Chapter 21
What a week. I feel like I’ve come so far and yet gotten nowhere. I’m getting used to the cameras, and most of the really annoying women are gone. I was able to relax a little, and it’s really made a difference.
I hate what Bridget did. I’m furious, and I feel terrible that Vivian had to experience something so traumatic for her. But I can’t deny the good that came from it. I don’t just mean the kiss we shared, however brief. The ordeal built trust between us. It broke through to her in a way I hadn’t managed to do.
The contestants and crew gripe about my walls and closed-off nature, but Vivian’s as bad as I am. She’s just as stubborn, too. But when I rescued her, the walls around her heart crumbled, and she connected with me. Really connected. It felt amazing to be her hero. To feel her put her trust in me. She was genuinely scared for her life, and she allowed me to bring her back from her panic. She clung to me. Needed me. Maxine was onto something with that validation thing. I love being the boss at work, but that pales in comparison to being Vivian’s white knight.
I never thought I would want a life partner. I was happy alone. But my parents had been right. I was content because I didn’t know what it could be like to have someone that completed me. I didn’t realize what I’d been missing out on. Someone who’s only ever seen in black and white can’t comprehend what it’s like to see color. But once you’ve experienced it, how could you ever go back? I know I can’t.
I just have to convince her she needs me, too.
She’s scared. I came on too strong at the boardwalk this afternoon, but what other choice do I have? There’s maybe a month left of filming, and for most of that, I’ll be off on destination dates and meeting the families of other women. I don’t have a lot of time to convince Vivian there’s something between us. I know she feels it. I could see it in her eyes. But she’s determined to deny it.
I can’t stop thinking about her while I sit in my hotel suite waiting for tonight’s rose ceremony. I’m going to go insane.
A loud knock on my door startles me from my obsessing. I grimace when I open the door and Jeremiah saunters in. I really dislike him. Andrea and James follow him in. They’re here to go over my choices for the rose ceremony tonight. I hardly care. There’s only one woman who matters, and she’s the season favorite.
Andrea holds up a paper bag and gives me a big smile. “I brought you more of those tacos.”
I perk up and eagerly accept the peace offering.
“I asked for the recipe for you, but they wouldn’t give their secret away.”
I sigh. “It was worth a shot.”
I take a seat at the table and dig into my dinner. They really are the best tacos I’ve ever had. I wish Vivian was here to enjoy them with me. Jeremiah, Andrea, and James all sit down and don’t wait for me to finish eating before getting down to business. “About tonight’s rose ceremony,” Jeremiah says. “With Bridget and Calista gone, you only have to send two home tonight.”
I don’t have to think about it. “Laurel and Selena.”
If those two conniving women hadn’t interrupted Vivian’s and my kiss, maybe Vivian wouldn’t still be fighting me.
James and Andrea exchange a glance, while Jeremiah scrunches up his face. “We were thinking Katie and Willow,” he says.
I’m surprised they have any opinion at this point, and I’m curious to hear their reasoning. “Why? Katie and Willow are nice women.”
Jeremiah rolls his eyes. “They’re boring women. Neither one of them is the least bit interested in you.”
I shrug. “I’m not interested in them, either.”
He huffs in exasperation. “That’s why you should get rid of them.”
I stare Jeremiah down. “I get to choose from here on out, and I want to get rid of Laurel and Selena.”
Jeremiah clenches his jaw. He sits back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest and glares at James and Andrea as if they should jump in any time. James sighs, and Andrea gives me a coddling smile. “Aside from Emma, Laurel and Selena are the ones who seem the most attached. You should keep the women who want you.”
I scoff. “Laurel and Selena are only slightly less awful than Bridget and Calista. There is nothing about either of them I find attractive.”
Jeremiah throws his hands in the air. “You don’t care about Willow or Katie either, so what does it matter if you send them home? Laurel and Selena will get better ratings because they want you. With the slightest interest on your end, they could both fall for you.”
I grind my teeth. This is the part of the show I hate. Since day one, they’ve encouraged me to get close to as many of the women as possible. They want me to form strong emotional attachments with several of them so it’s more dramatic when they’re booted from the show. I hate the idea of toying with people that way. Playing with the hearts of women I have no intention of being in a relationship with is despicable. “I’ve told you before, I’m not going to lead anyone on. If Selena or Laurel thinks they have a real shot with me, then they should be let go before they get hurt.”
“But that’s not how this show works!” Jeremiah snaps. He jumps up from his seat and starts pacing the room. “Work with us, Sebastian. If you want Laurel and Selena gone, then you have to show at least some interest in Willow or Katie. Jalisa likes you, and she’s looking for a serious relationship. She could be a good fit. And what about Emma? She’s a sweet woman, and she obviously likes you. If you would just kiss?—”
“No.” I glower at Jeremiah so hard he jerks to a stop and actually tugs on the collar of his shirt.
