Chapter 38
Sin Bin: The area where a player must remain for a minimum of ten minutes after being shown a yellow card. In high-level games, the
sin bin is monitored by the fourth official.
Translation: The breakup.
Everly
“Baby thief,” my uncle Luke croaks as I turn on the lookout bench to glance over my shoulder at him approaching.
I smile and clutch Levi to my chest. “Shhh, my cousin is sleeping.”
Luke laughs and walks around the bench to sit beside me. “Addison wanted me to check on you two.”
“I’m keeping him covered under the shade, I promise.” I shift to glance back at their cabin, where I popped by earlier and
told Addison I’d take Levi for a bit so she could have a break. She mentioned making some sourdough muffins for the lumberyard
or something. “I figured since you’re back working in Boulder with Wyatt this week, she could use some extra help.”
“You’ve been extremely helpful the last few days,” Luke says, frowning curiously at me.
“Does that surprise you? I’m always helpful,” I reply, smiling down at Levi’s sweet button nose.
Luke harrumphs. “I just feel like this is extra helpful, even for you.”
I shrug. “Just bonding with my cousin.”
“And we appreciate it.” Luke drapes his arm over the back of the bench as he leans close to admire his son. “I shouldn’t be
surprised you have the Midas touch with babies as well.”
“He’s perfect, Luke.” I smile and press my lips to Levi’s head, inhaling that sweet baby smell. “I still can’t believe you’re
a dad.”
“I know, right?” he says with a laugh. “It’s been weeks now, and sometimes I’m still shocked they let us take him home.”
I smile at my uncle. “How is it all going, really?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. Luke and I always have had the ability to go
deep with each other very easily. He’s like a big brother to me in a lot of ways.
“It’s exhausting, tiring . . .” he sighs heavily “. . . incredible, magical, and the best thing I ever did after marrying
Addison.”
Tears well in my eyes at the grateful look on his face. “I’m so happy for you guys.”
“Couldn’t have done it without you, Eves,” he says, chucking my chin.
I grin. “I think you and Addison would have ended up together eventually. I just helped speed things along.”
Luke’s hand moves behind me to trace over the engraving on the back of the bench. “Wish your grandpa were here to meet him.”
A knot forms in my throat. “He’s here,” I state, glancing out at the beautiful canyon view in front of us. “He’s all over
this mountain. Don’t you feel him?”
Luke looks around proudly. “Yeah, I do, actually.”
I close my eyes and breathe in deeply, remembering what it felt like to hug my grandpa’s big, tall frame. I’m the only grandchild
who will have retained memories of him, and I try not to take that for granted.
“I heard Wolf’s moving out tomorrow,” Luke says, glancing down at the red barn.
“Oh, really,” I reply, feeling my chest tighten.
Luke’s brows furrow. “Something happen between you two?”
“No, why?”
He drops his chin. “Evs. Last week, he declared his feelings by kissing you in front of all of us, and we let him live because
it seemed like you welcomed it. Now this week, you’re acting like you don’t even know that he’s moving to Denver?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Kid,” Luke snaps, his voice firm. “It’s your uncle Luke you’re talking to. Don’t bullshit me. What happened?”
I sigh heavily. “I failed, Luke.”
“Failed what?”
“Failed at everything,” I croak, my voice wobbly as anxiety builds in my chest. “I lied to you the whole time I was at Trinity.
Acting like I was having the time of my life whenever you and I chatted. Living it up. I wasn’t living it up. I was matchmaking.
That’s it.”
“So what?”
“So what?” I snap, my eyes fierce on my uncle. “So, I don’t know how to be in a relationship. My one boyfriend experience
with Hilow was total bullshit. I thought I could do casual with Wolf, and I screwed that up completely, and he hates me now.
So not only have I lost him romantically, but I’ve also lost him as a friend, which hurts so much more.”
“Everly . . . did you lie about going to that Trinity Ball?” Luke asks pointedly.
“No.”
“Did you lie about hanging out at Mulligans pub?”
“No.”
“Did you lie about Cliona being your best friend?”
“No.”
