrest him.

I can’t bring my sister back and I’m no detective so all I can do is hope for justice and wait. The waiting, much like Tom Petty said, really is the hardest part. Benji has been my only comfort and we’ve spent most of the week licking our emotional wounds together.

Benji has kept busy by planning a candlelight memorial service for the community to attend. Jessica may have died young but she had a lot of community connections and was beloved by her coworkers and former clients.

I’m not at all surprised to find that literally hundreds of people have shown up in support. We decided to hold it at Drake Park, which spans along one side of downtown and offers a stunning view of the river. Jessica loved to hold picnics here and I used to listen to her describe the sun-drenched afternoons she’d spend with Benji enjoying sandwiches and cookies.

She once told me that her and Benji went skinny dipping in the river late one night when they were teens. At the time, I’d been focused on how envious I was of their relationship and now I just feel a sense of loss because the three of us will never get to do crazy shit together.

I stare out at the rippling water surrounded by people who loved my sister and I’m filled with an overwhelming sense of loss and regret. So much time and lost potential. If I had pulled my head out of my ass, I could have spent years with Benji but I also could have spent a lot more time with my sister. I declined a lot of her invites because I couldn’t cope with seeing her and Benji together. All those times I said no or feigned being busy will haunt me.

“Jack, you okay?” Benji’s voice snaps me out of my spiraling thoughts and I look up to meet his green eyes.

“As okay as I think I’ll ever be. It’s weird, you know? It still doesn’t feel real and I can’t help but regret somethings.”

“Like what? Jess knew you loved her, she always joked that she was your favorite person because you’d drop everything to bring her a chicken sandwich. She frequently said she had you whipped.”

“And she really fucking did. I would have done anything for my little sister. I was wrapped around her little finger the second she was born.”

I sigh and lean down to rest my head against Benji’s. His arms wrap around me and we stand in a quiet embrace for a moment before turning to face the crowd. They’re starting to hand out congregation candles and I know I’ll need to make a small speech about my sister soon. I’ve never loved public speaking but it feels immensely important to say aloud how special Jessica was and to speak out on the justice she deserves.

Benji takes my hand and leads me to the line for candles. Once we have ours in hand, I move to the area where we have a blown up picture of Jessica. The crowd begins gathering in front of me and Benji stands off to the side giving me a small supportive smile. When everyone falls silent I know it’s my turn to speak and I swallow my nerves. I probably should have prepared a speech but I wanted this to be genuine and unrehearsed.

I imagine the crowd disappearing and instead picture my sister and what I would say to her if I could. For a moment, I swear I see a flash of auburn hair in the crowd that matches my own and I hold onto the hope that somewhere out there my sister can hear me.

“I know it’s a cliche but Jessica really did light up any room she was in. She was a Scorpio and had a way of drawing people to her. She was never a wallflower and flourished in the spotlight. Jess had a smile that was infectious and she could make anyone laugh, even on their hardest day. My sister was a mix of charming and sometimes crass; she had this way of making me laugh over the stupidest shit. Sometimes, she would make me laugh until I actually cried.

“Jessica also had an incredible work ethic and she loved her job. She loved working with clients and lived to find them the perfect house. She also loved selling the unsellable. She had a passion for her work but also for her family and friends.

“When our parents died, Jessica held me together and helped me move through all of the stages of grief even though she was grieving too. She was the strongest person I’ve ever met. When I fell apart she was my rock. I’m not sure where I’d be if it weren’t for my sister.

“Someone took her from us in an act of senseless violence. I’m asking the community to come forward with any leads on our quest for Justice for Jessica. I want to thank everyone for coming here today, it really shows just how many lives my sister impacted and just how loved she was and is.”

A few other people take turns making short speeches and sharing stories about all the different times Jessica made them laugh. Benji is too shy to make a speech but the tears that stream down his face the entire time say enough.

We move to a small area with coffee and tea, thanking individuals for coming and for sharing their stories. After talking to a few of Jessica’s coworkers, I notice a man I don’t recognize lingering on the edge of the group. Bend is a small town and I know pretty much everyone in the crowd in some capacity or another. Something about this stranger makes me weary so I decide to figure out how he knew my sister.

“Hello, thanks for coming.”

“Sorry we aren’t meeting under better circumstances.” The man replies, running a hand through his sandy blonde hair. He’s a lean guy but clearly very fit and it’s obvious he spends a lot of his free time in the gym.

“How did you know Jessica?”

“I met her at CrossFit and we were thinking about starting a brokerage together. I’m Alex Callister by the way.”

Ah, so this is the Alex guy Jessica mentioned trying to get space from. I remember seeing a few texts from him on Jessica’s iPad. It’s weird that he was lingering on the edges of the crowd when he did have a friendship with Jessica. She definitely never mentioned wanting to start a brokerage with this guy though. To my knowledge, Jess was super happy at her brokerage and was mostly focused on expanding her clientele and getting the bigger listings.

