Chapter 23
My arms wrap around him, holding him tight.
I can’t say I’m not hurt. I’m fucking devastated—livid, even—but most of all, I’m lost without him.
But this can’t be about me. I won’t win him over if I murder his boyfriend.
In all honesty, I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to lose him. So, I suck it up and try to let the hurt roll away.
Knowing I was a mistake, a regret, really hurts, but I don’t regret it.
He awakened something in me, and while it may not be our time now, I will wait for him to come back to me.
I just have to hold on to the fact that we belong together.
For now, he just needs to figure that out.
He curls up in my lap like he’s always done.
Safe in my arms. My chin rests against his head, and I hold him away from the world.
I know at some point I’ll have to let go.
But while he’ll allow me to be here, to hold him, I will.
I can plot my revenge on Dickhead another day. But he will get what’s coming to him.
“Killian,” he whispers.
“Yeah?”
“I do love you.”
“I know.” I sigh because I do. I felt it, our connection.
The way he melted for me, and the way his body reacted so beautifully to everything I did to him.
If I’d have known that was going to be it, though, I would have held on a little tighter for a lot longer.
I squeeze him against my body, and I kiss the top of his head.
“Killian, can you give me a lift?”
“Where are you going?”
“I need to go and see Derren.” I pull away from him. Anger rolls through me.
“You’re shitting me, right?” I grip his shoulders and push him back so I can stare into his face. “He fucking beat you, and you want to go see him. Let me get this right.”
“Killian. Please, I just need to set things straight.”
“Scott, he beat you up. It won’t get better. It never gets better. If this is the start, it’s only gonna go downhill, Scott. This won’t go differently next time. Next time, he could hurt you way worse.”
He pushes away from me. “Don’t, Killian. It was a misunderstanding. I was in the wrong. The issue is me. I just need to apologise. He’ll probably never speak to me again after this anyway. But I need to try. I need to make things right.”
“You want him back?” I try to hold back the anger from my voice, but my body vibrates with menace, rushing through me.
“I want to try.” He looks down, embarrassed, but I’m not sure that it’s because he wants to see him. It feels almost like he’s humiliated at us being together, at the things we did. The way he gave over to me, the way he came apart for me. He’s so fucking beautiful, but it hurts.
I give him a tight-lipped smile. Nodding, my shoulders stiffen as I straighten up.
“If that’s what you want.” I turn and walk to the door.
“I’ll wait for you downstairs.” Coldness settles in the room as I leave.
I hear him sit on the bed, but I walk away.
Steven is playing computer games as always, and I sit down next to him.
“Turn it off.” One look at my face says it all. He pulls the headset off, dropping it onto the table with the controller. I pick up the remote and turn the TV off.
“We have a problem.” He stares at me. “He’s going to apologise, he wants to try again.”
“Why the fuck would he want that? Killian, he might have killed him if I hadn’t been here. He had him pinned down, just wailing on him; they were both naked. Who gets that angry after sex?” He shrugs. “There’s more to it, isn’t there?”
I nod, but I can’t tell him I fucked his brother behind his boyfriend’s back. Not because I’m ashamed, but because I don’t think Scott wants anyone knowing. He wants to sweep it under the rug, and I’ll let him, so I don’t lose him.
“Just keep an eye on him, yeah.”
Steven nods, and I smile at him.
“He needs us both more than he’ll ever know. But we have to let him realise that they’re no good for each other for himself.”
“And if he hurts him again.” Steven’s eyes bore into mine.
“I’ll fucking kill him,” I finish.
Steven gives a devious chuckle. “You better!”