Beach Vibes

Chapter 9

9

Beth sat on the beach, watching the surfers ride the waves. It was early—barely dawn—and cold. The air was salty and damp, and the sand had yet to absorb any warmth from the not-yet-seen sun. Despite the sweatshirt she’d pulled on, she was shivering slightly.

She hadn’t been able to sleep much and sometime around four had given up trying. All night long she’d replayed her conversation with Jana, wondering how much of the problem was what she’d said and how much of it was Jana being too sensitive. Only there didn’t seem to be much way for her to blame the other woman, which meant the majority of the responsibility lay with her.

One of the surfers paddled into shore, then got out of the water. He anchored his board in the sand, then unzipped his wetsuit and began toweling off. When he’d pulled on a thick hoodie, he started toward her.

“You’re up early, B,” Kai said, settling beside her. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“How’d you guess?”

“A lot of people have that problem. Coming here clears the mind. It’s something about the rhythm of the waves, plus it’s the beach, so there’s no bad there.” He glanced at her. “What’s up?”

She was going to tell him she was fine, that it had simply been one of those nights. Instead she found herself blurting out, “I messed up with Rick’s new girlfriend.”

Kai frowned at her. “You said she was your friend Jana. How could you mess up?”

“In a thousand ways.”

She told him about their conversation after working at the food bank. “I went on and on about how I hoped Rick would find a nice surgeon or a radiologist.” She groaned. “Seriously, who talks about wanting their brother to date a radiologist? I sounded awful. I know she thought I was judging her and being mean.”

“You sounded like you’re worried about keeping Rick safe.” He flashed her a smile. “I wouldn’t mind dating a radiologist.”

“I’ll ask around.” She sighed. “I really do like Jana. Why can’t I talk to her like a normal person? Why is this such a big deal?”

“Because you think she’s not good enough.”

His blunt statement made her wince. “That’s not true. Like you said, we’re friends. I like her a lot.”

“For you, yes. For Rick, not so much. You’re assigning value to how you feel, and you’ve decided some of what you’re dealing with is bad. You can’t pick your emotions, Boss, but you can control how you act despite them. Last night you weren’t in as much control as you would like. You hurt someone you care about, and that’s not who you are.”

He was right, she thought. About all of it. She was ashamed of what she’d said, and at the same time, she couldn’t shake the need to protect her brother.

“What do I do?” she asked, trying not to think about the fact that she was seeking life advice from a kid in his twenties. Only Kai had an old soul, and she trusted him.

“Have a little faith. Rick’s a grown man with a successful career. He can take care of himself.”

If only. “He has a terrible track record with women.”

Kai shot her a knowing look. “Maybe, but even if he has, that’s not your rock. You get too involved. Remember last year when he was buying his condo? You were all up in his business.”

She felt herself flush. “That’s not true. I was helping. He’d never bought a place before. He didn’t know how the whole process was going to go.”

Plus he’d been so busy with his new practice. She’d been happy to go look at different condos, sorting through them so he only had to go see the top contenders.

“You take on too much with Rick because doing that allows you to hide from your own life. If you’re always worrying about him, there’s no time to think about you and what you want. You don’t have to put yourself out there. Which sounds good, but then you end up with nothing while Rick has an oceanfront condo.”

She stared at Kai, unable to take in what he’d just said. “I’m not like that,” she protested. “I have a lot of things in my life. The store, my friends…” Her voice trailed off as she tried to make the list longer and realized she couldn’t. Worse, she didn’t have actual “friends.” She’d lost them in the divorce and hadn’t done anything to replace them.

Except for Jana, she thought wistfully. And look how she’d screwed up there. Worse, it seemed everyone knew what was wrong with her. Agatha, Jana and now Kai had blithely talked about her flaws as if they were completely obvious to the world. A reality that made her feel even more pathetic than usual.

“I want my brother to be happy,” she said without a lot of energy, but it was the only argument she had. “That’s a good thing.”

