Chapter Fourteen
Callum
I’d half expected Ash to reach out again, but for some reason I hadn’t blocked his number again.
Was I hoping he would? Was I waiting to preach to him, like my uncle had done to me in the early days, when I’d struggled with my sexual correction?
Did that mean it’d worked on him, and he’d already moved on?
Did he not want to see me, even to talk about it?
Why did that matter to me, when the whole point had been to push him away anyway?
“Going for a walk,” I yelled to my parents as I left their house, walking into the cool evening, before they even replied. It had been two fucking days, and I had no idea how he was doing. Should I have checked in on him? What if he’d had nobody to turn to after what I did to him?
In the daylight, I’d been able to convince myself that I’d done the right thing, that I’d healed him, just like my uncle and his group did for me.
At nights though, that’s when I remembered just how it felt to lose that control of myself and my decisions, while someone else used my body for their own pleasure.
I’m sure way more women have experienced that than ever should, but it had been for my own good, or so they’d said.
Gay men don’t get into heaven. We’re punished forever in hell.
We’re abominations. We’re just wrong. Every possible wrong.
I found myself back at that same tunnel below the motorway, and that’s when I realised I wasn’t alone. Someone was walking behind me, matching my pace, and staying too quiet. I didn’t turn around, but I hoped I knew who it was.
“Ash?”
Silence followed my word, but those steps moved closer.
“Well, why would he follow you after what you did?” That wasn’t Ash! I turned to meet the angry face of his dad, the dark haired one he looked so much like.
“Shit! Mr Cross.”
Someone else was loping up behind him, and that’s when I realised that approaching person also wasn’t Ash. It was his other dad. The scary one with the crazy eyes. I was about to die. I could see it in their eyes.
“I… I’m sorry. I did what I had to. I did what he needed to fix-”
“He wasn’t broken, and he didn’t need to be fixed!” His dark haired dad roared at me, and that’s when it hit me; the absence of Ash. Why wasn’t it him? Where was he?
“My god, is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay!”
“Were you okay after your go on that bitch?” The blonde dad asked me, and that’s when I slumped, when my little remaining strength left me.
They knew. They knew all of it, but did they understand?
Did they realise just how fucked up I was because of that shit they’d drilled into my head my entire life?
Even confusion was something to be punished.
I’d had to survive. That’s what this was. Survival. And it was all for nothing.
“Are you going to kill me?” They both advanced on me, and I started backing away, even though I was pretty much resigned to my fate. I deserved it for what I did.
“Are we, Dory? Are we gonna kill the little asshole?”
The other dad smirked. “Nah. Ash wants that honour for himself. Run, little church boy, or you die tonight.” Fuck!
I turned and started running, even though the route I took was leading me right into a desolate area with a forest walk in one direction, and the canal on the other. No matter who planned to kill me, I could tell I wouldn’t win. And I knew I didn’t deserve to.
Ash
It was delicious, watching my dads threaten him, watching him turn tail and run, and heading right in my direction, like he didn’t realise he was running to his doom, rather than from it.
Just keep running, baby, this is your one and only shot at freedom, before I make you my toy forever, or at least for as long as I decide you get to live.
I was hiding in the woods to the left of the path, because somehow I felt that was the route he’d take. I grinned to myself when he came this way, and why did he? My dads started running along the canal path, forcing him to come towards me.
He was breathing fast, his breaths practically whining in his chest as he drew level with me, although I was hidden among the trees. I stuck my leg out, fighting the urge to laugh when he went flying, and crashed hard onto the branch strewn ground a few feet from me.
“Fuck!” he yelled, struggling to his feet as rapidly as he could.
“Oopsie Daisy,” I murmured right behind him, watching him nearly take another tumble as he spun on his heel to face me.
“Ash! Jesus! I’m sorry, fuck, I’m so sorry,” he babbled, backing away a step at a time as I followed him, my hands tucked in my pockets like I wasn’t itching to grab the bastard.
“Sorry? You’re sorry? For what, babe, what are you apologising for?”
He made a ragged sound, that was suspiciously like a sob, and trust me, I’d learned the sound of gut-wrenching fucking sobs over the last few days.
I’d learned how it felt to tear your soul out through your lungs like that.
Thank fuck nobody was there at those times to hear me, even though my dads had both stopped by a few times a day to look in on me.
“Ash, please…”
“Please? What are you begging for, babe? You wanna get raped? Or is that something we only do to poor unsuspecting bastards who trust us?”
“Oh god,” he practically whimpered as he lifted his hands between us. Was that supposed to protect him from me? I’d break both his fucking wrists if he touched me right now.
“God can’t save you now, you stupid little choirboy.
You set me up. You let her do that to me.
The only way you escape me now, is into your precious afterlife, but I’m really not sure if you’re going up or down, are you?
” I know which he’ll be doing soon enough, but I was having way too much fun scaring him first.
“Ash! It’s wrong. What we… what you want to do is wrong. It’s against everything I believe in. I tried to help you.”
Did he think these were the right words to explain what he did?
Did he think this was a response that’d have me going, ‘oh yeah, fair enough’?
Did he think he was getting away from me without giving me his blood, sweat, and tears in retribution?
Did he think he was going to get away untouched, unharmed, un-fucking broken?
I slammed a fist into his face, watching with satisfaction as he tripped backwards over a fallen branch, and landed hard on his ass. Aw his poor ass. If he thought that was the worst his ass was going to suffer, he was dead wrong.
“Do I give a fuck what you believe in? Do your beliefs define me too? What the hell happened to you? I mean you were always a repressed fuck, but you weren’t this insane.
I planned to be the one to drive you nuts, baby, so now I’ll have to break you first.” I leaned closer with a grin.
“That’s the part I’m looking forward to the most. Feel free to cry like a little bitch, when I break through that virgin asshole of yours. ”
Cal tripped again, landing hard, just after he’d struggled to his feet again.
“Fine. Do whatever it is that you need to do to feel like the big man, but just remember this. I was broken a long fucking time ago, so do your worst, because I think you’ll find there’s nothing left to destroy.”
I leaned over him and grabbed his throat in both hands, squeezing until he made a choked sound, and started desperately pulling at my fingers with both hands.
“There’s always something left to destroy, Cal. I’ll find yours. If it kills me, I’ll find it, because this is your penance now. You will worship at my fucking altar, and pray only to me. I’m your god now.”
Releasing him with one hand, I dragged the syringe from my pocket that my dads assured me would knock him out for a few hours without hurting him, and I eased the needle into the side of his neck, watching the betrayal in his eyes as I emptied the contents into his vein.
“Please, Ash,” he whispered, his body already starting to relax in my grip.
“Your only job now is to ‘please Ash’, so I’m glad you realise that,” I hissed at him, as the lights went out and he slumped on the ground. Now the fun could begin, for me at least. It’d be his own personal hell, but it was one of his own making, after all.