Chapter Forty-One
Jenny
Lily brushes my hair out of my face. “Look at us,” she says, hardly able to speak because she’s so overcome with emotion. “We made it. We made it.” Our wet cheeks press together.
“Jackson is so handsome. Just like we knew he’d be,” I whisper, choking on every other word.
“I love him so much. Thank you. Thank you for finding him and staying by his side.” I press my hand over her stomach.
“I’m going to help you, Lily. Just like you did for me when I was pregnant with Jackson. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
We hold onto each other, cry, then we stare at each other, and then we cry some more.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Lily tells me. “Come on, I can’t wait to show you your room.”
The two of us laugh as we struggle to get up off the ground. Dan and Raffe join us at the top of the stairs, followed by Jackson, Dirk, and Jesse.
Jesse hugs Lily. “Congratulations.”
Lily wipes her eyes. “We were going to tell everyone …”
Jesse holds up her hand. “It’s okay. I’m happy for you.” She looks at me and touches my arm. “You made it.”
I nod, holding back tears. I’m so tired of crying. It’s all I’ve done for the past few weeks. “I made it.”
I give her a smile, and she visibly relaxes. She was worried I would be angry at her for what she did, but this woman did what she thought best, and it worked. Here I am. I’m going to keep my promise to her. I’m going to love Raffe and Jackson with my entire heart.
When Lily opens the door to my room, I hover in the doorway.
“Jackson and I work along with my friend JD at Junkyard Creations. I’ve been holding onto this piece for a long time. I think it was meant for you.” She runs her hand along a dresser and then a matching end stand.
Raffe pushes me gently, urging me forward.
“It’s beautiful,” I say hesitantly.
Lily walks over to the closet. “My daughter and Lexie went shopping for some clothes for you. At least enough to get you started.”
I let out a little sob at all the beautiful skirts hanging in the closet.
“Hopefully everything fits with your style.”
Jesse pulls the curtains wide open. “This room has the best view of the lake,” she adds, a look of melancholy glazing her eyes.
I step beside her, suddenly realizing I’m not the only one stepping out of an old world and into a new one. This is where she and Dirk lived for many years. Almost as many as I lived at my home.
Lily wraps her arm around each of our waists. “Isn’t this exciting? We’re all on the verge of something new.”
The three of us exchange a glance before looking out across the lake. My gaze catches on the trinkets lining the window, and I lower myself to the seat. “Are these …?” I pick up an amethyst.
These are my things!
“We’ll let you get settled in,” Lily says, patting me on the back.
Before I know it, Raffe and I are the only two in the room. He sits down across from me on the bench as I continue to caress each item in the windowsill.
“I can’t believe my mom kept these,” I whisper. My gaze searches the room, looking for more. “Oh my god!” I jump from the seat, snatching the Polaroid of Raffe and me from the mirror.
I go back to Raffe and drop beside him.
“We look so young.” Just babies. I’ve been blaming myself for years for leading us away from home, but now that I see this photo, I remember just how young we were … and so very na?ve.
Back then I thought my daddy was too strict. Too boring. I thought Raffe and I could go off on our own. I selfishly wanted to spend every minute of the day with him, and I was going to make that happen.
Raffe takes the picture from my hand and cups the side of my face. Our eyes lock before he leans in and kisses me. It’s soft, and most importantly, it’s safe.
“Don’t overthink this,” he says after pulling away.
“I can’t believe everyone did this for me.” My gaze sweeps the room, finding more and more intimate details that make my soul sigh happily. “Jesse remembered.” I jump from my seat again, finding the picture of Raffe, Rachel, and Jackson on my bedside table.
I hug it to my chest.
He climbs onto the bed behind me and lies down. “Come here,” he says quietly.
Part of me wants to argue, but I don’t have it in me. I fall back and roll toward him, keeping the frame carefully tucked against me.
“You’re doing good, Jenny. I know how hard this must all be.”
I chuckle sadly. “You’ve all done everything to make it as easy on me as possible. I … I don’t know if I deserve it.”
He presses his lips to my temple and hugs me close. “This is what Bill was trying to show you.”
“It wouldn’t have been the same back then ...” I tip my head back and look at him. “I’m sorry, but I don’t regret my decision.” I hold the photo up so we can both see it. “This,” I tap the glass with my nail, “this was pure love, and I wouldn’t have interrupted it for the world.”
His brows pull together, and I hope he’ll be honest with me.
“I did love her,” he whispers, tears instantly pooling in his eyes.
