Chapter Thirty-Nine #2
“Don’t be out all night, young lady,” he teases. He leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “I’m proud of you.”
“Well, it’s dark out, and most everyone is in bed, so I figure it’s safe.” I mean it as a joke, but it only pulls the corners of his mouth down.
“It’s a start. Don’t sell yourself short.” He looks up at the barn, and a tear slips down his cheek. “You gave up your home,” his voice cracks, and he drops his head.
Without thinking, I pull him to me, hugging him tight. “Don’t you dare feel guilty about that. I’m right where I want to be, Jackson. I just needed Jesse to give me a little push.”
He chuckles while crying at the same time. “A little push? She burned your house down, Mom.”
“Nothing is ever ours to keep, Son. I’ll find my place here,” I say more confidently than I feel.
Jackson looks over at Dan. “You should get going. Dan is a patient man, but he has limits.”
I smile up at him. “He seems very easy to talk to.”
“He is. He’d be a good person to lean on.”
“Okay, I won’t be gone long.” I give him a final squeeze and then let him go before rushing inside to put on my shoes.
Jackson waits until I’m in Dan’s truck before he disappears into the house.
“That boy has always loved you,” Dan says, pulling out onto the road.
“I’ve always loved him.”
Dan and I chat all the way to the gas station. I was worried about leaving with someone I don’t know, but it doesn’t feel that way at all.
After we get our coffee, he drives around town, showing me all of the businesses including his own. “You should come in and get a tattoo sometime.”
“You know, I would love to get another tattoo. Let me think about what to get.”
“That’s how Lily and I met. She came in to get a tattoo from Jesse but ended up with me instead.”
“I know,” I say, covering my face.
“You know?”
“Yeah. When Lily came to town and figured out who Jackson was, well, that’s when Bill figured out who I was.”
Dan’s eyes widen. “Bill knew?”
“I never confessed my identity, so technically no, but he knew. He tried so hard, but I was pretty stubborn back then.”
He chuckles. “And you’re not now?”
“No.”
“Sure you’re not. All women are stubborn,” he says, turning into the state park.
I’d argue with him, but a beautiful lake suddenly appears in front of us. The moonlight ripples over it, and it’s all I can do to sniffle back my emotion. I’d forgotten how stunning the world was outside of my sanctuary.
“I know the coffee is bad, but is it really that bad?” he teases, tapping his Styrofoam cup against mine.
“It’s not the coffee, it’s … it’s all of this. It’s amazing.” I wave my hand around us.
He remains quiet, letting me take it all in.
After a few minutes, I begin to tell him about Jesse’s visit. “I wish I knew how to repay her.”
“All you have to do is love Jackson and Raffe. She did it for them. That’s all she wants. Jesse doesn’t do things with ulterior motives.”
I look at him, running my fingers over my forehead. “She told me the same thing when I asked.”
He shakes his head. “Then there you have it. Keep on loving those two guys and consider the debt paid. You’ll find we’re pretty real around here. You don’t have to look for anything hidden behind our words. We say what we mean. No bullshit.”
“I’m glad I bumped into you tonight. Talking with you has been nice,” I tell him.
His face turns red, and he smiles. “I’ve always wanted to meet you.”
“You know how sweet Lily is. She’s probably made me sound a lot better than I actually am.”
“She does talk very fondly of you, but that’s not where I learned what kind of person you were.”
My head jerks back in surprise. “Okay ...”
“I read your journals,” he says.
It takes me a few seconds to realize what he’s talking about.
“Lily never read them, but I did,” he admits with not one bit of regret on his face.
My mind scrambles to remember what I may have written in them.
“You’re a very brave woman, Jenny, and I’m thankful to know you.”
When I start to cry, he takes our cups and puts them in the cupholder. He pulls me close, letting me cry on his shoulder.
“I … I miss her so much, and she hasn’t come to see me,” I weep, letting my fears come to light.
He sighs. “Well, I’ll tell you, Lily is kind of having a bit of a mid-life crisis. I’d like to think that’s why you’re here now. You’re going to help her get through it.”
I sit up. “She’s not well?”
“She’s well. She’s just struggling.”
It makes me want to see her even more. “When do you think she’ll be ready to see me?”
He smiles wide. “I think she’s planning on seeing you tomorrow at the warehouse.” His head tips down, and he points a finger at me. “So that means you better show up. No hiding out at your son’s house. You hear me?”
I wipe my eyes with both hands. “That’s not fair.”
His laugh lifts my soul. “That’s another thing you’ll learn about us – we rarely play fair.”
It’s still dark when we pull up to the farm. Raffe comes running down the stairs the minute the truck rolls to a stop. He opens my door. “Oh my god,” he says, panting. He doubles over, resting his palms on his knees. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
My heart shatters at the fear on his face.
Dan gets out and walks around behind him. “I’m sorry, brother, I should have sent you a text to let you know she was with me.”
Raffe stands, gripping his hair in his fists. “God, I can’t do this. I need to know that you’ll never leave me,” he rasps. He tries to back away from me, but Dan is blocking his exit.
I place my hand on his chest, thankful he can’t retreat. “Raffe, I’m sorry. Jackson knew where I was, but I didn’t want to wake you. I know you have a hard time sleeping.”
His face begins to relax at the sound of my voice.
“But if you need me to wake you up next time, that is what I’ll do.”
“I need to know where you are … always,” he tells me.
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll try my best to remember that.”
“Promise me you’ll never leave me,” he says.
He sounds desperate. He needs things from me that others might not understand. We were torn apart … violently.
“Raffe, you know I can’t promise you that, but what I can promise is only death will be the thing that keeps me away.”
He grabs me and holds me tight. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into my hair.
“I’m sorry too.”
“Alright, take this inside, will ya? I have an old lady at home who’s missing me,” Dan says, grabbing Raffe around the back of the neck and turning him toward the house.
He waits for me to get out of his truck so he can close the door.
“Get some fucking sleep. I expect to see you at the warehouse by two.”
I give him a little salute.
Raffe and I watch from the porch as he pulls away.
“I really am sorry,” I say, feeling guiltier than ever that I scared him.
“I thought you’d ran away. Aspen was sleeping between Jackson and Willow, but I didn’t want to wake them and tell them you were gone.”
“I’ve given you very little reason to trust me, Raffe. Your reaction is valid. I take full responsibility for it.”
He takes my hand and leads me back inside. “It will be daylight soon. We should try to go back to sleep.”
The way he pulls me to him while covering us up makes me breathe a sigh of relief. It feels like coming home.
“Raffe?”
“Yeah.”
“I think I found my home.”
“Oh? Did Dan show you some of our rentals?” He doesn’t hide his disappointment.
“No. It’s here.”
“The farm?”
“No. It’s right here. In your arms.”
He’s quiet for a moment before pressing his lips to my temple and whispering, “I love that.”