Chapter 12
Periwinkle
Jonah’s voice flows through the trailer’s small interior, calm and steady. “Think of something that relaxes you. A particular setting or scenery, or maybe a specific smell or sort of music.”
We all have our eyes closed, but I sense Mirage perking up with a hint of interest. “The gasps when I’ve startled someone just right!”
Our teacher’s tone turns dry. “That isn’t what I’d have thought of, but if it’s what you find most soothing, go with it. But let’s keep our personal imagery to ourselves so everyone can concentrate.”
Another thin waft of the emotions he’s been giving off since we arrived near the city-side rift trickles through me: lightly sour like watered down orange juice. Pale amusement drizzled with sharper frustration.
“Right, right,” Mirage murmurs, abashed. There’s a rustle that I suspect is him jerking his finger past his lips in a zipping motion.
My own lips tick upward with a smile at his playfulness, but I yank my focus back to the task at hand. Time to figure out my own relaxing imagery.
I’ve gone through this sort of meditative exercise before with Shanty in our one-on-one tutoring sessions.
I’ve tried thinking of parks full of laughing humans or snuggling under soft blankets on my bed, but no matter where my mind goes, memories of some trouble that turned up in that setting seep in too.
The last time I visited a park on my own, I accidentally blasted out a flare of happiness and blinded a bunch of mortals. I’ve enjoyed wonderful interludes with Raze in my dorm bedroom, but it’s also the place Gloss splattered with her bloody, gristly prank.
I guess that’s a long way of saying a lot of things in the past month have sucked.
I can’t let that get me down. There has to be some sensation no blasts or bullies have left dirty fingerprints on.
What can I think of that’s only cozy calmness?
I grope through idea after idea, but none of them give me the reassurance I know Jonah wants us to find. If anything, I’m getting more anxious at the thought that I’m failing even in my own head.
Maybe I can’t go with anything all that personal. Something bland and innocuous should do fine.
I picture the vast blue sky dotted with a few fluffy white clouds, as if I’m gazing up at it while sprawled in a wide-open field. The clouds drift like dandelion fluffs in a gentle breeze. Everything is clear and bright.
Mmm, the clouds look almost like cotton candy. That spun sugar melting on my tongue…
The itch in my nerves dwindles. There, that worked well enough.
A deeper swell of relief reaches me from where Hail is sitting on the floor behind me, though it’s tainted with a trace of melancholy that’s tart as an unripe peach.
What does the winter fae take comfort in, and why does it make him a little sad too?
I don’t think I can ask without him glaring at me. Anyway, as Jonah just pointed out, we’re supposed to be minding our own business for this exercise.
The sorcerer’s words wind around us again.
“You look like you’ve all settled in reasonably well.
I want you to remember the imagery you’re picturing and how it feels.
Sink into it and let go of anything that’s bothering you.
When you have the urge to release your powers in a situation when it wouldn’t be wise or fair, reach for that place of calm.
It’ll take some practice, but it can help you diffuse harmful impulses before you act on them. ”
Raze exhales roughly. “What if it’s too difficult to concentrate on anything except the thing that’s provoking us?”
“The best action to take alongside a meditative retreat is to retreat physically,” Jonah says. “Put as much distance as you can between yourself and the being or situation that’s affecting you.”
Hail’s snort nips at my nerves even before he speaks. “Other than the times when we can’t put much distance without setting off an even bigger problem.”
His tone is more resigned than annoyed, but heat rises in my cheeks all the same.
He’s obviously talking about the connection between us. The reason they’re all here taking lessons in a trailer rather than at the academy.
Rollick managed to frame the displacement more like a field trip than mandated service. He’s the one who suggested that Jonah lead tutoring sessions in between our stints of helping at the rift.
“Think of this as a practicum in your studies,” he said in a nonchalant tone that implied there was no possible reason for any of my men to complain.
Hail clearly objects to being dragged out here, even if he didn’t dare say so directly to one of the most powerful demons in existence. He might have promised not to take his anger out on me anymore, but why should he pretend he’s overjoyed about the situation?
We both know I can tell exactly how he really feels.
Jonah’s voice stays even. “We adapt to the circumstances we find ourselves in. All right, I think that’s enough practice for now.
I want you to try slipping back into your relaxed state at random times throughout the rest of the day.
Tomorrow we’ll try tapping into that zone while there’s more activity going on around you. ”
I let my eyes pop open and aim a smile at him. Someone should show appreciation for his work. “Thank you! It’s good to have these strategies even now that I’ve gotten a better handle on my powers.”
Hail’s gaze flicks over to me with a twitch of his jaw. He strides out of the trailer without a backward glance.
Mirage gives himself a shake and bounds after the winter fae just as swiftly. The fox shifter might hate being tied to me even more than Hail does; he’s just nice enough not to vent about it.
I suck my lower lip under my teeth, worrying at it. My supply of optimism is running low—could anyone put a positive spin on my teammates’ discomfort?
“Hey.” Jonah walks over to me with a vibe of concern I can read on his face as well as in his stream of emotions.
“We’re doing useful work out here, and no one’s getting behind on their schooling.
Hail’s just feeling prickly in general. It’s not as if he was ever all that happy at the academy either. ”
“I don’t know if that guy would take happiness if you handed it to him on a platter,” Raze mutters, looming behind me protectively.
I offer Jonah another grateful smile. “I still don’t like that you all have to follow me wherever I go. I’d never have wanted to force you to stick by me.”
