Chapter 15
Chapter fifteen
Atlas
My stomach had been in knots since we left my house, and though Miles’s presence usually soothed me, tonight, it wasn’t helping.
I supposed that was what happened when the person who normally calmed me was the source of my stress.
Well, he wasn’t the source. The decision I had to make was causing me all sorts of anxiety simply because he was in the picture, because I cared for him so much, because of what it would mean for us. What was I going to do?
When a lull in the conversation hit, I wandered the gym, taking in all the displays put up around the room.
I ventured over to the one near the far exit dubbed the “Memory Lane Photo Wall,” where yearbook photos from all of my classmates hung on a temporary wall I suspected Miles built.
The thought made me smile despite the tugging in my chest.
That smile widened when I spotted Miles’s football picture from senior year. He’d been an adorable kid.
I turned to search for my own, hurrying further down the wall to the S’s when I collided with a hard body.
“Oh!” I called as I tried to right myself. “So sorry!”
A hand reached out to grab my arm, and once I’d gotten my bearings, I scanned the face then the name tag of the man I’d crashed into. Finn, he/him.
“Do I . . . know you?” I asked, eyes appraising. He looked so familiar.
“You did,” Finn eked out, and I tilted my head to one side, smiling slightly.
“Well, yes, that does seem to be the common theme of the day.” Didn’t I know it.
Finn’s eyes lighted on the wall behind me, and I turned to follow his gaze. When I saw the picture he was studying, it only took a moment for everything to fall into place.
I’d definitely known this man in high school. Just by a different name.
“Oh,” I nearly whispered as Finn kept his eyes trained on the photo. I kept my voice low and respectful, sensing the significance of this moment, and then offered him the best I could. “I like the name Finn. I think it fits you much better than your old one.”
At that, he started talking, nearly tripping over himself. “I’ve wanted to thank you for so many years. I don’t really do social media, and I never got your number. I’m sure I could have had Chloe track you down, she’s pretty good at social media, but . . .”
I just smiled, knowing he had more to say.
“But . . . I haven’t really stayed in touch with anyone except Chloe and Kendall. I don’t even talk to my dad anymore. But you . . . I would have stayed in touch with you. That talk we had at the playground changed my life.”
My eyes shot wide. I felt tears burn the back of my throat at how humbled that made me feel. I remembered that conversation—I’d felt honored he’d opened up to me then, too. Even if it had only been what he could offer at the time.
Finn continued. “I came out to myself as trans by the end of the summer. It took me several years to transition socially—and then almost a decade to get on T and do surgery and stuff—but I credit you and that conversation for getting me started.”
I shifted my weight, cheeks heating. “I’m glad I could help, even if I’m pretty sure you did all the work. I was mostly just there to listen.”
Glancing back at the wall, I spotted another photo of Miles, this one the official football team’s photo. Again, adorable.
“I came out to Brad last night,” Finn said, drawing my attention back to his voice, though I didn’t turn toward him. “I heard him and Miles talking at the bar, and we struck up a conversation.”
I kept my eyes fixed on the photo wall in front of me as Finn continued, sharing his current predicament about Brad, his high school crush.
And the more he shared, the more curious I was about how it would turn out.
Given the stars I saw in Finn’s eyes when I finally caught his gaze, I hoped it worked out in their favor.
I also wondered how it was for Miles, what it was like dating the person he’d liked back then twenty years later. He’d mentioned I was his high school crush, and that humbled me, too—and honestly, just made me like him more.
Finn and I exchanged numbers before I spotted Miles’s gorgeous irises searching me out in the crowd, dual drinks in hand. Smiling weakly, I made my way through the throng of reunion attendees, heart thudding in my chest.
That man, my man, was breathtaking. And that singular thought broke my heart.
Because I wanted to take that job in Seattle.
It wasn’t entirely about revenge, though that was the icing on the cake—this was about reclaiming my career, my life.
I might not be able to rebuild my own company, but I could help Chase build his, and in so doing, get my life back on track.
But Miles, my beautiful boy, had a life in Gomillion. His sister and her fiancée lived nearby, and who knew? They might have kids in the plan. Miles would make a great uncle.
Tears stung the backs of my eyes as he approached with my black mojito, one of the speciality drinks of the night. How could I ask him to leave here?
But how could I stay?
I swallowed hard, blinking away my morose thoughts as I accepted the drink from him with the sweetest smile I could manage.
Miles studied me for a second longer than I would’ve liked—he was more perceptive than I appreciated at this moment, but that was just who he was—then smiled back.
“I didn’t have another hand for canapés, but they looked delicious. Wanna check out the selection with me?”
