31. Connor
CHAPTER 31
CONNOR
A s I was staring up at the Arrivals screen at the Jerez airport for the hundredth time, the status of Flight IB1091 from Madrid switched to ARRIVED .
Excitement surged through me. I hadn’t seen my boys in way too long, and now they were here . They’d already cleared customs, so all they had to do was get off the plane, get their bags, and come through the double doors.
My phone vibrated, and the text from Quinn had me almost giddy with excitement:
On the ground. See you in a few!
I had too much nervous energy to stand still, so I paced in the sparsely crowded hallway. I also checked the screen about sixteen more times just to be absolutely sure the flight really had arrived, and that I’d been looking at the right flight, and?—
My phone pinged again, and this time it was Landon.
Is baggage claim always this slow in this airport?
LOL It can be, yeah.
WTF? There’s only one plane. How long can it take?
Don’t ask that question unless you really want to know the answer.
(skull emoji)
I chuckled and pocketed my phone.
Passengers were starting to trickle out. First, those with only carry-on. A few minutes later, people started leaving with larger luggage. I craned my neck, peering through the doors and searching for three familiar faces. It would be just my luck their bags were the last ones off the plane, or something got lost, or?—
There they were. Backpacks on, suitcases rolling behind them, they strode toward the doors. When they caught sight of me, their eyes lit up and they waved.
I waved back, not caring at all if I was grinning like an idiot. I hadn’t seen my boys since I’d left Norfolk—hell yeah, I was excited.
Landon got to me first and almost bowled me over with a hug. Quinn was less forceful about it, but he still hugged me tight. When they’d let me go, I shared a gentler embrace with Savannah.
“How was your trip?” I asked all three of them. “Are you hungry? Do you?—”
“Dad. Chill. We ate in Madrid.” Quinn nodded toward the exit. “Let’s just get out of here.”
Fine by me. I’d rented a car for their visit, since the beater I’d bought didn’t really accommodate four adults very comfortably. It definitely wouldn’t have handled all the luggage.
After I’d paid for parking, we loaded up the car and headed out.
“Wow,” Savannah said as we drove through farm country. “It’s a lot… drier than I thought it would be?”
“It’s a lot like Southern California.” I gestured to the left. “Complete with wineries everywhere.”
“Ooh, can we tour one of them?” she asked.
Both of my sons groaned.
“If you guys go to a winery,” Landon declared, twisting around in the passenger seat to eye her, “I’m just buying a bottle and sitting out in the parking lot getting shitfaced while I wait.”
I laughed. “I’ll be right there with you.”
We shared a fist bump. Savannah grumbled something about us being philistines with no class, but there wasn’t any heat behind it.
“Are you guys sure you’re not hungry?” I asked. “We’re still about forty minutes out from my place.”
“I’m good,” Quinn said. “I stuffed my face in Madrid.”
“Same,” Landon said. “Just don’t tell Mom we came to Spain and ate at McDonald’s.”
I snorted. “Secret’s safe with me. I think every American I know ends up eating there when they come through Madrid. It’s familiar, it’s cheap, and you don’t have to worry about it disagreeing with your stomach right before you get on another plane.”
“See?” Landon twisted around again. “See? Dad gets it!”
There was some tsking and muttering from the backseat. I just chuckled. Quinn and Savannah were definitely proud of their more refined and adventurous palates. Landon was adventurous too, and he’d try damn near anything someone put in front of him, but he was pragmatic about it, too. As far as he was concerned, a layover was not the time to try some wildly new dish.
I couldn’t agree more.
“Well, if you’re feeling really adventurous,” I said, gesturing at some exits coming up, “there’s a Taco Bell in Jerez.”
All three kids scoffed.
“Taco Bell?” Savannah asked. “In Spain?”
“Yep. And it’s damn good, too.” I paused. “Plus they serve booze.”
“No shit?” Quinn sounded interested. “They serve booze at Taco Bell?”
“This is Spain, kid. You can get beer at Burger King.”
Landon eyed me. “Okay, now you’re just making shit up.”