Jonah smiles back. “I think we all know that, even if not all of us are willing to admit it.”
He touches my arm—presumably to offer a reassuring squeeze. But the moment his fingers graze my skin, a jolt of more enjoyable heat shoots through my nerves, amplified by the matching pulse of attraction that sparks in Jonah.
A blush flares in his cheeks. He yanks his hand back and dips his head. “We’ll get it all sorted out. You don’t need to worry.”
He hustles to the door without waiting for me to respond. Any good spirits I summoned go swirling down the drain.
I’ve imposed on Jonah even more than the others—roping him into a relationship that conflicts with his job and his morals. He gets all the downsides and none of the delight of acting on his desire.
I open my mouth, hoping for a magical bolt of inspiration that’ll bring the words to make everything all right. But before Jonah even reaches the door, there’s a quick knock.
As he stops, one of Rollick’s assistants pokes her head in. “Periwinkle? The creature that came through the rift today—based on our readings, it’s going to morph soon.”
“Oh! I’ll come right away.” I hurry over.
Rollick wanted me to see if I could discern any clues about why the warped shadowkind are getting wilder and more vicious when they shift.
We emerge onto the scruffy terrain not far from the borders of the city. My gaze veers to the skyscraper Rollick said is called the Diamond Victory Tower, shining in the warm late-afternoon sunlight, before I drag it back to our more immediate surroundings.
Since we’re so close to human civilization, we can’t just camp out here and hope no one notices us monitoring the rift. Rollick set up a few trailers for his equipment and for us to hole up in as needed, arranging them as if this is a film set.
Any mortal who spots us won’t wonder what sneaky deeds we might be up to, only what movie we’re making. Brilliant!
Most of our actual sneaky deeds have been focused on the latest creature to slip out of the rift, flying right over the makeshift silver and iron barrier.
It’s amazing the duck-like being could fly at all with its undersized wings, which are much less impressive than its extra leg or the fringe of fur sticking up from its feathered head like a mohawk. After its sudden entrance, it seems to have given up on the whole idea of flight.
Instead, it’s been trundling around the nearby terrain on its three feet for a couple of hours. Rollick’s assistants have blocked it from roaming too far while monitoring it with his devices, but the demon decided we should observe the creatures in a more “natural” habitat.
I spot the punk-duck waddling through a patch of coarse grass several feet beyond the trailers.
Rollick left earlier this afternoon to take care of other business, but a couple of his shadowkind assistants hover nearby, one of them holding a metal wand that detects the creature’s energies somehow.
One of the shadowbloods is observing the scene too: Zian, the big guy with the pinkish-brown skin and smooth black crewcut.
As I step closer to the creature, it ruffles its feathers with a spastic twitch. A twang of sweet-and-sour emotion drifts off it. Like most of the other strange shadowkind who’ve come through the equally strange rift, it mostly feels mixed up and confused.
Is it echoing the push-pull vibe of the rift? It veers this way and that, its webbed feet smacking the ground, its neck swaying from side to side as if it’s reaching out to us and trying to get away at the same time.
It can’t have both. Is there some way I can explain that before it gets peeved?
I crouch down a short distance away and cluck my tongue at the creature like it’s a cat I’m trying to coax over. It ignores me.
Maybe I should try quacking?
Well, I don’t need it to come toward me anyway. I’m only supposed to be following the shifts in its emotions.
Another ripple runs through the flavors coursing off the punk-duck. Its whole body shudders with a flap of its stunted wings.
It shakes its head—and its neck contracts closer to its body.
A fourth leg juts from its belly. A lashing tail shoots from its torso.
A surge of harsher emotion smacks me like I’ve tried to bite into an unpeeled cactus fruit.
It’s angry—it’s scared—it’s hostile—it’s panicking—
There’s so much discomfort in the whirl of urgent feelings that I wince. The poor thing. Someone has to help it.
The only someone who knows what it’s going through is me.
My mind leaps to the soothing calm that filled me when I pictured the peaceful, cotton-candy-laced sky. Without thinking, I grasp on to that sensation and push it toward the creature.
The morphed beast was just charging at one of Rollick’s assistants as if it thinks it can bowl over her ten-times-bigger form. I’ll give it credit for ambition.
At my shove of emotion, it swings its head away abruptly.
With a hiss that sounds vaguely disconcerted, it retreats, its raised hackles coming down. The aggressive and anxious impulses keep churning inside it, but not quite as frantically as before.
My jaw goes slack. Did I do that?
I’ve never changed what anyone else was feeling using my own emotions before.
Zian prowls closer, frowning. “What just happened? It backed off all of a sudden.”
As I straighten up, my legs wobble. “I think—I think I might have managed to cool down its temper. I pushed some calm at it… and it ate the feeling up.”
Should I be surprised? If agony and joy can blaze out of me, why wouldn’t I be able to project smaller emotions in moderation?
I just never tried before. With other beings, a smile and a conversation made more sense than lobbing feelings like snowballs, hoping they’ll stick.
Zian’s eyebrows have shot up. “Rollick will definitely want to know about that.”
I’m sure he will. The other possibilities send a thrill through my limbs.
If I could offer this weird shadowkind creature peace… could I maybe help the men I’ve found myself connected to as well? Moderate their emotions when they’re struggling to control their powers?
If only I could find out without tapping into the connection they’d rather shut off.