Chapter 37 Grace
GRACE
Strawberry Springs Neighborhood Watch
Jade Clark: Dean!!! Grace!!! On a date!!!
Comments:
Dale Garrett: Can you people stop talking in code???
Kerry Winsor: WHAT?! They’re TOGETHER!!!
Jade Clark: Yep. She wouldn’t be out in public holding hands with him if she didn’t want people to know.
Hu Gh: Fucking FINALLY!!!
Tammy Jane: He better not mess it up . . .
When I woke up alone, I had a split second of panic. The bed was cold next to me, and my first thought was that he was gone.
Then I took a breath and remembered that Dean wouldn’t leave. We were together now. Everything was good. I needed to trust that he wasn’t going to vanish.
As I sat up, I listened for the sounds of him moving through the house. I’d bet he found a project to work on and I’d hear it from here.
When only silence met my ears, my lips pressed together. Had he gone out for breakfast?
Walking to the living room, I searched for any sign of him. His hat was still on the counter, and he hadn’t packed up his stuff, but there was a note on the dining room table.
Gone driving. Needed space.
I stared at it, willing for it to give me more information. When the words didn’t, I was tempted to beg the universe for more.
The note was written quickly. I’d never seen his handwriting, but I could have sworn this was done with a shaking hand. He was an electrician. His hands had to be mostly steady.
What had happened?
And why did he go through it alone?
I thought back to the day before. I’d known something was wrong, but I kept chalking it up to my own fears. Him coming here and telling me he had feelings for me felt too good to be true. Things like this just didn’t happen. People didn’t change.
And he had.
But waking up in a cold bed with only a note made me question that.
I should’ve asked. I shouldn’t have ignored his distant eyes when he thought I wasn’t looking. It would have been better to face it rather than let it turn into this.
He’d told me he was out of practice with relationships. I was too.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to stop myself from crying. My mind conjured all the things he could be up to. Did he go find someone else? Was he alone through something terrible?
Did he just not want me?
A tear slipped out, falling on the paper. I put it down, the crash of emotions hitting me hard. Being pregnant made it all worse, and I wasn’t sure I could survive this alone.
It was tempting to call him, but I didn’t know if I should since he’d said he needed space. I didn’t know anything, and my mind spun trying to figure out what I’d done to mess things up.
Was it that I fell asleep early? Was it something I said on the date?
I was spiraling, unhelpful thoughts making me feel worse. Pulling my phone out, I sent a message to the three people who I knew would be there for me.
Girl meeting. It’s an emergency.
Wren
I’m stopping work for the day.
Jade
I can open the shop late. Wanna meet at your house?
I looked around, wondering if I should have them here. The living room was a mess of half-finished projects, and his hat alone brought fresh tears to my eyes.
Why the hell had he left without his hat?
No, not here. But not at the square either. I don’t want anyone to overhear us.
Mollie
My house is open. We can meet there.
The second she said it, I knew it was perfect. I thanked her for being able to host and then half-heartedly threw on a sweatshirt before running out the door.
Even as I drove, it was a struggle to keep myself contained. I still wanted to pick apart everything I did and figure this out myself, but just the thought of him leaving sent me right back to the second I saw the note.
Wren’s truck and Jade’s Prius were waiting for me when I got to Mollie’s house. I wiped at the tears that had escaped and knocked on the front door.
The second it opened, I was met with three women watching me with wide eyes.
“What’s going on?” Mollie asked.
“Are you okay?” Wren added.
“You know I have a knife I can use.” That could only be Jade.
“I’m . . . I need to vent. Can we sit down somewhere?”
Mollie pulled away first and led us to her living room. “Cain is working outside and took Jasmine with him. No one should bother us.”
“Good,” I replied.
“You were in such a good mood yesterday with Dean.” Jade sat next to me. “Please don’t tell me it was him.”
“He was gone this morning,” I told them. “He said he needed space.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Jade shook her head. “What kind of space could he need?”
Wren’s brow was pinched. “He said this the day after you guys went on a date? Why?”
“He has a whole life in Nashville,” I said. “One that I don’t know anything about. God, I barely know anything about him at all.”
“That’s not necessarily true,” Wren said. “But he does keep things close to the chest.”
“The note looked off. Like he wasn’t in his right mind when he wrote it.”
“I’ve been there,” she muttered with a sigh. “I pulled something like that with Henry. He followed me.”
“Henry could figure out where to go. I know . . . nothing.” Tears clouded my vision again and I gritted my teeth.
A hand gripped mine, and I looked up to see Mollie. “I’m sorry. You did the right thing by calling us.”
“I shouldn’t have set him up. I fucked up there, and I don’t know if he took my apology.”
