30 | The Morning
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Cole sits on the couch, me and Kat standing opposite him.
Light shines through the window, spliced by the curtains and dancing across the wall behind the couch. It's that sort of January sunlight that does nothing but exist, not warm, not easing the cold, just providing a bit of light.
"What?" He says, staring at us, "My head is fucking killing me."
It felt easier last night, to rant and agree that this was the best thing to do, but now, face to face with him, all my words seem lost. I glance at the bruising on his cheek that's almost completely faded now, a small mark has scarred on his neck, under his ear.
This is for him. I need to remember that.
"You're an idiot, Cole," Kat starts, struggling to push her emotions to the front, "But we love you, a lot. We care about your wellbeing."
His eyebrows dip inwards, expression fighting to figure where this is going. He'll connect the dots any second now, which is why Kat keeps going.
"Your parents' divorce sucks, and it was hard on you, but you have so much support here, with us. You don't have to deal with all the bad stuff alone...or turn to other ways to cope with it."
"What is this?" He says, voice and face hardening.
"Just listen, please," I push out in a whisper.
Cole blinks, rising out of his slouched position and looking between us. He doesn't say anything.
"Your drinking, it's not good for you," Kat says, a slight hesitation in her usually steady voice, "We're worried about you. And it's hurting you, clearly. You even got into a fight, we don't want things to get worse."
The air tightens around us, everything still. The sun disappears behind a cloud, dragging light out the room immediately and turning it into a greyer shade.
There's a beat of silence and we have no idea how he's going to react.
What we don't expect is for him to...laugh?
"You guys are dramatic," He chuckles, still darting eyes between us, "Thanks for your concern, but I'mfine. I know how to handle myself."
He presses his hands into his knees, about to push himself up, but Kat steps forwards and pushes his chest backwards, forcing him back down onto the couch. My eyebrows raise towards her - what is she doing?
"Don't do that," She says, voice battling between empathy and harsh truth, "Don't make this more difficult than it needs to be, okay? Saying you're fine won't make this go away."
Angered emotion flashes in Cole's usually soft eyes, "This is none of your business, Kat, seriously. Both of you...just fucking leave it."
I shake my head, "It is our business when you're hurting yourself. We just want to help, maybe get you to talk to someone who can help more than us."
"I don't need fucking therapy, okay, Jesus," He scoffs, shooting off the couch so fast neither of us can stop him this time, "I stopped, after the fight. Then I drank last night, because I'm a grown adult and I can do what I want. It's not the problem you're making it out to be."
"You drink to cope, to the point where you're on the verge of blacking out," Kat replies, "I'm not saying you're an alcoholic, just that you're not doing it for any good reason. You shouldn't be in that headspace."
"So, you are calling me an alcoholic, then?"
I chew the inside of my cheek instinctively, making a passing glance at Kat. This is proving more difficult than we thought. I can see the indecisiveness on Cole's face, there's part of him that knows we're right. But he shuts it down quickly, actions defensive.
"I just want you to take better care of yourself, allow yourself to get the help you need-"
He interrupts her with a sharp laugh, "I don't need help. I don't need my supposed friends grilling me the second I wake up hangover, either."
I try to speak, "Cole-"
"No, I'm done, fuck this."
We watch as he leaves the room, footsteps reaching the bathroom before the lock clicks in the distance. Tension stiffens every particle in the room, silence falling over us for a few long moments.
"Well that fucking sucked," Kat huffs eventually.
I nod, unable to find words. It did, but it was expected. It's hard to feel like the right thing to do, but after everything it's better that he knows. Hopefully, he'll come around, he always has us to fall back on. I hope he knows that.
My phonesuddenly pings in my hand.
"Your ride?" Kat asks
"Yeah," I breathe back, eyes hesitantly darting to the hallway Cole disappeared down, "You sure you'll be okay with him?"
She nods with an unsatisfied look, "He'll pretend it never happened, you know what he's like. Nothing's ever serious for him."