I don’t want Emma, but I like her. I don’t want to see her hurt. “I won’t do it. She deserves better than that.”
Jeremiah’s face turns red. I take sick pleasure in irritating him. We’re locked in a glaring match until James breaks the silence. “You might be surprised, Sebastian. Emma knows you like Vivian, but she still likes you. She might still want her first kiss to be you, even if she knows it won’t lead to anything.”
“She could do a lot worse,” Andrea adds. “If it were me, I think I’d want you to.”
That makes me pause. Andrea and James are good people. Yes, they want the best ratings for the show, and giving a 27-year-old woman her first kiss would definitely make things exciting, but they wouldn’t encourage me to do it knowing how much I loathe the idea of hurting anyone. Could they be right? Does Emma want me to kiss her?
I think about it a moment longer and then shake the idea off. “Even if she did, I don’t want to kiss her. The only one I want is Vivian.”
“You could pretend,” Jeremiah grumbles. “It wouldn’t kill you.”
I really want to punch the man. “It would hurt my reputation,” I tell him. “I pride myself on being forthright. In business, I’m harsh and can be ruthless, but I’m honest. I’m not going to do anything sleazy that will tarnish my character. I’m not going to lead anyone on. I’m not here to break any hearts. It’s Vivian. You know it. I know it. The other women know it. Anyone who watches this show will know it. Even Vivian knows it. She just needs to accept it. Which is what I should really be worrying about, instead of playing games with the other contestants.”
“It wouldn’t hurt to have a backup,” Andrea says, sitting back and meeting my eyes with a determined stare. “You need a wife. Vivian isn’t a guarantee. She’s rejected you once already.”
I wince, and no matter how hard I try not to, I get defensive. “She didn’t today. She’s scared, but she likes me.”
I say it confidently, though a sliver of doubt creeps into my heart. Even if she does like me, would she be able to trust me enough to give us a chance?
Andrea softens her voice. “You only have a month left. Are you that sure you can win Vivian over?” I try not to make a face. “You need to think about an alternative if Vivian doesn’t accept you. I’m not saying lead anyone on; I’m just saying give the other women a chance.”
Some of the fire leaves me. I hate that she has a point. I want Vivian, but I have to find a wife. I need someone to say yes. If I can’t convince Vivian to marry me, I’ll still need to pick someone else. How could my father do this to me?
“Fine.” I sag in defeat. “I’ll consider the other women as backups, but I’m not going to lead them on just for ratings. Vivian is my first choice. She’s my main focus. I need to win her over, and toying with the hearts of her friends won’t help me do that. I can’t afford to lose her respect.”
Jeremiah starts to say something, but Andrea cuts him off with a look. “That’s fair,” she tells me. “And believe it or not, we want you to end up with Vivian as much as you want to.”
I sink my hands into my hair and give it a good yank. I don’t know that I’ve ever been more frustrated. “Then, instead of trying to get me to hook up with different women, help me win her over.”
James leans forward, an excited gleam in his eyes. “What do you have in mind?”
What do I have in mind? Nothing. I have no idea what to do. I’m terrible at this. I give Andrea and James a helpless look. “You guys are the romance people. What can I do?”
James and Andrea both frown in thought. Jeremiah huffs in the silence, but we all ignore him. “The destination dates are coming up next,” James says. “If you make it personal to her, something to show you’ve been paying attention to her, that you know her, it might ease some of her trepidation.”
“Oh, that’s a great idea,” Andrea says, smiling widely. She looks at Jeremiah. “What are the destination dates?”
“They’re tropical,” he admits with a grimace.
I groan. “I can’t take Vivian to a tropical vacation. We just tried that, and it was a disaster.”
Jeremiah huffs and mutters under his breath. “Not a total disaster. She kissed you.”
I hate to agree with him on anything, but my lips quirk at the memory of our kiss. She was as into it as I was before Selena and Laurel interrupted us.
“So what do we know about Vivian?” James says. “Beside the fact that a tropical vacation won’t work.”
I think back on every moment I’ve had with Vivian since we first met. She’s passionate about fashion, but I’m not sure how we could incorporate that into a fantasy date.
The vision of her dancing in the gym flashes in my mind, and I know exactly what to do. She was so beautiful. So graceful. Passion and joy radiated from her as she twirled around on her toes like a prima ballerina. “The ballet,” I whisper. “I’ll take her to the ballet.”
James leans forward and slaps his hand down on the table. “That’s perfect!”
“Where’s the best ballet in the world?” I ask.
