Chapter 33 #2
“Exactly!” I damn near yelled. “And if he were to push back, then he’s difficult and selfish, and they’ll create the narrative that he’s not that good, not worth the headache and not worth the money.
Just like they did to that quarterback who took a knee for what he believed in and the kid in the draft because of his famous dad.
They will work together as an organization to ‘put him in his place’ for not doing what they say.
I don’t want that to happen to him. But I cannot be the reason that happens to him. ”
“I know you like to consider the worst-case scenario,” Aaliyah started gently. “But I think you should wait until you hear from him before jumping to the destruction of his career.”
“Jazz has a point though, Liyah,” Nina agreed.
“It sounds like professional football is a lot like professional modeling in that way. As soon as you’re labeled difficult, you’re essentially blacklisted.
It doesn’t matter how pretty you are, how talented you are, or how perfect you’ll be for a campaign.
When the industry comes together to put one of us in our place, they weaponize everything they have so we feel the effects of the systems of power. ”
“I hear you both, and I completely understand what you’re saying,” Aaliyah argued. “But what I’m saying is to wait until he calls because it could be something else entirely.”
I knew in my gut she was wrong, but I wanted to hold on to a glimmer of something resembling hope. “Okay,” I relented, nodding slowly. “I get—”
My phone beeped.
I knew it was him before I even looked at it.
“It’s Lamar,” I exclaimed. “Love you guys. I’ll call you back.”
Without waiting for them to respond, I pressed the button to answer his call. “Hello?”
“Hey, what’s up?” he greeted me in his deep, sexy voice.
“Just worried about what you had going on. Coaches never called you in on your day off before, so I was just wanting to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m cool. I’m…” He was quiet for a moment. “The coaches wanted to talk to me about the performance metrics. The interview I did this morning brought up some stuff, and it got the coaching staff, my manager, and my agent involved.”
He sounded like he was choosing his words carefully. I didn’t know what he was going to say, but I held my breath as I waited.
“Statistically, my numbers were better than everyone nominated for Defensive Player of the Month,” he told me.
“The contract that I signed has different bonuses and incentives for hitting different benchmarks, and any type of weekly, monthly, or seasonal record or recognition holds weight in negotiations.”
“Oh wow, so not getting Player of the Month…?”
“I missed out on fifty thousand dollars.”
Fifty thousand dollars?!
I hadn’t known for sure, but I’d figured his stats were better. Hearing that he’d lost out on the honor and also lost money gutted me.
Blinking rapidly, I couldn’t stop my eyes from filling with tears. “I’m so sorry.”
“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”
My heart thumped in my chest.
I knew he knew I was the reason they’d campaigned against him.
“I just have to make some changes,” he continued. “After meeting with the coaches, I met with my agent and manager. Because of how I played on Sunday, they want to ensure that I’m properly compensated if I’m eligible for October’s Defensive Player of the Month.”
“I understand if I’m the change you have to make,” I choked out.
“What?”
“I’m sorry. I can’t…” I whispered shakily, letting my head fall back.
I can’t do this to you. I can’t do this to myself, I finished my sentence silently.
“You can’t do what?” he asked.
Lamar sounded so hurt, irritated, and confused—which only made things worse.
“I cost you fifty thousand dollars,” I cried.
“You didn’t—”
“Lamar!” I interrupted. “Can you honestly say that being with me didn’t come up when you were in your meetings today?”
I heard the hesitation in the breath he took before he spoke. “Jazz.”
Even though it stung, I knew the league was a business, and all press was good press until it wasn’t. And because the manager and agent got a cut of whatever Lamar got, it would make sense that the fifty-thousand-dollar loss would make me seem like a liability.
“From the beginning, I wanted to help you because I believe in you. But I’m bad for your brand.” I swallowed the sob that threatened to escape. “So, if helping you and supporting you means walking away, then I’ll do what needs to be done.”
“What the hell are you doing, Jazz? No. This isn’t the answer.”
“Tell me that they didn’t say you should distance yourself from me. Tell me they didn’t say it,” I insisted, knowing he wouldn’t lie to me.
“It doesn’t matter what they said.”
“Did it come up?”
“Yes.”
Even though I’d known the answer, it still felt like a punch to the gut. “You always talk about how you want to protect me, and I love that. Now it’s my turn to protect you. And I love you enough to protect you from losing everything you’ve built.”