“I know. Don’t you dare feel bad about that. What was your favorite thing to do with her?” I ask.
He smiles and wipes his face. “Everything.”
My heart rejoices because that’s exactly what I want to hear. I don’t want him to hide his love for her from me. I wanted Raffe to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him.
“But I especially loved parenting with her. Jackson was a bit of a handful, but I think it brought us closer. We had to work as a team. She always kept Brody and Jackson busy. It was a good thing too. Do you know how much trouble those two would have gotten into without her guidance?”
We both laugh, but then he turns serious, running his thumb over the bottom of the frame. “You were also right there with us. She knew I loved you … she encouraged it.”
“I’m sorry if I caused a rift.”
“That’s just it. You didn’t.”
We’re quiet for a moment. “It’s okay to love us both, Raffe. I don’t want you to ever hide that part of your life from me. I want to hear every detail. Well, maybe not every one,” I tease.
“I’ve never stopped loving you, Jenny,” he says seriously, ignoring my joke.
I set the photo beside us and reposition myself so that I’m facing him, my ear resting on his solid chest. His heart beats steadily beneath it. I look up and meet his gaze. “Thank you for holding onto it, even though I’ve given you nothing but reasons to let it go.”
“I’ll never let go.” He smiles.
We spend the rest of the afternoon napping and exploring my room.
“Okay, just so you know, I do all of my showering in this bathroom. It has the best water pressure.”
I laugh as I lower myself into the empty tub. “This thing is huge.”
He climbs in with me. “Room for two.”
The wink he tosses my way has my cheeks lighting up like a brush fire. My stomach tightens at the thought, and honestly, I can’t tell if it’s a good feeling or bad. Of course he’s going to want an intimate relationship with me. I want that too, but … it’s been such a long time since I’ve …
“Hey.” He tips my chin with his knuckle. “I’m sorry. That was too soon.”
“No. I want you to do and say what feels natural.”
“Like touching your butt?”
“You’re terrible.”
“Do you want me to be any other way?”
“No.” I try to look away, but he doesn’t release me. “Fine. I want you to be you, just know I’m probably going to be awkward about it.”
“So, what you’re saying is nothing’s changed because you’ve always been awkward.”
My mouth falls open, and he smiles.
“Take that back.” I shove him in the arm playfully.
“No,” he says, jumping from the tub, laughing. I follow him out, tackling him on the bed.
“Do you want to hold hands?” Raffe asks as we’re sitting side by side, our backs leaning against the side of my garage.
He tosses a rock into the alley. We’re waiting for my mama to get home so I can ask her if we can go for a ride on his bike.
“Sure,” I say. I shrug my shoulders like it’s no big deal, but inside my head I’m stomping my feet and sca-ream-ing!
He holds his hand out, and I wrap my fingers around his palm.
“I’m not your dad,” he teases, pulling his hand away from mine.
“I’m sorry,” I say, covering my face. “I’m so awkward.”
“That’s what I like most about you,” he says, pulling my hands from my face. “Here, let me show you. Like this.” He carefully intertwines our fingers and then gives my hand a squeeze.
My heart beats wildly at the warmth of his palm pressed against mine. It’s so much bigger, and his grip is strong. I like that. He smiles as if he can read my mind.
“Have you done this before?” I ask.
“I’ve never even wanted to hang out with a girl before meeting you, so no. This is how my mom and dad hold hands with each other. Don’t yours?”
It makes me giddy to know I’m the only girl he’s ever done this with. “I’ve never seen my parents hold hands. Aren’t you going to ask if I’ve ever done this before?”
He chuckles. “I think that’s pretty obvious.”
I shove him in the shoulder. “You’re terrible.”
“Would you want it any other way?”
Raffe laughs as I pull up my skirt and straddle his waist. I push him back against the mattress, pinning his hands beside his face. “Pinned ya.”
He grins wide. “Nala and Simba, together again.”
I let him up but then push him back down. “Pinned ya again.”
He stares at me. “That’s it. That’s what we should do for our first date. We should watch The Lion King.”
I fall beside him, laughing.
“I’ll pick you up next Friday. I won’t have the dirt bike, so my Harley will have to do,” he teases.
I prop myself up on an elbow. “Will you take me for ice cream afterward?”
“You know it.”
“It’s a date then.”
We stare at each other for a few minutes.
“I have missed you, Raffe.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
No matter how many times I say it, it will never be enough to express just how much I actually missed him. There are no words for that.