Kai nodded. “You’re a great sister. I wish you were mine and always looking out for me the way you look out for him. Believe me. But it’s more than that, B. You say you want Rick to have someone in his life and be happy. From what you’ve told me, he sounds happy with Jana, yet you’re still worried. Is this all about Jana, or would you be upset about anyone Rick was dating?”

“I wouldn’t be,” she began, only to stop. While she wanted to say Kai was being ridiculous, she thought maybe she didn’t know if he was. Was he right? Was she specifically upset about Jana, or was she upset about the change in the status quo? Because if Rick fell in love, everything between them would be different. He wouldn’t need her the way he did now. He would have someone else to take care of the details of his life, and she would be left behind. Alone.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “Am I the problem?”

“We’re all the problem, B. That’s what makes life so interesting.”

* * *

Jana took in the perfect ocean view, the champagne on ice and the sweet, funny, handsome man standing in front of her.

“Wow,” she said with a smile. “This is very fancy.”

“I wanted the evening to be special.” Rick paused. “You okay?”

Really? He chose this moment to be perceptive? “I’m a little stressed, but I’ll be fine.”

He nodded. “I’m reading a book on antigravity. It’s impossible to put down.”

She stared at him for a second, not understanding what he was talking—

The pieces fell into place as she got the joke and immediately relaxed. “Good one.”

“I like the science ones the best,” he admitted. “So, I’ve planned the evening. I’m making chicken piccata with angel hair pasta. And a salad.” He flashed her a grin. “Dessert is a surprise—but a good one this time. I swear.”

“Sounds wonderful. Dinner is the famous ‘I’ve practiced the recipe for six months’ chicken piccata?”

“It is.”

She’d driven over in a state of worry, thinking about Beth and telling herself that what the other woman thought of her wasn’t her business. She’d nearly turned around twice, but had decided she wanted to see Rick because she liked him and because being around him made her feel good. If his stupid sister couldn’t understand that, then shame on her.

“I can’t wait,” she told him, setting her bag on the table by the door and moving closer. “Your condo is amazing.”

His smile grew. “You like it? The view is good. Sometimes, if I’ve had a tough day in surgery, I sit outside and listen to the ocean. It relaxes me.”

He walked over to the champagne bottle and drew it out of the ice bucket. “Would you like a glass?”

“Thank you, yes.”

He opened the bottle expertly, removing the cork without making a sound or spilling a drop, then poured them each a glass.

“You’re not supposed to pop the cork,” he told her. “When you do that, you waste the carbonation, and that changes the experience.” His smile returned. “I watched a couple of videos online a few years ago to learn how to do it right. When I was a kid, we weren’t a champagne kind of family.”

“Us, either,” she told him. Plus he’d grown up without a dad. There hadn’t been anyone to teach him guy stuff. But he’d filled in the blanks on his own. She admired that. And him.

She tried to remember the last time a man had made her dinner. Teddy and Dex both cooked, but as far as anyone like a boyfriend? It had never happened.

Rick held out her glass. She reached for it, but instead of keeping it, she put it down on the table and stepped closer.

“You are a wonderful man,” she told him, staring into his brown eyes. “I’m really glad you asked me out and that I said yes.”

“You almost didn’t,” he teased.

She laughed. “You’re right, and that would have been a huge loss.”

“For both of us,” he murmured right before he kissed her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him, enjoying the moment and the feel of his mouth on hers. This was right, she thought happily. He made her feel good and safe, and it had been a very long time since that had happened.

The kiss lingered, then deepened. She felt the beginning of those wonderful tingles that signaled she was all in for whatever he wanted. Not that they were going to do anything, but it was nice to feel desire and know she’d recovered from the trauma of her last relationship.

Rick closed the distance between them and pressed his body to hers. She felt the telltale ridge of his arousal against her belly and felt an answering spark inside. But before she could decide what she wanted to do, he broke the kiss and stepped back.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, turning away from her. “I didn’t mean for that to, ah…” He cleared his throat. “It’s just being with you makes it difficult to…” Another throat clear. “I’m sorry.”

