Chapter 10
10
“Is this a date?” Magnolia asked as she arranged radish quarters on a small platter. She spoke without looking up from what she was doing, as if the answer didn’t matter.
Jana reached for another washed radish and quartered it. “No, sweetie. It’s just adults getting together. Beth is my friend from the food bank. I know her brother Rick, so they’re coming over for dinner. Your dad has never met Beth before. It’s not a date.”
Because Teddy hadn’t been out with anyone since Valonia’s death—something Jana had been thinking about since realizing it had been nearly five years.
As if reading her mind, Magnolia said, “He’s been alone a long time. That’s not good. He needs someone.”
“Have you been listening in on conversations again?” Jana asked, her voice teasing.
Magnolia flashed her a grin. “Some, but I remember when we went to the child psychologist after Mommy died. I remember what she said about moving on emotionally. She said healthy people fall in love again and that someday our dad might want that. She said Mommy would always be our forever mom but it would be good for us to have another woman in our lives. That role models were advantageous.”
Jana gave a little prayer of thanks that her brother had been together enough to get his kids into therapy after the tragic loss. They’d all been in shock and not dealing with the emptiness.
“ Advantageous is a pretty big word,” she said. “I’m impressed.”
“I’m an impressive sort of girl.” Magnolia’s smile faded. “I have friends whose parents are divorced, and they date. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s not.”
“I think you can trust your dad to find one of the good ones, should that ever happen.”
“I know, but I’m wondering if it’s ever going to happen. I remember Mommy the most. Atlas remembers some, but Orchid doesn’t at all. She was too young when Mommy died. She needs an older woman to look up to and learn from. You and I can only do so much.”
Jana had moved on to slicing peeled cucumber for the veggie tray they were having as an appetizer. Now she set down her knife and hugged her niece.
“I love you so much,” she said, thinking Magnolia was one amazing kid.
“I love you, too. I know you said Rick is a friend, but he’s really your boyfriend, isn’t he?”
Jana groaned. “More listening in when you shouldn’t?”
Magnolia laughed. “Maybe a little. I won’t say anything to Linnie. She’s still pretty young. I know you want to be sure before you introduce him to her and us.” She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t think I’m going to like having a boyfriend. I don’t get the point.”
“Sometimes boys are nice to hang out with.”
Magnolia looked doubtful. “Why? Atlas can be really annoying, and we like different stuff.”
“A brother is very different from a boyfriend. Plus, when you get older, you’ll find you have more in common with boys than you do now.”
“My friend Alicia has two moms. They’re lesbians. So it’s only girls in the house. Even their cats are girls.” She sounded intrigued by the concept. “That could be nice.”
Jana felt the weight of the topic and wasn’t sure what to say. “Being a lesbian is a little bit more than having a female-only household, but it’s nothing you have to decide right now.” She pointed at the tray. “Do you think we have enough appetizers?”
Magnolia considered the question. “You’ve got the veggies and crab dip and deviled eggs. You’re going to have dinner right after. I don’t think you need anything more.”
“Thanks for your help.”
Jana eyed the colorful array of cut vegetables and thought about the rest of menu. With luck everything would turn out. She felt oddly nervous about the evening and hoped everyone would get along.
Magnolia glanced at the clock on the wall. “Dex will be here soon. I’m going to get everyone ready.” She pointed at Jana. “I’m gonna want a full report when I get home.”
Jana grinned. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll share the deets for sure.”
* * *
As Beth approached her destination, she found herself driving slower and slower. She wasn’t just nervous about the upcoming dinner. She was embarrassed by the reason it was happening in the first place. Because she could tell herself it was all in the name of fairness—she’d met the woman Rick was dating, so Teddy wanted to meet her—but she had a rock in her belly that said it was a whole lot more about her bad behavior. Humiliating but true.
“It’s one dinner. You’ll survive,” she murmured aloud as she turned onto what she thought was the right street. Faster than she would have liked, she was pulling into a wide driveway in front of a large, sprawling single-story house.
The neighborhood was nice. Older, with oversize lots and established landscaping. She was a couple of miles inland—still in the “good weather” zone of the beach but far enough away that land was at slightly less of a premium, although it was still Malibu and nothing was cheap.