James, Andrea, and Jeremiah all look as clueless as me. Andrea pulls out her phone and starts googling it. After a minute, a wide smile creeps over her face. “Paris.”
Hope ignites in my chest. Paris is perfect. Not only is it known as one of the most romantic cities in the world, they’re also a leader in fashion. “Vivian will love Paris. We can get in contact with the ballet people and get her a private lesson. Then we can get her a makeover with some famous Parisian designer before we go to the show.”
“Yeah, yeah.” James twirls his finger as if he loves this idea and wants to keep it going. “And we can do dinner in front of the Eiffel Tower. It’s picturesque. It’s romantic.”
“We’ve never taken the show there,” Andrea adds. “It’s new.”
Jeremiah holds up his hands and laughs nervously. “Hang on now. I like the idea, but there’s a reason we’ve never been there. Paris is expensive. We don’t have the budget for it. Or the arrangements. There are deposits on the places we’ve already booked. Contracts have been signed.”
I wave off Jeremiah’s concern. Budget is not going to be the thing that stops me from giving Vivian a night she’ll never forget. “I’ll pay for whatever doesn’t fit in the show’s budget.”
Andrea’s and James’s faces brighten again. They’re sold. Jeremiah doesn’t look as convinced. “The destination dates start day after tomorrow. I doubt there’s time to arrange?—”
“Make Vivian’s date the last one, and get the show in touch with my personal assistant. He’s a miracle worker. I’m sure that together they can make it happen.”
The meeting ends, and I’m left to get ready for the rose ceremony. The actual ceremony is happening later this evening after we have a small gathering where I have to spend about ten minutes with each woman—just in case I haven’t made up my mind yet on who I’ll be sending home. It’s each woman’s last chance to catch my interest.
When I head up to the women’s suite for the evening, I’m nervous. Andrea’s words about needing a backup stuck with me. I need to start actually paying attention to a couple of these women just in case, but hopefully it won’t matter. I feel better knowing I have at least somewhat of a plan, and I pray that Paris will change things for Vivian and me.
I enter the suite and find all seven women decked out in their evening gowns, ready for the rose ceremony. I seek out Vivian immediately. I know I have to spend time with every woman, and it worked out better this afternoon when I approached her last, but I can’t escape the need to see her. I’ve never been so obsessed about anything.
She’s wearing a dress that is light purple on the top and fades into a deep purple. It’s so different from all of the other women’s floor-length slinky gowns. Vivian’s looks soft. It comes to her knees in the front and is longer in the back and has ruffles of some kind of sheer material. It’s unique, just like her. It’s bold and yet classic at the same time, and somehow still very, very sexy. Her legs are a mile long, and the halter top of her dress leaves her creamy shoulders and back bare. It makes me want to pull her into my arms and run my hands all over her.
“Sebastian!”
I blink my way out of the trance Vivian put me in and force a smile at Selena. Ten minutes. I only have to talk to her for ten minutes. She’s not a bad woman. Not like Bridget. But she’s very clingy and high maintenance. I wouldn’t have the time or the patience for someone like her. I’ll be glad to get rid of Laurel too. I’m pretty sure she only sees dollar signs when she looks at me. I can usually tell the greedy ones. She’s excited by the finer things in life and has asked me more about my lifestyle than my personality every time we’ve spoken. She seemed disappointed when I told her I don’t live some playboy jet-setting party life. When I told her I like to keep things low-key, she wrinkled her nose and then gave me a confident smile declaring that she would fix that for me. No, thank you.
Next, I speak with Willow and Katie. I can see why the show wants me to get rid of them. Neither one is particularly interesting, and they’re both as cordial with me as I am with them. There’s no chemistry whatsoever. But they’re nice and don’t annoy me, so I’m not going to go with Jeremiah’s suggestions to get rid of them.
When Jalisa sits down with me, I make more of an effort to get to know her. Aside from Vivian, she and Emma are the only two women I think I could tolerate in a relationship. She’s beautiful and confident without being cocky or aggressive. I hate aggressive women. Our conversation goes well, but in the end, I decide to cross her off my list. She’s interested in getting married, but only if she’s head over heels in love, and she would want a long engagement. There’s also just no spark. No attraction on my end at all. She’s beautiful, but I just can’t drum up any interest.
After her, I sit down with Emma. When I tell her she looks beautiful, her cheeks heat up in a pretty blush. It makes me smile. At first, I thought the shyness would be a turn off, but it’s quite cute. She’s adorable, and she makes me laugh. I think if Vivian weren’t in the picture, I might be able to see myself dating her. As sweet as she is, though, I’m anxious for our time to be up because it means I can finally talk to Vivian. She’s been avoiding me tonight.