He was apologizing for getting an erection from kissing her? She wanted to melt, and not just from the thought of them having sex.

“It’s okay,” she told him, smiling. “It’s kind of a compliment.”

He faced her, relief visible. “I appreciate that. Sexual arousal is often involuntary.” His eyes brightened with humor. “It’s the result of stimulus.”

“Any stimulus?” she asked, her voice teasing.

“The good kind. In this case, it’s being close to and kissing a very beautiful woman I happen to like a lot.”

“Then why would I be mad?” It wasn’t as if he expected anything. She knew he would never push her. “I might be feeling a little stimulus reaction myself.”

He gave her a slow, sexy smile. “That’s very convenient.”

“Isn’t it?”

She walked toward him and took his hands in hers, then placed them on her breasts.

“Did you want to touch these?” she asked softly as she stared into his eyes.

“Very much.”

“Me, too.”

He pulled her close and kissed her again. This time his hands roamed her back and slid down to her hips. She had a thought that they were about to cross the line of no return and wondered if she was ready. Then she decided it didn’t much matter because when it came to this man, she was all in.

* * *

The second the deed was done, Jana knew she’d made a huge mistake. Not that the sex hadn’t been great, but it was too soon. They needed to get to know each other better. Only before she could work up a real sense of dread, Rick sat up.

“We had sex!” he announced, beaming at her. “You had an orgasm.”

There was no arguing with that, she thought, still remembering how he’d gone down on her with a skill and enthusiasm that had left her unable to do anything but speed toward her very satisfying release. Did he have his ability in bed because he paid attention to details, or had those anatomy classes taught him something special?

“I had an excellent orgasm,” she told him, speaking the truth.

“Me, too.” He picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Best date ever. Now I’m going to make you dinner.”

He dressed quickly and headed for the kitchen, leaving Jana alone in his large bed. Okay, so much for the postcoital cuddle, she thought humorously, but it was a small flaw to worry about. And in about thirty minutes, the man was going to feed her chicken piccata. Where was the bad?

Several hours later, she let herself into her house. Despite the late hour, she wasn’t sleepy at all. Dinner had been great, with Rick being his normal chatty self. They’d talked about how the Dodgers were off to a slow start and had compared fantasy travel destinations. He’d been attentive, kind and hadn’t tried to get her back into bed—something for which she was grateful. She needed time to think.

She walked into the living room and found Teddy waiting up for her. He glanced up from his e-reader.

“Have a good time?”

“I did, and this is ridiculous. I’m an adult. You can go to bed, you know. If something bad happens, I promise I’ll call and wake you up.”

“I was reading.”

“Normally you read in your room.”

“I needed a change of scene.” He studied her for a second, then raised his eyebrows. “Interesting.”

She felt herself flush and knew he’d guessed what had happened. She didn’t know how he did it, but Teddy had a sense about things like that.

“I know, I know.” She sank onto the sofa and shook her head. “It was too soon. I can’t even tell you how it happened.”

“You’ve had a child, Jana. You have to know how it happens.”

She glared at him. “Ha ha. You know what I mean. I wasn’t planning on sleeping with him, but suddenly there we were.”

“Do you like him?”

“Yes. Otherwise there wouldn’t have been the sex.”

“Things are moving fast. Should I be worried?”

“About Rick? No. He’s a good guy.”

“I’d actually be worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

She was. Mostly. There were complications with dating Rick—complications in the form of her friend Beth. Why oh why did she have to be his sister?

“I want to meet him,” Teddy said firmly.

She groaned. “No. You can’t. You’re making this more than it is.”

He looked at her without speaking, but she could hear his voice in her head—the one pointing out that if things were moving too quickly, whose fault was that? She’d agreed to meet Rick’s sister. It was only fair Teddy got to meet Rick as well.

“Could you just look him up online?” she asked, trying to keep the whine out of her voice.

“Already did. He seems legit. Now I want to look him in the eye. Man to man.” He paused, then smiled. “And the sister.”