It makes my mind tick, think about all the versions of Cole I've seen over the years. She's right, he doesn't really do serious. He plays into the airhead, jock persona. We all know he's more than that, smarter than that.
"But eventually, I'll get him to listen, even if it kills me. Helping him face all his stupid, scary shit is necessary. Better than him digging himself into an even bigger hole."
I drag her into a side hug, letting her relax for a second, "We'll get our Cole back, if anyone can do it, it's you."
She laughs at that, "Maybe..."
When my phone buzzes again I part from the hug, grabbing all my belongings and slipping on my shoes, mentally ticking off whatever random stuff I brought with me the night before. Lipgloss, phone, keys.
I say my goodbyes, pushing myself out into the January cold. It hits me hard, goosebumps spreading down my still bare legs. Even with Kat's borrowed jacket, my chest still feels cold, nipples hardening against my bra as I shuffle down the street.
Eventually I spot my ride.
My ride...which is actually Nolan, because after he convinced me to spend the night with him he also got me to agree to him picking me up. I don't know if he has insane persuasion skills or I just always end up doing everything he says. Maybe I just like his possessive streak.
His dark blue car is familiar enough now, his figure in the front seat coming into view as I speed-walk closer. I don't even get a chance to grab the passenger seat door before he's pushing it open from the inside, letting me in.
I slip down into the beige seat, last cold breath evaporating.
Then I glance over.
He smiles, hard, eyes searching my face all intensely.
His hair is messy, a few strands a bit damp as they fall over his forehead.
Strong hands clamp onto the wheel, veins trickling down his olive arms as they brace a little harder.
He's wearing a black compression top and shorts, a water bottle slotted into the cup-holder between us.
"You've been to the gym?" I ask, taking in his appearance. He looks insanely good, made hotter by his focus solely on me.
He nods, "Left too early, had some time to kill."
It's like he's speaking for the sake of it, I can tell he doesn't care about the words falling from his mouth. His gaze is attached to my lips, hands fidgety and about to move any second now. My heart eases into that gentle pitter-patter.
He leans in half a second later, one hand coming up to cup the side of my cheek as the other stays firmly on the wheel. For some reason, I freeze completely. My skin burns at him touching me. Just like he did last night.
"Wait-" I squeak out, just before he reaches my lips.
He stops immediately, pulling away to gaze into my eyes. The green in the hazel jumps out at me, even more mesmerising close up. His brows furrow, asking one thing. What's wrong?
And I don't even have an answer. I don't know why I stopped.
There is no wait, not anymore.
Nolan reads it before I do, my hesitation that's not really rooted in anything but newness.
All of this feels so natural, too natural.
I've never been like this with a guy, it's never felt like this, anyway.
It's just hard to register that he's here in front of me, wanting the same things I do.
His gaze flashes softer, that comfort he can give me even across an entire room. It melts my hesitation away almost immediately.
"Let me kiss you, baby," He murmurs, stroking his thumb up and down the side of my cheek.
His words make me weak.
I barely finish my nod before I press forward into him, our lips meeting in a hungry kiss.
The contact sends tingles through my skin, lips devouring his as he moves at a faster pace, teeth coming down to nibble my lip gently.
His tongue pushes through, slow as it tangles in mine, bliss clouding my brain.
I can feel his grip on my face get firmer, almost pulling me into the kiss deeper, like he wants our lips to melt together harder than they already are. My chest is heaving when he drags away, my lips following his instinctively for a moment.
"You like chasing me," He chuckles lowly, bringing his thumb up to brush my lower lip.
I shrug gently. He's not wrong. I don't know why kissing him is so addictive, or how I avoided doing it for so long.
"How was your night?"
"Fine," I reply, butterflies in my stomach falling flat as he reluctantly turns away to start the car. I can still feel the ghost of his hand on my skin.