She parked and looked around. She didn’t see Rick’s car, so he wasn’t here yet. Hmm, what to do? Sitting outside waiting for him seemed weird, but going in by herself was also not something she wanted to do. Why had she come on time? If she’d been a few minutes late, Rick probably would have beaten her here.
She wrestled with indecision for about twenty seconds, then grabbed the floral arrangement she’d stopped to get and walked toward the front of the house. Apprehension and nausea churned, and she nearly turned around twice. As soon as she reached the door, she pushed the bell so she wouldn’t change her mind and bolt.
“You made it,” Jana said with a warm smile. “Come on in.”
Seeing her friend allowed Beth to relax a little. “I did. Great house. I love the neighborhood. It’s like where I live, although a bit more fancy.”
Jana laughed. “Wait until you see the beams and vaulted ceiling in the living room. The 1970s are alive and well in this house.”
Beth handed her the flowers. The tightly arranged, elegant flowers were in a square glass vase. Orchids nestled with baby roses.
“Thanks for having me,” Beth said.
Jana touched one of the petals. “They’re beautiful. Thank you.” She grinned. “Now that you’ve brought me flowers, I’m going to invite you over more often.”
Beth followed her into the house. It was big and spacious, done in warm colors. As promised, the living room had a distinctive seventies vibe, but that suited the house.
“Let me put the flowers on the table,” Jana said. “Then we can sit and talk until Rick gets here.”
Just as she left the room, a tall man entered through a different door. Beth automatically smiled and took a step in his direction, only to come to a stop when her eyes met his.
He. Was. Gorgeous. Tall with broad shoulders, chiseled features and piercing blue eyes. His hair was dark, and he moved with an easy grace that took her breath away. She went cold, then hot, and her lungs stopped working. No doubt she was gaping at him like a fish, but she couldn’t help it. Her brain had shut down along with the rest of her organs. She was probably close to passing out, but none of that mattered. Honest to God, she didn’t care if the world stopped turning.
The intense visceral response stunned her nearly as much as the amazing man in front of her. Sure, she’d thought men were attractive before, and she vaguely remembered having a man crush or two in her life, but nothing like this.
Time seemed to slow as he approached, then held out his hand. She was caught up in his gaze, in her need to be near him, to hear the sound of his voice, to breathe in the scent of his body. She wanted him, wanted them in whatever form that took.
“Hi, Beth. I’m Teddy.”
She fumbled her way through a quick handshake, ignoring the heat and tingles that danced through her body when their palms lightly brushed. She thought maybe she’d managed a faint “hello” back, although she couldn’t be sure. Not with him staring at her.
She wanted to believe he felt whatever it was the same as she did, but knew his attention was probably because she was coming off as some clueless, socially inept person who until eight seconds ago had been living her life in a cave. Why couldn’t she be younger or taller or prettier or French? Anything other than the boring, flawed person she was?
She forced herself to breathe and tried to mentally shake off her never-felt-before chemical reaction so she could form sentences.
“Your house is great,” she managed.
He smiled. “Thanks.”
Oh, no. The smile made everything worse. He had little lines by his eyes and a dimple in his left cheek. The smile was sexy and warm and promising. She nearly took a step toward him, only able to stop herself at the last second.
Thankfully the doorbell sounded just then, and Jana came back with the flowers. Relief poured through Beth—Rick had arrived and now there would be a distraction. She would focus on her brother and try to ignore Teddy as best she could.
The next few minutes were filled with greetings. Beth hurried up to Rick, wishing there was a way to get him alone long enough for her to beg for his help. Only she didn’t know how to do that without Jana and Teddy wondering what was wrong with her.
“Hey, sis,” he said, smiling at her.
“Hi, yourself.” She hugged him and started to step back, only to pause when she caught a faint but unfamiliar fragrance. “Did you change fabric softeners?”
He frowned at her. “I don’t know. I use what I use. Why?”
Saying he smelled different would sound too strange, so she simply smiled and shrugged. “Just asking.”