“Then what the fuck are you talking about?” he exclaims, pushing his shaggy hair out of his face. “Did you think you would
only succeed in college if you fell in love with someone?”
I shrug. “Maybe.”
“That’s not what I challenged you to do. I challenged you to have fun. So, unless you were crying alone in your dorm room
every night, I think you accomplished that.”
I exhale heavily. “I guess so.”
“Stop stressing so much about your love life,” he says with a huff. “I know better than anyone that love is a long game.”
He waves his hand, and I can’t help but smile as I think about how long he waited for Addison to figure it out. And now I’m
holding their little miracle in my arms.
“You’re only twenty-two years old. You don’t need to have things all figured out. Love will come on its own time.”
I exhale through my nose. “Sometimes I’m worried that I don’t know how to love someone.”
Luke gapes at me. “Kid . . . you have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. You make this family work. You’re the glue
that holds us all together. You’re the one who found all of us ridiculous uncles of yours and your father the loves of our lives. All our happy endings are because of you. To even entertain the idea that you don’t know how to love is a fucking insult
to my niece, and I won’t stand for that kind of slander.”
“Okay, chill,” I giggle, feeling as if I need to protect my cousin in my arms from his own father, who’s getting very angry
right now. “I’m just contemplating lots of deep life thoughts right now. That’s what you do at the lookout point here, right?”
“Yeah, I suppose.” He reaches over and ruffles my hair. “I hate how grown-up you’re getting. It’s weirding me out.”
“I know,” I groan, shaking my head. “I’m thinking about moving to Denver, you know.”
“What?” Luke stares back at me, his jaw dropped.
“Not right away, of course. I’d make sure Trista’s rescue center is well established, but I’m thinking I need a change. Maybe
a job in tech.”
“Oh, Wyatt is going to be mad at you . . .” Luke puts a fist over his mouth in a teasing way.
“Shut up. You really think so?”
“Yes, and Calder. And your dad. He built a cabin up here just for you.”
“Shut up, it wasn’t just for me.” I shove Luke with my free hand, and he chuckles warmly.
“I’m giving you shit, Evs. It’s one of my favorite things to do.”
“I’m aware.”
He watches me thoughtfully. “I think Denver could be perfect for you. Close to home but still gets you some space from your
dad and overprotective uncles. Close to some relationships you might want to pursue.”
I sigh heavily and refuse to look down at the red barn. “I’m afraid I rugby red-carded myself there.”
“Perhaps,” Luke replies, his voice dubious. “But you in Denver will still decrease the odds of me seeing you suck face with
any guys, so this move still seems like a win.”
I elbow my uncle harshly, accidentally stirring Levi out of his peaceful slumber. He cries out, and I shoot a scathing look
to Luke before putting the pacifier back in his mouth. Levi instantly settles, so I take a moment to look out at the view
before me.
Living up here has allowed my snow globe of a head to be still for once. To stop pretending and stressing and fretting over
everything I did or didn’t do. I had a moment to just be comfortable in my own skin for a while and enjoy that calm before
the storm.
And maybe moving away from here will just shake things up and cause a blizzard in my head. But at least I’m admitting what I want, which a certain rugby player told me I never do.
The truth is, it’s love that’s the hard thing for me to wrap my brain around for myself. Wolf is right. I am afraid to admit
how I feel because if it all goes belly up, I’ll be crushed. And the odds of it going to shit are high. Wolf’s whole identity
is tied to rugby, to Dublin, to a world I might not fit in. If I admit I love him and then he leaves? It will fundamentally
break me.
My “gift” has always been making other people happy. That’s where I thrive. In many ways, my family has validated that I love being useful. How often have they praised
me when I get shit done, or when I’ve helped solve a problem, or, of course, when I have connected the right pair? If I’m
miserable and heartbroken, then I’ll lose track of who I am and the good I want to do. I’ll lose hope on love altogether.
For me, having no relationship is safer than heartbreak.
Luke wraps his arm around me, and I rest my head on his shoulder. “Don’t stress, Evie-girl. Love will find you when you’re
ready. And with a heart as big as yours, I’m certain you’ll have no trouble shouting it from the mountaintop the exact moment
you feel it.”