Chapter 22
22
They went outside and started down the street. Despite the fact that it felt like days since she and Teddy had left the restaurant, it was only about seven thirty. The sun had set, but the sky hadn’t reached that night color. Windows were open in neighboring houses with the sounds of conversation and television spilling out.
For the first block, she didn’t speak, but then she started explaining about Galaxy and how she was the real girlfriend. “I was someone he was seeing on the side,” she said. “I can’t believe it. I’m the other woman.”
“You didn’t know. How could you?” Dex stopped and faced her. “Rick had a plan from the beginning. You think this is the first time he’s done this?”
“What? Of course. It has to be. He’s not…”
She pressed her lips together as she tried to comprehend Dex’s point. Rick was good at the game. From how bashful he’d looked when they talked to telling her she glowed, to how he’d had a string of dad jokes to make her laugh. He’d been adoring, and she’d fallen for the act like the idiot she was.
“He played me,” she said slowly. “We met so randomly. I didn’t have my wallet with me, and he was behind me in line. He bought my coffee. The next time I saw him, I paid him back, and we started talking.”
“A crime of opportunity,” Dex said lightly as they continued walking.
“But why?” she asked, breathing through the pain. “Why can’t one woman be enough?”
“Who knows. Power, maybe. The thrill of manipulating the women in his life. Or the knife’s edge of wondering when he’ll be caught.”
Or it could be a thousand things they would never figure out because they didn’t think the way he did.
“I just wanted someone regular,” she said quietly. “A man who cared about me and could welcome Linnie in his life. He didn’t have to be anything special. I never wanted to date a doctor. I didn’t care about that. I thought Rick was…”
“Who he pretended to be.”
She nodded. “I pick the wrong guys. I have all my life. You’re going to say it’s not my fault, but I’m the person all the relationships have in common. I need to be done.”
He put his arm around her and pulled her close. “You’re probably not in the best place to be making life decisions right now.”
“It hurts.”
“I know, kid. I know.”
“Then there’s the whole Beth mess.” She didn’t want to think about her friend because in some ways, what she’d done was worse. “I trusted her.”
“You did.”
“She lied to me.” She stopped walking and faced him. “She hurt Teddy. He’s devastated. He was falling for her.”
“Was?”
She stared at Dex. “You’re saying he’s already in love with her?”
“You know how he is. When it comes to relationships, Teddy doesn’t do middle ground.”
She wanted to curl up in a ball so the pain couldn’t find her. “None of this makes sense. I know she cares about him. I could see it in her eyes. She was practically giddy when she talked about him. Why would she risk everything? She was about to get all she’d been wishing for.”
“You already know the answer.”
Jana did. “Rick’s her brother.”
“You’d lie for Teddy.”
She would do a lot more for him. She understood the whole family thing. They had a lifetime of watching each other’s back. Now their lives were even more entwined with all their kids growing up together.
“I feel sick,” she whispered as they turned back the way they’d come. “You know, it’s strange. I was thinking the other day that I didn’t know if I’d ever leave Linnie with Rick. It was just a gut feeling. But I would have left her with Beth, no problem. I’ve seen her with the people she works with. She’s good and kind, but she let me continue to see her brother, all the while knowing Rick was sleeping with someone else.”
She glanced at Dex. “Are you going to defend her?”
“Nope. She should have said something.”
“She should have.” Jana pressed a hand to her stomach. “This is going to get so much worse before it gets better.”
“But it will get better.”
“I went to his office once. I wanted to tell him I got into nursing school, to share the news.” She frowned as she remembered. “He was really pissed that I showed up like that. It was so unlike him. I remember being confused by his reaction.” She felt the start of tears. “Now it makes sense. He couldn’t have one of his women appearing randomly like that. It was too risky.”
She brushed her cheeks and tried to focus on her mad. “He was such a jerk. He came by later and apologized for snapping at me. He said he’d been thinking about a patient. I actually felt bad.” She stopped and glared at him. “I think I apologized. I hate that! He manipulated me from the start. He led me along like some…some cow or something.”
“Cow?”
“I don’t know.” She punched Dex’s upper arm, then winced when her knuckles impacted solid muscle. “What do you lead? A goat?”
“What’s with the farm animals?”
“I’m making a point.”
“Not a very good one.”
She started to laugh, then immediately began to sob. Dex pulled her close as her body shook.
“I t-thought he cared about me. I t-thought he was a good guy. I thought Beth was my friend. Why didn’t I know they were lying?”