I have to search for her, and find her hiding out on the balcony. I’m glad, because everyone else is inside. We’ll have privacy out here. Well, from the other women at least. James and his crew come with me.
I forget my annoyance with the camera when I take in the sight of Vivian standing in the moonlight looking out at the lights of the city. Her pale skin looks almost ethereal, and my lips dry up at the thought of tasting it.
The woman stirs feelings in me that I don’t know what to do with. She makes me feel nervous and awkward, but I remember what Ella said about her wanting an alpha male. That she wants to fall with someone to catch her. I’ve never been the type of man who could charm a woman or sweep her off her feet, but I do know how to take control of a situation. If she wants an alpha, she’ll get an alpha.
Shoving my nerves aside, I walk up behind her and place my hands on the balcony railing on either side of her, caging her in my arms. “Are you avoiding me?” I murmur.
She leaps out of her skin and lets out a small shriek. When she whirls around, I step back to give her some breathing room, but I stay close enough to keep her off balance. “Sebastian!” She clutches her chest. “Were you trying to give me a heart attack?”
She pushes me back. In response, I slide my arm around her waist and pull her close. My fingers graze her bare back. I relish the feel of her soft, smooth skin. Her breath catches, and I barely hold back a grin. Whether she’ll admit it or not, she’s as attracted to me as I am to her. “When you hide from me, it makes me want to chase you.”
Her eyes widen, and her mouth falls slack. She sucks in a breath and holds it. For a long moment she looks afraid, but then determination sweeps across her face. “Okay, let’s turn down the pheromones, buddy. That smoldering gaze is not going to work on me.”
She’s trying to break the tension between us, but I’m not ready to let her go. I place my free hand over her chest. Her pulse is pounding. “Your racing heart would suggest otherwise.”
She gulps, then shakes her head as if to clear the fog from it, and steps back. I match her, not letting her put space between us.
“I don’t know who you think you are, but?—”
Her words cut off with a gasp when I trail my fingers over her collarbone and down her arms. Goose bumps rise in the wake of my touch, and she shivers. “You still going to deny our connection?”
Her eyes flutter shut, but instantly snap back open. “Your arrogance is astounding.”
I smirk. It infuriates her and makes me want to smile bigger. She’s so beautiful when she’s angry.
She pushes on my chest again with more force than last time. I let her go and step back when I see the fire and defiance in her eyes. Keeping her unsettled is one thing, but push her too hard and she’ll dig in her heels. She’ll throw up walls that are twice as thick as the ones I’ve been trying to break down.
“I got you something,” I say, letting go of my intensity and giving her a chance to calm herself.
I pull a small pouch from my pocket and hold it out. “Give me your hand.”
She’s thrown off by the jarring shift in mood.
I take her hand and hold it palm up. Then I dump the contents of the pouch into her hand. The thin silver chain glints in the light on the balcony. Vivian stares at the necklace as if she can’t make sense of it. I slip the empty pouch back in my pocket and lift the necklace. She reaches for the purple teardrop pendant and recognition flares in her eyes. “This is the necklace I was looking at this afternoon.”
I smile. “I could tell you liked it, and I wanted you to have it.” I hold it up. “It matches your eyes.”
Those beautiful violet eyes flash up to mine with a startled expression. I don’t wait for her to accept the gift before I lean forward and clasp it around her neck. The pendant falls just above the tops of her breasts, drawing my gaze to the tiniest amount of cleavage she has showing. It takes effort to meet her eyes again. “Beautiful,” I murmur.
She swallows hard and reaches up to clutch her throat. “You’re not trying to buy me, are you?”
I’d be offended by the question if she didn’t already know the answer. She’s just searching for excuses to push me away. “I would never insult you that way.”
She gulps again. I step so close we’re practically smashed together. Her eyes flutter shut, and she takes a deep breath as if she’s trying to take in my essence. Desire hits me hard. If I don’t kiss her soon, I’m going to lose my mind. “I’m going to choose you tonight,” I admit, though I’m technically not supposed to.
“I know,” she breathes.
Her eyes stay shut. The way her lashes fan out on her cheeks makes me want to press soft kisses to her eyes and her cheeks and then trail my way down to her mouth.
I cup her face and brush my thumb over her plush lips. I want so desperately to claim them, but she’s trembling, and it’s not only in anticipation. She’s still scared. I don’t want her to fear me. I want to put her at ease. I want her to trust me. I want her to be ready for a relationship, not just push her into one. So, despite everything inside me screaming for me to seal my mouth to hers, I place a soft kiss on her cheek and step back. “I’ll see you in there,” I say, then go back inside to give her time to collect herself.