Thankfully Teddy suggested they all go outside. They walked through a large family room and through open sliding doors into a big backyard. There were several seating areas in shade and out in the sun. At the far end of the yard was a gate that, she would guess, led to Teddy’s workspace. A half-dozen Adirondack chairs circled a fire pit in the far corner, but what most caught her eye were all the toys scattered around. There was a swing set with a slide, several balls, two scooters and a sandbox.
“That’s right,” she said aloud. “You have children.”
The killer smile returned. “Three. They’re with a friend for the evening, along with Jana’s daughter. We thought it would be easier for us to talk without them around. They tend to dominate any conversation.”
“Children do that.”
They settled in the shade. A platter of appetizers and a pitcher of sangria were already there, along with plates and glasses. Jana poured them drinks. Beth took hers and sipped, then set down her glass and tried not to look at Teddy.
But it was like being too close to the sun—the man was impossible to ignore. She wanted to study him and learn every plane of his face. She wanted to touch his hands, his chest, and stare deeply into his eyes. She was also terrified of saying something stupid, which made it difficult to have a normal conversation.
She turned to her brother, thinking he could do the talking, but saw that somehow Rick and Jana were seated a little bit away from her and Teddy. As if they were separate couples. Not that she and Teddy were a couple or anything other than strangers who—
Stop! she commanded herself. She had to get a grip and act normal.
She opened her mouth and blurted, “Jana tells me you’re a massage therapist.”
One eyebrow rose. “Massage is part of my practice, but most of my patients come to see me for acupuncture.”
Oh, right. “That sounds interesting. How long have you been doing that?”
“I went to China to study when I was sixteen.”
“You didn’t finish high school first?”
He smiled. “I graduated early. I had tutors, which helped.”
Tutors because… Not that she was going to ask. She couldn’t be trusted to guide a conversation. Better to just say the next obvious thing.
“Sixteen seems really young to travel halfway around the world. Did one of your parents go with you?”
“They stayed home with Jana. We had family friends over there. I lived with them the first couple of years, then got a place on my own. Once I’d completed my studies, I moved back here. I was a little young to open my own practice, so I worked with someone.”
“I can’t imagine leaving everything I know to go all that way. Certainly not when I was sixteen,” she admitted. “Did you speak the language?”
He chuckled. “Very badly. My instructors spoke English well enough, and I picked up as much Mandarin as I could.” He winked at her. “I’m good to have around in an authentic Chinese restaurant because I can read the menu.”
She laughed and felt some of her tension ease. Not her attraction—that was still at unheard-of levels—but she was going to do her best to ignore it.
“Jana mentioned you own Surf Sandwiches,” he said.
“I do, although what I do isn’t anywhere near as exciting as moving to China.”
“I know that place. Great sandwiches.”
While the words were kind, she doubted he’d ever been in her store. Given her reaction to him tonight, she definitely would have remembered seeing him.
She allowed herself a brief, vivid fantasy of him walking in to order something only to have their eyes meet over the selection of condiments. The background music would swell, they would smile at each other, and then he would suggest they run away to a tropical island for the next six or eight months.
“Are you married?” he asked.
“Divorced.”
“Any kids?”
She shook her head. “But you have three.”
He waved toward the array of toys scattered around. “How did you guess? They’re great. Magnolia is twelve but sometimes acts like she’s forty. She likes to take charge, something that kicked into overdrive after she lost her mom. Jana and I constantly have to remind ourselves not to let her take on too much responsibility. She needs to be my daughter, not my protector.”
“That’s got to be hard for you. They were so young when your wife died. I’m sorry.”
“Thanks. It came out of nowhere. Valonia was happy and healthy. One second she was on a conference call at work, and then she was dead from a pulmonary embolism. There was no warning.”
His gaze looked past her, as if he was reliving the day. “She was the vice president at a large brokerage company. She had so many dreams and plans for us and the kids. When her assistant called to tell me she’d collapsed, I thought it was a mistake.”
Her heart ached for him and his children—for what they’d lost and all they’d gone through.
“I can’t imagine,” she admitted. “They were so young.”