“Oh, yeah Jess mentioned you.”

“Yeah? What did she say?”

“Just that she was working out with another real estate agent occasionally.” Jess had also mentioned that Alex kept shooting his shot but didn’t seem to be getting that she wasn’t interested. However, that was a common occurrence for Jessica so it’s hard to tell whether I should be suspicious or not. Honestly, I think Eric is likely the one who hurt her but it’s hard not to see everyone in a suspicious light right now.

“Oh.” He sounds disappointed and I wonder what he hoped I would say.

“Were you guys close?”

“Yeah, I mean we were starting to be, you know? It was moving in that direction, we were kind of dating and discussing being more. This whole thing is so tragic, she was so young and beautiful.”

Jessica wasn’t in a place where she was interested in more. That much I know for certain. She loved her freedom and spending time with new people. Something about his words sets off a little alarm bell that I’m not sure what to do with.

Alex moves off into the crowd and I return to Benji’s side. He’s standing shyly to the side but people have been greeting him pretty consistently because he knows pretty much everyone Jessica did. They were inseparable and Benji often helped Jess with open houses so she wouldn’t be alone with strangers.

“Who was that you were talking to?” Benji asks, his eyebrows pinched in confusion.

“A guy named Alex Callister. Did Jessica ever mention him?”

“Yeah, they did CrossFit together. I know they hooked up a few times but she said he wanted something serious and you know how Jess was.”

“He said they were talking about starting a brokerage together.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No, Jessica was like taking a step back from working out with him. She told me that it was awkward after they stopped hooking up but she didn’t want to switch gyms. Plus, Jess had this whole ten year plan for where she wanted her career to go. She wanted to become a broker but she wanted to basically partner with her boss. She sure as hell wasn’t putting in all those hours and kissing her boss’ ass constantly only to start from scratch with some dude from the gym.”

Benji shakes his head like this is the stupidest thing he’s ever heard, his face scrunched up with a facial expression that is both incredulous and disgusted.

“You think that's kind of suspicious? He said they were and I quote ‘moving towards something serious’.”

“I think it’s delusional. Like, Derek Sullivan the stalker level delulu. Jess definitely wasn’t moving towards anything serious with that guy. If she was, she wouldn’t have been hooking up with Eric. Jess liked to have fun and she was into casual sex but she wasn’t unfaithful. If she was actually seeing him seriously or interested in heading in that direction she wouldn’t have been on Tinder.”

“Should we mention him to the police?”

“I don’t know? I mean, it doesn’t hurt to say something but at this point I honestly think Eric is the most likely suspect. We found her right next to his property and I just feel like that can’t be a coincidence.”

I nod and glance around to scan the crowd. Everyone else seems to fit in and no one stands out. The crowd is slowly dwindling as the sun sets and the cold begins to settle in. The high desert has a way of getting super cold once the sun goes down, especially next to the river, so most people know it’s time to call it for the night.

“Yeah and it’s suspect as fuck that Eric hadn’t heard Jess was missing. I don’t buy that shit for a minute. Her name and face have been everywhere. Even the radio was talking about her. Unless that dude lives under a rock there’s no way he didn’t know she went missing.”

“I just hope they get some DNA or fingerprints so we can really nail him.”

“Agreed. Are you coming home with me tonight?”

Benji and I have been staying together most nights, though he often brings his laptop and spends hours editing photos. I know he hasn’t taken on any new sessions since Jessica went missing, instead focusing on finishing up his backlog. Soon that’ll change and our time together during the day will be a lot more limited so I want to soak up the time while I can.

Admittedly, I also have been spiraling a bit when I’m alone and holding Benji in my arms is the only time I’m able to sleep. When I’m alone I spend a lot of hours ruminating on missed opportunities and petty arguments with Jess.

Benji nods and leans against my chest. It’s amazing how such a casual touch can bring me so much comfort but holding Benji really does quiet my racing mind.

“I have a hard time sleeping alone lately. I have nightmares.”

“About Jess?”

“About her floating in my room, about her body and what it must have looked like-” Benji cuts himself off with a horrified shake of his head. “I wish we hadn’t been the ones to find her honestly. I know Jess asked me to but I just can’t shake the image or the smell. I sometimes feel like it’s clinging to my skin. I keep taking showers, I even bought brand new clothes but I feel like it’s lingering. I’m starting to feel like Lady McBeth over here.”

“Only you have nothing to feel guilty about, Benji. You loved my sister and you did everything you could to find her. Now we just have to let the police do their thing and pray that whoever hurt her left a piece of themselves behind.”

It’s been three weeks since the memorial; three weeks of waiting and hoping that the police found something, anything to prove that Eric killed my sister. Life has started moving forward and that brings with it a new type of grief because the world doesn’t just stop when someone dies, even if that someone was your whole fucking world.