“I swear to God!” I laughed. “McDonald’s too! You can order a meal with a beer instead of a soda.”
The kids were oddly quiet for a moment.
It was Savannah who finally said, “I can’t tell if he’s messing with us.”
I rolled my eyes and thrust my phone at Landon. “Look it up.”
He took the phone. Then, sounding more than a little dubious, he said, “Hey Siri. Does McDonald’s serve beer in Spain?”
The phone’s robotic voice replied, “Yes, McDonald’s serves beer in Spain.”
The stunned silence from all three kids made me laugh.
“See?” I said. “I wasn’t messing with you.”
Landon scoffed. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice that when we were in Madrid. Unless that one didn’t serve beer?”
“You were probably just jetlagged,” Quinn said. “I didn’t notice it either.”
“Trust me,” I said. “They serve beer at that one.”
Quinn huffed. “Okay, that settles it. We’re going to BK or McDonald’s while we’re here, just so we can order beer.”
“Really?” Savannah asked, and I could almost hear her rolling her eyes.
“What? I have to see this!”
“Oh my God,” she muttered.
Beside me, Landon laughed. “Guess we’re getting fast food while we’re in Spain.”
“Yep. Guess we are.” I shrugged. “Fine by me.”
At that point, anything was fine by me.
Quinn, Landon, and Savannah were here.
I couldn’t ask for much more.
* * *
“Holy shit.” Landon gaped at the house. “This place is huge!”
“Did you win the lottery or something?” Quinn asked.
I laughed as I helped them unload their bags. “No, the rent is a lot cheaper here than it is in the States. Come on, let’s take all this inside.”
There was more “holy shit” and “no, really, this place is freaking huge” as we filed inside. I couldn’t blame them—I’d had a similar reaction when the realtor showed it to me. Sometimes I’d thought it was too big. I was the only one here, after all.
But now that my kids had arrived, it seemed just right. There was plenty of space for them to stay here rather than in a hotel, and we’d all have enough breathing room for four adults in the same house over ten days.
Quinn and Savannah took the guest room downstairs while Landon took the spare bedroom down the hall from mine.
While they settled, I sent their mother a message.
Kids made it safely. They’re all settling in.
Both boys were pretty good about letting me or her know when they’d arrived somewhere, but I knew she’d be worried with them traveling internationally. She was a nervous traveler herself, and she’d almost asked for a Xanax prescription when Quinn and Savannah went to Europe after they graduated high school. So it seemed only right to make sure she knew they were safely here with me.
Landon wanted to take a shower and then FaceTime with his girlfriend back home. Savannah—who couldn’t sleep on planes—wanted to grab a nap.
I was in the living room, texting with Alex, when Quinn came upstairs. He’d changed into a pair of shorts and a T-shirt with the name of his university across the front, and he looked pretty well-rested. Knowing him, he’d slept the entire flight to Madrid and the shorter one to Jerez.
I quickly texted Alex.
Going to hang with the kids. FaceTime later?
Any time. Have fun with them!
I put my phone aside and got up off the couch. I showed my older son around the upper floor of the house, and then we went outside to enjoy the afternoon beside the pool with a couple of cold beers. The scorching heat of August had relented, and though September was still seriously hot, it felt less like the surface of the sun. Quinn and I took chairs in the cabana, keeping our too-white-for-this-climate skin in the shade.
“So, do you like it here?” Quinn asked.
“The house?” I asked. “Or Spain?”
“The house is fire. I know you like that. But what about Spain? The base?”
“The base…” I waved a hand and made an annoyed sound, which got a laugh out of him; he knew about the politics and bullshit at every command. “Spain is interesting, though. There’s been more culture shock than I expected.”
“Really?”
I nodded and paused for a pull from my beer bottle. “The language barrier has been tough. Very few people speak English here.”
“They don’t?”
“Nope.” I gestured at my phone. “I have to use WhatsApp and a translator app to talk to my landlord because my Spanish is trash.”
