Chapter 16
Romeo
“We should be safe enough,” Julian is telling me as we climb the stairs of my currently uninhabited apartment building. “But I’d like to get in and out as soon as possible, just to be on the safe side.”
“Understood,” I say, giving him a small smile over my shoulder before I continue to lead us toward my place. “I’ve been making a mental list of what I want to grab. Thank you so much for doing this.”
“Of course,” he says earnestly. “Two pairs of hands are better than one, after all. I’m here for whatever you need, Romeo.”
I don’t look round at him this time, even though I’m tempted to. The truth is, I know he wants to help me, but I haven’t been letting him. In fact, I’ve been doing my best to push him away since I moved into his annex a few days ago. Because the thought of letting him get too close terrifies me.
It would be so easy to give into this intense attraction I’m feeling and let my walls down. But then what? After he sees what I’m hiding under all my bravado? I’m nothing special. Once he realizes that, he’ll leave and I just don’t think I can take that kind of heartbreak right now.
So in order to stick to the promise I made myself, I’ve tried to avoid him as much as possible. I didn’t want to be mean or hurt his feelings or whatever. I’m just trying to do what I’m certain is best for the both of us.
However, there was a slight desperation in his voice that suggests that I maybe haven’t done such a good job. I feel conflicted. I do. It’s not that I don’t like the man. I’m getting even more crazy about him the better we get to know one another. I’d hate him to think I’ve gone cold on him.
Keeping my distance is the only way I know to protect myself, though.
He’s given me a roof over my head. I’m sure he feels obligated to be nice to me. Not to say that he wasn’t into me at the wedding. I’m pretty positive I didn’t misread those signs. But this isn’t what he signed up for. He specifically asked for time and space. So I’m doing my best to respect that.
Otherwise, I know I’m going to make a fool of myself and not only get my feelings crushed, but also make it so awkward that I’ll have to move out. For now, I need a safe place to stay. As soon as I can find something else, I’ll be gone.
Then perhaps Julian might be interested in getting in touch again down the line like we discussed. But I can’t think about that now. My all-consuming worry is how much of a burden I’m being.
Take today, for example. I hated asking him if he could lend me a hand.
But the building inspectors said if possible I should have supervision from the fire department to go back into my apartment.
And he’s right. Another pair of hands means I can literally salvage twice the amount of stuff.
He’s even brought a couple of his big suitcases along, which will fit way more than anything I own.
“I know it’s not under the best circumstances,” he says cheerfully as I stop in front of my door. I briefly put down the small suitcase I brought to the wedding, now empty, ready to be packed anew, and get the key out. “But I’m excited to see your place. You’ve seen mine, after all.”
“Oh, honey,” I say, camping it up to hide my nerves. “Don’t judge too harshly. She’s not looking her best.”
He gives me a soft look that unfairly makes my heart melt around the edges. “I wouldn’t judge,” he says kindly. “I’m just hoping to learn a little more about you, is all.”
My nerves triple, immediately anxious he’s going to hate everything about the sanctuary I’ve worked so hard to build myself. “I left it in a mess,” I mumble, swinging the door inward. “I was running late to get to the venue. I didn’t think anyone would see it, so I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” he says firmly. But again, I choose not to look at him and head inside instead.
Trying not to look too obvious, I kick aside the various shoes that are scattered in my narrow entrance hall and hang one of the silk scarves that fell off its peg.
Then I scurry ahead, snatching up the bits of clothing I discarded on my frantic journey out the door several days ago.
There are dishes in the sink, but I can’t do much about them right now.
So instead I spin around and head into my bedroom where most of the things I want to salvage will be.
I’m aware that Julian must be following behind me, and try not to feel weird about having him in the place where I sleep.
Somehow, this is more intimate than being naked together.
I do my best to push through the awkwardness, though.
There’s a job to be done, and fast. I drop the armful of clothes I’ve gathered onto the thankfully made bed, then discard my empty case on the floor.
“If you want to unzip your luggage, I’ll be as quick as I can,” I promise him, already flinging my closet doors open. He put the smaller suitcase inside the big one to make them easier to lug up the stairs. I kind of just want to hurl as much into them as speedily as possible and get out of here.