Benji has started working again and I’ve realized he puts in just as many hours as Jessica did. He’s constantly doing photoshoots and driving his little beat up Civic to the middle of nowhere to capture family sessions with the natural beauty of Central Oregon as his backdrop. He can spend a full day taking photos and filming house walkthroughs and then turns around and spends hours editing at night.

My own hours have always been more relaxed since I mostly run the back of the house and have staff that do the day to day management of my bar. I’ve never been one of those bar owners that stands behind the bar day in and out. I just don’t have the same level of drive that my sister and clearly Benji do. My business profits enough that I’m comfortable but I don’t have a strong urge to expand or open a second location. I like how simple my job is but as I watch Benji hammer away at his dreams I can’t help but wonder if my lack of ambition will eventually be disappointing to him.

Benji is stretched out on my couch, his laptop propped up on his knees and his eyes squinting wearily. He’s been editing this session for hours and doesn’t seem to know when to take a break.

“Benji, I think it’s time to call it a night.”

“Oh, sorry. I can get out of your hair.” Benji closes his laptop and stands up, moving towards his shoes by the door.

“No, I didn’t mean I want you to leave; I never want you to leave. I mean you look exhausted and you’ve been working near constantly for days.” I slide up behind Benji and wrap my arms around him. Benji relaxes instantly and leans back into my embrace.

“I guess I have been. Without Jessica I’m going to have a harder time meeting clients, she gave out a lot of referrals and also helped me get commercial jobs.”

“You have built a really faithful set of clients and you’re still working with quite a few agents on their listings. I don’t think your business will collapse if you take some time to recharge at night.”

“I maybe also have been throwing myself into work because it means I don’t have to think or feel sad. I’m just so sad, Jack. I feel like I lost half of myself when Jessica died and I don’t know how to be half of a person. I know I have you now, and I love that, but I also…it just..”

“I can’t replace Jessica. I know, Benji. I feel the same way. You and I both have huge, gaping holes in our hearts and I don’t think there is anything that can fill those. Even ten years from now I’ll be grieving my sister and I hope that you’ll still be here with me. They say time heals all wounds but I don’t even know if I want this wound to be healed because then it’s like I’m moving on past my own sister.”

“I just don’t know what to do now. Like, I want to be happy and be with you and I also want to be sad and mourn Jess. I want to enjoy actually having the man I love but I also feel insanely guilty because how can I be happy with her gone?”

“I think you just let yourself feel all the things, Benji. You let the happiness in and enjoy what we have. When you feel sad, let yourself feel it. There isn’t a right way to grieve and there isn’t a timeline on how long you have to be sad before you’re allowed to be happy again. I wish it were that cut and dry but it just isn’t.”

“So, what do I do now?”

“Maybe, move in with me?” Benji has been here nearly every night this week and the truth is I want him here every night next week and every night for the rest of our lives.

“Jack!” He turns and slaps my chest, admonishing me. “We have been together for like a month, we can’t just move in together.”

“Can’t we though?”

“What if in a few months we realize we aren’t compatible and we break up?”

Benji stares up at me earnestly, his green eyes looking weary but behind that I can see a flicker of hope. He won’t admit it but he wants this just as much as I do.

“We’ve known each other for years-”

“That doesn’t mean it will translate to us actually being compatible and neither of us has really had a serious relationship, so what if-”

“What if we haven’t had a serious relationship because we both knew who we were meant to be with? You want to do the ‘what if’ game, baby? What if we move in together and it’s fucking perfect? What if we get married and adopt a dog and spend the rest of our lives madly in love?”

“Don’t be silly, your place isn’t big enough for a dog and you don’t have a backyard.” Benji tries to joke, to break the seriousness of the moment but I’m not having it.

“Then we’ll put all of those real estate connections to use and buy a place with a yard. I’ve always wanted a garden anyways. My gnomes look a little sad inside.”

“Jack! You can’t just say things like that!”

“I can if I mean it. And I do mean it. I’ll rent this place out and we can use some of that rent payment towards our mortgage. I already have enough saved for a downpayment so really we could-” Benji cuts me off with a searing kiss, his lips pressed against mine to silence me.

“One thing at a time, Jack. Besides, there are a million things we don’t know about each other. We’ve been orbiting each other for fifteen years and now we need to take the time to actually get to know each other.”

“Benji, I think I know everything about you. There’s nothing you could say that would shock me.” Benji isn’t wrong that we’ve been orbiting each other but I’ve practically stalked this man. I know how he takes his coffee, I know what he orders at all his frequent haunts, I know what movies make him laugh, and what music he listens to when he’s feeling down.

“I smoke a lot of pot.”

Of all of the things Benji could have said, this one isn’t what I pictured, it certainly isn’t a secret even though I’ve never actually seen him partake. I can’t help but bark out a laugh because I know all about his high times with my sister.