He kept his arms around her. “Because you’re not a deceitful person. You lead with your heart, and that’s a good thing. Don’t change, Jana. You’re perfect just the way you are.”
She sniffed and raised her head. “I’m so stupid about men. I can’t be trusted in the dating world. I need to stay single forever.”
“Hey.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “We talked about this. Not the time to make life-altering decisions.”
She wiped her cheeks. “It’s gonna hurt a whole lot more tomorrow, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is.”
* * *
“I can’t believe it,” Agatha said for the third time. She pressed a hand to her chest. “I can’t. Oh, sweetie, this is horrible. I don’t know what to say.”
“There isn’t anything.”
Beth’s tone was flat. She’d already cried, had screamed into a pillow and was now settling into a low-grade pain that wasn’t going anywhere. She’d known there was a possibility for disaster. No, not a possibility, she amended. A likelihood. She just hadn’t thought it would happen so fast. One minute everything had been perfect, and the next, her hopes and dreams had crumbled to dust.
“I hurt so many people,” she whispered. “Not just Teddy and Jana, but the kids. I won’t ever see them again. I wasn’t sure about having children in my life, but now I know I like them a lot.” She stared at her aunt. “He’s going to have to tell them something. Teddy won’t make me a monster, but he won’t lie, either. We were just getting started, and now it’s over.”
“You don’t know that. Right now the pain is fresh, but in a few days…” Her voice trailed off.
While Beth wanted that to be true, she had her doubts. “Would you forgive me?”
“Of course.”
Despite everything, she managed a faint smile. “You’re saying that as my aunt who loves me.”
“It’s how I view the world.”
“You see it more clearly than me.” Beth threw herself back against the sofa and closed her eyes. “You tried to warn me about Rick. You said he wasn’t who I thought.”
When her aunt didn’t respond, Beth opened her eyes and looked at her. “What?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You were thinking it. How did you figure out he’d changed?”
“He hasn’t changed, my dear. This is who he’s been for a long time.”
The gentle words were like a blow to the heart. “No. He’s not like that. He’s sweet and needy and uncomfortable in the world. I refuse to believe he’s a lying, manipulative bastard who only cares about himself.”
“You love him and you’ve always taken care of him. But in doing that, you’ve somehow convinced yourself he’s not capable.” Agatha’s tone was gentle. “Maybe that was true when he was eleven, but it hasn’t been true for a long time.”
Beth wanted to say her aunt was wrong, only she had proof. “I can’t believe he set out to hurt me.”
“I don’t think he did. I don’t think he was considering you at all. Everything was about what he wanted. I’m not sure how much of his relationships is about him caring and how much is about him seeing what he can get away with.”
Again she wanted to protest, but couldn’t. “Rick knew he was cheating when he brought Jana over to meet me. He’d already been dating Galaxy for a few months. He thought it was funny that he figured out Jana and I knew each other. He was entertained that I was upset.”
She spoke her thoughts out loud—maybe in an effort to make them more real. It was as if after all this time, he’d become a stranger to her. The man she thought she knew wasn’t who she’d thought he was at all. Honestly she couldn’t reconcile his actions with the sweet boy who had come crying to her when one of the big kids threatened to beat him up.
“I can’t wrap my mind around it,” she admitted. “I don’t know what to believe. Does he not know what he’s doing is wrong, or doesn’t he care?”
She ached everywhere. Not just because she was starting to see she’d never known Rick at all, but because of what that revelation was going to cost her.
“I’ve lost Jana and Teddy.”
“You can’t know that, my dear. As I said before, everyone needs a little time.”
She shook her head. “It’s not going to be that simple. If I’d just found out about his cheating, it might be okay, but I’ve known for a while. I kept it from my friend and I kept it from her brother. I wouldn’t forgive me.”
Hopelessness gripped her, squeezing her chest so tight, she couldn’t catch her breath.
“I finally found exactly who I was meant to be with, and now I’ve lost him.”
Agatha hugged her tight. “He might not be as lost as you think.”
Beth didn’t answer because there was no point. Agatha was hoping for the best while she knew better. She knew that Teddy might have overlooked a lot, but hurting Jana was going too far. He would risk himself but not those he loved. Not for anyone.
* * *
Jana spent the morning arguing with a health insurance company on behalf of a patient. Sixty-two minutes into the call, the representative put through the authorization required for the procedure. Jana thanked her, hung up and walked to the break room to get more coffee. She hadn’t slept in two nights. Exhaustion made it feel as if she were trying to walk through thick water. Her mind was cloudy, her body ached and her heart—her poor, broken heart—seemed to stumble through every beat.