“Hang on, why are you blaming yourself?” Wren asked. “You have no idea what happened, which is the whole problem.”
She was right, but I still shook my head. “I didn’t treat him like other people. Not at first, when I thought it was a one-time thing, and not now after I thought . . . I should have been better.”
I let him see the mess of my home. Would he have stayed if I kept my shit together?
He saw me sick. Would he be here if I hadn’t let him see?
I made a mistake. He definitely would be here if I made the right choice.
Jade’s face appeared in front of me. “Stop it.”
“Wh-what?”
“I know what you’re doing. You’re going through all the things you could have done to be perfect.”
“But if it could’ve helped—”
“No, Grace. Life isn’t perfect. We all mess up. You’ve done it. And it’s possible he’s doing it right now. You don’t have to take on the burden of fixing everything.”
I clenched my jaw to stop myself from saying “Yes, I do.” Jade wouldn’t want to hear that from me.
“Hang on,” Mollie interjected. “I know that look. You’re stopping yourself from saying something.”
“I-I’m not—”
“Say it,” she said gently. “Even if it’s ugly. Even if it doesn’t help. You’re safe to say what you think.”
“Yes,” Jade said. “If you disagree, tell me. I wanna know.”
“I don’t want to—”
“Start a fight and accidentally destroy things?” Wren asked. “I’ve been there and done that. With both houses and people, and then I rebuilt both of them.”
“Remember what I said?” Jade’s voice was softer than I’d ever heard it. “Life is messy. And we wanna see that. It’s just as important as the good stuff.”
Hearing my rough-and-tough best friend sound so kind broke me. All of their words did. It started with one tear and then a sob escaped my mouth. That was when the dam broke. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I said it all.
“I don’t want things to be messy!” I snapped.
“Not for me, at least. If I can be better, then everyone’s happy with me.
If I can be what they need, then I’m not taking away from their problems. Other people are more important.
I’m supposed to be the one who handles it.
And I can’t. I’ve pushed myself for years, and Dean finally got me to stop, and now he’s gone.
” All three of them were silent, so I continued.
“He’s the only one who saw me. And he needed space.
How is that not my fault?” I put my head in my hands and sobbed.
A pair of arms wrapped around me. Then another. And then a third.
“Grace,” Mollie said, “you don’t have to take on all the burden here.”
“But I do.”
“We don’t know the whole story,” she said slowly.
Jade muttered, “I can’t believe you’re about to have me defending a man, but here I go. I’ve seen how Dean is with you. He saw that struggle. He knew you were doing too much. And he took some of it from you.”
“And where is he?”
“I don’t know, but have you ever considered that he’s doing the same thing you are? Hiding something so he doesn’t bother you?”
I blinked, pulling out of the hug. “I don’t want him to do that. I wanna help.”
“Join the club,” Wren said with a wry smile. At first, I thought she was talking about Dean. Had she always wanted to help him too?
But all of the women nodded along and their eyes were on me.
“Is that how you all feel?” I asked. “You just wanna help?”
“Yes.”
“And you don’t want anything in return?”
Mollie’s hand landed on my shoulder. “This is what it’s like to be loved, Grace.”
“You’ve always been great at showing it,” Jade added. “Not so good at receiving it.”
Her words brought more tears to my eyes, but they were different this time. They felt lighter.
“Do you think that’s what Dean’s been doing?”
“Oh, yeah.” Mollie said it immediately.
“Yep,” Wren added while nodding.
“God, yes.” Jade laughed. “He’s down bad. I might not know what happened today, but he’ll be back, Grace. And you don’t need to apologize when he is.”
“You never defend guys,” I told Jade. “Not after . . . you know.”
“I’ve seen someone I care about grow because of a man.” Jade shrugged. “You’ve always reminded me of a geode. Beautiful, but hiding something even better on the inside.”
I took a shaky breath and slumped over. “Thank you all. I swear, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You’d stay a people pleaser forever,” Jade said. “But we’re not gonna let that happen.”
“Are you okay?” Mollie added. “That was a lot of emotions you just felt. Do you need coffee? A nap?”
I took a deep breath. “Some quiet time. I should be good after that. Will you tell me if any of you hear from Dean?”
“Definitely,” Wren said. “But we’ll also be here for you. I now have a free day. I might as well check in on the coops and see if they need any work.”
“I wanna see a cow,” Jade said. “I need to bond with one.”
“Need to?” Mollie asked with a laugh.
“Um, yes. I think it would add to my aura if I had a cow familiar.”
As Wren and Mollie laughed, I laid down on Mollie’s couch and shut my eyes. I was safe here. I would figure it out.
Whenever Dean came back.