“Jazz—”
“I have to go now,” I said, my voice cracking. “But I … I love you.”
“I love you, too. So don’t do this.”
“Good night, Lamar.”
He didn’t say anything for a solid thirty seconds. “Good night, Jazmyn.”
As soon as the call ended, I sobbed.
Jazmyn Payne: Please understand where I’m coming from. I’m doing this for you. I want us to figure this out, but not at the expense of your career.
Lamar Anderson: I’ve already figured it out. You call me when you do.
His words hit me in the dead center of my chest, and I thought about them for the next two days.
Wednesdays and Thursdays were always Lamar’s longer practice days, but outside of a good morning and good night text, we didn’t speak.
I was devastated but I knew that Lamar’s career would be better off.
But on Friday, the anxiety I felt was almost debilitating.
Just getting through the day was tough because everything reminded me of him.
“Are you going to be at the game tonight?” Drea asked me as she and Gianna strolled into my classroom toward the end of the day. “We got shirts made with our boyfriends’ numbers on them, and we wanted to show you!”
“You’re our inspiration,” Gianna squealed.
“I’m really happy for the both of you,” I told them, putting my phone away. “Make sure you’re treating each other with respect.”
They both nodded profusely. “Yes, ma’am.”
Gianna looked around to make sure everyone had left. “If you want us to give you the name of the store that did our shirts, you can get one made for your boyfriend’s game.”
I almost broke into tears right then.
To disguise my heartache, I just shook my head. “You two won’t quit, will you? Get to your next class!”
They laughed as they ran out of the room.
But I didn’t feel like laughing.
Unfortunately, the day dragged, and when I finally made it home, all I wanted to do was climb into bed.
With Lamar.
I ate, took a shower, and was in bed before the sun set. Missing him felt heavy, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. So, when I called him, the sound of his voice instantly soothed me.
“I hope this means you figured it out,” he answered.
“I miss you,” I admitted.
He paused, taking a breath before speaking. “I miss you, too.”
“I need to see you. I want to talk in person. I want … to be next to you.”
“I have a pre-workout cold-plunge appointment at six o’clock with a trainer, so I need to be here tonight. Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
“I didn’t know if you’d want to see me,” I answered honestly. “Things have been different the last few days.”
“And why is that?” he replied in frustration.
I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. “You’re right,” I whispered.
He sighed. “I want to see you, too, but I can’t leave tonight. You’re more than welcome to come here. You have a key.”
That last sentence rocked me.
“Do—um, do you want it back?” I stammered, scared of what his answer might be.
“Do you want it?” he countered, sounding as uncertain as I did.
“Yes,” I whispered.
“It’s yours. Come by the house tomorrow. Use your key. I know you have your hair appointment, but I’ll be home after four.”
I had forgotten all about that.
“It slipped my mind,” I murmured, trying to open up my calendar.
“And I have a game on Sunday,” he reminded me.
His statement hung between us.
I swallowed hard. “Well, can I see you on Monday after your practice?”
“Yeah. We can do that.”
Since he had to be up so early, we said good night a few minutes later.
I started dozing off when I heard Aunt Addy’s voice.
Everything you’ve been through …
It was faint, but it was unmistakably hers.
I tried opening my eyes, but I felt myself drifting faster and deeper to sleep.
My aunt’s words rang in my ears as I woke up the next morning. Looking at the clock, I realized I’d slept in. I hadn’t had a full eight hours in days, and hearing Lamar’s voice had done the trick.
Everything you’ve been through …
Still thinking about what I’d heard in my dream, when I got out of the shower, I reread the letters from Aunt Addy. I was still pondering it when Nina and Aaliyah arrived.
They’d decided on Friday morning to come by to check on me because I’d been going through it.
Nina and Aaliyah arrived with lunch, and we sat around my living room ruminating over pasta.
“I’m literally just existing, and it’s causing all these problems,” I told them. “The fact that he lost fifty thousand dollars—”
“What?” Nina balked.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “If he would’ve gotten Defensive Player of the Month for September, he would’ve gotten fifty thousand dollars.
That’s why I’m trying to end things with him.
The internet bullies were maddening, and there was way too much attention on me.
But the fact that simply being in a relationship with me caused him to lose an opportunity that impacts his finances, his standing with the Monarchs, potential points of negotiation for future teams, for great—”
“Fifty thousand dollars?!” Aaliyah shrieked.