“Benji, who do you think Jessica bought weed from when we were in high school and our early twenties?”

“Wait, Jess bought it from you?”

“Well, yeah. I’d rather sell it to my little sister than have her go meet some sketch dealer. Once it became legal Jess started just hitting one of the shops that are on every corner but for a long while everything you two smoked came directly from me.”

“Where did you get it from?”

“In high school I bought it from the principal’s kid. He had a pretty lucrative little side hustle going on in school and his locker was conveniently never searched. After he graduated I started buying from a guy I met at the gym. Dude reeked of refer so it was a pretty safe guess that he could hook me up.”

Benji bites his lips and it’s clear he has something he wants to ask but feels uncomfortable asking. I pull him against me and mouth at his neck a bit.

“Ask what you want to ask, baby.”

“Did you hook up the guy from the gym?”

Completely misplaced irrational jealousy shouldn’t be hot but fuck if it doesn’t work for Benji. He squirms against me and I can’t help but smile into his neck.

“No, I didn’t. Pretty sure he was straight but he also wasn’t my type.”

“What is your type?”

“Twinks with curls and pretty green eyes.” I pull back and watch a shy blush travel across Benji’s cheeks, enjoying the way he squirms a bit under my scrutiny. “There’s nothing you could say that would shock me. Nothing that would make me less certain that we’re endgame. If it’s too fast for you to move in, that’s okay. I’ve waited years for this thinking it couldn’t happen and I’ll happily wait until you feel comfortable.”

“I just… I want you to be sure and I want to feel like we’re, I don’t know, really happening?”

“Oh, we’re happening, baby. I told you, you’re mine. I’m not letting you go.”

“Someday, when things with Jessica are more settled and we’ve been together a while…” Benji pauses and stares into my eyes for a moment, so much hope glistening in those green irises that I can’t help but lean in and kiss his lips. It’s a brief kiss, lingering for just a moment before I pull back to let him finish his thought. “Someday, I’d love to help you make a garden for your gnomes.”

“In the meantime, you wanna get high and fuck?”

“I have this fantasy…”

“Oh fuck, I like wherever this is going. What’s your fantasy, Benji?”

“I want to get stoned and warm your cock.”

“With your mouth or with your ass? Either works for me but I’d like to know which hole I get to look forward to.”

“My mouth. I just want to get really high and sit between these thick thighs of yours and kind of suckle on your cock while you ignore me.”

“You want me to ignore you?”

“Kind of, I want you to watch tv, or play video games, or even swipe around on TikTok while I keep your thick cock warm. It’s uh, it’s been a fantasy of mine for years. I know it’s kind of weird-”

“It’s not weird, baby. You gonna make a mess for me while you keep me warm? Get yourself all worked up until you end up coming in your pants?” Benji squirms against me, the tent in his jeans letting me know just how much I affect him. “You want to fulfill a fantasy of mine that’s kind of weird? Would that make you feel better?”

Benji nods eagerly and I lean in to kiss him, licking my way into his mouth and exploring until he pulls back, panting and looking wrecked. I walk him backwards to the couch and give him a little nudge so that he’s sitting and then head into my room. I pull out a small piece of fabric from my top drawer and then slip back into the living room. Benji is on the couch still, his hands clasped together nervously.

“Would you wear this for me?” I hold up a bright pink jock strap that I bought in Benji’s size last week on a whim. I saw it online and immediately knew I needed to see him make an absolute mess of it. Eventually, I plan to get him some panties to cream but I figure a jock is a good starting point.

Benji nods eagerly and begins undressing. I could stop to point out that we still have to smoke first but the image of Benji smoking a bong in nothing but a little pink jockstrap is far from unappealing.

He shimmies into the jock and I twirl my finger in a circle to get him to give me a small turn so I can admire the way the fabric stretches under his cheeks, making his small ass look deliciously plump.

“Fuck baby, you look perfect. You want to do pre-rolls or a few bong rips?”

“Uh, you have a bong?”

“Yes, Benji, I have a bong. I definitely wasn’t just supplying you and Jess back in the day. I had those hookups long before my little sister came snooping around and started stealing from my stash.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” I have to physically resist rolling my eyes at how naive Benji is. We live in Oregon, after all. Even before it was legal there was a persistent smell of weed in the air and most people have partaken in the Devil’s lettuce at some point in their lives. “So, bong rips?”

“Sure, let me get dressed-”

Benji reaches for his shirt but I snatch it first, flashing him a mischievous smile. Benji actually does roll his eyes and instead reaches for his pants, which I also snatch.

“Jack!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you got excited and changed before we toked. Now I want to enjoy watching you hit my bong in nothing but a tiny little jock.”

“I’ll freeze!”

“I’ll turn up the heat, just indulge me baby. This is my new favorite view. You look so fucking hot with your little dick covered in bright pink and that pert little ass fully on display. I could just slide into you right now, bend you over and feast on that pretty little hole of yours.”