My smile widened as I shoved the rest of my melancholy down. I needed to sleep on this decision, anyway, so I would enjoy this night with the man I knew I loved, even if it was one of our last. “Sounds good.”
Before I could turn away, Miles crooked his arm and held it out toward me. “Shall we?”
I slid my hand around his flexing bicep—fuck, I was so getting this man naked before the night was over—and grinned at him. His return award-winning grin made me once again feel like I’d won a prize. Because I had. I’d won the best prize of all: Miles’s devotion.
I didn’t deserve it, but that was tomorrow’s problem.
***
Miles stayed glued to my side the rest of the night, through a couple of icebreaker activities which we both failed miserably at and a young girl jamming an iPad in our face and shouting at us to vote for the new mascot. Which we promptly did, fearing for our lives.
Brad invited us to the afterparty at Timbers & Tallboys, so we both decided to go, for a little while, anyway. I was getting too old to party into the wee hours of the morning, but this was a special occasion, right?
And okay, yes, maybe I was delaying being alone with Miles. The man was too attentive for his own good, and he’d definitely suss out my odd mood if he hadn’t already. Then I’d have to tell him.
But dammit, I really wanted to fuck him tonight. Well, he could fuck me. I hadn’t cleaned out in the shower earlier because I wanted to top.
Speaking of my boy . . . “Miles?”
He glanced up from where he sat beside me in the wide booth, speaking to some of his former teammates from .
. . well, I guessed football, given the tedious sports-related conversation I’d had little to add to.
I wasn’t sure where Brad was. I thought I’d seen him hanging out with Finn and one of his former cheerleading teammates, Chloe, but both Brad and Finn seemed to have disappeared a few moments ago.
“Yes, D—” He swallowed as I coughed to cover a chuckle. I’d barely had anything to drink, and that was hours ago, so I wasn’t close to being drunk. I noticed Miles had kept his drinking light as well, so his near slipup wasn’t caused by that. Maybe we were both hoping for a scene tonight. “Yes?”
I knew his almost mistake wouldn’t have been heard by anyone around the table, given the dull roar of the crowd around us, but he blushed adorably anyway. “I think I’m getting tired. Are you ready to go?”
Miles’s eyes flashed with pure lust, and he nodded. Turning to the man next to him—I couldn’t remember his name—he rushed out a quick apology. “Sorry, Cory, Atlas and I are gonna go.”
His likely former teammate—Cory, apparently—eyed him, pinning us both in place. “Are you together or something?”
Miles froze beside me, and I waited for him to answer. We both knew I’d have no qualms about admitting the truth, so this was his moment.
Would he take it?
“N—” He cut himself off. “I-I just . . . we drove here together. Atlas is my ride.”
His face flushed as my stomach knotted, then he scooted out of the booth behind me and followed me outside.
Once we’d climbed into the car, Miles let out a huge sigh that I felt in my soul, and he slumped back in the passenger seat. “Atlas, I’m . . . I’m so sorry. That was . . . that was super shitty of me to even hint that we’re not together. You don’t deserve that.”
I pressed my lips together, fighting a tender smile at his earnestness.
This man. “Baby,” I started, placing my hand on his leg and squeezing his thigh.
“You don’t owe coming out to me or anyone else.
You have to come out in your own time. And telling Cory we were together would’ve been outing yourself. ”
He sighed and opened his mouth as if to speak, but I cut him off with a wave between us.
“No, baby. I appreciate you thinking of me, but you deserve to come out when you’re ready and not a second sooner.”
I watched his face carefully as he grimaced, clearly warring with himself as he considered how to respond.
But then I saw the submission drape over him, and his entire body relaxed, melting into the cushioned seat.
He closed his eyes serenely, and after a few moments, his eyelashes fluttered, then his eyes found mine.
“Thank you, Daddy. I am sorry I froze, though. I do want to come out. Soon.”
My stomach clenched at the idea, so I pressed the ignition button and shifted the car into gear, headed for home. We drove to my house in relative silence, my brain swirling. What if he really was ready to come out? What did that mean for me staying in Gomillion? Did that change the game plan?
What, in fact, was the fucking game plan, anyway? I had to take that job in Seattle—I had nothing lined up here, and I hadn’t had the chance to build up much in savings over the past few months. The severance would help, but I’d been on borrowed time the moment Jeb had broken the news to me.
I’d told myself that Miles wasn’t ready to come out for me, for us—which was a misnomer, anyway, because he shouldn’t come out for anyone but himself—but if he was intending to come out soon, that meant he wanted me in his life permanently. Didn’t it?
I pulled into my driveway and parked, killing the engine. With a steeling breath, I turned to Miles to start the conversation I was dreading but knew we’d need to have.
But my boy cut me off before I could say another word.