“Wow.” Quinn laughed. “My landlord speaks perfect English, and communicating with her is a nightmare sometimes. I can’t imagine not speaking the same language.”
I half-shrugged. “It’s tough, but I’m trying to learn as much as I can. It’s not his fault I don’t speak his language, you know? And he’s a good guy. Hell, when I came in to sign the lease, he had his whole family there, offered me wine and food—the works. It’s a different world.”
“No kidding.” Quinn took a drink. “Seems like a nice place, though. The house and what I’ve seen of Spain.”
“It is. I like it here.” I put my beer on the table between us. “It’s tough being this far from you and your brother, though. Not gonna lie.”
“It’s hard,” he acknowledged. “But it’s better with you here than when you were deployed.”
I studied him. “Yeah?”
“Well, yeah.” He met my gaze. “Mom always told us you were working in a hospital on a base, not out on the front lines, but when you’re a kid and your dad is in a warzone… especially after you got hurt…” He trailed off, and I thought he masked a subtle shudder.
Guilt twisted in my chest. I’d never realized Aimee had told them that, and I was suddenly grateful for it. I revisited the truth every night when I tried to sleep. Knowing my boys hadn’t known where I’d been and what I’d been doing? That they hadn’t thought I was in danger until after the fact? Fuck, yeah, I could live with that. In fact, I felt guilty now for getting hurt; I could’ve kept them sheltered from that reality. No wonder they’d been so shell-shocked when they’d come to see me at the hospital in Germany. Hell… maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to keep them in the dark. They hadn’t worried, but they’d been blindsided, and—was there any right way to handle something like that with kids?
“I’m sorry,” I finally told him. “I know it stressed you kids out. Your mom too.”
“I know. It was your job, though. We got it. But now you’re someplace where nothing’s really going on, you know? It sucks that you’re so far away, but you’re just… here. Working at a hospital in a place where nothing’s happening.”
I nodded. “I am. It’s probably one of the most boring duty assignments I’ve had in my career.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“Ooh, yeah.”
He turned his gaze toward the pool and sipped his beer. “Where do you think you’ll go after this?”
“Don’t know yet. My CO says I can probably extend at the end of my assignment. Or I might go back stateside. Just depends on how things are going when that time comes, I guess.”
He was nodding as I spoke. “Are you going to be able to come back? Like for our graduations?”
“Absolutely. I already told my CO I’m taking leave when you and Savannah graduate.”
That made him smile. Then he turned a shy look on me. “What about when we get married?”
I smiled too. “Well, you’ll have to tell me when that is.” Inclining my head, I asked, “Any thoughts on that?”
“Not yet.” He absently swirled his beer as he gazed toward the other end of the house where his future wife was napping, a contented smile on his face. “But it probably won’t be too much longer.”
“Yeah? You thinking of proposing soon?”
“Thinking about it. Maybe her birthday. Maybe Christmas. I was going to wait until after we graduate, but…” He shrugged, still smiling. “I don’t know if I want to wait that long.”
“Well, if it feels like the right time, then it probably is.”
“I know.” He turned that smile on me. “Don’t be surprised if I forget about the time zones and call you in the middle of the night to tell you she said yes.”
I laughed. “I think I can cope with a middle-of-the-night call for something like that.”
I could, and right now, I was glad I’d managed to maintain this closeness with my sons despite the long separations and the demands of my career. I was glad they were here now, and that they wanted me to be there for their big events. There’d been times I’d worried they’d resent me too much, but I must’ve done something right to make up for the places I’d fallen short.
I could live with that.
And today I was quietly grateful to my ex-wife in ways I’d never known I needed to be. I’d had no idea that she’d reassured our sons that I’d mostly spent the wars someplace safe and quiet. Whether it was ultimately the best thing to do, I’d never know, but I was glad the boys had only been aware of the danger after I’d been evacuated from the warzone. They’d been shaken up, seeing me stitched and bandaged, but I’d come home after my convalescence and never went back downrange.