“You keep saying little, I’m not that little!”

“Yeah, you really are and I fucking love it.”

I step past Benji and toss his clothes into my room to discourage him from getting dressed and then turn the thermostat up a few degrees so that he’ll be comfortable. I slip into my room and gather my bong, grinder, and lighter from a small cabinet where I keep all of my supplies and my stash tucked away. I snag one of the plastic quarter ounce bags from the dispensary and head back into the living room.

Benji is awkwardly standing by the couch and I motion for him to sit down but he nervously shakes his head.

“I can’t just sit bare assed on your couch.”

“Sure you can, Benji.”

“No, it’s unhygienic.”

“I’ve literally kissed your asshole, I really don’t care.”

“Can I sit on this blanket instead? It’s easier to wash.”

I laugh and motion for Benji to go ahead. Once he’s seated, I settle in next to him and set to grinding up some green. I load a bowl and feel thankful that I cleaned my bong yesterday so he doesn’t have to see how dirty I let the water get sometimes. If he thinks his ass on my couch is unhygienic, he’d probably faint if he saw my chunky, nasty black water.

I really should change it more often but I definitely get lazy at night and say fuck it and smoke from a dirty bong. It’s a bad habit I’ll need to change if I’m going to smoke Benji out on a regular basis.

Once the bowl is loaded and ready I pass my beaker bong over to Benji. He takes a huge hit and handles it with ease, pausing to hold it in for a moment before breathing out, hardly coughing as the plume of smoke blows out.

“Fuck, you look hot smoking.”

I’ve never found smoking pot particularly erotic but watching Benji take a hit so smoothly, with a confidence he rarely has really does something for me. The fact that he’s nearly naked definitely doesn’t hurt.

My eyes rake over his body and Benji blushes a bit in response, clearly trying not to squirm under my scrutiny. He hands the bong over and I take my hit while watching Benji watch me. It’s clear from the tent in his little jock that he’s equally as affected.

“I think it’s unfair that I'm naked and you’re fully dressed.” Benji flashes me a pout and I laugh out the smoke from my hit, coughing a bit from the surprise. My turn wasn’t nearly as graceful but Benji broke the cardinal rule and made me laugh mid-hit.

Still, I take pity on my boy and hand the bong over before shucking out of all of my clothes. We each take another hit before settling back against the couch. My legs are spread in a wide V and I motion for Benji to crawl between them, tossing a couch pillow down so that he’s comfortable. I plan to keep Benji down there for a long while.

“You gonna keep me warm baby?”

Benji nods eagerly and slips between my legs, settling in on his knees and immediately resting his head on my upper thigh by my groin. I stroke my already hard cock a few times and then lean it to the side so that Benji can suck it into his mouth.

He manages to get the top third of my dick into his mouth, wet, hot heat enveloping me. The urge to buck and fuck his face fades after a few minutes and we both settle in. Benji holds me in his mouth, his eyes closed, and a blissed out expression painting his features.

My head is fuzzy enough from smoking that it’s easy to relax against the couch and enjoy the wet warmth of his mouth. I’ve imagined having Benji between my thighs so many times that every time I get to actually witness it I have the urge to take a picture. He looks so beautiful and relaxed like this, his throat occasionally swallowing and drawing me in a little deeper before he settles back in. There’s something intensely intimate about being warmed like this with no real intent to make me come.

When I feel myself start to soften from a lack of stimulation, Benji begins lightly suckling on the tip of my cock, sparks of pleasure dancing down my spine as I swell again in his mouth.

Once I’m fully hard and starting to squirm, Benji relaxes back against my thigh and lightly holds me in his mouth. I lean forward a little bit so I can admire the wet imprint his leaking cock is making against the bright pink jock.

“Fuck, you’re such a good cock warmer baby. Your mouth is perfect, love the way your lips look wrapped around me. Wanna keep you down there all day.” Benji squirms a little bit more, his hips thrusting up and seeking friction that isn’t there. “Are you going to come in your jock for me? Fuck, I love watching you make a mess. That hair trigger of yours is the fucking hottest thing. Maybe, I’ll let you fuck me sometime. Bet you’ll get the tip in and then immediately make a mess.”

Benji groans low in his throat and the vibrations make my legs shake with pleasure. Part of me wants to ask if he’s done this before but another part of me is sick with jealousy at the very thought of my Benji doing anything this intimate with someone else.

His hips are moving in steady circles like he’s fucking up against his jock and I have no doubt that he’s close to making coming from practically no stimulation at all.

“Go on, Benji. Make an absolute fucking mess of that pretty pink jock for me, show me how much you love having me in your mouth.”

Benji clearly enjoys dirty talk because he’s suddenly letting out a high pitch uh sound that’s muffled by my cock in his mouth. His hips angled up as his legs spasm and his come paints the inside of the jock practically on command.

