Chapter 5
5
The good thing about the move to Ibiza happening so quickly was the lack of time to dwell on her decision with the next few days flying by in a whirl of planning, packing and organisation. Working her notice was hectic because of the amount of things she needed to handover, culminating in a leaving do where Isaac’s absence was conspicuous but expected. As the days ticked by, Belle’s anxiety increased. A bead of doubt buried deep inside made her question if she was really doing the right thing.
The drive to Norfolk for a school friend’s wedding gave her time to think as she put the bustle of London behind her for the slower pace of a country life she’d so eagerly left behind. Although she’d grown up in a small north Norfolk town, returning never felt like coming home even on the rare occasions she visited her parents. Perhaps a decade on was the perfect time to make another move. Yet fear needled her because her move to London hadn’t been without incident. Her first few months had been full of unexpected challenges that continued to fuel her worry that as soon as something positive happened, something catastrophic would follow. And was returning to Ibiza really the smartest idea when she could have gone anywhere? She may have only spent one week there but it had made an impact. Meeting Diego, being consumed by him, loving him, wanting him, needing him, missing him… The one who had got away. There were so many what-ifs, but none were helpful. She couldn’t change the past, although it was crazy how often Diego would slip into her thoughts, even now.
Belle didn’t mind rocking up to a wedding on her own. In many ways she felt more comfortable going solo, happy to spend time with her friends without worrying about Isaac. Of course he’d been her plus-one when the invitation had arrived the year before. Her main concern, beyond having messed up the seating plan, was that some other poor single sod had been added to their table in a pathetic attempt to matchmake.
On the lawn in front of the grand Tudor house, Belle caught sight of Gem looking effortlessly chic in a blue and orange flowery maxi dress, her ash-blonde hair styled into a loose updo. Nerves batted her chest, a ridiculous reaction to the thought of talking to one of her oldest friends, but she often felt like this. There was a distance with Gem that never used to be there, more than just a physical distance because she’d remained in Norfolk while Belle had gone to London, something she’d never felt with Laurie even after her move to Manchester with Ade.
‘You look fabulous.’ Not allowing her anxiety to get the better of her, Belle swept Gem into a hug.
‘So do you.’ Gem pulled away and held her at arm’s length. ‘As always.’
Belle had splashed out on a new dress, an A-line strappy one that she’d take to Ibiza, and had thrown a pashmina stole around her shoulders to ward off the chill of the clear but sunny late May day.
‘Dan’s not with you?’ Belle asked as a waiter paused with a tray of Pimm’s.
Gem took a glass and rolled her eyes. ‘Dan’s not like Ade, happy to chat to everyone and anyone.’ She shrugged. ‘It was much easier for him to stay home with the kids.’
‘And you’re okay being on your own?’
‘As fine as you are, I’m sure.’ Gem looked at her pointedly from beneath fake lashes.
‘Indeed.’ Belle raised her glass of Pimm’s. ‘To my car crash of a love life.’
Hannah had been right that once they started to talk they’d slip back into the comfortable friendship they used to have. The glimmer of a younger Gem was hidden behind a toughened exterior. Belle’s nerves hadn’t completely dispersed but they had eased by having her breakup with Isaac to talk about. Her own failings made her feel less like she was rubbing her London life in Gem’s face.
After chatting for a good twenty minutes, Belle was relieved to see Laurie strolling towards them, her arm hooked in Ade’s, her long dark hair sleek, her powder-blue trouser suit hugging her slender frame, the floral blouse feminine and very Laurie.
‘Traffic!’ Laurie said with a shake of her head as she pulled them into a group hug. She was the one who united them, the easy-going non-confrontational friend who eased any tension and helped the conversation flow. ‘I knew we should have booked two nights and travelled down yesterday. Never mind, we’re here now.’
Ade greeted them too with a kiss to their cheeks.
‘You’re not staying with your mum and dad then?’ Belle asked.
‘No, we wanted to treat ourselves but we’ll see them before heading home.’
