CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Amelia walked into the kitchen, her steps unsteady. She put the food and drink right into the fridge, then turned to brace her hands on the counter.
She was so tired. So very tired. But it wasn’t just because of the intense previous twenty-four hours. The conversation she’d just had with Ben had totally drained her.
She couldn’t bear to think about it.
She’d humiliated herself by letting everything come pouring out. If she hadn’t been so worn out, maybe she could have kept a tighter grip on her emotions.
Tears stung her eyes as she straightened and made her way to her bedroom. It was only as she stood in her doorway that she realized her suitcase was still in Ben’s SUV.
She had her purse and phone, but nothing else she’d taken for the trip. All her skincare products were in the suitcase, but she didn’t really need anything else in the bag.
Honestly, she was just as happy to not have her skincare stuff. It gave her an excuse to just peel out of her clothes and crawl into bed. She paused just long enough to gather her hair up into a scrunchy so she wouldn’t wake up tangled in it come morning.
As she crawled into bed, exhaustion held her body captive, but her mind… oh, her mind was happy to play back every moment of her conversation with Ben.
Please, God… I just want to sleep.
It seemed to take forever for her body to win the battle over her mind, but finally, she was given a reprieve from the weight of the memory.
Since she hadn’t set her alarm the night before, Amelia woke disoriented, but even before moving, she knew that she wouldn’t make it to church that morning. She picked up her phone to check the time and saw that it was almost time for the service to start.
With a groan, she sat up and carefully lowered her feet over the side of the bed. She slowly made her way to the bathroom, took care of business, then washed her face and brushed her hair.
Once that was done, she made her way back to the bed and climbed under the covers.
She picked up the remote for the television that sat on the chest of drawers at the foot of her bed and turned it on.
She used the remote to bring up the YouTube channel for the church.
The stream was already up and playing the announcements she’d prepared earlier that week.
As the announcements scrolled through, she watched them with a critical eye, looking for anything she might have missed.
When eleven o’clock rolled around, the announcement screen was replaced by a wide view of the sanctuary. Almost immediately, she spotted several familiar figures, one of whom was Ben.
She could see that he was seated with Cole and Annie. As she watched, she saw him turn and look over his shoulder toward the back of the sanctuary.
Was he looking for someone?
Was he looking for her?
No… she couldn’t allow her mind to go down that road, especially after the previous night.
As soon as the service began, the camera zoomed in on the stage, and she knew it would stay that way until the end of the service. The church had a policy of giving people privacy for their worship, so they purposely didn’t video the congregation during the service.
Her attention kept drifting as the service progressed. It wasn’t unusual for her to be unfocused, especially after a particularly draining period of time. All she could do right then was ride it out and hope that it had all been worth the effort.
When the livestream ended, she used the remote to turn off the television, then shifted onto her side, phone in hand. She looked through social media using the accounts she’d set up after retiring, having abandoned the ones associated with her skating career.
Her interest didn’t last long, and soon she dropped the phone onto the bed and closed her eyes. Her stomach rumbled with hunger, but she couldn’t find the energy to get out of bed.
At some point she’d get up and find something to eat, but it wouldn’t be right then.
The ringing of her phone roused her a little while later. Amelia patted the bed beside her, trying to find the phone. When her fingers closed around it, she lifted it to stare at the screen, blinking to bring it into focus.
Ben…
She stared at it for a moment, trying to decide if she wanted to answer it. However, before she could make up her mind, the phone stopped ringing.
Amelia turned onto her back, resting her phone on her chest, trying to figure out if she was relieved or disappointed.
Her phone chimed, letting her know she had a voicemail. Who left voicemails these days? Usually, if she didn’t answer her phone, she got a text message from whoever had tried to call.
After tapping her way to her voicemail, Amelia hesitated for a moment before playing it.
“Hey, Amelia. Missed you at church this morning.” He paused, then cleared his throat.
“I realized this morning I still had your bag in the SUV, so I wanted to bring that by. I thought maybe I could bring some lunch as well. I’m going to come by your place, but if you’re not up for answering the door, that’s fine. See you in a bit. Uh… maybe.”