“Such a good fucking boy. God, I love when you come on command.” Benji sighs and relaxes back against my thigh and looks up at me with glassy red eyes, looking both high and completely wrecked. “I think we’ll have to get you stoned more often. You look beautiful like this, high and fucked out.”

“Can I keep going?” Benji pulls off me long enough to get the words out and then immediately sucks me back into his throat, like he thinks I’m going to steal my cock away now that he’s came.

“Yeah, baby. You can keep me warm as long as you want.”

Benji sits between my thighs for at least another half hour before the need to come becomes too strong and I start fucking into his throat. I grasp his curls in one hand and bob him on my cock at the same time that my hips thrust up. After being in his mouth for such a prolonged period I finish embarrassingly fast.

Benji swallows as fast as he can but my load is massive, my orgasm spiraling for an impossible amount of time as my whole body is wracked with shudders. When I finally open my eyes, Benji is staring up at me with my softening cock in his mouth and a trickle of come leaking down his chin. His jock is soaked and I realize Benji must have come a second time when I was fucking his throat.

“Fuck, you’re an absolute mess. Wish I could take a picture of you like this.”

Benji fumbles around beneath me and retrieves my phone from my discarded jeans. He hands it to me with an expectant look and relaxes back against my thigh, pulling one leg up so that I have a clear view of his soaked jock and the impression of his small cock.

“You gonna let me?” Benji nods, my cock still in his mouth, and I feel like I’ve won the lottery. I snap a few photos, one where Benji is staring up at me with a dazed look and another where his eyes are closed and he looks completely relaxed. “Pull your jock down and show me the mess.”

Benji blushes but does as I ask, slipping the jock down to mid-thigh and flipping it so the interior is exposed. Inside I can make out the dried come from his first load and the still wet mess from his second. I take a picture of all of Benji and then one zoom in on his soft cock and jock.

“Next time, I want to put you in lace panties, maybe even a babydoll negligee since you look so fucking pretty. Would you let me dress you up and take pictures of me fucking that tight little hole?”

Benji finally releases my cock, staring up at me with wide green eyes and a small smile. I’m not sure that I’ll ever get over how beautiful and unguarded he looks in moments like these.

“I told you, I’ll let you do whatever you want Jack.”

One of my favorite parts of Autumn is throwing my annual Halloween bash at the bar. Not only does the event bring in a lot of revenue but the foot traffic helps bring in customers who don’t usually frequent sports bars. A few years ago I added the bar to a local bar crawl event and it’s been a great way to promote my small business.

I decorate the bar in a different theme every year, which tends to draw in big crowds and guarantees a lot of Instagram tags. This year, I went with a Pirates of the Caribbean theme. Myself and all of the staff are dressed as skeleton pirates.

My own costume mostly consists of a loose fitting white poet shirt that I’ve left open across my chest, some tight fitting black skinny jeans, and the mandatory pirate hat and boots. I brought in a local face painter to do intricate skeleton face make up for myself and all of the staff. My makeup features dark circles around the eyes and the skeleton pattern extends down my throat and onto my chest where an intricate rib cage has been drawn. It’s all hands on deck tonight and all of my bartenders and waiters are dressed to the nines in pirate gear, each donning intricate makeup that matches my own.

I invited Benji this year and while I’m happy I’ll get to celebrate with him, it also feels bittersweet. Jessica always made a point of stopping by the bar during her bar crawls, usually dressed in a matching costume with Benji, though he often loitered around the edges of the room like he was hiding from me. It always felt a bit silly because even in a crowded room my eyes have always had a way of tracking his movements.

I used to relish in the half-hour they would spend sipping drinks, usually wearing ridiculous matching costumes. One year, Jess went as Peter Pan and Benji went as Tinkerbell. His short, glittery green dress barely covered the swell of his ass, white wings stretching across his back. At the time, I thought Benji was dressing like that to try and suck up to my sister but now I can’t help but laugh at how obviously gay that man is.

The image of him leaning over my bar to reach for a napkin, his little dress rising up enough to show me a flash of white skin tight shorts had played a frequent role in my fantasies for months. Maybe someday I’ll convince him to pull out the dress and let me bend him over for real, preferably with some dainty lace panties underneath.

The bar is a sea of faces and random costumes. People are lined up for a photo booth I rented for the occasion and the line for drinks is steady. My staff is working hard and I feel proud of how on top of things we’ve stayed despite the mad rush of customers.

I finally spot Benji and I feel like all of the air has been sucked from my lungs because fuck me is that man cute as fuck. He’s wearing a little white Hooters shirt and a tiny pair of orange shorts that show off the bottom of his asscheeks. His curls are a wild mess and his bright green eyes are practically glowing as he stands under the disco ball.