I half expect him to make some joke about me calling everything fine but he doesn't, pulling the car out of the spot and dragging us into the open road.
"Do you go to the gym a lot?" I ask, randomly. It's clear he does, with that chest. My brain flutters back to the few times I've seen it, wanting to relive it all over again. I re-latch my eyes to the arm muscle I can see.
He nods, "Usually after a lot of work. It helps me destress."
"How is work?"
His gaze turns to me, curious, "Good, boring. I've got a wedding in a few weeks, that shit takes a lot of energy to plan."
"Do you like weddings?"
"Mostly. I can blend into the background."
"How about the portrait stuff?"
He turns his head fully at that, scanning me once over, "What's with the interrogation?"
"So you can drive me around everywhere but I can't ask you basic questions?" I hum back, mostly playful, partly not. I get that he's guarded about the past stuff, but it bleeds into other things sometimes.
Whatever we are, I feel like I should be allowed to see a little bit more of him. Nolan.
What even are we?
He shakes his head gently, capturing his bottom lip between his teeth. I can see him searching for the right words. He's so unreadable at times it hurts. I want to be able to tell what he's thinking all the time, not just when he's staring at me with burning eyes.
"No, you can ask me things, it's cute."
I tilt my head over to him. He thinks a lot of things I do are cute.
"The portrait stuff is okay, still getting used to it.
My first client was pretty easy, just wanted basic headshots," I think he's done, because he hesitates, but he pushes more words out, "It's a bit soul-sucking, the white studio walls and boring poses.
Not the most interesting. Weddings are nicer. "
My brain flashes back to those old photos he had stored in his apartment, the cool artsy shit I've never seen him take. I wonder if he still thinks about those, if they're his true passion and not sosoul-sucking. I meant it when I said he should get back into that sort of photography.
Either way, for some reason that information feels a bit more vulnerable than usual. Maybe I am slowly getting through to him. I want to pull back those layers more than anything.
"You still want ice-cream, pretty girl?" He hums, switching the topic quickly.
"I thought we couldn't," I mutter back jokingly, "Because it's January."
"You want ice-cream, we're getting ice cream."
His focus doesn't even divert from the road but his voice is certain, final, like I'd have no chance if I even attempted to argue. I'm not going to anyway.
"Where?"
"That little kiosk in the park, by the lake, it's usually still open around new years. Riley liked it when we were kids."
Surprise floods my face. It's a sweet thought, and I know that Riley genuinely does love that spot. We haven't been in years, too caught up with everything else. She'll really appreciate it.
I can feel myself smiling suddenly at Nolan's small but meaningful effort. He's being all nonchalant about it too, gazing away from me, voice purposely steadied. He's acting like it's nothing at all.
"That's really nice, genuinely," I murmur, leaning in to kiss his cheek gently, "Thank you."
He just shakes his head, "Don't thank me. I said I'd make an effort, didn't I?"
"I didn't think you actually would..."
"You really think that low of me?"
I smile, watching the way his eyes narrow in suspicion.
"Yes."
He knows I'm joking but holds eye contact for a second, blinking seriously, "I'm going to fix this shit, properly, I promise. With Riley, with my parents, all of it."
For some reason I do believe him properly this time.
Maybe it's the conviction in his voice or the way his pupils melt into mine, either way, the promise feels strong.
He throws another gentle smile at me before focusing on the road, one hand coming down to rest on my thigh.
It's that possessive touch that consumes me whole.
When we pull up to Riley's house I can't see anyone around, her car is in the driveway though. She's probably still sleeping off her hangover. I shoot up straight in my seat, a sudden worry hitting me. What if she sees me get out Nolan's car?
I don't even have to say anything before Nolan's grip on my thigh tightens, steadies me without a word, "No one will notice."
I swivel my head towards him, "How do you know that?"
"Because they won't. My parents are working and Riley is definitely half awake," He pauses to gesture to the house now in front of us, "And we're already here... so you do have to get out the car at some point."