Out of twenty-four months, they’d only had to grapple with the dangerous reality for three, and it was all after the fact. Maybe it was for the better, maybe it wasn’t, but it eased my conscience more than I’d expected, so I’d take it.
Thank you, Aimee, for sparing our boys the truth.
* * *
“I still can’t believe Africa is practically in your backyard,” Landon said as we waited to board the ferry in Tarifa. “That’s just… that’s wild .”
“Is this your first time going?” Savannah asked. “I mean, with as close as you are…”
I nodded. “I wanted to go a few times over the summer, but…” I couldn’t risk going with Alex. “The heat in Spain was enough—I was afraid I’d melt in Morocco.”
“It’s still going to be in the eighties this week.” Savannah cocked a brow. “That’s cooler?”
“Believe it or not? Yes. August is brutal. ”
She made a face.
I glanced up at the screen, which showed our ferry as still leaving on time, but not boarding yet. There wasn’t much to do in the terminal, so the kids and I mostly amused ourselves on our phones. Quinn was updating himself on some sports scores while Landon and Savannah leaned over her phone, perusing TripAdvisor for things to do in Tangier.
I, of course, had plenty to keep me occupied on my screen.
You leaving for Tangier today?
Yep. At the terminal right now. Thanks for the rec for a tour guide!
Any time. He’s really good—he’ll show you every inch of the city.
Would it be cheesy to make a joke about showing you every inch when I get back?
(eyeroll emoji) OMG seriously?
(grinning emoji)
LOL Have a good time in Morocco.
Will do.
Still chuckling, I turned my phone over on the table, and when I looked up, I was met with three very curious faces. Glancing between them, I asked, “What?”
They exchanged looks I couldn’t read.
I shifted in my chair and asked again, “What?”
It was Quinn who finally spoke. “Okay. I gotta ask.” He inclined his head. “Are you dating someone?”
I straightened. “Am I— what? ”
“Don’t play stupid, Dad.” Landon rolled his eyes. “You always knew when me or Quinn had a girlfriend because we kept grinning like dorks at our phones.” He gestured at my phone. “So… who’s texting you and making you grin like a dork?”
The heat in my face had to be a dead giveaway.
Savannah smothered a giggle. “I think you’re busted, Connor.”
I shot her a playful glare, which earned me an innocent look.
“Come on.” Quinn knocked his knuckle against the table between us. “Fess up.”
I considered it. There was a part of me that wanted to explode with the revelation that, yes, I was seeing someone. I was so stupid for Alex that I wanted to change my relationship status on social media, tell my mom, and gush to my kids about this sweet, funny man I’d been seeing.
But I also held back. How would they feel about me moving on from their mom? And though they’d known I was bi for a long time, would it be weird for them to realize I was seeing a man? It was one thing to know in abstract terms that it was a possibility—actually seeing Dad’s boyfriend in the flesh might be strange.
Can I call him a boyfriend? And even if I could, it isn’t like I can tell anyone about us, so ? —
“Dad?” Quinn tilted his head, eyeing me uncertainly. “You good?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” I looked from one of them to the next, and finally decided that honesty was the best approach. Exhaling, I rested my forearms on the table and met each of my sons’ gazes. “Okay. Yes, I’m seeing someone. But… there are some circumstances that make it a little… complicated.”
All three kids stared at me with wide eyes.
“They’re not married, are they?” Landon asked.
“No! Definitely not.”
“Good,” Quinn said solemnly. “Can’t that get you in trouble with the Navy? Like for adultery for something?”
“It can, yes.” I drummed my fingers on the table. “And… I can get in trouble for this, too.” My stomach somersaulted at the three of them watched me expectantly, probably playing God knew how many worst-case scenarios in their minds. I took a deep breath, then admitted, “He’s enlisted.”
Both boys seemed to absorb that, and then they took on puzzled expressions that I thought screamed, “That’s it?”
Savannah cocked her head. “Wait, what does that mean?” She waved a hand. “I mean, I know officers and enlisted are different… somehow. I guess. But I didn’t realize you could get in trouble for that.”