She knew she had to pull herself together. Whatever was or wasn’t happening in her personal life, she had finals, and there was no way she was going to risk her GPA over some asshole. Rick wasn’t worth it.
She rode her righteous indignation through the next hour of work, but as she processed claims, she found herself thinking less about the man and more about his sister.
In some ways she missed Beth so much more. As Jana worked through the stages of grief, she wanted a friend to talk to. Someone who understood the complexities of the relationship and could possibly explain Rick’s actions. Only talking to Beth wasn’t an option because Beth had known what Rick had been doing and hadn’t said anything.
In her moments of strength, she understood. Jana would have stood by Teddy, no matter how wrong he’d been, and Beth had stood by her brother. In her weak moments, she wondered if any part of her relationships with the Nield family had been real. Had they both been playing some sick game? Had she even been a person to them?
She thought about how Beth had come to the house and hung out with Teddy and the kids, knowing Rick had cheated. Maybe he really had said it was over and maybe she’d believed him, but Beth had let her go away with him, all the while knowing about the other woman.
She was embarrassed and ashamed and angry and all kinds of other emotions she couldn’t name. She felt lost and broken and used, and mostly she missed her friend.
She added creamer to her coffee, thought briefly about the box of doughnuts on the counter but decided she didn’t need the inevitable blood sugar crash that was to follow, then returned to her office.
She was about to get into it with yet another insurance company when Rick strolled into her office.
“Morning,” he said casually and leaned against the doorframe.
She stared at him in disbelief. How did he have the balls to show up like nothing had happened?
“No,” she said firmly, coming to her feet. “Just no.”
His expression immediately turned sheepish and contrite. “You’re mad. I get that.”
“How comforting.”
“Jana, don’t. I’m sorry. It’s not what you think.” He took a step toward her, then stopped. “I miss you so much.”
“How would you have the time?” she asked sharply. “Or is Galaxy out of town, so you’re lonely?”
“I deserve that,” he told her. “And I’m sorry.”
“About?”
He stared at her blankly.
“For what are you apologizing?” she asked, grateful for the anger burning hot and bright. It would give her strength and clarity.
“I hurt you. I would never do that on purpose. If you’ll let me explain, I can—”
“No,” she said again. “There’s no explanation. You’re dating someone else. From what I heard, it’s pretty serious. It’s been going on for months. At the same time you were going out with me, telling me how magical it all was and how much you cared. Everything you said is a lie. You’re not at all the person you pretended to be. You’re not unsure and awkward. This is some kind of sick game you play. I don’t get why you feel the act is necessary, but that doesn’t matter. I’m not going to be a part of it anymore.”
“Jana, don’t do this.” His tone cajoled. “We were so good together. Remember our weekend away?”
“How did you manage that? Was she out of town?”
Something flickered in his eyes.
“She was.” Jana laughed. “That’s so classic. Wow, so our, quote, scheduling around your work, unquote, was just you waiting until your real girlfriend was gone. You must have been texting her the whole time. How do you keep us straight? Isn’t that exhausting?”
The contrition faded, as if he’d decided to drop the act. “It’s not as hard as you think,” he said, his voice astonishingly casual. “So you’re really going to do this? End things?”
“I am. You’re a whole lot less than you think, Rick. It’s not going to take me very long to get over you.”
His expression turned contemptuous. “You’re hoping that’s true, but let’s face it. You’re not going to do better than me.”
He started for the door, then turned back. “As for the act, it worked on you, didn’t it? Women like you make it easy. If you want to blame someone, blame yourself.”
With that, he was gone.
She sank into her chair and stared at the open door. She felt as if she’d just been in an emotional hit-and-run. Adrenaline joined anger, adding a faint twist of nausea to the mix. How was she supposed to reconcile what had just happened with the man she’d been dating for the past few months? While she was shocked by what he’d said, she supposed the real kicker was the almost villainous confidence. Something like that only came from a lot of success. So how many women had there been, and under what circumstances?
She thought about what Dex had said—that a person couldn’t cut open bodies on a regular basis, fighting back death, and not have a different mindset. She assumed most surgeons were warm, giving people and that Rick was the exception. Or more likely, his personality had always been there. The cool job simply gave him more opportunity to be a jerk.
On the bright side, their encounter had gone a long way to helping her get over him. The only thing to mourn was how gullible she’d been. Thank goodness he hadn’t been around enough for Linnie to get attached.