I let out a little exasperated breath, annoyed that he's right. I'm not going to stay here, but getting out with the possibility of everything coming crashing down still stresses me out.
"Hey," He murmurs, hand coming up to hold my cheek, "You'll be fine. Worst comes to worst just say I kidnapped you or something."
"You're an idiot," I reply, rolling my eyes and pulling away from his touch. I don't want to do it but if I don't get out now my anxiety might kill me. "Wait a few minutes before following me."
He nods, letting me shut the door and leave him there in the car. My eyes dart to all the windows but there's no one. My mom will be sleeping too so there's nothing to worry about there either. I need to chill out.
When I crack open the back door Riley is in the kitchen. I pause, a little caught off guard as she stares up at me, engulfed in an oversized hoodie and biting harshly into some toast.
Her gaze flutters into one of soft recognition, hesitance replacing words.
It's like she's happy to see me but all the shit from last night is stopping her from acting as close as we normally do.
The second her lips move, they stop. I only realise why when I feel Nolan's tall shadow approach from behind me.
That was not a few minutes.
"He was in the driveway," I lie, trying my best to sound irritated. I am irritated that he couldn't wait a little bit longer to appear.
Riley nods, already scowling, "When isn't he."
"He is right here," Nolan cuts in, "And I come in peace."
She isn't convinced, focusing her attention on me as I sheepishly shuffle into the kitchen, wanting to just hug her and make this all go away. She gazes at me with those brown eyes, clearing her throat.
"I'm sorry...really sorry."
It's a sincere apology, her face clearly shameful.
"I acted like such an entitled brat, I don't know why I did that. I don't own you, you don't owe me a special firework moment, you don't owe me anything," I attempt to interrupt but she lifts her hand up to stop me, "I can't take my shit out on people, that makes me just as bad as Nolan."
He frowns, eyes shooting up to us, "What's that got to do with me?"
She ignores him, beckoning me closer, "You didn't ruin anything. You're not selfish, I am. I really am sorry, Ava."
I shake my head, "I still left you, I shouldn't have done that. You have a lot going on, it's tough, I get it. Thank you for saying sorry though, I appreciate it."
"And I mean it," She says back, grabbing me fully and pulling me into a large hug. I squeeze her back, the familiar warmth flooding through me. It feels so good to resolve our issues.
After a moment she pulls away, cheesy smile dropping as she looks at Nolan still hovering by the kitchen island. He's looking away from us like our business has nothing to do with him.
"If you come in peace, then what are you here for?" She questions skeptically, "Have you finally learnt how to apologise?"
He runs his tongue over his top row of teeth, almost like he's about to kiss them but I shoot him a glare before he fully commits. I can tell he wants to say something stupid or snarky back but this is important. He can put his pride aside for five seconds.
"Something like that. I want to go somewhere."
Riley's brows raise, "What?"
"Ice cream in the park, that kiosk by the lake," It's almost a murmur, like he doesn't want to say the words at all.
She just stares, a bit dumbfounded.
"You can bring Ava," He adds, gesturing to me vaguely. I catch his eye again for half a second, his expression pleading for this to be over.
Riley says nothing, turning to me and pulling a confused expression. I mimic it back, hoping I look as weirded out as she does. I mean, this is hardly usual behaviour for Nolan.
"Are you serious?" She asks, still unsure.
He nods firmly, "Unfortunately, yes. So do you want to go, orrr?"
Her face breaks into a wide smile as she jumps up from her stool, slinging one arm over my shoulder. Light sparkles in her eyes, an enthusiasm I haven't seen in her eyes since before Christmas. This is the Riley I want to see.
"I don't know who you are or what you've done with my brother but yes of course I want to fucking go," She practically squeals, "My brain is dying. I need ice cream."
Nolan nods again, flashing a slightly pleased look before throwing his keys up in the air and catching them, "Come on, then."
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