His costume practically screams Jessica and I know they likely had planned to match. The thought of her costume sitting somewhere in storage makes my heart clench. Benji and I packed all of her stuff up recently but neither of us had the heart to get rid of anything so it’s all sitting in a storage unit.

“Benji!” I call his name but the noise from the crowd swallows the sound. Thankfully, Benji’s eyes are scanning the room and the moment our eyes finally meet a smile engulfs his whole face. He makes his way over, slowly pushing through the crowd until he’s at the bar, slipping onto a bar stool.

“What can I get you handsome?”

“I think a sex on the beach would be fitting, don’t you?”

I chuckle and set about making his drink. We have a ton of pirate themed drinks on the menu tonight, including a pirate punch and a lot of rum based drinks. Sex on the beach sounds a lot sexier than any of the drinks I came up with and I smile as I make his drink. When I slide it across the bar, Benji reaches out and his fingers brush against my own. Even just that casual touch makes my heart skip a beat.

Benji takes a long sip from his drink, his cheeks flushing as his eyes wander and then linger on the skeleton sternum and rib cage paint that decorate my chest. I puff out my chest a little bit and it earns a chuckle and a head shake.

“I don’t think you have any right to look that hot while wearing that silly hat. The plume on it is massive.”

“Yeah, you already know I have a massive plume, baby.”

“Did you do the makeup yourself?” Benji’s eyes keep wandering to my chest and then back up to my face. He’s clearly pretty enthralled with the look.

“Nah, I hired a professional to come in and do the entire staff. They really seemed to enjoy the experience and everyone is going to look great in the Instagram pics. I’m hoping it helps bring in more customers. Usually we have a huge boom after Halloween and this year I really went all out. I uh had all of this planned before Jess went missing. Kind of feels weird throwing a big bash after everything.”

“Jess picked out my costume; we were going to match actually. I thought about getting another costume but that felt wrong too. I don’t think there is any right way to grieve and it kind of feels like it’s going to hurt no matter what choice we make. I do know that Jessica would have loved how over the top the bar looks and she would have made you pose for a million pictures. I actually already snagged a few from a distance just in case.”

“Just in case, what?”

“In case you say no when I ask.”

“Benji, I can’t say no to you. If you want a picture, by all means snag a picture…after all I have certainly taken a few of you.” I pause and wink at Benji, earning a deep flush in response because we both know exactly which photos I’m referring to. “In fact, let’s take a selfie together.”

I pull out my phone and lean across the bar so that both of our faces are in the frame. Benji gives a shy smile, his cheeks still burning red. I give my best pirate glower and then quickly snap a second where we’re both smiling. I can’t help but imagine a day where we live together and have a million memories of us hanging on the walls.

Of course, as soon as I have this thought I’m also struck by how Jessica will be missing from all of those memories and we won’t have any photos of the three of us laughing and smiling together. Regret can be a bitter pill to swallow, especially when it comes to time wasted and opportunities lost forever.

The line for the bar is piling up again so I force myself to leave Benji and go back to filling drinks. Most of the evening passes with me bouncing between taking orders, making cocktails, and returning to check in with my man. Benji diligently waits, occasionally chatting with the girls who end up casually surrounding him, laughing at his Hooters costume and occasionally requesting pictures together. Watching him now, I can’t help but wonder why I ever thought this man was straight because he’s serving gay best friend vibes all night.

A few times, I notice men approach Benji and internally slam my fist in the air in success when he shoots them down immediately. I’m slowly feeling less dramatically possessive but there are still moments where I feel that familiar old stab of jealousy when someone else gets his attention. Watching him turn down offers does something to soothe the pain leftover from years of watching other people get Benji’s time and attention.

When I finally turn on Closing Time from Semisonic and do the last call, Benji looks a bit tired. He’s only had a few drinks but it’s nearly two am and it’s way past his normal bed time. Still, the idea of bending him over and ripping those tiny shorts off of him is way too tempting to pass up.

I help my staff finish cleaning and then lock the door behind them as they exit. Benji is diligently waiting by the fireplace and the way the flames dance gives his skin a glow that makes me practically desperate to have a taste. His cheeks are a bit flush from the heat and he’s lounging in one of the chairs with his leg thrown over the arm. It puts his delightfully small package on full display and his little ass cheeks are practically falling out. Those orange shorts should be illegal because they’ve kept me half hard practically all night; just looking at Benji so relaxed but also so casually on display has my cock hardening in my jeans.

I slip into my office and pocket the bottle of lube I have stashed there. Once I get my hands on Benji it’s going to be a quick, dirty fuck. All night I’ve been imagining bending him over my bar and showing everyone exactly who owns that ass of his.

When I get back to the main bar, Benji is no longer lounging but is instead bent over, tiny shorts around his ankles, and two fingers in his hole. His cock is pulled back so that it’s between his thighs and on display for me, a little bead of precum leaking down towards the floor. I’m pretty positive this man is going to be the death of me. I pull out my phone and snap a picture because I know I’ll want to relive this moment later and then slip it back into my pocket.