As she reached for her headset, she had the brief thought that there was no way Beth had seen this side of her brother. The other woman was too giving, too kind, to be comfortable with someone like that. Or did she know and look the other way because they were family? And in the end, did it really matter at all?
* * *
The lull between the lunch rush and the high school kid invasion at the store gave Beth too much time to think. She needed to stay busy enough to keep her mind occupied so she wouldn’t keep going over and over what had happened Saturday night. She kept seeing the shock on Teddy’s face, hearing her own voice as she pleaded, then feeling the helplessness of having him walk away.
Just as distressing was imagining what Jana must be going through. While Teddy was probably pissed, his involvement wasn’t direct. Jana, on the other hand, had been betrayed both by a friend and by the man who was supposed to be falling in love with her. She’d been the innocent party but had ended up with the most pain.
Beth wanted to reach out, but wasn’t sure what to say. She’d texted an apology—one without excuses. She’d acknowledged she was wrong and had expressed her regret. It wasn’t much, but she didn’t know what else to do. Should she try to call? Show up at her house? Only she couldn’t do that because of Teddy.
Just thinking his name sent a sharp pain through her. She continued to load paper towels into the dispensers in the bathroom. She’d already filled the soap and checked the toilet paper. Next up she was going to do a quick condiment inventory because it would occupy her mind just enough to keep the worst of the regret at bay.
“B?”
She stepped out into the small hallway and saw Kai.
“It’s Teddy,” he told her, not quite meeting her gaze. “He wants to talk to you.”
Emotions rushed through her. Hope, yearning, guilt. She must have gone pale or something because Kai took a step toward her. She shook her head.
“I’m okay. He’s up front?”
“He said he’d wait outside.”
She quickly put away the paper towels, wiped her hands on her apron, squared her shoulders and walked toward the front door.
When she stepped out into the bright sunlight, she saw him standing a few feet away. Her heart leaped, her breath caught and she was swamped by a longing so intense, it burned.
She’d missed him with every breath, she thought, studying him. Had dreamed about him, picked up the phone to text him a thousand times. But she’d kept her distance because she knew that was what he wanted. Now she took in the dark circles under his eyes and the stiffness in his body and realized his being here wasn’t a happy thing. He had nothing good to say to her.
She walked past him to the side of the building by the tables and chairs. It was more private here, quieter. She wanted to suggest they sit down, but knew in her gut whatever he had to say wouldn’t take very long.
They stared at each other. She tried to memorize his features so that years from now she could recall him clearly. Sorrow welled up inside of her. So much was lost because of a single decision, she thought sadly. For that one moment, she’d held all she wanted in the palm of her hand, and then she’d lied.
“I’m sorry,” she said involuntarily.
He looked away, then back at her. “You knew your brother was cheating on my sister and you didn’t say anything.”
The blunt statement made her flinch. “It wasn’t that simple,” she said quietly. “Yes, I saw Rick with Galaxy. I was stunned and upset, and I confronted him as soon as I could. He agreed to break things off. At the time, I assumed he was cheating on Jana and that Galaxy was the new girlfriend. He was regretful, and I made the decision not to say anything.”
She had more to tell him—she wanted to explain that Rick was family and that she’d always stepped in to protect him. Only Teddy already knew, and looking back, she wondered if instead of protecting, she’d been enabling. But she didn’t mention how she wasn’t sure she knew her brother anymore—how maybe she hadn’t known him for a long time. That would sound like an excuse, or worse.
“I didn’t want to hurt you or Jana,” she said. “I did what I thought was best. I see now it was a huge mistake, and I’m sorry.”
He looked at her. “I won’t ghost you. I’ll tell you in person. It’s over.”
Tears immediately spilled down her cheeks. She wanted to say something, to try to change his mind, only there was no point. She knew him—knew what his family meant to him. She knew how much he loved his children, his sister, and how much he’d loved Valonia. He couldn’t forgive the betrayal. If she’d just hurt him, he might have gotten over it, but she’d hurt his sister.
“I don’t know what I would have done,” he said, still looking at her. “If it had been me. I probably would have kept Jana’s secret. I don’t know. Family makes it hard. I’m not sure there was a right thing to do.”
Then don’t go. But she only thought the words, then instead whispered, “I love you.”
He stiffened. “Don’t.”
“I want you to know it was real for me.” She sucked in a breath as she struggled to stop the tears. “All of it. I wasn’t part of the game. You and the kids… Jana… It mattered. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I wanted you to know.”
He turned away. “You’re right, Beth. It doesn’t mean anything.”