“Orchid was only eighteen months. She and Atlas, the middle one, couldn’t understand where Mommy was.” He looked at her, the pain visible in his eyes. “Jana got us through. She moved in and took charge. I was a wreck. Valonia and I were supposed to have the rest of our lives together. I kept waiting for her to call and say she was on her way home.”
He drew in a breath. “She’d always had the high-powered career. We’d met through friends.” The smile returned. “On paper we had nothing in common, and I wasn’t that interested in meeting her, but I didn’t know how to get out of it. She was a rising star in the corporate world. I was a too-serious vegetarian, alternative medicine practitioner who didn’t own much more than I could fit into a backpack. But we clicked, you know? I took one look at her and knew she was the one.”
She could feel his pain, along with the bittersweetness of his memories. Beth sat there, not sure what to do. Running seemed to be the most sensible choice, only she was committed to having dinner with Jana and Teddy. But staying seemed impossible. She tried to tell herself the irony of the situation was actually kind of funny—if only it didn’t sting so much.
All her life she’d done her best to avoid strong emotions. She’d tried to be sensible and thoughtful about any decisions she made. Living like her mother—racing toward the fire to burn as hot as possible—was an anathema to her. Yet here she was—wildly attracted to a man she barely knew, wishing he felt the same, and desperate to have him notice her as a woman. For the first time ever she was willing to risk it all, to be impulsive and damn the consequences. At the same time, the man in question was clearly and deeply still in love with his late wife. And wasn’t that a kick in the gut?
* * *
Rick helped Jana clear the table. Beth had already left, claiming an early morning, and Jana had shooed Teddy back to his side of the house.
“Tonight was great,” Rick said happily, carrying in two wineglasses and setting them on the counter. “Thanks for suggesting this. I liked getting to know Teddy.”
“He felt the same about you,” she said, relieved everything had gone so well. Her brother had spent the first hour or so talking to Beth. Then the four of them had chatted easily over dinner.
Rick drew her close and lightly kissed her. “So we’re good? Everyone is friends?”
She saw the faint line of worry between his eyebrows and touched his cheek. “We are all excellent,” she told him. “I’m glad we did this.”
“Me, too.”
She gave him a quick smile, then stepped out of his embrace before glancing at the clock on the wall. He followed her gaze.
“Do you need me to leave? I was going to help with the cleanup, but if you’re worried about Linnie coming home, I get it.”
“I appreciate that, Rick. You’re right. Dex will be bringing the kids back and, well, it’s still soon for you to meet any of the kids.”
She looked at him, wondering if he would get upset. Instead he moved close again and hugged her.
“Of course. You need to worry about her, and that’s a good thing.” His mouth brushed hers. “But I want to see you again. I’m on call this weekend, but after that, okay?”
“Absolutely.”
Because the more she was with Rick, the more she was willing to believe he might be exactly who she’d been waiting for.
* * *
Beth spent the drive home trying not to think about the evening or Teddy or the twisting, hungry wanting swirling through her belly. She was uncomfortable in ways she couldn’t explain and restless to the point of barely being able to focus on her driving. Once she was in the house, she walked directly to the liquor cabinet and pulled out the bottle of brandy.
“Oh, dear. That can’t be good.”
She turned and saw Agatha walking into the kitchen.
“Dinner not go well?” her aunt asked sympathetically. “Do we not like the brother?”
“The brother is fine.” Beth took out two glasses and poured, then handed her aunt one. She walked to the kitchen table and sat down.
Agatha settled across from her, but didn’t speak, as if willing to let Beth lead the conversation.
“He was very nice. He does acupuncture. Or practices it.” She frowned. “I don’t know the correct verb. He’s successful at what he does, although I’m pretty sure any money comes from his late wife. She was in finance. She died very suddenly about five years ago. He has three kids, and Jana has Linnie. They’re a beautiful blended family.”
Agatha pressed her lips together. “While that all sounds lovely, there’s something in your voice. Was it Rick?”
“What? No. He was fine. He adores Jana, by the way. And she’s great.” Beth looked at her aunt. “I was attracted to Teddy.”
“The brother?”