“You can. And it’s the kind of trouble that can end a career.” I shot my sons pointed looks. “Which means it does not leave this table. Got it?”
“Got it,” they both said.
Savannah nodded too. “Why are they so weird about it? Officers and enlisted, I mean?”
“In theory,” I said, “because it can compromise the chain of command. The lowest ranking officer outranks the highest-ranking enlisted service member, so it can cause issues.” I rolled my eyes. “The stupid thing is that I can date another officer of a different rank as long as we’re not in each other’s direct chain of command. And this guy—he isn’t in my direct chain of command. We have the same commanding officer, but he doesn’t answer to me and neither do his superiors.”
Landon furrowed his brow. “So it’s like you’re the manager of the shipping department, and he answers to the manager of customer service.”
I chuckled. “Kind of, yeah?”
Savannah wrinkled her nose. “That sounds kind of stupid.”
“It does. But ‘it doesn’t make sense’ unfortunately doesn’t hold up in a court-martial.”
“Wow,” she said.
“Do the military’s rules ever make sense?” Quinn asked.
“Some do, some don’t.” I shrugged. “But they’re not up for discussion, so I have to live with them.”
Quinn and Savannah made sour faces. I didn’t blame them.
“Sooo…” Landon studied me. “Do we get to meet him?”
I cocked a brow. “It doesn’t bother you that I’m dating a guy?”
“Pfft. No.” Quinn waved a hand. “Don’t change the subject. Can we meet him or not?”
Yeah, I should’ve known it wouldn’t be a big deal. My bisexuality wasn’t news to them. He was probably right that I was just changing the subject.
Because the thought of introducing my kids to Alex made me nervous… but it also gave me a thrill I couldn’t quite explain.
I chewed the inside of my cheek. “Uh. I mean, when I say we have to keep it on the downlow?—”
“Dad.” Quinn rolled his eyes like he had so many times as a teenager. “Think about it—who are we gonna tell?”
“Okay, it’s not like you’re going to go tell my command,” I said. “But this is the kind of thing that can get back to people. If it slips out on social media, or if someone mentions it to someone who knew one of us at a previous command—it can get messy. Really, really messy.”
All three of them nodded solemnly.
“We won’t say anything,” Landon said. “Not even to Mom.”
“Definitely not,” Quinn confirmed.
Savannah nodded again.
“All right. I appreciate that.” I pushed out a breath. “To answer your question, yes, I met him a couple of months ago. We’re not serious or anything, but…” I half-shrugged as renewed heat rose in my face, and I couldn’t help smiling.
“Do we get a name?” Landon pressed. “A picture?”
Quinn and Savannah leaned in, their faces echoing his question.
“I…” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “Well, his name is Alex.” I picked up my phone and gestured with it as if to indicate how useless it was. “I don’t have any photos of him, though.”
“None?” Savannah blinked. “Really?”
I swallowed. “We’re both a little paranoid about getting caught. So we haven’t…”
“Damn,” Landon said. “That sounds stressful. Being so secretive that you can’t even have a picture on your phone.”
“It is,” I admitted.
“Can we meet him, then?” Quinn asked. “As long as we don’t take pictures or say anything about it?”
“I’ll…” I rocked my head back and forth. Then I tapped my knuckle on the table. “I’ll talk to him. But don’t take it personally if he isn’t down to meet. We’re… just trying to be cautious.”
“Yeah, that’s cool,” Landon said.
Quinn nodded. “I get it. Let us know what he says, though.”
“I will.”
And what did it say that I hoped Alex said yes?
* * *
Tangier was, as I’d expected and Alex had said, amazing. Our guide took us everywhere . We visited Cape Spartel, a beautiful lighthouse perched on the westernmost point of the African continent. There was the Hercules Caves, which were supposedly where the god by the same name lived at one point. The mythology was cool, but I was more fascinated with the centuries-old scars in the limestone from the Romans carving out millstones.