Amelia lay there for a minute before getting out of bed. If Ben was going to show up, she should answer the door.
Though her body was in the grip of pain, Amelia forced herself to change into a pair of shorts and an oversized T-shirt. She brushed her hair and pulled it back into a ponytail.
It wasn’t how she’d liked to have looked when she saw him, but she didn’t have enough time to do much more. She walked to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator.
For a long moment, she stared at the drink cup, fry container, and the box containing the chicken strips that sat on the top shelf, then shut the fridge door again. Turning, she grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water from the tap.
It was tepid, but she drank it down, then set the glass in the sink. She stared blankly at the glass, trying to figure out if she was going to answer the door when Ben arrived.
When the buzzer went, she turned and stared at the security intercom by the door. Her stomach tangled into knots as she made her way over to it.
Rather than saying anything over the intercom, she pressed the button to let Ben into the building. She had about a minute before she’d have to decide if she was going to let him into the apartment.
Far too soon, there was a rap on her door. Her heart leapt and then began to race.
“Amelia.” Ben’s voice came through the door, muffled. “I’ll just leave your bag and the food out here. Hopefully we can trust your neighbors. I’ll talk to you later.”
Amelia knew her neighbors were trustworthy, but still, she opened the door and stepped into the hall. Ben was walking toward the stairs, his gait easy and his steps sure.
“Ben.” Her voice was soft, but he heard her.
He froze mid-stride, then pivoted to face her. His church clothes—pressed black slacks and a sage green polo—still looked crisp despite the afternoon heat. Sunglasses rested atop his head, holding back his hair like a makeshift headband.
“Thanks.” She crossed her arms over her waist. “For bringing my bag back.”
“There’s food there, too. Two meals.”
She glanced down to see a bag from the diner. “Two?”
“Yep.” He took a step toward her. “Enough for two meals for yourself. Or maybe one, if you want to share the other one with someone else.”
“Share?”
“Yeah. You know…” He took another step toward her. “With a friend.”
“Are… are you that friend?”
“I could be.”
Yes, he definitely could be. But was that the best thing for her?
“C’mon then,” she said. “I guess I’ll share it with you.”
She expected some sort of flippant remark, but instead, a look of relief crossed his face before he smiled.
In a few quick strides, he was by her side, and she got a whiff of his cologne as he bent to pick up her suitcase and the bag of takeout.
Amelia stepped back into the apartment and held the door for him.
“Where do you want this?” Ben lifted the suitcase.
“Just here,” Amelia said, gesturing to the space beside the door.
“We can eat out on the balcony, if you’d like.”
“It is a nice day,” he said.
“Go on out,” she told him. “I’ll bring some drinks. I have flavored carbonated water, or just plain water.”
“I’ll take a flavored water.”
Amelia nodded, then went into the kitchen to get their drinks. By the time she had them, Ben had opened the sliding door onto the balcony.
“This is nice,” Ben said as she joined him.
“Mom and Dad found this bistro set for me at a garage sale last summer.” She set the cold cans on the table. “It gets me out in the fresh air, even when I can’t leave the apartment.”
Ben lifted two takeout containers out of the bag. “Today’s special was southern fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, and mixed vegetables. The dessert options were a slice of apple pie or a fudgy brownie.”
“I hope you got the brownie,” she said as she maneuvered herself up onto the high bar stool. “Or I might have to find another friend to share this with.”
Ben settled on the stool opposite her with little trouble, given his height. He smiled at her. “I’m not stupid.”
Amelia looked down at the food in the takeout container and felt her stomach rumble in anticipation. She hadn’t eaten since the previous day, and even then, it had been only a few fries.
She looked up to thank Ben again for bringing the food, but the words dried in her mouth when she found him watching her, a sad look on his face.
“Listen, Amelia, I’m really very sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to…” He reached across the small table to touch her hand. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Amelia felt tears sting her eyes, and she lowered her gaze to stare at their hands. Even all these years later, they looked the same. His, strong and tanned. Hers, smaller and pale.
“I’m sorry for reacting the way I did,” she said, still looking down. “I didn’t mean to just spew it out all over you.”