She nodded. “I can’t explain it. I’ve never felt like that before. One second I was perfectly normal, living my life, breathing. You know, all the regular stuff. Then he walked into the room and everything changed.” She clutched her glass. “I was humiliated.”
Her aunt smiled at her. “Unless you started taking your clothes off, there’s no humiliation required.”
“I stayed dressed, thankfully. But I couldn’t think. I don’t get it. Yes, he’s attractive, but so are millions of other people. I’ve had movie stars in my store. I don’t care—that’s not my thing. I don’t gush or overreact. But being around him.” She shook her head. “I can’t explain it, and I sure don’t like it.”
“Well, I do. Bravo.”
Beth glared at her aunt. “This isn’t a good thing. I don’t want to be irrational or out of control. I refuse to be my mother.”
“Darling, there’s an entire Grand Canyon between what you’re describing and acting like your mother. You met a nice man who turns you on. That’s exciting.”
“He’s still in love with his late wife. He talked about her. Nothing overly gushy, but his voice.” She winced at the memory. “I was jealous of a dead woman. I’m attracted to a dead woman’s husband.”
“There’s a cheerful perspective.” Agatha sipped her drink. “You’re looking at this all wrong. Tonight was a revelation. You discovered you have the ability to throw yourself into the moment. You’ve been moping around here for weeks, ever since you saw that very tacky billboard of Ian proposing.” She flicked her wrist. “Now you know you’re well and truly ready to move on.”
Beth wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what her aunt had to say but still cautiously asked, “In what way?”
“Now you can find your passion. You said you’d never been so attracted to a man before. That means you have unexplored depths. So explore them now. What else excites you? A new hobby? Travel? You used to talk about horseback riding. What about that? Or maybe get yourself out there and start dating. If Teddy could inspire you, there must be other men who can do the same.”
While her aunt’s words made sense, Beth wasn’t so sure her hidden depths should be brought to life. As for finding someone else who made her feel the way Teddy did—um, no.
“I don’t like being out of control,” she said. “It’s too risky and uncomfortable.”
“It’s exciting.”
“Now you sound like Mom.”
“We both know that’s not true. Your mother had an extreme view of chasing danger. You don’t want to be like her, but sometimes I worry you’ve gone too far in the other direction. What is it you young people talk about? FOMO? You need a little more of that in your life.”
Beth grinned. “How do you know about fear of missing out?”
“I’m very in tune with young people today,” Agatha said with a laugh. “They adore me.”
“We all adore you.”
She thought about what her aunt had said. Yes, avoiding her mother’s path of destruction had always seemed wise, but she supposed a case could be made for being too cautious. And while she hated to admit to moping, seeing the billboard and all the pictures on Ian’s Instagram account had rattled her. Her business was thriving, but that was only one part of her life. She needed more than just the success of her sandwich shop. Just as important, she wanted more. Connections, a man who cared about her, and yes, maybe a couple of hobbies. Kids.
The latter seemed the least likely. She was thirty-eight and single. She wasn’t the type to go out and find a sperm donor, which meant getting pregnant the old-fashioned way or accepting it simply wasn’t going to happen for her.
“About your young man,” Agatha began.
“He’s not mine. I told you, he’s still in love with his late wife.”
“You don’t know that.”
“You weren’t there.” Teddy had looked so stricken as he’d talked about Valonia. “They were in love when she died. There was no time to prepare. She was just gone.”
“Which is tragic, but even the most shattered heart heals. You should call him.”
Beth looked at her aunt and started laughing. “Because that’s so who I am? Call him and say what? ‘Hi. We just met, and I’m pretty sure you’re in love with someone else, but did you want to come over for sex?’ I don’t think so.”
“I was thinking more along the lines of dinner, but if you want to jump right to dessert, then that’s another option.”
Beth rose and set her half-finished brandy on the counter by the sink, then returned to the table and kissed her aunt on the cheek.
“I love you, and I appreciate how you worry about me. I’m going to take my Teddy obsession and carefully lock it away where it won’t hurt anyone. Especially me.” She smiled. “But I promise to think about the passion thing. Maybe there’s a slightly safer way to channel my wild side into something a little more productive than an unrequited crush.”
“That sounds like an excellent plan.”