There was a small park where we were given the opportunity to ride camels, which was more fun than I expected. We had to get on them while they were lying down, and Quinn nearly fell off while his camel was getting to its feet. Landon howled with laughter at his brother’s near disaster, only to go tumbling off while his own camel was lying down at the end of the ride.
“That’s what you get, asshole,” Quinn said as Landon dusted himself off.
Landon just rolled his eyes and gave his brother the finger.
Savannah and I both laughed. There was a time when Aimee or I would’ve scolded them for the language, but they were adults now, and the bickering was good-natured.
I had a small pang of sadness then, remembering the trips we’d taken as a family. The boys and I could still do things together now that they were adults, but it would never include their mother going forward.
Maybe it’ll include someone else someday.
Huh. That was a thought. Another partner joining the family. Savannah was part of the family now, and she’d become a fixture in all our lives. Who was to say I wouldn’t find a partner who’d do the same?
What if that partner is Alex?
That thought very nearly made me stumble as I followed my kids and the tour guide back to the van to head to our next stop.
No. That wasn’t who Alex and I were.
But…
Why was it so easy to imagine him bantering with my sons and future daughter-in-law? Why was it so easy to imagine him here with us? Or riding a train with us to some destination in Spain? Or hanging out in my pool while I cooked for everyone?
Why did that make so much sense?
But we can’t do that.
Not until Alex retired. Which was less than a year and a half away. I’d knuckled through medical school, combat and shipboard deployments, and the three-year-long grind of a separation before Aimee and I were finally divorced. They’d always seemed impossibly long in the beginning, but once they were over, they were over .
The last year and a half of Alex’s career would be a piece of cake.
Was it too much to hope he’d still want this after he retired?
* * *
After we’d visited the lighthouse, the caves, and a few other stops outside the city, our guide drove us back into town. He took us by the summer palace of the Moroccan king and a huge one owned by the Saudi king, as well as several incredible mosques. While he drove us toward the medina to explore the town, I showed my kids some of the photos I’d taken at the Mezquita in Córdoba.
“Do you think we’ll have time to check that out?” Landon asked. “Because I want to see that!”
“Probably.” I thumbed through some photos. “We could make a day trip out of it. It’s only a couple of hours by train, and it doesn’t take that long to explore the city or the Mezquita.” I looked at each of the boys and Savannah in turn. “I got us tickets for the Alhambra already, and that’ll be an overnight trip since they’re for the morning. But nothing else is set in stone.”
Quinn shrugged. “We can figure out an itinerary when we get back to your place. I really want to see it, though. And the Alhambra.”
I nodded, pocketing my phone. “Okay, we’ll figure it out. We should have time to do both.”
Everyone was in agreement on that, and we shifted our attention back to enjoying Tangier.
Our guide parked just outside the medina, and we continued on foot. He took us through a bustling farmers market and the enormous fish market. We toured an Anglican church, and then a beautiful synagogue. The mosques weren’t open to visitors, but they were still cool as hell from the outside.
We wandered shops and stalls in both the Muslim and Jewish sectors, and our guide helped us haggle with shopkeepers. Savannah bought a stunning red-and-gold dress, Quinn found a hardwood carving of a camel, and they picked up a beautiful decorative plate for their apartment. Landon got a straw hat with brightly colored yarn balls around the brim; our guide said it was a traditional hat usually worn by Berber women, but Landon wanted to put it up on his wall. Savannah offered to wear it for the day so he didn’t have to carry it, and the shopkeeper clapped her hands and said—according to our guide’s translation—that it looked lovely on her.
At one shop, Quinn mentioned to Landon that they should bring a gift back for their mom. “We’ll definitely get her something from Spain, but I think she’d really like something from here, too.”
“Good idea.” Landon scanned the shop’s shelves. “What do you think she’d like?”
Quinn pursed his lips. Then he turned to me. “Dad, what do you think?”
It was a little bittersweet, helping the boys pick out something for her. Not in a way that made me long to go back to being married to her, but in a way that made me miss things like this—helping them find a Christmas or birthday present for her, or helping them make breakfast on Mother’s Day. They worshipped the ground she walked on, as they should, and I was glad they adored and respected her. That they were always so earnest about finding her a gift she’d really like instead of some tchotchke that would end up in a drawer somewhere.