“Teddy, no. Come on. It’s too much. It’ll be like a parade or something.”

“I was thinking more like dinner. We’ll keep it casual. Invite them over here. I’ll cook. Dex can take the kids.” He gentled his voice. “You like this guy. That’s great. I want you to be happy, but you have to remember that there’s always family lurking, and family doesn’t go away. To make this work with him, you have to make it work with Beth. Maybe I can help smooth things over with her.”

While she appreciated his concern, she wasn’t six anymore, crying because some bully stole her lunch money. “I can fight my own battles.”

“You can, but you don’t always have to. I got your back, kid. Always.”

* * *

Beth spent the week trying to figure out why she’d acted so badly with Jana. She knew some of the problem was how Rick had described the other woman. Not on purpose—he would never deliberately mislead her about something important, but he didn’t always get the details right. Beth was also willing to admit she might have been a little too quick to assume the worst instead of waiting for more information. But the real issue, the very heart of the problem, seemed to lie more in what Kai had so bluntly told her. That no one would ever be good enough for her brother.

And while that was pretty bad, Beth was fairly sure that there was an even uglier truth lurking underneath. That in her heart of hearts, she didn’t want her brother to find anyone because if he did, she would be alone.

Not that they hung out all the time now, but knowing he wasn’t able to find someone and settle down meant maybe her problems weren’t her fault. Maybe they were both just damaged, and if they were, then she had less responsibility to fix herself. The cowardly and lazy way out.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been hiding that feeling. While she would guess it had always been there, the divorce might have given it a little more power. She’d focused on her brother because he was a distraction, and it was easier to worry about him than try to fix herself.

The week of soul searching had been mentally exhausting, but Beth liked to think she’d grown from the experience. She wasn’t healed, but she felt she had a lot more clarity. With that had come the realization that she’d been a horrible friend. She liked Jana very much, admired her, even, and yet had treated her badly. When she thought about what she’d said and how she’d acted, she was embarrassed and ashamed.

She got to the food bank a few minutes early and went right to work. Part of her wondered if Jana would show up. She didn’t doubt her friend would still volunteer, but maybe she’d arranged to change her day. An hour into her shift, she caught sight of Jana helping someone in produce. For a second their eyes locked, but neither of them said anything. Jana returned her attention to her customer.

Beth spent much of her time with a grocery cart filled with frozen turkeys. The unexpected donation had filled the freezer, so Beth was asked to make personal appeals to see if they could move the turkeys even though it was early April rather than a more traditional time of year.

She approached customers one at a time, offering a free turkey to anyone who would take one. By the end of her shift, she’d gotten rid of all but two, leaving much-needed freezer space open for the next donation.

She signed out, went to her car for the small picnic basket she’d used to pack the dinner she’d brought, then made her way to the rear of the building. She and Jana hadn’t spoken, and she didn’t know if they were having dinner together or not. If Jana didn’t show up, Beth planned to text her an apology, but she was hoping to deliver it in person.

The seconds crawled by. Finally at a few minutes after six, Jana walked out onto the patio and looked at her. Beth was instantly on her feet.

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I was such a horrible person. I said things and thought things and acted awful. I hurt you. I embarrassed myself. I’m still not sure why, but I’m wondering if maybe my actions were more about me and Rick than you at all. Maybe I was feeling that if Rick found someone and was happy, I would have to face the fact that I’m in such a stagnant place since my divorce. I thought I was doing well, but now I wonder if that’s not true, and somehow you got caught up in that. I’m sorry,” she repeated.

Jana smiled. “You have to breathe.”

“I am. I feel stupid and sad.”

“I didn’t help the situation,” Jana said as she walked to the table. “I joked about dating a guy with money. I know it’s just a thing women do and we don’t mean it, but the thought got planted in your brain. Plus the confusion between what Rick said about me and what you know and his past with other women.”

She paused, and the smile widened. “Don’t take this wrong, but your brother isn’t very good with details.”

“Right? You’d think he would be, given his work is all about details.”