“Fuck Benji.”

“I’ve been waiting all night for you to fuck me. Please don’t make me wait, Jack.”

I stalk over and roughly pull his fingers from his ass, enjoying the way he gasps and his hole winks closed. I spread his cheeks and lean in and lick a stripe up over his hole.

“No, please, I can't wait. Too worked up, that makeup you’re wearing has been driving me mad.”

“Yeah, you gonna come just from me eating your ass?”

“ Yes .” Benji moans out when I begin eating his ass with vigor. “No, your makeup, don’t ruin it.”

I huff out a laugh, his skin erupting in goosebumps as my hot breath washes over him. His enthusiasm has me leaking in my pants, my poor cock painfully hard against my zipper.

“Don’t worry baby, the make-up artist said it’s hard to remove. I can eat your ass all I want and then I’ll throw your legs over my shoulders and fuck you on my bar.”

Benji’s legs tremble as I return to my task, his whole body tense as he clearly tries to hold back his orgasm. When I spear my tongue into his ass he lets out a long moan and his entire body quakes as come splashes down his thighs and onto the floor in dramatic spurts.

“Fucking love how easy it is to make you explode. Your little cock looks so fucking hot pulled back and on display like this.” I lean down and lick at his tip, relishing in the way he hisses and tries to buck away, still sensitive from his orgasm. “Come on baby, wanna get in this tight little hole.”

I help Benji pull up so that he’s standing fully and then scoop him into my arms and carry him to the bar top. Thankfully, I’m tall enough that I’ll still be able to fuck him against the counter-height side of the bar.

“Want you to-” Benji suddenly cuts off and a shy blush creeps over his cheeks.

“What do you want me to do, baby? You know I’ll give you anything you want.”

“I want you to film it-want to watch you fuck me in that hot makeup of yours later.”

“Fuck, yeah. You’re such a dirty fucking boy Benji. I have an idea, where’s your phone?”

I set Benji on the counter and he waves a hand towards the fireplace. I quickly snag his phone and prop it up against a bottle so that it has both of our bodies fully in frame, my makeup looking particularly sinister in the low lighting of the bar. Then, I pull out my own phone and begin recording a close up shot of Benji spread out before me. I hitch his legs over my shoulder using my free hand and then fish out the lube before yanking my own pants down.

“Gonna fuck you hard and fast baby. Been thinking about getting inside you all night. God, we have to get you some more little shorts. Wanna see you on display like this all the time.”

I slick my cock and nudge it against his hole, sigh in relief as I slip inside. I push past the resistance and marvel at the fact that Benji’s cock is already getting hard again. The man is insatiable and I’m honestly a bit in awe at his short refractory period.

I’m careful not to jostle my phone too much as I start slowly fucking into him. The camera captures how obscene his hole looks stretched around my fat cock, his whole chest is flushed red and he already looks completely fucked out.

“Filming this was such a good idea, you look so fucking hot stretched around me.”

Benji moans and tries to rock back to meet my thrusts, causing pleasure to dance down my spine. I know this man is it for me, no one else will ever be able to compare. Benji’s hooters shirt has ridden up to reveal his pink little nipples and I can’t resist reaching down to twerk one, his hole clenching down in response as he lets out a lusty sigh.

I fuck into him like that for a few minutes, enjoying the way he can’t seem to take his eyes off my face and chest. Clearly the makeup really does it for him because he’s already leaking and letting out high pitch moans.

“Jack, please.”

“What do you want, baby?”

“Bend me over and fuck me like you mean it.”

I’m practically scrambling as I pull out of Benji and flip him over with my free hand. I take a moment to get a good shot of Benji’s hole looking puffy and thoroughly fucked before I slam back into him in one smooth motion. I groan at the friction and reach over to squirt some more lube on his hole before fucking into him in earnest. It’s impossible to keep the camera steady but I do my best as I rock into him, the sound of skin on skin filling the room.

Benji is a mess under me, his cock pulled back so it’s pointing down again and not pressed painfully against the granite countertop. My balls slap against his with each hard thrust and each time he lets out a loud moan in response. It only takes a few well angled thrusts before his hole is fluttering around me and come is dripping onto the floor. Health code aside, it’s one of the hottest things I’ve even seen. My own orgasm is practically ripped out of me as he bears down on me, impossibly tight.

I make sure his ass is fully in frame as I pull out, my load slowly trickling out. Benji bears down again and I let out a moan of my own as he pushes the rest of my come out. The camera catches it all and I take a moment to enjoy fucking it back into him with my softening cock.

“Fuck.” Benji says, his cheek still pressed against the countertop, his curls a total mess on his head.

“You’re telling me, baby. Let’s get you cleaned up and into bed.”