It made me miss doing things like this with them, which in turn made me miss the everyday things—going to the commissary with them, or having dinner at home, or watching a movie as a family. I’d missed a lot of their lives, and nothing drove that home like only getting to see them when they came to visit me for ten short days. When would I see them again after this? It was hard to say. Quinn and Savannah’s graduation, definitely; I wasn’t missing that for the world. After that? No idea.
I understood more profoundly than ever why a lot of my colleagues lamented getting toward the end of their careers, being proud of all they’d accomplished, but then realizing to their horror how much they’d missed. No military career advanced without taking a toll at home.
Though if I was honest, the military had probably extended the life of my marriage, for better or worse. We’d done our level best to work together and get through everything the Navy threw at us, and we hadn’t had time to focus on all the reasons we were probably doomed from the start. At the end of the day, Aimee and I had gone from a pair of scared, clueless kids leaning on each other to two adults who weren’t at all compatible. That had been a tough pill to swallow, but?—
“What about this?” Landon’s voice pulled me out of my melancholy thoughts and back into the present. He held up a small wooden box with an intricate design inlaid on the lid.
“She might like that,” Quinn said. “Can I see it?” Landon gave it to him, and Quinn inspected the inside and the hinges while Savannah looked over his shoulder. They looked at each other and exchanged nods. Then he offered it to me. “What do you think?”
I took it. It was really nice and didn’t feel the least bit flimsy. The hinges were strong, and everywhere the wood had been joined felt even and solid. The inlays were smooth as silk—no rough or uneven edges anywhere. Handing it to Landon, I said, “I think she’d love that.”
Our guide interjected, “The next shop has lovely Berber and Persian rugs.”
The boys glanced at each other, then at him. Grimacing, Quinn said, “We don’t have a ton of money.”
The guide waved that away. “We’ll find your mother a lovely rug. Come, come.”
We all exchanged looks, then shrugged. The guide had been great about helping us haggle prices down until he felt they were reasonable, and Alex had assured me the guy wouldn’t let anyone screw us over.
“If he says something is worth the price,” he’d told me the other night, “you can take it to the bank.” Then he’d shown me a photo of the Persian prayer rug he’d bought on one of his last trips. It was silk and handmade, and he’d bought it for a song.
So… why the hell not?
First things first, the boys needed to pay for the box they were also buying for Aimee. The shopkeeper only spoke Berber, so as he had all day, our guide interpreted for us, and we were able to settle on a price. I counted out a hundred dirham, paid him, and he lovingly wrapped the box in paper before handing it to me in a plastic bag.
“How much was that?” Landon asked under his breath. “Looked like it was like a hundred bucks!”
“It was a hundred dirham,” I said. “I think it’s about… ten dollars?” I looked to our guide for confirmation.
“About nine euro,” he said.
“Okay, so about ten dollars.”
“Cool,” Quinn said. “I’ll Venmo it to you when we’ve got WiFi again.”
I waved his concern away. “Come on. Let’s go look at rugs.”
With our purchases in hand, we continued to the next shop. A pair of shopkeepers greeted us and led us upstairs, and they offered us mint tea and cookies while they brought out some rugs.
Alex had told me the mint tea was exceptional, and he wasn’t wrong; it didn’t have that “herby” taste that a lot of teas did. It just tasted like mint. A little sweet, and hotter than I’d usually drink in such a sweltering place, but it tasted amazing, especially with the various cookies.
The rugs were mind-blowing. Savannah immediately fell in love with a Berber prayer rug. It was coarse wool, dyed a bright blue with intricate and colorful patterns, and the price—especially after some haggling and then converting from dirham to euro—was surprisingly low.
“Take my money,” she told them as she handed over her card.