Laurie’s parents had always been warm and welcoming, happiest when their house was filled with kids, and Belle and Gem had spent plenty of time there. As a teenager Belle had been jealous of the attention Laurie received from her parents when her own were always working. Laurie had the company of two younger sisters as well, which only accentuated Belle’s loneliness as an only child. More often than not she’d get home from secondary school to an empty house and heat up a microwave meal, while Laurie’s Italian dad would welcome his girls with homemade pasta or the tastiest pizza. Gem had managed to have a healthy relationship with her parents too, although she hadn’t always got on with her older brother, but their house was homely and lived-in. Belle had understood why Gem had wanted to escape their small town, but she’d have done anything for the close and loving relationship Gem had with her parents, although that had changed once Gem had become pregnant, her parents’ disappointment obvious even if they’d unconditionally supported her. With absent parents for most of her childhood, starting afresh in London had been a no-brainer for Belle.
Gem had been right about Ade being happy to chat to everyone. He introduced himself to people he didn’t know and reconnected with partners he’d met at other social gatherings. Gem’s partner Dan had never been like that, which meant with Ade content to do his own thing, the three friends were able to spend time together.
After drinks on the lawn and photographs by the lake, everyone was ushered inside the converted barn for the speeches and sit-down meal. The circular tables looked fresh and springlike with vases of pink and purple flowers and fronds of greenery, and the high ceiling was crisscrossed by oak beams and lines of fairy lights.
Belle and Gem were seated together next to Laurie and Ade with another two couples who they knew in passing, and it was a jolly couple of hours feasting on slow roasted pork with glazed shallots and braised red cabbage with a Sicilian lemon tart and raspberry sorbet for dessert, before champagne was poured ahead of the speeches.
After the father-of-the-bride and the best man had finished speaking, Belle turned to Laurie. ‘This reminds me of your wedding.’
‘Just not as fancy.’ Laurie raised an eyebrow and lowered her voice. ‘Or anywhere near as expensive.’
‘But in a place just as beautiful,’ Belle stressed. ‘It’s not always necessary to throw a tonne of money at something to make it special.’
‘Says the person who organises mind-boggingly expensive events all the bloody time,’ Gem cut in.
‘It’s different when it’s my job compared to someone’s hard-earned cash.’
‘True.’ Gem leaned forward and looked pointedly at Laurie. ‘The other difference with your wedding is you drank like a fish, whereas today I’ve noticed you’re not drinking at all.’ She tilted her head. ‘Anything you’d care to share?’
Laurie’s sharp intake of breath, rapid blinking and clenched jaw immediately suggested that Gem’s question was way off the mark. ‘No, I’m not drinking but not for the reason you’re assuming.’ She flashed a worried glance in Ade’s direction but he was deep in conversation with the husband of another friend.
Belle had also noticed during the toasts that Laurie had raised her glass of champagne but hadn’t taken a sip, switching instead to sparkling elderflower. She’d figured if Laurie wanted to tell them something then she would.
‘Oh come on, Laurie.’ Gem folded her arms and lowered her voice. ‘Even if you’re before twelve weeks you can tell us. That bad luck stuff is bullshit.’
Laurie’s chair screeched on the polished wood floor as she pushed it back. She stood up, her eyes damp as she glared at Gem. ‘You really can be bloody insensitive at times.’
Belle’s insides constricted as Laurie paced away, weaving past the other tables, her slight frame looking incredibly vulnerable as she retreated.
Belle turned to Gem. ‘Seriously, why the hell would you say that?’
All the recent conversations Belle had had with Laurie when they hadn’t really talked about anything in particular slotted into place. Following Laurie and Ade’s wedding four years ago, every conversation had been filled with the excitement for the future, of trying for a baby, of Laurie looking forward to having a family and taking time out from the data-entry job she hated. It was only now that Belle realised all that kind of talk had petered out as if was too hard for her to discuss any longer.
Belle shook her head at Gem. ‘There can be many reasons for someone choosing not to drink – for their health or simply personal choice. I’ve also got a colleague who’s gone teetotal while going through fertility treatment.’
‘Oh shit.’ Gem sighed. ‘I’ll go after her.’
‘No,’ Belle said, standing up. ‘We’ll go together.’