But Julian is standing in the threshold of my room, looking around with a slack jaw. “I thought you said you didn’t have that much stuff?”
My cheeks get hot with embarrassment. “I meant I’ll limit what I bring with me,” I explain hurriedly. “Don’t worry, I won’t take long.”
However, he shakes his head and steps inside, focusing on the clothes hanging in front of where I’m standing. And okay, yeah, I can appreciate that they’re bulging their way out in a bid for freedom, but I’ve already decided which ones to prioritize packing.
Although now I’m faced with all of them, my heart is hurting thinking about which ones I’m going to have to leave.
“No, that’s not what I meant, Romeo,” Julian says softly. He places the case within a case on my mattress, then comes to stand by me. “You have so many lovely things. They’re not all going to fit in the bags we have.”
I can feel my eyes prickling with tears and do my best to blink them away as I rummage through the hangers. “It’s fine,” I say dismissively, trying to keep my tone light. “I’ve got a duffle bag as well. I’ll just take as much as I can.”
But he startles me by slipping his hands over my shoulders and gently turning me to face him.
“No, sweetheart,” he says with such kindness, any tears I managed to dispel spring right back up again.
He looks around my bedroom, apparently taking in the brightly colored walls I painted myself and the artwork I have hanging from them.
“This place is just so…you.” He looks at me again with a beaming smile.
“I don’t want you to leave a single thing that’s precious to you, okay? ”
An involuntary laugh bubbles out of my throat as a sort of hysteria sweeps through me.
“Well, it’s all precious!” I cry ruefully as the tears finally fall down my cheeks.
“This is my home, Julian! The one I built for myself after my parents kicked me out! It’s my blood, sweat, and tears I’ve poured into this place!
” I wipe my face and show him the wet fingers to illustrate my point.
“But we came here to grab some essentials and go, so I just have to face facts.”
“The fact is,” he says firmly in a Daddy voice that makes my toes curl and my skin tingle despite how wretched I’m feeling, “I will run up and down these stairs as many times as you need. We can just empty the cases into my trunk and back seat, then deal with the mess back at my place.”
“But…” I say, shaking my head. “It’s your day off, I couldn’t ask you to waste it doing all that.”
“You’re not asking,” he says in a softer voice.
He rubs his thumbs against my shoulders.
“I’m insisting. The building might be safe for now, but so much as another tremor could change all that.
I want you to go through every room and really consider what you’d be devastated by if it got lost once and for all in the rubble. ”
For a second, I just stare into the eyes of the remarkable man that somehow blew into my life like the Santa Ana winds. Then I glance around my room, my lip trembling. “Everything,” I whisper, terrified to admit it but apparently powerless to deny it. “Everything is important.”
“Then we take everything,” Julian says with determination.
Unable to stop myself, I collapse into his arms, embarrassed as the sobs begin wracking through my chest. “We can’t,” I protest. “It’s too much.”
“It’s not too much,” Julian assures me, stroking the back of my neck and gently giving my temple a kiss. “You’re not too much, Romeo. Your things—your life—it’s all worth taking the time to rescue, okay?”
“But…but…” I shake my head against his chest and grit my teeth. “I haven’t got anywhere to go. I can’t move all my stuff into your place.”
He draws us apart and looks me in the eyes with a frown. “That’s exactly what you’re doing. I thought we agreed that you were going to stay as long as you needed. The apartment is yours.”
My insides feel like knots and I dart my gaze about, looking anywhere but at him.
“I don’t want to be a burden on you,” I whisper.
“You’ve already been so kind. I wasn’t going to stay very long.
As soon as I had answers about the money tied up in this place I was going to go.
I…” I screw up my eyes, my heart pounding in my chest as I prepare to admit my biggest fear. “I don’t want you to resent me.”
“Romeo,” he says, sounding slightly exasperated. I peek through my lashes to see the patient look on his face. “That’s not going to happen. I wouldn’t have offered you my place if I didn’t mean it. You need to trust that I can make my own decisions. I don’t feel obligated to help you. I want to.”
It’s almost eerie how his words are echoing my thoughts. For a second, I’m tempted to believe him. But my gut is screaming that it’s too good to be true. People aren’t selfless like that. At least not to me.