While one of the shopkeepers rolled up and bundled her rug, the others continued showing us more. The instant they pulled out a stunning green silk Persian prayer rug, I knew the boys were sold. It was their mother’s favorite color, right down to the specific shade of rich emerald dominating the elaborate pattern, which was a mix of gold, white, black, and a couple other shades of green.
After some haggling, our guide pushed the shopkeepers down to a price that he thought was reasonable. When they converted the euro into dollars, though, both boys balked.
“Mom will like it a lot,” Quinn said to his brother. “But I’ll be almost tapped out on spending money for this trip.”
“Me too.” Landon frowned. “I mean, I don’t know how much I plan to actually buy, but?—”
“Guys.” I held out my card. “Don’t sweat it.”
They both blinked. “You’re—really?”
“When are you going to have another opportunity to buy your mom a rug like that?” I gestured at the shopkeeper and handed over my card.
They stared at me.
“Are you sure, though?” Quinn asked. “You and Mom are…”
“Yes, we’re divorced. But you two are in college and I’ve got a paycheck.” I smiled. “I don’t want you to be pinching pennies for the rest of your trip, okay?”
They still seemed uneasy, but slowly, they relaxed.
The shopkeeper, still holding my card, had hesitated, watching the interplay. I didn’t think he understood English, but he had to have picked up on my sons’ uncertainty. I gave him a smile and a nod, gesturing at the rug at our feet.
He responded with a big smile, then put my card into the reader he was holding.
Quinn nudged my elbow. “Thanks. We could’ve made it work, but it’ll make the rest of the trip less stressful.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I grinned. “Just means you boys are doing the dishes for the rest of the time you’re here.”
They both groaned, and Savannah cackled.
“Good luck with that, Connor,” she said to me. “I can’t get Quinn to?—”
“Oh, that is such a lie.” He rolled his eyes. “The only dishes I don’t do are the glasses you leave all over the apartment.”
I chuckled. “I’ll believe it when I see it, kid.” I clapped his shoulder. “How many times did I have to ask you to load the dishwasher when you were a teenager?”
He just huffed and shook his head.
Landon snickered, and I shot him a look.
“Don’t you start,” I said. “Or did you finally learn to empty the dishwasher without being asked?”
He took on the same playfully petulant expression his brother had.
“That’s what I thought.”
We all shared a laugh over it, and a moment later, the shopkeepers handed us our rugs, which they’d bundled into tiny packages wrapped in plastic.
After that, our guide announced that we were heading to lunch. He led us out of the shop and up the street, then into a second-floor restaurant with couches and leather stools instead of chairs. We were treated to an amazing meal of b’stilla, which were the puff pastries Alex had told me about that were stuffed with spiced chicken and topped with cinnamon and sugar.
“These should not be this good,” Savannah said as she started on her second one. “How is cinnamon and sugar on a chicken dish this awesome?”
“Think we can make them at home?” Quinn peered at his as if he were trying to mentally reverse engineer it.
“There’s probably recipes online,” she said. “I took a picture of the menu, so we can look it up when we’re back online.”
Quinn nodded and took another bite.
I’d have to figure out how to make these, too. I was no wizard in the kitchen, but as good as these were, I’d find a way.
“Okay,” Landon said, dusting some powdered sugar off his lip, “I am officially in love with Moroccan food.”
“Same,” we all said, because hell yeah.
They drank more of the mint tea during lunch, and so did I. The boys were forever turning up their noses at the teas that Aimee and Savannah drank, and I’d never been much of a fan either, but this stuff was seriously good.
So was being here with them. Trying new food. Exploring a new country. Just being together as a family.
Still, it felt like someone was missing.
The logical answer was that Aimee was missing. Even though we were divorced, this was our family. It still caught me off-guard sometimes to realize she wasn’t there.
Except… her absence wasn’t the one that kept prodding at me.
Gazing at my sons and Savannah and our beautiful surroundings, I couldn’t help thinking…
Alex should be part of this.
It was too soon for that. We had some professional obstacles we’d need to clear first. Once Alex was retired and we could openly date, then we’d see what happened.
But deep down, I was sure that Alex belonged in this family.