Some of her tension faded, and the icky feeling she’d been carrying around seemed to ease a little.

“I really am sorry,” she whispered.

“Me, too.”

“I want to start over. Our friendship is important to me.”

Jana smiled. “Same here. So let’s do that.”

Beth impulsively reached for her friend. Jana stepped close, and they hugged. When they stepped back, Beth added, “I brought dinner.”

“I can be bribed with your delicious food.”

They sat down, and Beth passed out sandwiches, salad and sparkling water.

“Tell me everything,” Jana said. “What have I missed?”

Beth resisted the need to roll her eyes. “My life is very boring. I have nothing new to report, except I think my Aunt Agatha might be dating a new guy, which both impresses and depresses me. I admire her willingness to put herself out there, and yet I find myself intimidated by my sixtysomething aunt’s love life.”

“Go, Agatha. Are you serious about wanting to date someone?”

“Yes, I think so. But I haven’t dated since the divorce. I worry that I’ve forgotten what few skills I might have had before I got married.” She paused, then grinned. “I should ask Rick if he knows any single guys. Then we could both be dating doctors.”

Jana laughed. “We could form a club.”

Beth picked up her sandwich, relieved conversation was flowing easily. Maybe her mistakes weren’t unrecoverable.

“How’s Linnie?”

“Growing every day. She’s so mature for her age. I know that’s from being the youngest, but I’m terrified I’ll blink and she’ll want to be borrowing the car.”

Beth thought about how she’d enjoyed her day with the four-year-old. “She’s at a great age.”

As she spoke, she heard the wistfulness in her voice. Where were the children in her own life? she wondered. She was only a few years shy of forty, and kids had somehow never been on her radar. She’d meant to have them, had assumed she would. But what if she didn’t?

Unexpected sadness gripped her. Was she going to die childless? Somehow that seemed worse than simply being alone.

“So, I have a weird question,” Jana said, drawing Beth away from her uncomfortable thoughts. “I guess it’s more of a statement.”

Beth nodded, encouraging her friend to continue.

“Teddy would like to meet you and Rick. You’ve already met me, and he’s feeling a little left out.”

Teddy her brother. The massage-therapist-slash-acupuncturist who was a widower with three children. Before her mind could go in dark directions and start making assumptions, she reminded herself how badly that had worked out last time. She was going to meet Jana’s brother with an open mind and only see the good in the situation.

“It’s way too soon for that,” she said with a smile. “But you’re right. I’ve already met you, which sounds strange, but I get what you’re saying. Sure. Let’s do it. Then we will all have met.”

Jana relaxed in her chair. “I know this is all a little unusual, but thanks for agreeing. Once it’s done, we can return to our regular lives.”

“I can’t remember if you told me how long ago Teddy’s wife died.”

Jana thought for a second. “It’s been nearly five years.” She frowned. “I didn’t realize it had been that long. But I was pregnant with Linnie when she passed. Time goes so quickly. Anyway, it’ll just be the four of us. Dex will take the kids.” She laughed. “They’re all terrific, but having them join us means we won’t get a second to just talk. They can be a handful and very loud.”

Four was a lot, Beth thought. Growing up it had just been her and Rick, and her brother had been more interested in reading or being on his computer than interacting with anyone.

“I’ve checked with Rick,” Jana added. “He can do this Saturday if that works for you. Or is it too soon?”

Beth’s gut response was that she wanted more time, but even as she thought that, she wondered why. It wasn’t as if she had a pressing social calendar. Better to get the meeting behind her so she could undo all her Jana mistakes and start fresh on her…on her…

Once again she was forced to acknowledge that she genuinely had nothing to look forward to—not in a personal way. No date, no concert, no summer weekend away with friends. Wow, did she need to figure out how to find a life.

“Saturday is perfect,” she told Jana. “I can’t wait.”

A true statement. And come Sunday morning, she was going to have a serious talk with herself and figure out a way to have more in her small world. She was capable and knew how to be successful. She had Jana back as her friend, and that was an excellent start.